So the story goes... When I was a senior in High school I dated a 23 yr old for 3.5 years. I recently ended that relationship. Never felt better. So I'm thinking hmm, maybe ill get a Facebook and meet up with some High School friends since my ex-gf stole all my time and I had moved 40 miles north, etc.

So a girl from HS found me (shes hot as hell by the way) and is super excited that I've got a Facebook and wants to "hang out asap!!". We were decent friends in HS, never hung out after school until day before graduation. She's was a cheerleader, dancer, all that good stuff she flaunted. I did the football thing of course. We're both 21 just to add.

So on Facebook she instant msg's me and we talk for a good hour this way, and after catching up a bit she says, "so theres something ive gotta tell you. Remember the day before graduation when we hung out and went swimming, I really wanted to f@$k you so bad that day but I didnt cause you had a gf." I reply with hey I'm flattered and if I hadn't had a girlfriend then something definitely would have happened.

So a day later, we both are off work and decide to hang out. She has her own place, I sadly moved back in with my parents. So I go over and she cooks me dinner.. we talk.. and as most 21 yr olds do, drink. So we get drunk and talk about a bunch of things. We go for a walk, sit on a bench, I kiss her. I stop after a few seconds then she proceeds to kiss me back, we ended up pretty much hardcore making out and dry humping, all that good stuff =p.

So we walk back to her condo, drink a bit more. She decides to go explore this field bhind her condo she's never been to. So we go with flashlights (its around midnight), and in the field we continue our sexcapade from earlier. So finally when we get back its on, were getting wild. We have sex for a good half hour all over her place (sry if its TMI but I was buzzed to the point where I couldn't climax lol). After were done she's passes out... I ask her if she's okay, she mumbles... confused about her status I just stay by her side till she gets up and gets dressed. We smile at each other then we fall asleep.

The next morning, she's all you should make me breakfast. So I do, I make some sort of parfait. She comes into the kitchen and gasps like "omg we had sex huh??!?!" I give her a look like uhhh, you serious? Now I KNOW we weren't THAT wasted.. She was more then able to walk and climb a fence after our expedition.. So I told her you we did..

Ever since that night (~2 weeks ago) we've been chatting a lot and hanging out a lot. I found out she's a heavy pot smoker. I use to as well but I'm over it now. So I smoke with her a couple times nothing too crazy. We go to a kick back with her friends, play beer bong, she's DD so I get wasted. She takes me to her place, we fall asleep, no action. So the next day were getting lunch and she tells me she wanted to have sex REALLY bad last night, but fell asleep. I tell her well I'm upset we missed the opportunity but can gladly try again later.. we laugh about it.

And now I'm starting to develop feelings for her. And as I'm writing this I'm realizing its probably because of the sex... wow. But I've told her already how I feel and asked her if she feels the same way and she says "you definitely intrigue me but only time will tell".

So I'm in the air because its kind of lame how she's a pot head. But she's fine as hell and we still haven't had sex again yet! I can't tell whether she wants to be friends, be f@$k buddies, or let it play into something more. Since all we've done is hang out so far I think I'm going to ask her on a legit date, or is that wrong? I mean I feel like it would be the grown up and best way to try and start a relationship because that's what I want, especially if it went well. I don't think I could be f@$k buddies, because that's not the kind of person I am. And I have a subtle feeling in the back of my mind that that is all she wants. But it doesn't make sense because we still haven't had sex since the first night we met up... I feel as if every time we hang out I should make a move but I don't want to just f@$k and then it be nothing else.

So should I...
Ask her on a real date?

Continue with its current state, see if someone finally makes a move?

Distance myself and eat these feelings and move on?

Wake up and realize I'm 21 and don't get attatched to every girl I have sex with?



Sigh. I've got guy friends pressuring me to just do a lot of girls and live it up, be single and have fun. But that's not really who I am. And now that I've had sex with this girl, I feel obligated to date her but its funny because I feel she's totally the girl version of what my friends are pressuring me to do... gaaah sorry if I'm confusing I just don't know what to do!

You are WAAAYYYY over thinking this. It's great that you have honor, a lot of people don't now days. But stop putting the pressure on yourself. Just chill. If you don't want to date other people then don't. No one is forcing you to do so. If you only want to date her then take some time to see where it goes. Contrary to every high school romance, not all relationships develop so quickly these decisions are made within a couple of weeks. Slow it down, and enjoy yourself before you drive her off and yourself crazy.

