Hi:) [mi name:rather be unknown]. I'm in a RELATIONSHIP.
I love him A LOT, we had an instance connection when we first started dating..
But when we stared dating I told him I was older than mi real age[I told him
That I was soon to be 18] but mi REAL age is 16. He is 22. But I wasn't the ONLY
ONE that had to come clean about something. I told him and he was pretty upset about
It. But than he had to let me know something, he told me that he was illegal trying to become
Legal. I am NOT EVEN SURE about all that. But I was wondering if there's any way
We can get married and he can get legal? If you can help me, please contact me ASAP
Thanks for your time. [BTW(By The Way) I live in NY/TX]

How do you live in New York AND Texas?

Either way, in either of those states, you cannot.

1: You have to fill out these requirements in the respective states:
New York: If you are 16 or 17 years of age, you will need to have a completed parental consent form filled out by both parents.
Texas: The age is 18 without approval from a parent or your legal guardian.

What do YOUR parents have to say to this?

And, even if the state laws weren't the only factor, in order to marry someone to legally into citizenship, first:
You are a permanent resident at least 18 years old.
Meaning you are financially independent, and two years older. Both of the criteria you don't qualify for.
Then, he could only become a citizen:
after having a green card and being married to a U.S. citizen for 3 years.

Once you tell him this, he will leave you in a heartbeat. It would be much quicker (5 years quicker) to take a different route for citizenship for him.

I need to know, how long have you even known this guy, and why do you think you love him?
A relationship founded on lies will only crash and burn. A relationship with no trust, for the worst will turn.

You're much too young to be getting married, and he's an idiot for leading you on in this way. Has it occurred to you that he might be wanting to get married so that he can obtain residency status?

You've already started the relationship by lying to each other and you have NO life experience upon which to base your assessment of 'love'.

This is a disaster waiting to happen, in my opinion.

I know a lot of his family and I know who he is I have lived with
Him and everything. My parents don't have much to do with me.
And we both know he could get legal marrying another woman for three years but he DOES NOT want to do that. Would you know of any other way for him to get legal? And stay in NY spring through fall but when winter comes I go to TX[I like warm weather & mi family live in both areas].

Well, either way, you need BOTH parents' approval, and then, it is still only with a judge's approval, which he probably won't grant because of the pending citizenship of this guy you claim to love.

Gemini, I completely agree, but had to spread the rep. :p

Is he from mexico? This could get him in A lot of trouble. I'm in Arizona and I cannot tell you how many men get in A lot of trouble for coming here illigally to marry a girl under 18

It could get him into a lot of trouble if he is from ANYWHERE out of the United States, unless it is a "territory" (ie Puerto Rico) but any other country the United States government frowns upon, and they will take legal action upon.

I know he could:(.. but they promised to make him legal, I mean he has a job and works for his dad. He has people that will sponsor him, they said they'd make him legal a few months ago. I'd leave him but I'm just so attached and it makes it hard for me to just stop seeing him

Yes he is from Mexico, but he was 4 when he moved out of Mexico.

Who is "they" and how did they "promise" to make him legal? A promise doesn't hold up against firmly established laws in America.

Sorry, but it'll never work, and you could get him into legal trouble just trying.

Hon, you SOUND very young and immature to me even on this message board and through text. I would suggest you give up the idea of getting married. It does not sound like you are ready for this at all

You have no job. Your still a dependent. Even if you parents decided to allow you to marry this guy you wouldn't be able to sponsor him- you have nothing, your 16!

Sarah

I know he could:( .. but they promised to make him legal, I mean he has a job and works for his dad. he has ppl that will sponsor him, they said they'd make him legal a few months ago. I'd leave him but I'm just so attached and it makes it hard for me to just stop seeing him

I think that he's taking advantage of someone young and vulnerable. That is red flag number one.

He's 22 and you're 16, that's red flag number two.

He says that he has people that will sponsor him, but they haven't - that is red flag number three.

He's living with you and you're only 16, that's red flag number four.

What I would strongly suggest is that you put aside all ideas of marrying him - in any case, from what the others posters have said, you can't because it's illegal. So how can you do anything when you're not legal yourself?

She can't.
She's young and naïve, and he's manipulating her.

He made her believe she "loves" him, and now she is probably going to do something stupid because of him. Every part of this "relationship" is bad news, only four of the points you distinguished.

You have no job. Your still a dependent. Even if you parents decided to allow you to marry this guy you wouldn't be able to sponsor him- you have nothing, your 16!

