Hi all,

I am sort of in a big mental dilemma. I met this girl during my University Life. We were like magnets, attracted to each other at the first meeting.. a relationship developed and I asked her out.. She did not give me a straight answer at first and said she liked me anyway.
She said she wanted to focus more on studies rather than this. I accepted and did not want to push her. But the relationship grew more. So many texts per day..
I asked her out again and told her that there was no friendship but we were actually in love. She was again in two minds about this. Then I left her to live her life and said I would never come back to her life. But she kept on sending me gifts and cards. I felt guilt and became friends again. Again the relationship grew. This time she told me that she would never get married because of the cat and bull life her parents living and she is afraid of coming to her mother's position. She thinks men rules over women and relationships sucks.
And I decided to finish this as she has always been in two minds.
She is born to a strict family.A traditional family where parents decide whom their children marry.
Now its been two years since I left her. But her memory is like a hangover to me now. I am friends with one of her male-friends and he knows this story too. I don't know if I should keep in touch with him as he is a best friend of her. But he has promised me that he would never talk about her with me OR he should never speak about my stuff with her.
Now she lives in a different country. And she helped this friend to come there too.
Things may have changed now and I am rather suspicious about everything.
I don't know how to cope up with things now. She tried again to contact me after I scolded her in a bloody way. She said she lost her friend. And she sent this message through that friend a year ago. But I was furious to get a message from her as I never believe that she did not love me. Under that cover "fRIENDSHIP"..
I also got to know her father died and felt sad but did not want to convey my apologies as I felt this viscous circle would start again.
The problem is I am still worried about this.. I hope someone would help me out.
Thanks

You need to let this go a two-year hangover is one year and 364 days too long. Do things you re interested in.make new friends-date.find your life.

Well I know, I need to let this go.. But This memory keeps my distracted from any girls anymore as I got hurt in the end. I am also feeling guilty if I was malicious to her.
Should I keep in touch with this friend of hers?

I would nt. Leave it for the time being.there is someone out there who you will love and who will love you in the way you both deserve.

should I keep in touch with this friend of hers?

No!!

Yes What you said is right. That I should not keep in touch with him. That's the same thing I did. But again I felt guilty and wrote to him back. The thing is he still wants to keep in touch with me. But the friendship he has with her should be greater than what he has with me. Even though he claims that we both are his good friends. The thing is he doesn't have much friends and he says that he doesn't want to loose me too.
But with time things may have changed. I rather doubt if this friend has a relationship with her too.
Anyway I take your advise. Thank you.
I think I should try to forget everything.
Anyhow it would be great if someone tries to bring a clear picture of this problem.
Thank you

Yes forget it.it was messy but you can move on now.let it go.let the weight drop off your shoulders.good luck.

You need to block her out of her life or else you will keep hanging on to her.

Every time you have some sort of communication or update about her, you completely over-analyze every little details.

It's time to let her go. Let her life her and you live your life. If you completely deleted her from your life as if she doesn't exist, it will help you ease the pain. This is called "no contact". It might be tough at first and the pain could get worse, but eventually it gets better.

But once you break the no contact rules and communicate with her or get an update about her, you will reset much of the progress that you've made. So follow the rules or else you prolong your pain and suffering.

If he was truly your friend, you can easily stay friends with him. You just have to tell him that you don't want anymore updates about the girl. He should be able to respect you and never bring her up.

If he gives you more trouble. Just block him out like you would the girl.

Yes,

What you say is damn right! But how would I get rid of this friend too? Cos when I do ignore him, He thinks that I think they have a relationship. He thinks that I think of him as a traitor.
I think I definitely want to get rid of him. But he tries to contact me all the time.
I am really grateful to your advise.
I am really courageous to get this over at least.
Many thanks

All the best.wishing you a happy life

May be I should block him too. In a way it's rather odd to keep in touch with him while knowing very well they do have a stronger friendship. I should do it slowly.
Thank you guys. I really do appreciate this.
It's time to move on.. Even though what she did to me is really cruel..

