Untitled123
Aug 4, 2009, 12:33 PM
Hi guys!
I feel I really screwed up my relationship with this girl who I think is perfect for me! Maybe it will help you understand better if I use dates!
March 6th - This is when I meet her first! She's a really nice girl. I got to meet her through this inter-collegiate meet we had. She's my schoolmates best friend at college!
March 9th - we start messaging each other! She is too perfect for me, and we enter into a totally new phase where we are messaging each other like 24/7 throughout the month of march and April! She gives me so much attention and she keeps reminding me how much she loves me ( Even though we aren't committed yet!). We instantly start of with love messages to each other and we can't help but spend time with each other meeting up at places
May 1st- After 2 perfect months of getting acquainted, I ask her out and she obviously says yes! We start with our relationship, but she gives me small warning-which I ward-off as bull. She tells me she has her exams coming up and she is going to act all "Blah" for the next 2 months cause she has her exams! Not that she is too much into her studies, but she wants to study. So I give her her space. I mean I force myself to be not so possessive, protective or demanding of her. I give her all the space she needs. But we continue to have a proper relationship! We still keep texting each other every single day! We call up now and then.
See, She thinks we are on a long term relationship, and I am very cool with it! But I have this insecurity, cause she is so much more richer than me, and I have this feeling things won't settle! But I never open out to her about this! We really don't talk about serious stuff on the phone. I mean I really want to, But something stops us both from sharing stuff from each other. We end up telling everything, but it ends up being emotionless, or rather, we don't pour out feelings but just the stories!
Another thing is, I am always subdued with her. I have this great inferiority complex, cause I feel she is so much more well-off than me, or something like her friends are so much more cooler. She is a very friendly person, so has many more friends than me. All this makes me feel really very small. But I never open out to her about it cause I feel very awkward about it!
And to make things worse, my best friend has a long-lasting feud with her best friend! So my best friend refuses to meet my own girlfriend. My girlfriend starts feeling that my best friend might hate her. See, in the past I had asked out my best friend, which I feel very embarrassed about, but I hid it from my girlfriend. She finds out somehow, but doesn't confront me! Rather just asks me, and I freak out about it making me seem very guilty. Even though we sort things out later, the fact that my best friend won't meet my girlfriend, makes me feel very guilty and stressed and I really don't know what my girlfriend might be thinking about me and my best friend!
May 8th - Furthermore, she loves her friends! They mean her life to her. But she still continues to give me equal importance and shows me all the love, even though there are so many unsaid awkward things!
May 15th - But all this starts to reduce slowly! I mean I am still the same. I continue to message her everyday, but the response is not at all the same. I know she's busy with her exams, so I give her all the space she requires! But it doesn't seem to change! So I wait for her exams to end, so things can go back to how they were, when she used to be more excited than me!
To add to all this, I have an empty feeling that we don't talk about anything at all anymore! Our dates are so weird, cause she doesn't hug or kiss me anymore! Plus, she starts taking her friends to be much more important! The attention she gives me slowly starts reducing! But my attention towards her is actually increasing... I start loving her so much more, take her on long distance drives on my bikes and continue messaging her.
June 22nd -
Her exams end and our vacation begins and I feel completely empty without her! She doesn't seem to reciprocating anymore though! All she can say is she is busy! BUSY! BUSY!
So I act like I understand, cause I have this feeling I shouldn't be desperate or possessive! So I continue being totally understanding ( even though I am completely hurting inside cause she is not at all the same! ). She messages only 2 or 3 messages a day maximum! We don't talk about anything at all anymore! And she doesn't seem to realize there is actually a problem! I still don't open out to her! I just can't get comfy enough.
She also has this habbit of calling me a kid! Cause she feels I just keep crying or whining for her to message. But she just can't understand she is not the same anymore. So I stop whining, but it kills me to keep everything inside of me!
July 6th -
Our colleges reopen again and she is busier than ever! She gets so frustrated after every day, she refuses to message me! Though she finds company of friends more comforting. I don't complain about that, but she can also give me a smaller portion of the importance she gives them! At least like how it was!
I can just feel us being so far apart and its like I can't do anything about it! I try to control so much of myself only for her. I don't express myself also to her. I feel there are a million unsaid things, but she doesn't seem to feel anything like that. This infuriates me. I don't play even a small part anymore. I just can't seem to do anything about it anymore!