Sarah


I do work and go to school mudweiser.

How much do you make onlyonelove?

Do you think its enough to support house and home?

Can you support yourself? NO!
Could you support yourself AND a husband for three years? Definitely not!

I do work and go to school mudweiser.

How much do you make a year? Not enough I bet. You have to show that you are able to support your family and on top of that your income has to be 125% or more OVER the poverty level.

Besides you still are 16, you don't meet the age requirement to be able to sponsor him.

Sarah

I live with him so it's kind of hard to decided what I actually want to do about this and that was at the beginning of our relationship when I found that out...

You DO realise that he could be charged with kidnapping? I've seen this happen, when a minor moves in with an adult 'for love' the adult is charged with kidnapping and endangering a child. If not contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

How much do you make a year? Not enough I bet. You have to show that you are able to support your family and on top of that your income has to be 125% or more OVER the poverty level.

Besides you still are 16, you don't meet the age requirement to be able to sponsor him.

Sarah

Im not going to sponsor him, the people he works for said they do whatever to help him.

Im not gonna sponsor him, the ppl he works for said they do whatever to help him.


So he works and lives in the United States ILLEGALLY.

Sarah

Can you support yourself? NO!
Could you support yourself AND a husband for three years? Definitely not!

I wouldn't be alone though, we'd either live with is or mi family.

So he works and lives in the United States ILLEGALLY.

Sarah

A landscaper. Surprisingly huh.

In order for your marriage (which isn't going to happen) to work for him to be granted citizenship, YOU have to support him, not your family, not his family.

It will never work, and you don't even realize how naïve you are acting right now.

She can't.
She's young and naive, and he's manipulating her.

He made her believe she "loves" him, and now she is probably going to do something stupid because of him. Every part of this "relationship" is bad news, only four of the points you distinguished.

I won't do anything stupid. That's why I went to the internet for help. And he didn't make me think I love him. Nobody can force me to do anything and honestly I don't think that is the case. But, I could be wrong

In order for your marriage (which isn't going to happen) to work for him to be granted citizenship, YOU have to support him, not yoru family, not his family.

It will never work, and you don't even realize how naive you are acting right now.

I can wait two years anyway, but how do you figure?

Hon, trust me, I am SURE that YOUR idea of 'stupid' and MY idea of 'stupid' are two entirely different things.

Well if you want to get married it's up to your parents. Your not able to get legally married without their consent.

Sarah

And why can't you wait 2 years?

you DO realise that he could be charged with kidnapping? ive seen this happen, when a minor moves in with an adult 'for love' the adult is charged with kidnapping and endangering a child. if not contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

Kidnapping? We don't live alone.

? What do you mean 'we don't live alone'

DUH you don't live alone. I need some clarification on what you mean

and why can't you wait 2 years??

Well I never said I couldn't, but someone suggested that we do get married cause they believe how we are living life is a sin.

?? what do you mean 'we dont live alone'

DUH you dont live alone. i need some clarification on what you mean

He lives with me and mi parents but sometimes I stay at his parents.

living together before marriage being a sin is the LEAST of your worries hon!

how about deportation?

statitory rape?

16yr old female & 22yr old male trying to get married with bad circums.

So... why do you want to get married now?

Sounds like everything is working out all hunky dory. You guys get to live together. Mommy still pays your bills and feeds you...

What's the problem?

well I never said I couldn't, but someone suggested that we do get married cause they believe how we are living life is a sin.

It is a sin, religiously speaking.

But rushing to a chapel is no way to fix this. Your 16, and frankly you won't feel the same about him when your 19- you might not even "love" him. It's true. Right now your brain hasn't even finished developing there are parts still being developed that will start working in your early twenties where you'll start to think better and analyze things further-- at 16 your brain is still under construction. I'm not kidding.

You'll wake up one day and realize how silly this all is. He of course is one sick S.O.B. for being with someone so young.

As an adult I can see that he is taking advantage of you. Needless to say your still a teen and believe love conquers all.

Good luck to you really, I hope you don't end up having a child with this man and possibly ruining whatever future you had.

Sarah

living together before marriage being a sin is the LEAST of your worries hon!!

how about deportation?

statitory rape?

Yeah I guess.

so...why do you want to get married now?

sounds like everything is working out all hunky dory. you guys get to live together. mommy still pays your bills and feeds you...

whats the problem?