HI all,

Thanks all for your advise. I think I am improving. But I need further clarifications from different aspects. So if anybody willing to advise you are welcome and really be appreciated.
I think that would enhance my chances of getting in to healthy relationships not messy ones like what I had.
I would like more advise on the same particular issue which I had to face.
Thanks all

Healthy relationships can be achieved when the two people involved are happy with who they are.There should be mutual trust, respect, and love. Good communication, and mutual respect. If you find out who you are, I think you ll find a partner who s ready for a real relationship.

HI all,
So if anybody willing to advise you are welcome and really be appreciated.
I think that would enhance my chances of getting in to healthy relationships not messy ones like what I had.
I would like more advise on the same particular issue which I had to face.
Thanks all

Like what specifically?:confused:

HI all,

Thanks all for your advise. I think I am improving. But I need further clarifications from different aspects. So if anybody willing to advise you are welcome and really be appreciated.
I think that would enhance my chances of getting in to healthy relationships not messy ones like what I had.
I would like more advise on the same particular issue which I had to face.
Thanks all

What exactly do you need advice on? Healthy relationships take work, having one with yourself and having one with others... the hardest work begins with yourself, so what's the deal with you?

Hi,

What did you mean by having a healthy relationship with one's self?
DId you mean that if I have a healthy relationship with myself, then would it be supportive to have good relationships with others too?
Thank you.

You need to know who you are and love like and respect yourself in order to go on to having a healthy relationship.

OK Guys,
I am back again with the same problem. As you guys suggested I am not in touch with him too. I am so sure that there can't be anything more than a friendship between them, But the thing is its not my business and I should not bother about this.
But my stupid mind won't let me live in peace.. always fighting with thoughts. My mind wants to be superior than her one day and show her she made a mistake.
I definitely need peace in my mind which I have not.. sometimes I think she is innocent and I should forgive her.. sometimes I think she is the worst I met and she should be punished.. by karma or whatever.. I know this way of thinking is not good for me, all I need is to get rid of this nuisance and live a normal happy life with another girl. But my mind is still imagining.. It doesn't let go of my STUPID past..
Please help.

hi Amicon, do you remember me? I have a problem can you help me? You helped me to solve my "Ouch a break up that still hurts" question.. I need some advice again..


HI all, I have been able to solve my problem thanks to you all. I had blocked my friend too, But recently he sent me couple of mails asking me why I was not in touch with him anymore> He asked me if the reason is he is staying where she(My-X) stays now, we used to be good friends and I felt sorry about him and talked.. But I got to know from another friend that actually these two are living together now and that the girl is now forcing him to marry her, he refuses cos of the difference in the case as well as he doesn't like to marry her, finally she has told him that if he does not marry her he cannot marry anybody else too(Weird) so he has had to agree, Then oneday I was talking to him recently and somehome this girl was mentioned and he asked me if I still feel for her so that as a friend of both he would help each one out to sort the problem, I said I do not need any help and not to pass any info.,
all this happened within a few days and I am confused about my friend's attitude, what do you guys think I do now,

I am sorry I had to change my ID from nithin1982 to nithin1983 cos I forgot my password, please try to verfy the situation, thank you..

Hello again!

I think you keep moving on and don't let any information or gossip worry you.

You are in charge of your life and you decide what you want to do and how you want to live your life.

Thank you amicon, but do you think I should talk to this guy? He keeps on talking to me sending me mails and stuff., do you think I can trust him and be a friend to him?

The fact that you ask makes me think you're seriously doubting him,so I'd say probably not.

I think you ignore him, and his drama, and stay out of his life. I am sure there are better people to be friends with.

I wouldn't believe not one word of his hogwash he is feeding you. Delete him from your emails, and block his number, so you don't get caught up in his BS!

