All right... I recently had an interesting conversation with a few ladies on the appropriateness of asking girls out. One topic in particular that came up was Facebook. I am interested in all opinions here as I think this is something that a lot of guys would need help with.

Do you think it is EVER appropriate to ask a girl out via Facebook? Does it make the guy asking the girl out look scared and immature? Thoughts? Post away!

(Not sure if this should have been posted in the "Dating" or "Relationship" section so I posted here instead)

Hmmm... I don't think it's appropriate, but then again I am not a fan of internet dating, I'm a bit old fashioned that way.

Granted I have only ever gone out with 3 guys but I met them all in person and then we decided to go out.

I just think the whole idea seems a bit impersonal, people are not who they seem on the internet.
I can talk about sex on here all day but in person I get rather shy about the subject :o

Let me rephrase. I am saying if you KNOW the girl but just rarely ever see her in person. I am not talking about just randomly finding a girl's profile and then asking her out...

Ooooh OK, now I get you.

That would be OK, I would probably ask if they wanted to catch up for a coffee or something and then ask them in person if they wanted to do something more "datey" like a movie, or even 'coffee in the back seat of the car' ;)

Coffee in the back seat of a car eh... may have to write that one down. Thanks Shazzy! :)

More female opinions will be needed here. This is something I am extremely interested in as I cannot imagine doing this (although I know people that have) and I just would like to know how a female would feel if this happened to her.

You will have to make up a little pie chart to work out all the opinions hehe

But my answer in short is: Yes to a simple meeting.

I have been asked out through Facebook, and though I was flattered, it was kind of a turn off because I would rather be asked in person. Or at least on the phone.

If he had asked me for my number or something on FB, it would be different, because he could call me for a date.

But a message asking for a date? Eh. Not so much.

Here is another issue, and I truly appreciate your time Torrid... I am in the midst of writing a paper on the issues with social networking. So please excuse me multitidude of questions. Now, what if you don't know whether said girl is single. I am trying to find all avenues in which it seems either creepy or just flattering to do this...

If you don't know whether the girl is dating anyone I would assume you ask her? Something like this maybe: "Hey, just thought I would ask if you are dating anyone and if you aren't would you be interested in going out sometime? Otherwise I hope I didn't offend..." I know I am bad at this so please enlighten me.

The entire point of my research is to find a connection and draw a line between rude, too informal and perhaps flat out creepy.

I agree with Torrid13. I wouldn't want to be asked out on Facebook (unless it was someone I was really dying to go out with already... then I wouldn't care!).

I agree with Torrid13. I wouldn't want to be asked out on Facebook (unless it was someone I was really dying to go out with already...then I wouldn't care!).

But you wouldn't mind a guy asking for your number?

But you wouldn't mind a guy asking for your number?

Depends on the guy.

I think there should have been enough back and forth to tell if you have anything in common besides your thinking she's cute. Does she seem to like you or is she just being friendly in a civil kind of way?

These are not meant towards me. As stated before I am doing a paper on social networking (FB in general) and trying to figure out the likelihood of dates occurring and if relationships last... etc, etc... there is a specific class I am taking that revolves around society and the developing of relationships in society.

In the next scenario, if I was the guy I would just simply ask if she was seeing anyone at the moment? In general conversation, that way if she is there is no awkwardness and the conversation can continue.

If the guy came straight out asked "Hey do you have a boyfriend... wanna go out?" sort of thing then I would find it a bit strange, I would want them to know a little more about me first.

My partners I have all met through social connections, they already knew a little about me because friends had told them or I knew them personally through work.

As for the phone number, if I knew the person (an old friend say) Then I would have no problem giving them my phone number in a private message.
If it was more of an old aquintance that I didn't know much about I would be cautious about posting my number over the internet.
If we did end up meeting somewhere it would be a public place, just to be safe :)

Well, if the guy didn't know if the girl was single, it WOULD be creepy if he didn't know her at all. To me, anyway.

There's a lot of threads on here that are like, "I saw a guy/girl, and I really want to meet them!!" It comes across creepy if you hunt them down on FB to ask them if they're single.

However, if you're friends, or even acquaintances, it wouldn't be weird. Maybe a little with the acquaintance, but not too much.

But still, I wouldn't want to be asked out by the medium, unless like Asking said, it was someone I was already really interested in.

If someone messaged me asking if I was single, & I was interested, I would give them my number so they can ask me out that way. FB has a tendency to make things very impersonal, and there's been more than one instance of people hacking into other's accounts and sending messages to people about dates.

I guess I'm a little paranoid about that. So I'd like to keep it as personal as possible.

I am going to take this conversation in another direction as well (but please don't hesitate to comment on the FB thing). Another hot topic is how to read into things... thus trying to tell a girl is into you. There are always obvious signs but what are some of the subtle signs? Most of us guys are afraid to talk to girls and when we do sometimes we have no idea to tell if interest is even there or not... so... what kings of things do you look for as a guy? I am a genious at flirting but, more often than not, I SUCK at actually reading girls.

I think you can always bring up something if the flow of the conversation turns into a casual meeting.
Would I be pumped about some guy asking me out to dinner/movies via Facebook, that is pretty weak. Not nearly as weak as the random text message I got asking for a date. :eek:
I think anything is possible if it follows the flow of a conversation... talking about the new Transformers, wanting to see it, random text about do you want to see it together... not a huge deal to me.
I think it always depends on the level of returned interest as well. If it's a guy you have been swooning for a long time, it doesn't matter how he asks, if you really want to go.

