heidi123
Aug 8, 2009, 02:19 AM
Hello,
I'm quite desperate about my current relationship and I hope you could provide me with some insights...
I am 27 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend of 40 for 8 months now. Since three months we've been living together.
Since I have quite a stressfull job in which I do quite some hours and he didn't really like his job or a 9 to 5 job altogether, we decided that he would stay home and take care of the household. There are also some renovation works needed to be done and since he's very handy, he would use that time to work at those.
I transfer 2/3 of my paycheck to his account. I have some expenses myself which I cover with the remainder of that money.
Story is now :
He is busy playing poker or making music until 4 or 5 in the morning. Next he goes to sleep and wakes up around noon, or sometimes even at 2 or 3 PM. He stated three months ago that he is still trying to find a structure to his new life. I didn't give him a hard time for it, I just fugured that was it and it would disappear after a while.
Now it just gets worse. We have small arguments which turn into erupting volcano's because we are so different at handling conflicts. I want to talk it through, since I believe that's the only way you can solve issues and thereby grow in your relationship and interactions. He simply get angry and ignores me, he just acts as if I don't exist. Which in turn makes me explode, which I'm not proud of and results in me blaming and overreacting. I use words like never, always, etc..
He complains that he's always tired while I told him that it is probably the lack of structure in his sleeping habits that is causing this, he doesn't want to believe me. When I tell him to have his blood checked since it may be a lack of vitamins or something, he doesn't want to.
A couple of days ago, he invited a (female) friend of his. He had been working at dinner for almost the whole day. I had been cleaning the house (only downstairs) so that everything would be in order for the visit.
When he arrived when he picked her up he asked her "do you want a drink", while he didn't even care about me or my son. I couldn't control myself and while inside I told him "W and i don't need a drink or what?"
Next when we sat at the table he told me "Oh i asked her (the female friend) about the fact that i'm always tired and she said to get my blood checked cause it could be a lack of vitamins". I can not comprehend why I didn't explode that same moment. It was a smack in my face to hear that.
The dinner went past, I tried to behave myself the best I could, but he had simply hurt me so much.. It was as if my opinion didn't even matter and I found that so disrespectfull".
That night when our visitor was gone, i simply said to him that i'm disgusted by people and their disrespect, aiming at him. I didn't talk to him anymore, while he acted normal and went to bed.
That was two days ago.
Yesterday i told him that he really hurted me with that, and he simply said "I'm not going to the doctor so what's the issue?"
It seems that he doesn't understand. I simply told him that he should start taking up his responsibility and that thoughtfullness (mindfullness in english?) is a way of life and not something you simply do some of the times.
I also said that he was driving me really far and that my bucket is almost full. I told him that I would see what happens and next draw my conclusions. He doesn't talk anyway. And I stopped trying, since I only explode when he simply acts as if I don't exist when I want to talk to him.
We are ignoring each other since and it really hurts me that he doesn't see his own wrong doing.
Every time that we had a fight I was the one making up, even if I didn't think I was the only one making mistakes.
Since I'm not good at having long conflicts (I can't focus on work or anything when my emotions get the best of me, I'm high sensitive) I simply don't know what to do and find myself almost giving in again simply to avoid this stress.
I don't always know what is healthy for me, I've been in bad relationships in the past, but I want to stop that rollercoaster for myself.
What is your opinion on the story I wrote? I know it's just my side of the story, but since he doesn't talk to me, I don't know what his perception is of how things are right now.
Thank you for any constructive reply !
I'm quite desperate about my current relationship and I hope you could provide me with some insights...
I am 27 and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend of 40 for 8 months now. Since three months we've been living together.
Since I have quite a stressfull job in which I do quite some hours and he didn't really like his job or a 9 to 5 job altogether, we decided that he would stay home and take care of the household. There are also some renovation works needed to be done and since he's very handy, he would use that time to work at those.
I transfer 2/3 of my paycheck to his account. I have some expenses myself which I cover with the remainder of that money.
Story is now :
He is busy playing poker or making music until 4 or 5 in the morning. Next he goes to sleep and wakes up around noon, or sometimes even at 2 or 3 PM. He stated three months ago that he is still trying to find a structure to his new life. I didn't give him a hard time for it, I just fugured that was it and it would disappear after a while.
Now it just gets worse. We have small arguments which turn into erupting volcano's because we are so different at handling conflicts. I want to talk it through, since I believe that's the only way you can solve issues and thereby grow in your relationship and interactions. He simply get angry and ignores me, he just acts as if I don't exist. Which in turn makes me explode, which I'm not proud of and results in me blaming and overreacting. I use words like never, always, etc..
He complains that he's always tired while I told him that it is probably the lack of structure in his sleeping habits that is causing this, he doesn't want to believe me. When I tell him to have his blood checked since it may be a lack of vitamins or something, he doesn't want to.
A couple of days ago, he invited a (female) friend of his. He had been working at dinner for almost the whole day. I had been cleaning the house (only downstairs) so that everything would be in order for the visit.
When he arrived when he picked her up he asked her "do you want a drink", while he didn't even care about me or my son. I couldn't control myself and while inside I told him "W and i don't need a drink or what?"
Next when we sat at the table he told me "Oh i asked her (the female friend) about the fact that i'm always tired and she said to get my blood checked cause it could be a lack of vitamins". I can not comprehend why I didn't explode that same moment. It was a smack in my face to hear that.
The dinner went past, I tried to behave myself the best I could, but he had simply hurt me so much.. It was as if my opinion didn't even matter and I found that so disrespectfull".
That night when our visitor was gone, i simply said to him that i'm disgusted by people and their disrespect, aiming at him. I didn't talk to him anymore, while he acted normal and went to bed.
That was two days ago.
Yesterday i told him that he really hurted me with that, and he simply said "I'm not going to the doctor so what's the issue?"
It seems that he doesn't understand. I simply told him that he should start taking up his responsibility and that thoughtfullness (mindfullness in english?) is a way of life and not something you simply do some of the times.
I also said that he was driving me really far and that my bucket is almost full. I told him that I would see what happens and next draw my conclusions. He doesn't talk anyway. And I stopped trying, since I only explode when he simply acts as if I don't exist when I want to talk to him.
We are ignoring each other since and it really hurts me that he doesn't see his own wrong doing.
Every time that we had a fight I was the one making up, even if I didn't think I was the only one making mistakes.
Since I'm not good at having long conflicts (I can't focus on work or anything when my emotions get the best of me, I'm high sensitive) I simply don't know what to do and find myself almost giving in again simply to avoid this stress.
I don't always know what is healthy for me, I've been in bad relationships in the past, but I want to stop that rollercoaster for myself.
What is your opinion on the story I wrote? I know it's just my side of the story, but since he doesn't talk to me, I don't know what his perception is of how things are right now.
Thank you for any constructive reply !