survivorboi
Aug 1, 2009, 02:56 PM
For almost 2 years now, I have been down with social anxiety or social phobia. At home and around my family, I'm fine. But just steps outside of my comfort zone (step out of the door) and I start feeling shortness of breath, uncomfortable chest, and my stomach starts playing games. Doesn't matter if I'm in the middle of attention or not. I can be alone somewhere and I still feel nervous. I try all kinds of exercises, breathing, meditating, writing daily journals, and listen to audios about ways of curing anxiety. It gets better, then it comes back again. So did a lot of research, on how to overcome nervousness, anxiety, and how to become "comfortable" around others. Almost every website I go to, they say I need to go to some therapists, cognitive-behavior therapist...
But I know that my parents can't afford to sent me to some cognitive behavior therapist, if I asked, they won't stand watching me suffer, but they would have to bite down the bills, for me. There is just noway I can afford it myself, I know that they will try to work something out, but I know how that works. Cheap for them is expensive for me.
I use to think that just surfing Google and try to find some help is fine, and that I'll "outgrow" it soon. My parents always tell me that if I'm afraid of social situations, I need to put myself in more of those situations. They believe that if I'm in that situation a lot, I'll sooner or later learn to feel comfortable around it.
I've been feeling very lonely and sad these days. I imagine all the other kids my age running outside and playing all day long, while I'm here trapped inside my comfort zone, trapped like an animal in his cage. I imagine kids my age going shopping, partying, and doing all kinds of fun stuff. Here I am, day after day, inside my room, in front of my computer, afraid of society. I'm afraid to set my foot out of this house. My parents sent me to gyms, thinking maybe that'll help boost my confidence and self-esteem. They get mad at me, they compare me to other kids. The ask me why I'm always inside, alone, why don't I have any friends. They always try to make me go outside more, try to take my computer away from me so I'll start being more social. I've become ripped from going to the gym, but inside I'm still nervous and anxious.
Summer is almost over, school is almost here. Just thinking about it gives me a notch in my stomach, not because I hate waking up at 6:30 every morning and doing homework and all that, but because I have to meet a whole bunch of kids everyday. Thinking of that makes me mad at myself for feeling this way. I just can't help it.
:(
But I know that my parents can't afford to sent me to some cognitive behavior therapist, if I asked, they won't stand watching me suffer, but they would have to bite down the bills, for me. There is just noway I can afford it myself, I know that they will try to work something out, but I know how that works. Cheap for them is expensive for me.
I use to think that just surfing Google and try to find some help is fine, and that I'll "outgrow" it soon. My parents always tell me that if I'm afraid of social situations, I need to put myself in more of those situations. They believe that if I'm in that situation a lot, I'll sooner or later learn to feel comfortable around it.
I've been feeling very lonely and sad these days. I imagine all the other kids my age running outside and playing all day long, while I'm here trapped inside my comfort zone, trapped like an animal in his cage. I imagine kids my age going shopping, partying, and doing all kinds of fun stuff. Here I am, day after day, inside my room, in front of my computer, afraid of society. I'm afraid to set my foot out of this house. My parents sent me to gyms, thinking maybe that'll help boost my confidence and self-esteem. They get mad at me, they compare me to other kids. The ask me why I'm always inside, alone, why don't I have any friends. They always try to make me go outside more, try to take my computer away from me so I'll start being more social. I've become ripped from going to the gym, but inside I'm still nervous and anxious.
Summer is almost over, school is almost here. Just thinking about it gives me a notch in my stomach, not because I hate waking up at 6:30 every morning and doing homework and all that, but because I have to meet a whole bunch of kids everyday. Thinking of that makes me mad at myself for feeling this way. I just can't help it.
:(