I am going to take this convo in another direction as well (but please don't hesitate to comment on the FB thing). Another hot topic is how to read into things...thus trying to tell a girl is into you. There are always obvious signs but what are some of the subtle signs? Most of us guys are afraid to talk to girls and when we do sometimes we have no idea to tell if interest is even there or not...so...what kings of things do you look for as a guy?

You are in a losing battle there. Most women are just polite, especially with guys they get the vibe is hot on them. I would say that I answer shortly and politely with someone I know is hot on me, but I don't return those feelings.

If I do return an interest, I am watching, light touching gestures, all of his jokes are funny, eye contact, but the answers may still be short.

Ummm... talking about me, most girls will not notice if I am hot to them or not (unless we are at a social setting appropriate for that i.e. a bar or party). So I guess more of a formal situation, work, classroom, that kind of thing. I figured eye contact was a biggie... especially facial gestures eh? Why is it you women always have to play hard to get (most of the time)? :cool:

Eye contact, the going out of the way for a nice lingering touch on the arm or back, laughter. Of course if you are a mystery to her, she won't be to open to you. Women whether attracted or not, don't like to feel like there will be a competition brewing for your attention, so if they don't feel like the center of your current moment, it easy to be misinterrupted as a player. Of course, there are women who love a good challenge, I am not one of them. If he is playing the bar/environment, it loses my interest.

I would find it hard to believe I could EVER be misinterrupted as a player... :cool:

I wish I could tell what women were thinking sometimes as it would make life easier for all of us good guys.

For me, I make eye contact but don't make it a really conscious thing.

The biggest thing I do is make the guy laugh. I can make pretty much anyone laugh, but I do a little happy dance inside whenever I make "the guy" laugh.

Also, I use my traveling experiences & other things to talk to him about. I've been told multiple times I'm interesting, so basically for the first few times, I'll only talk about the things that people in general think are interesting.

And this is going to sound funny, but I can tell when a guy is wearing Axe. I really like the smell of it. So, if I REALLY like the guy, I'll say, "Hey, are you wearing Axe?"

And if he says no (it really doesn't matter if he's wearing it or not) I'll say, "Oh really? Because you smell really good!"

My methods sound cheesy, but believe it or not, they fall for it like no other. Not fall in the sense of that I'm playing them, just they're drawn to me. Haha.

Directness always works with me.
Women don't like the games any more than guys do.
If you have you eye on something, find a way of being direct. I know it's scary, but if you have a decent idea of their personality, most women aren't going to burn you down for a honest conversation. But of course that is my point of view, I have had countless guy friends admit crushes, I have never been mean, simply flattered and if I don't return the interest, I let them know and the friendship typically continues. ::shrug::

I would think it's VERY hard to imagine you ever coming off as a player... must be an assumption we make of bachelors. :)

Why is it you women always have to play hard to get (most of the time)?? :cool:

Lots of reasons.

A lot of guys need very little encouragement before they start being pretty presumptuous in what they say or do. If I don't know you, and I don't want your arm around me in 2 minutes, I'm going to be fairly reserved. Maybe the particular person I'm talking to wouldn't do that but I don't necessarily know that. In general, I'm looking for someone who respects boundaries (without being immobilized by shyness). But that's just me.

If a guy can't engage with a woman at a level more sophisticated than a basic pick up line, then a lot of women are not going to be very interested long-term anyway. If I'm looking for someone who is good at something (anything), then I'm going to hold out for someone who can talk intelligently about something, whether it's roofing, movies, music, or bioinformatics. He has to know something about something and be interested in the world. Most women also want to see a guy who can have a two way conversation, which means listening and responding to what she says, not just him holding forth in a way he thinks is entertaining.

Finally, speaking biologically, female animals (and even plants) are usually choosier about who they mate with than males because they invest so much more--first in the egg, then in the pregnancy and lactation (for mammals). Most people spend more time picking out a house than they spend choosing a restaurant meal. That's because the house is a more important choice. For females, choosing who is going to fertilize her eggs is a very important decision.

For male animals, two things are operating that make them less choosy. One is the possibility of not getting to reproduce at all, a much more likely scenario for a male than for a female. Second, is the opportunity to sire children by multiple females at once. (Of course, females can also hedge their bets by serially mating with different males to decrease the chance of getting a really bad one.) So some males are more worried about the first problem--mating at all-- (and should be faithful) and some males are more worried about the second problem (that is, the President Clinton, Governor Sanford problem).

Women don't necessarily think about those things consciously, but we are kind of hard wired to look for a guy who either has good genes and health (a Clinton) or for a guy who is going to be helpful in child rearing--a good husband and father. Hence we come across as choosier--which a guy may interpret as hard to get. It's not a game though. It is serious.

Another aspect. BOTH sexes show some reluctance at times because that makes them appear more desirable to a prospective partner. This is playing hard to get. Sometimes people do it consciously, sometimes they just don't want to seem "too eager," sometimes it's totally unconscious. It can seem like a game and sometimes it is.

Off soapbox.

Wouldn't bother me at all. Sometimes it's just easier to contact someone online if you don't see them on a regular basis. I see using Facebook and myspace as no different than email. Now, if you ask someone out by posting where everyone else can see it, like a Facebook wall post or myspace profile comment, then you either are confident in the answer, braver than most, or just too stupid to realize you can send a private message to ask the same question.

Nice rant, Asking!

It makes a lot of sense, and it was very informative and entertaining to read. :)