Well true but mi parents don't care I'm with him they just don't want to get in trouble.

You guess...

And you think you are ready for a marriage...

*hugs* I hope you get this all sorted out hon... I think your very confused at the moment

well true but mi parents don't care I'm with him they just don't want to get in trouble.

Why would they get in trouble?

It is a sin, religiously speaking.

But rushing to a chapel is no way to fix this. Your 16, and frankly you won't feel the same about him when your 19- you might not even "love" him. It's true. Right now your brain hasn't even finished developing there are parts still being developed that will start working in your early twenties where you'll start to think better and analyze things further-- at 16 your brain is still under construction. I'm not kidding.

You'll wake up one day and realize how silly this all is. He of course is one sick S.O.B. for being with someone so young.

As an adult I can see that he is taking advantage of you. Needless to say your still a teen and believe love conquers all.

Good luck to you really, I hope you don't end up having a child with this man and possibly ruining whatever future you had.

Sarah

Well I was forced to raise myself and grow up cause mi parents didn't and don't care. When I was younger I was raped consistently by my best friends brother and mi parents brought me there all the time, they just didn't want me home. And yeah you might be right about when I'm 19 but I don't think so. He's everything I really have he he's the ONLY person that shows me love and supports me and emotionally. See mi whole life was ty before I was with him I didn't work or even try to go to school but he supported me to go. So

you guess....

and you think you are ready for a marriage...

*hugs* i hope you get this all sorted out hon...i think your very confused at the moment

I don't really want to be married though. But awwee:] your sweet. And thank you, I hope so too

So... your parents don't give a... yet they let your illigal adult boyfriend live with you because you love him?

Wow huge red flag.

If you Don't want to get married WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO??

why woudl they get in trouble?

For him being older and letting us have sex cause I'm a minor and they're allowing it.

wow huge red flag.

if you DONT want to get married WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO???

So he doesn't get in trouble.

so...your parents dont give a ...yet they let your illigal adult boyfriend live with you because you love him?

Well they thought about it and they don't care what I do as long as they can't get in trouble.

Wow...

I just can't answer this anymore...

I hope you get the answers your looking for hon *hugs* good luck

wow....

i just can't answer this anymore....

i hope you get the answers your looking for hon *hugs* good luck

Yeahh. Well okayy thanks:(

well I was forced to raise myself and grow up cause mi parents didn't and don't give a fuqk. when I was younger I was raped consistently by my best friends brother and mi parents brought me there all the time, they just didn't want me home. and yeah you might be right about when I'm 19 but I don't think so. he's everything I really have he he's the ONLY person that shows me love and supports me and emotionally. see mi whole life was ty before I was with him I didn't work or even try to go to school but he supported me to go. so

You shouldn't get married with this type of baggage. You should get counseling!

Another person cannot, will not, will never "save" you from your past. You have those things to deal with on your own. It's good that he's motivated you to go to school but I see that as another manipulative tactic.

If you were forced to raise yourself then you should be adult enough to make adult decisions, like going to school without being told to do so.

Frankly, I don't take sympathy that you and your parents don't get along. If you tried talking to them then move on. There's no use in wasting your time moping about your parents if they don't even care that an older man lives with you. It's disturbing that they don't care or haven't cared.

I really suggest therapy. You need it. Without it you will make very bad decisions- especially without proper parental guidance.

Sorry if I seemed callous but that's just how I see it.

Sarah

You shouldn't get married with this type of baggage. You should get counseling!

Another person cannot, will not, will never "save" you from your past. You have those things to deal with on your own. It's good that he's motivated you to go to school but I see that as another manipulative tactic.

If you were forced to raise yourself then you should be adult enough to make adult decisions, like going to school without being told to do so.

Frankly, I don't take sympathy that you and your parents don't get along. If you tried talking to them then move on. There's no use in wasting your time moping about your parents if they don't even care that an older man lives with you. It's disturbing that they don't care or haven't cared.

I really suggest therapy. You need it. Without it you will make very bad decisions- especially without proper parental guidance.

Sorry if I seemed callous but that's just how I see it.