We skip out on 2 dates assuming we are both busy, ( Which I was not!), and no more phone calls also! We don't message much anymore, how much ever effort I might put in! She is totally pissing me off now. When I hang out with her friends and her, she doesn't give me attention at all! If I ask her, she's like - don't cry like a baby! I can't keep talking to you all the time! I don't want her to, but she's just too weird now! Not like how she used to. If I ask her, its just her college she comes up with! Its just too stressed out for her.
July 21st -
I completely break out to her! I get so pissed off, I tell her everything. She is shocked and surprised and feels I am just over-thinking everything, peeking too much attention, expecting too much!! I should get my head checked! That's what she tells me and I actually start thinking the problem is with me, when it very clearly is not! She calls me a kid again and again and again! Like I have to accept things like how they are! I question her asking why she can't be like how she used to be, and she simply says it was exciting in the beginning and now messages, or phone calls or anything is not needed anymore! She tells me her life is just too mundane and there is nothing she has to share with me and she can't really help it if I am peeking too much attention and she can't do that! She is all of a sudden this stubborn who won't change. She accepts she is so full of herself, but that's just who she is.
2 weird weeks pass by, with not many messages at all. Things are worse than ever and she doesn't seem to notice a thing!
August 1st - ( Exactly 3 months) :
Finally we have the talk! She comes up with things like its so weird now. She opens out saying:
* I am peeking too much attention
* She can't be like how she used to be, and she an't change or do anything about it, cause that's just who she is.
* That we are just 2 random people with not many mutual friends, who just jumped into the relationship in 2 months time before trying to understand each other. ( Even though she was the one who persuaded me to ask her out in the first place)
* All I am expecting her to be is like how she used to be, but that is just expecting too much out of her!
* She will continue to be like this and if that's cool with me, we can go on with the relationship.
* And for all of this, the only reason she can come up with is: Life is so much more different now, everything's changed! I can't be the person I used to be!
* I am just a kid, I need to grow up and be a man!
So we decide to take a break! I mean its obviously she who needs it more. She simply tells me let's just give each other time and see what happens. I agree.
I really don't know what to do now. I mean, who's at fault here? Am I not understanding how busy she is, or is she not interested in me like she used to be? Is it just her college or is there something else bugging her?
And Do I still message her and continue to be normal, or should I cut her off for a while and see is she misses me and comes back?
I am stuck in this big situation and Really can't find a way out! HELP!
Untitled
I feel I really screwed up my relationship with this girl who I think is perfect for me! Maybe it will help you understand better if I use dates!
March 6th - This is when I meet her first! She's a really nice girl. I got to meet her through this inter-collegiate meet we had. She's my schoolmates best friend at college!
March 9th - we start messaging each other! She is too perfect for me, and we enter into a totally new phase where we are messaging each other like 24/7 throughout the month of march and April! She gives me so much attention and she keeps reminding me how much she loves me ( Even though we aren't committed yet!). We instantly start of with love messages to each other and we can't help but spend time with each other meeting up at places
May 1st- After 2 perfect months of getting acquainted, I ask her out and she obviously says yes! We start with our relationship, but she gives me small warning-which I ward-off as bull. She tells me she has her exams coming up and she is going to act all "Blah" for the next 2 months cause she has her exams! Not that she is too much into her studies, but she wants to study. So I give her her space. I mean I force myself to be not so possessive, protective or demanding of her. I give her all the space she needs. But we continue to have a proper relationship! We still keep texting each other every single day! We call up now and then.
See, She thinks we are on a long term relationship, and I am very cool with it! But I have this insecurity, cause she is so much more richer than me, and I have this feeling things won't settle! But I never open out to her about this! We really don't talk about serious stuff on the phone. I mean I really want to, But something stops us both from sharing stuff from each other. We end up telling everything, but it ends up being emotionless, or rather, we don't pour out feelings but just the stories!
Another thing is, I am always subdued with her. I have this great inferiority complex, cause I feel she is so much more well-off than me, or something like her friends are so much more cooler. She is a very friendly person, so has many more friends than me. All this makes me feel really very small. But I never open out to her about it cause I feel very awkward about it!
And to make things worse, my best friend has a long-lasting feud with her best friend! So my best friend refuses to meet my own girlfriend. My girlfriend starts feeling that my best friend might hate her. See, in the past I had asked out my best friend, which I feel very embarrassed about, but I hid it from my girlfriend. She finds out somehow, but doesn't confront me! Rather just asks me, and I freak out about it making me seem very guilty. Even though we sort things out later, the fact that my best friend won't meet my girlfriend, makes me feel very guilty and stressed and I really don't know what my girlfriend might be thinking about me and my best friend!