You are WAAAYYYY over thinking this. It's great that you have honor, a lot of people don't now days. But stop putting the pressure on yourself. Just chill. if you don't wanna date other people then don't. No one is forcing you to do so. If you only want to date her then take some time to see where it goes. Contrary to every high school romance, not all relationships develop so quickly these decisions are made within a couple of weeks. Slow it down, and enjoy yourself before you drive her off and yourself crazy.

The more I hang around her the more I realize this girls pretty scandalous. She likes to tell me about the guys at her work and how they always give her their numbers and how she likes to flirt with customers to get more tips... It throws me for a loop and I'm left wondering if I should let her know I'm jealous or just be like whatever lol.. THANK YOU SO MUCH for your input, very much appreciate it.

Now THAT is a prime example of the things you learn the older you get. If you give yourself enough time to get to know a girl before you get exclusive and declare intentions it can save you some anguish later on.

Do you want to date a girl like that? I mean, skanky can be fun for a while, but it gets old FAST. I watched it for YEARS as a bartender. Keep an eye on it and an ear open. You'll see, there are signs that lead you to either want to know more, or leave you thanking the stars that you never got more involved.

Sidenote: On the fly sex when you are drunk isn't exactly smart. 30 minutes drunk is pretty good, but try not to do that, safe sex is what keeps you from making babies with a girl like that, or getting an STD you will have to get treated. Don't do it again!

She is a party girl and if you are looking for something more ,you may be disappointed.

I would ask her out but have no expectations other than having a good time because it seems that is where she is at right now.

Don't go into this thinking you can change her or her habits because that is just wishful thinking.

Go into this with your eyes wide open and enjoy the ride!

This is just my opinion, but this girl doesn't sound like the type you want to be dating.
My advice to you is, to move on and find a better girl. You probably only like this girl so much because you had sex with her and she's "hot as hell", but just think of it like this, you are not the first guy she's gotten drunk with and brought back to her apartment to have sex with, and you will not be the last. This is not the type of girl you want to have as a girlfriend.

Just because you're 21 doesn't mean you need to sleep around, especially if that's not really who you are. I'm 20 years old and not one part of me wants to sleep around with a bunch of guys, it's not who I am either. So it comes down to what you want. Do you want just sex or do you want a relationship? If you want just sex then continue to talk to this girl, if you want a relationship then move on from her and find a better girl.

Indeed sounds to me like a honey trap almost... She sounds nice but only nice looking the person you described sounds like someone who does not have a lot of self control and as you go through the whole single experience its critical you don't get attached to unstable people who can very easily derail you and get you all turned around!She sounds dangerous perhaps staying friends (without benefits) would be a better option.Chill on the hanging out a little and keep the friendship alive. She sounds perfect for you to hang out with as she seems to tick all the other right boxes.

It's interesting to find a kindred spirit here. Your comment at the end, about how you had sex with her and felt obligated to commit further, reminds me very much of myself. I actually said almost the same words about many of my ex girlfriends.

Obviously, since they are exes, it didn't turn out very well, now did it?

You are not obligated to do anything with someone, ever. You are responsible for the choices that you make. If you get someone pregnant, that's another story; if you are out having fun (and being smart about it) then you got to understand that the girl is doing the same thing.

The sooner you accept that BOTH of you chose to have sex, the happier you'll be. If she had wanted to attach any kind of strings to it, she should have said something before you did the deed. And don't go all apologetic and sappy on her, because two things can happen - one, she'll lose all respect for you, try to use you, manipulate your emotions; or two, she'll lose all respect for you, cut her losses, and get you out of her life.

Notice how there's a common factor in both of those choices ;)

You'll be all right, dude. Just focus on your own life and quit being a rebound guy.

