Hi everyone... I just had a few questions... and mainly a place to vent.

It is pretty much self explanatory based on the title... I still can't get over her. It has been over a year and a half... we started dating in July of 2007 and broke up January of 2008. Despite only dating for 6 months, she was my best friend for a year before that. We knew each other better than anyone else. This was our first shot at a real relationship, and we both loved it. It was 90% my fault that we broke up, and I take the blame for it. I didn't cheat or anything, but I was a senior in high school and I was stupid, I made some dumb decisions and acted stupidly to the point where she had had enough. Like I said I didn't cheat or anything in that area, but I just did stupid things like being inconsiderate.

Earlier this year, in January, we started to talk again. She told me that she wanted to clear the air up between us. I told her, before we started to date, that I promised her if we ever broke up that she wouldn't lose her best friend and I meant to keep that promise. We cleared A lot of things up. Come to find out her best friend, who liked me even before my ex and I dated, sabotaged and ruined a lot of things on purpose. I still take the blame for 90% of it, but the things I did we may have been able to work out. Her friend told her lies about things I never did, and told me things she never did. Needless to say we both admitted that our relationship could have gone a lot further. She told me she still wonders what would have happened if her friend never interfered, and she said she wishes we would have worked out.

Now the problem. When we were having problems, just like any guy would do, someone jumped in to the rescue, comforted her all the way until we broke up. A month later they started dating and have been ever since. I still love her... I never stopped. I want nothing more than to be with her, but because she has been dating this guy and seems very happy... I haven't said a word. She flirts with me, wishes we would have worked out and all that did was make me wish I didn't do the things I did and it pains me to know how happy I could be right now. She is my first love... I have had a lot of girlfriends since and nothing was even close to ours. No one was even close with how I could relate to her. My question is... do we ever get over our first love? I know all these people say "yes you can with time" because normally its some guy breaking a girls heart and they just don't want to let go because they liked them so much or vice versa. In my case its harder because it could have been something more, and we both wish it would have been. The only thing holding me back is her boyfriend. I am not low enough to go to his level and interfere because from what I heard they have had many problems but never broke up. Her now best friend is his sister, so I think it will take a lot for them to separate, something I don't want to wait for feeling like this. I just need some opinions on how to cope with what to do when you can't get over that one person that you actually had something with.

Thanks for all the help guys.

I feel for you.your healing is a long time coming.you re doing the right thing by not interfering in her present relationship.is there some way you can avoid being around her, actually do the NC?Try to build a life for yourself.make new friends find new interests.best of luck.

Hi RBK, sorry for your loss. Yes, you will get over this with time like you said. Everyone has his/her own pace at healing, but it is still inevitable. In the end, you will become a different person, that's how it works. Pain transforms you and deepens you at many levels. You will be given more pain bit by bit in line with your capacity to bear it.

What is rational now is to start letting go, to put a line between your past and your today. I mean, you literally have to say goodbuy to your past and yes, start No Contact. After that do anything that you love to do (hobbies etc) - this time is all about you and no one else. Don't bottle feelings, let your emotion flow - this speeds up the recovery mechanisms.
By the way, don't blame yourself for breaking your promise to be friends. This is not friendship. That she flirts with you tells me something about her personality. Well I don't know what you did wrong in the past but it seems not enough to break up unless cheating and abuse.

So bottom line, we are here to help you through this, we all were in the same boat, nothing wrong about venting it here. I wish you good luck.

You really haven't had a chance or even tried to get over her, that's your problem. For the past year and a half you have still flirted with her, talked to her, been involved in her life. That is just not a realistic way to get over her. Make yourself scarce around her and explain that right now you two cannot be friends. It just isn't fair.

I am assuming you are going off to college very shortly right? That is a prime opportunity to get over her as well.

Thanks for the answers everyone... to answer a few questions and clear some things up...

Number 1, I am doing the NC route. We were talking since January for a solid 3-4 months before I told her... I don't want to ruin anything she has going, because he boyfriend hated us talking, and I thought we should stop. She agreed although forcefully. Ever since April I haven't talked to her at all. This has nothing to do with me not wanting to get over it... not wanting to move on... because I have tried so hard to. I was in college last year and ill be going back this year also. I go to school 2 hours away from home and her, and when I'm away... I get with a lot of girls... I have fun I keep my mind off things but once I get a chance to think it always comes back. I have no idea why and that is why I'm posting on here. Normally I get over girls like nothing... since her I have had plenty of girlfriends and when we broke up it was not that big of a deal because I knew I could find someone else. With her I don't know why I still feel this way. This isn't a "i need to see her hear her voice" kind of thing... I just think about how I wish it could be different. I think about how I would love to be with that girl... but I know it wouldn't be the same as it was with this girl. I just don't have a clue as to why that is.

But to answer your statement kctiger, I don't talk to her, I haven't seen her in 3 months, and before January it was a year. I was not involved in her life aside from talking on the phone, messaging, and hanging out twice. I have had a chance to get over her and for a while I thought I was but last summer every now and then I'd think about her and I knew I wasn't. When she called me to talk and clear things up I didn't know what to think. I am glad we are fine, and no when I said "you wont lose your best friend" I didn't expect, let alone want, us to be friends after... but I just don't know why I can't let this one go.

Everyone is right in order to get over her you got to out some space between you.make new friends,amd do stuff ypu like to do:D

everyone is right in order to get over her you gotta out some space between you.make new friends,amd do stuff ypu like to do:D

Your right... and like I said above, after I told her that we should stop talking and she grudgingly agreed, I meant stop talking period. I haven't said a word to her nor seen her since April. 4 months later, not including since we broke up... I still think about her. Ive been with a few girls from parties, texting one right now and am seeing this one tomorrow... but I still think about my ex...

That is why I'm posting on here. Like I also said above, I can get through the simple steps... I started the no contact, I've been talking to other girls, I've been hanging out with all my friends as much as possible to avoid thinking about it but I STILL can't get over her 100%. I'm not crying over her, wallowing in self pity, or thinking "should i call her"... I just think about her a lot, wishing that we could be together and she would break up with that prick of a boyfriend she has... trust me he is as bad as I'm making him sound... I talk to her friend every once and a while and she tells me stories lol. I just wanted to see if anyone was having the same problem about the first person they ever loved... if there was any good advice on how to get through it... and trust me... I know its not an easy topic to give advice on so... any and all help is greatly appreciated guys... little or big