Sarah

I do talk to someone, and that's the last thing I do is just sit here talking about them. Cause I don't even care about them, I try not to live in the past. But people keep trying to bring me down and it's hard mi parents blame everything on me. I still hold mi head up high though. I don't know if you were raised in that type of situation, but it very difficult to be in it. See it's easier for you to suggested things to me but in the end you don't have to live with it so. But anyway thanks for the little help you have gavin' me

I do talk to someone, and that's the last thing I do is just sit here talking about them. cause I don't even care about them, I try not to live in the past. but ppl keep trying to bring me down and it's hard mi parents blame everything on me. I still hold mi head up high though. I dunno if you were raised in that type of situation, but it very difficult to be in it. see it's easier for you to suggested things to me but in the end you don't have to live with it so. but anyways thanks for the little help you have gavin' me

Unfortunately I lived it. I had unconsented sex in my early teens with a much older man. My mother would lock me in the basement when she threw a party. I was left alone for hours upon returning home from school in grade 1--- however I lived through it.

I know what it's like. It's not easy. Getting help is better than no help. You need some sort of guidance from an adult-- that's NOT your boyfriend. A counselor, a teacher, even children's aid can help.

Sarah

He is illegal in more than one way:

The age of consent in Texas (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Texas) is 17 (Texas Penal Code Section 21.11 (http://tlo2.tlc.state.tx.us/statutes/docs/PE/content/htm/pe.005.00.000021.00.htm#21.11.00)). However , "...It is an affirmative defense to prosecution under this section that the actor...was not more than three years older than the victim and of the opposite sex... (and) did not use duress, force, or a threat against the victim at the time of the offence" and is not a registered sex offender {Section 21.11(b) (http://tlo2.tlc.state.tx.us/statutes/docs/PE/content/htm/pe.005.00.000021.00.htm#21.11.00)}.

You are under the age of consent and he is more than 3 years older than you. Therefore he is guilty of statutory rape. And yes, your parents could get into trouble for allowing him to have sex with you.

If you do care anything about this person, you will tell him to stay away from you until you are 18.

. but anyways thanks for the little help you have gavin' me

I think mudwieser has given you a lot of help

What you do with it is up to you

Only one love, I'm going to put all the emotional issues and "whys" aside.

You're in a bad situation, but it's not irretrievable.

You need to close your legs and open your brain. Get through school with enough education to become able to support yourself. Your parents aren't doing it, your man cannot do it yet, so you have to.

After you're legal, worry about him, parents, marriage, sponsorship, and all that. You are not allowed to do anything about it yet by law.

Mud... moraloutrage.net is the resourse I use to find consolidated laws on sexual assault of minors. They have each state's laws laid out.

Just disregard the fact that the purpose of the site is to overturn statutory rape laws... (which I just noticed since Ive always jumped directly to the laws pages)

If you really care, you will get away from him. He is only making your life worse, believe it or not.
Not only will he get into trouble, he will get into trouble for two big reasons:
Illegal Immigrant
Statuatory Rape

If your parents don't care about you, there's nothing you can do about that. All you can do, is care about you. Wasting your time with this guy, especially in a situation like yours, is only hurting you more, and could get him deported or thrown in jail.

Close your legs, tell him to wait two years or go find another manipulative girl he can take advantage of, focus on your schoolwork and become a better person than your mom is.

That is all you can do, and trying anything else is immoral and illegal.

well I was forced to raise myself and grow up cause mi parents didn't and don't care. when I was younger I was raped consistently by my best friends brother and mi parents brought me there all the time, they just didn't want me home. and yeah you might be right about when I'm 19 but I don't think so. he's everything I really have he he's the ONLY person that shows me love and supports me and emotionally. see mi whole life was ty before I was with him I didn't work or even try to go to school but he supported me to go. so

This is telling me a lot right here. He's the first person you've met who you felt has loved you, cared, and supported you in things you needed to accomplish in your life. Let's assume for a moment that he's not using you. (If he knows our laws, he'd realize he can't get legal by this route. And perhaps where he comes from 16 is a good age to be married. We don't know that, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for the moment.)

It's understandable that you would feel something very strongly towards this person, if he is the "only" person that shows you love and support. It's understandable that you might even love him, in some sense. It's even possible that having sex with this guy feels like something loving and caring, for once, instead of being like rape. It sounds like you're clinging to the first person who has shown any kindness.

So it's going to be very easy for you to get caught up in this and assume that what you're feeling is the kind of love you feel for someone you want to marry. But if you've never felt that kind of love, how do you know this is it? I'm thinking it's not. There are exceptions, but what I'm seeing is gratitude to someone who actually seems to care, not romantic love.

