My 17 year old son said our rules are too strict and that it's impossible to live up to our expectations. He was grounded and while he was grounded "pretended" to go to work and went out with his friends instead. We caught him and texted him to come home by 7 and he said no I'm staying out till 10 you can punish me then. He did not come home at all. The next morning he came home and packed and left.

My problem is I want to stay in touch with him but he doesn't want to talk to us unless he needs something. How do I let go. Any advice?

Texted him? Do you pay for his phone?

Buy him things he wants? Pay for his car? Insurance?

There is more that can be taken away besides his 'freedom'

For one you don't let him just waltz into your life when he wants something that will not fix a single thing.
He choose to be on his own in a sense so he needs to make his own way for the most part.
That means you don't pay for his up keep
If he wants something tell him that you want something too and that is to work out your problems and get along.
Kids do grow up and it is hard to adjust but you do have to let go, but you also need to try and work things out so you aren't at odds.
Let him know that you don't want a hostile or bickering relationship and you want him as a part of your life and you will always love him no matter what.

He paid for his own car, pays for his own cell phone and car insurance. Has just gotten a full time job as he graduated from high school in June

You might just have to give him a little time
If he wants something don't just hand it over without getting him to talk things over. Tell him you want to work things out.

Just curious, is this the same son who has been in trouble with the law?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/criminal-law/son-charged-possession-under-5000-theft-under-5000-two-separate-times-376120.html

Yes this is the same son who had trouble with the law. He is on 15 months probation and has to do whatever the probation officer decides at their next meeting

yes this is the same son who had trouble with the law. He is on 15 months probation and has to do whatever the probation officer decides at their next meeting

Have you talked to the PO?

The probation officer is presently on vacation but we do plan on talking with him - also we told the office that he had moved out - didn't want to listen to the rules - as soon as he got a full time job he figured he didn't need us anymore - he needed us before cause he ran out of money and he needed us to go to court with him etc...

The PO just may be the answer
He may say that he has to return home and follow your rules.

The house has been much more peaceful without him - but he is welcome to come home if he follows the rules - we'll see what the p.o. says. I don't think he has too many rules where he is living now and I know he needs rules whether he realizes or not.

We are now attending a parenting support group for parents with troubled teens. Hopefully this will give us some guidance as well on how to handle this situation

I hope everything turns out for you. Sometimes teens have to learn the hard way. Hopefully he straightens out sooner than later.