~ Tee

Thanks for taking the time to post your opinions. Taking all your advice into consideration. I think for now Im just going to distance myself a bit, and go meet some other girls, because I'm realizing she's definitely not the kind of girl I want to date. It was fun that's for sure and if she were to call me late at night id probably still be done for a little more fun, but that's about as far as I'm going to go with it. I think I got thrown too deep into it because all she wants to do is hang out everyday and she texts me at least 15-20 times a day. It makes me think damn this girl really liked the sex or really likes me lol... And don't you think if it was the sex then we would have done it again by now? Here I go thinking into it too much

Thanks for taking the time to post your opinions. Taking all your advice into consideration. I think for now Im just gonna distance myself a bit, and go meet some other girls, because im realizing shes definitely not the kinda girl i wanna date. It was fun thats for sure and if she were to call me late at night id probably still be done for a little more fun, but thats about as far as im gonna go with it. I think i got thrown too deep into it because all she wants to do is hang out everyday and she texts me at least 15-20 times a day. It makes me think damn this girl really liked the sex or really likes me lol... And dont ya think if it was the sex then we woulda done it again by now? Here i go thinking into it too much

Everything seems new and exciting at first but after a while things start to slow down and you might not feel the same you are right now. Once you get to know her better, she might not be exactly the person you thought she is but you never know if you don't try neh?

I agree with artlady
You need to think this through
Like do you know if you get serious will she still be flirting with other guys
does she have values enough that she can settle and be content with you
With her what you see may be what you get and no changes, no compromises
There is way more to a relationship than sex so you really need to think about if the sex is worth throwing away what you may really want in a relationship

Often once you have sex with somebody you feel a bond and an obligation but if it ain't the right one you need to get out now.

I agree with artlady
You need to think this through
Like do you know if you get serious will she still be flirting with other guys
does she have values enough that she can settle and be content with you
With her what you see may be what you get and no changes, no compromises
There is way more to a relationship than sex so you really need to think about if the sex is worth throwing away what you may really want in a relationship

Often once you have sex with somebody you feel a bond and an obligation but if it ain't the right one you need to get out now.

Well I haven't seen her since High School (over 3 years) so I don't have any idea about her values but from what I'm gathering just hanging out it's that she is a party girl and doesn't seem to have any values as far as settling down. I was quite surprised about how much she's told me she's partied, especially her freshman year of college she said. But also in a way I half expected it because seriously, this girl is beautiful.

Her with her niece (sent me this pic because I have a 1yr old niece too)
>Picture Removed<

by the way ima white guy and she's apparently into white guys lol..

She is really pretty but beauty doesn't make a great relationship.

Um, hun, just a quick note on the pic, if I were her I'd kill you fr posting a pic of me online. You probably shouldn't post pics of people you know without their permission. ;);) Not trying to nag, but it might save you later on.

Um, hun, just a quick note on the pic, if i were her I'd kill you fr posting a pic of me online. You probably shouldn't post pics of people you know without their permission. ;);) Not trying to nag, but it might save you later on.

I have reported it and I am confidant the mods will remove it.Man, somebody didn't put on their thinking cap today! :eek:

LOL if he continues seeing her he is thinking with something other than his Brain.
Hope he really gets it that beauty isn't everything AND can get you led very far astray!

Sorry about the pic, didn't mean any disrespect to her or you guys, I just think she's gorgeous and wanted to share with you guys, since you put your heart into your advice for me. So like I said previously, Im going to slow down on hanging out and meet some more people. It was definitely an awesome experience but I don't really see us going anywhere. She did become a friend that ill keep in touch with though. Thanks again you guys, take care!

Good for you. If she is a partyier like you say you are better off no matter how pretty she is.
You'd only be sharing that beauty with others that she may want to be with.
IF she does love you she will change her ways but people don't change all that easily no matter how much they desire to.

sorry about the pic, didnt mean any disrespect to her or you guys, i just think shes gorgeous and wanted to share with you guys, since you put your heart into your advice for me. So like i said previously, Im going to slow down on hanging out and meet some more people. It was definitely an awesome experience but i dont really see us going anywhere. She did become a friend that ill keep in touch with though. Thanks again you guys, take care!

It wasn't the picture per se but you gave out some very personal and not too complimentary information,very private information that she could sue you for!
You are aware this is a very public site ,with many hits per day.

Good luck in your future and think before you do something silly like posting private pictures :)
She is very lovely!