When you're 16, it's very difficult to listen to people who are older and think that they have no clue what they're talking about and that they don't understand where you are coming from. At that age, you're trying to be an adult on some level, and therefore wanting to make your own decisions, run your own life... and definitely not wanting to listen to anyone older. Hon, we've all been 16. Even if we haven't lived your circumstances, we've still all been 16 and we know how that goes, not wanting to listen to anyone older with any kind of experience.

I thought I was in love when I was 16 also, like I seriously thought I was in love. I can look back on that now and realize it meant absolutely nothing. Yeah, I liked the guy, I was interested in him, I thought I would like to spend the rest of my life with him. Being older, and having been in love for real, deeply in love, I can look back on that and realize it was absolutely nothing. I mean really, it was nothing. But at the time it felt very real, and it hurt, a lot, when I thought I couldn't have him. It always feels like that when you're 16. As it turns out, he's gay. He didn't even really realize that himself at the time -- which tells you how well you know yourself when you're only 16. (He was 17 actually.) We kept in touch and have a good friendship for a long time.

And when you get older, you realize it was really nothing. That might be hard to believe right now. But as someone else stated (forget who, sorry), you haven't really fully developed yet. You could do some drastic changing over the new few years, or even next 10 years, or longer. But you will only understand this once you get older. And then you'll be in a marriage you shouldn't be in. And then you'll be a divorce statistic.

Perhaps that doesn't matter to you now, but marriage is a very serious event. And you shouldn't be doing it just to keep him from getting in trouble. That's a terrible reason. He can move out on his own. You can continue to see him. If you emotionally feel something strongly for him, you can be good friends. If he's not taking advantage of you, he shouldn't be opposed to that.

I also know that you might be hurt over having to go this direction. Unfortunately in life, we do get hurt sometimes. That happens to all of us too, and sometimes it can be very difficult to face that, especially when you have to make the decision to do it.

Yes, Gemini, and sometimes we've already royally screwed up before we learn something. Been there plenty of times.

I know a lot of his family and I know who he is I have lived with
him and everything. my parents don't have much to do with me.
and we both know he could get legal marrying another woman for three years but he DOES NOT want to do that. would you know of any other way for him to get legal? and stay in NY spring through fall but when winter comes I go to TX[I like warm weather & mi family live in both areas].

Are you not in school? How can you move back and forth and still be in school?

Yes, Gemini, and sometimes we've already royally screwed up before we learn something. Been there plenty of times.

Sometimes? 43 still learning everyday

Screwing up is a part of life. It is for everyone.

However there is a difference between screwing up and ruining your life.
The OP is insistant upon doing the latter. Dating the 22 year old is a screw up. Dating an illegal immigrant is a screw up (for her). Thinking about marrying someone when you don't really want to is a screw up. Having sex with someone before you are ready is a screw up.

Actually trying to marry an illegal immigrant illegally when he is 22 and you are 16, when you don't really want to, but your friend suggested a marriage because it is morally wrong, is a life ruiner.
It's just stupid.

sometimes? 43 still learning everyday

Well, yes, sometimes I don't screw up, usually by accident. :D

Screwing up is a part of life. It is for everyone.

However there is a difference between screwing up and ruining your life.
The OP is insistant upon doing the latter. Dating the 22 year old is a screw up. Dating an illegal immigrant is a screw up (for her). Thinking about marrying someone when you don't really want to is a screw up. Having sex with someone before you are ready is a screw up.

Actually trying to marry an illegal immigrant illegally when he is 22 and you are 16, when you don't really want to, but your friend suggested a marriage because it is morally wrong, is a life ruiner.
It's just stupid.

Cross one line you're screwing up, cross all the lines and you're ruining your life? Sounds about right to me.

hi:) [mi name:rather be unknown]. I'm in a RELATIONSHIP.
I love him A LOT, we had an instance connection when we first started dating..
but when we stared dating I told him I was older than mi real age[I told him
that I was soon to be 18] but mi REAL age is 16. he is 22. but I wasn't the ONLY
ONE that had to come clean about something. I told him and he was pretty upset about
it. but than he had to let me know something, he told me that he was illegal trying to become
legal. I am NOT EVEN SURE about all that. but I was wondering if there's any way
we can get married and he can get legal? if you can help me, please contact me ASAP
thanks for your time. [BTW(By The Way) I live in NY/TX]Simple... marrying an Illegal does NOT get him a fast track green card... no way, no how.

I've known too many cases of this. He wants to get legal... He has to GO HOME and apply for a green card like the law says. If he gets caught here illegally then he can add a 10 year wait to reapply.