May 8th - Furthermore, she loves her friends! They mean her life to her. But she still continues to give me equal importance and shows me all the love, even though there are so many unsaid awkward things!
May 15th - But all this starts to reduce slowly! I mean I am still the same. I continue to message her everyday, but the response is not at all the same. I know she's busy with her exams, so I give her all the space she requires! But it doesn't seem to change! So I wait for her exams to end, so things can go back to how they were, when she used to be more excited than me!
To add to all this, I have an empty feeling that we don't talk about anything at all anymore! Our dates are so weird, cause she doesn't hug or kiss me anymore! Plus, she starts taking her friends to be much more important! The attention she gives me slowly starts reducing! But my attention towards her is actually increasing... I start loving her so much more, take her on long distance drives on my bikes and continue messaging her.
June 22nd -
Her exams end and our vacation begins and I feel completely empty without her! She doesn't seem to reciprocating anymore though! All she can say is she is busy! BUSY! BUSY!
So I act like I understand, cause I have this feeling I shouldn't be desperate or possessive! So I continue being totally understanding ( even though I am completely hurting inside cause she is not at all the same! ). She messages only 2 or 3 messages a day maximum! We don't talk about anything at all anymore! And she doesn't seem to realize there is actually a problem! I still don't open out to her! I just can't get comfy enough.
She also has this habbit of calling me a kid! Cause she feels I just keep crying or whining for her to message. But she just can't understand she is not the same anymore. So I stop whining, but it kills me to keep everything inside of me!
July 6th -
Our colleges reopen again and she is busier than ever! She gets so frustrated after every day, she refuses to message me! Though she finds company of friends more comforting. I don't complain about that, but she can also give me a smaller portion of the importance she gives them! At least like how it was!
I can just feel us being so far apart and its like I can't do anything about it! I try to control so much of myself only for her. I don't express myself also to her. I feel there are a million unsaid things, but she doesn't seem to feel anything like that. This infuriates me. I don't play even a small part anymore. I just can't seem to do anything about it anymore!
We skip out on 2 dates assuming we are both busy, ( Which I was not!), and no more phone calls also! We don't message much anymore, how much ever effort I might put in! She is totally pissing me off now. When I hang out with her friends and her, she doesn't give me attention at all! If I ask her, she's like - don't cry like a baby! I can't keep talking to you all the time! I don't want her to, but she's just too weird now! Not like how she used to. If I ask her, its just her college she comes up with! Its just too stressed out for her.
July 21st -
I completely break out to her! I get so pissed off, I tell her everything. She is shocked and surprised and feels I am just over-thinking everything, peeking too much attention, expecting too much!! I should get my head checked! That's what she tells me and I actually start thinking the problem is with me, when it very clearly is not! She calls me a kid again and again and again! Like I have to accept things like how they are! I question her asking why she can't be like how she used to be, and she simply says it was exciting in the beginning and now messages, or phone calls or anything is not needed anymore! She tells me her life is just too mundane and there is nothing she has to share with me and she can't really help it if I am peeking too much attention and she can't do that! She is all of a sudden this stubborn who won't change. She accepts she is so full of herself, but that's just who she is.
2 weird weeks pass by, with not many messages at all. Things are worse than ever and she doesn't seem to notice a thing!
August 1st - ( Exactly 3 months) :
Finally we have the talk! She comes up with things like its so weird now. She opens out saying:
* I am peeking too much attention
* She can't be like how she used to be, and she an't change or do anything about it, cause that's just who she is.
* That we are just 2 random people with not many mutual friends, who just jumped into the relationship in 2 months time before trying to understand each other. ( Even though she was the one who persuaded me to ask her out in the first place)
* All I am expecting her to be is like how she used to be, but that is just expecting too much out of her!
* She will continue to be like this and if that's cool with me, we can go on with the relationship.
* And for all of this, the only reason she can come up with is: Life is so much more different now, everything's changed! I can't be the person I used to be!
* I am just a kid, I need to grow up and be a man!
So we decide to take a break! I mean its obviously she who needs it more. She simply tells me let's just give each other time and see what happens. I agree.
I really don't know what to do now. I mean, who's at fault here? Am I not understanding how busy she is, or is she not interested in me like she used to be? Is it just her college or is there something else bugging her?
And Do I still message her and continue to be normal, or should I cut her off for a while and see is she misses me and comes back?
I am stuck in this big situation and Really can't find a way out! HELP!
Untitled