Yes, But I am now deeply disappointed, I trusted this friend a lot, I can't imagine how he would betray my friendship while still claiming to be a thick friend of mine, May be its just that this girl is only troubling him to marry her since she is the one who took him there and he could be trapped too. He also can't tell me that since he knows my problem with her? And may be he is actually trying to be a good friend to me and her(cos he also stated he would marry a girl who his parents find him).. But if he is having sort of a relationship(In this case a physical relationship only which is highly unlikely as we are traditional Indians;-)) because if he was in an emotional relationship how could he ask a question like if I still feel for her and if so he would help each other out to come to the right track.
Actually, I have now no feeling for her other than a great disappointment with her.
But friends, this is really disgusting guys, I mean its not a problem if he is having a relationship with her and be open about it as I have left her a long time ago right? But if he is trying to play a drama with me and as well as with her its definetely disgusting and I do not know how I could do such a thing to a best friend of mine, I would never be able to think of such a thing too,

That's why you leave them alone and focus on your life, not theirs.

Should I keep in touch with this friend of hers?

NO WAY! Avoid her and her friend.

Well, I am really angry at these two people now, how wicked even good friends can turn?

Next time you will see it coming, and protect yourself, but for now, what's done is done, and no need to stir it up any more. You cut them from your life and enjoy yourself despite them.

That's the best revenge, and the best use of your anger.

Yes, but they could be just open about it, since I am completely out of her life now, I do not have any feeling for her anymore and I am over it. But what is this? You see they will never be allowed to get married too because they from different ethnic groups and if this is true it means that they are already destroyed. This thing is going to create such a big hassle in their families, damn THEM,

I get you care, but have no control of the actions of others.

Yes, its true that I have no control over their actions, that's true, this situation is a bit tricky though,

It's obvious that they want to be left alone. So why not leave them alone and go about your business?

Why force the issue?

Quit torturing yourself and find happiness elsewhere.

Ok I think I should give you a broad picture now. Yes I was going about my own business. Even at the time she helped him to come to that country I only wished him and left them alone right. Like you guys told me I even blocked my male friend who knew what happened between me and her. And I was living happily here not thinking about any BS. THEN, this guy repeatedly sends me mails asking me why the hell I am not in touch with him, and asking me if it is because he is living in the place where she is. He also says that why we can't be like good old friends? And I felt actually sorry. Because we used to be real thick friends right? Then I talked to him and this girls name was somehow mentioned and he asked me if I still feel for her and if I do as a good friend he could try to help each other out to resolve the matter. If I do not feel for her still he would be the same friend to both of us.
As you guys can see, this is not something I am dragging. He is the one who wants to talk and says things like this. If they hang out and live together and if this girl tortures him to marry her why the hell is he asking me these ridiculous questions from me?
I am not torturing myself. I do not want this problem. But this whole situation is confusing. I mean see, they live together(well I do not know if its nothing more than just living in a shared house as friends right?)
If they want to be left alone then then why does he want to talk to me this way? If he is in love with her, then why does he want to know my feeling and try to help me? If you guys can analyse the whole thing, you would see that the whole thing is very strange.
If they want their freedom they already have it. Because they are not in my life anymore. They do not even live in my country.
I am not torturing myself.

In that case, if you are the one who wants to be left alone, then ignore his attempts at contacting you. He will eventually get the hint.

Ok guys, I'll try again, I have now bloked him out again, but I do not know if he would send e mails from other e mail addresses asking me if I have blocked him? You see, anybody would feel sad if someone sends mails of this nature, anyway, I will just keep him at my arm's length, I told him clearly not to pass any info of me to her or not to bring any news of her to me again when the last time I talked to him and he agreed,
Yes its true that not them but me the one who wants to be left alone so that I do not get caught in their BS.
Will see like Talisman says best use of anger is to ignore them, this is what all of you say too,

Whatever he does,keep ignoring him and stay no contact.

Good luck.