Okay so. I hung out with this girl again tonight, just got home. We originally planned to go to a mutual friends 21st birthday party but decided to just go get some food. So we went to the diner she works at because she wanted to see some friends. It was super chill! Her friends are awesome and all liked me, we were laughing it up having a good time. I didn't drink since I was driving, so she had a few beers with our meal. So on the car ride back to her place (where my truck is). She tells me that she "thinks" she likes me. And how she's likes me because she's never really had a guy who is there for her and puts her first, which I guess I've been doing since we've been hanging out a lot. And she was even telling me about how her mom and older sister were saying you go girl you deserve a man like that and don't let him get away! So now I'm like hmm... maybe she is still a pretty conserved women like she was in high school... just never had a good boyfriend experience. I found out tonight too that she had dated a guy for a year and a half and broke up with him a couple months ago because he was too involved with basketball and trying to do it in college. So I'm still up in the air... but on a new note, tomorrow I'm going out with a family friends daughter whose my age and is suuuuper cute. And its funny because my mother was doing her moms nails and I was talking about how I'm single now and hinted at her daughter and her status. And her mom laughed and was like " i totally wanna hook you up with my daughter!!" so while I was the diner with the current girl I get a text from the other girl saying to call her tomorrow! Lol I'm just super jazzed and thought you guys would be intrigued because I've been in a relationship since I was 16 and now that I'm 21 and single alllll these girls are getting at me I LOVE it. But I could so fall for current girl(from original post). So... should I date around? Or take it nice and slow with current girl... hmm

IF she is worth keeping you need to PROVE it to yourself. Don't get drunk whether she does or not. Be in control of yourself and the situation. Do not try to control her though.
Watch, give it time and see if she tones it down for you.

My one daughter was a big party girl but in the end she found the right guy and now has a very settled good life. So it is possible. We just don't want to see you getting tangled up with the wrong girl. A bad relationship can be something you end up regretting for years.

A-So should I...
Ask her on a real date?

B-Continue with its current state, see if someone finally makes a move?

C-Distance myself and eat these feelings and move on?

D-Wake up and realize I'm 21 and don't get attached to every girl I have sex with?

All of the above, and think about C, as a later consideration. Enjoy being single but go slow, so the lust doesn't have you making promises you can't keep. You may have to be very honest with her though, and that has its own responsibility.

If you want to date others, be straight up about it, and enjoy yourself.

Threads merged and edited


So this girl I know from high school (we're both 21 now), we kick it almost everyday and I really have a thing for her. We BOTH just ended a long relationship a little more then a month ago. Ive told her I have feelings for her but if we were to date/be in a relationship that it would be really slow, and she even said that's perfect because she's in no rush.. That was about 2 weeks ago I said that and now I'm wanting to go further. But every time we hang out I don't make a move, and neither does she. We've had sex a few times, its very unromantic, which is fine I guess (to be honest my ex was better) but I still really like this girl.

So now it kind of feels like we're turning into friends/f buddys which I don't want. She's a pretty crazy girl.. like for instance this weekend she left for LA (we live in SD) to hang with a GUY friend for the weekend and drink n party. I didn't want to tell her not to go cause id be jealous and that seems lame. And she doesn't seem like the kind of girl to be tied down, especially right now. I have no idea if she flirted or had sex with this guy, but its not really bothering me because I mean, we're both on the same boat 21 and single hehe.

So I know I need to make a move but it just doesn't really feel right if we were to be intimate or hold hands like bf/gf's do. And the past few relationships I've had the girl always made the advances to let me know they want to date and be exclusive. I could see myself being very intimate with this girl but she doesn't really seem like the intimate type. And by intimate I mean cuddle/spoon/hold hands/kiss in public. And I don't want to be f buddys... she texts/calls me everyday to see what I'm up to and if I want to hang out. Im just confused as to what to do =(

You say you want to take it slow but then you had sex. Hpw are you not making a move if you had sex??
That is NOT taking it slow. That only confuses the issues of taking it slow.

Sounds like she is looking for nothing more than you just being another guy that is there for her friends with benefits. You are reading into things much more than she appears to be interested in.

Sounds to me like you didn't feel right about the sex -that it was unromantic with her because that is just what it was --there is no romance in her for you.

No matter how much you want a relationship it just ain't going to happen. You should just tell her that you are interested in more. See what she says and most probably move on.

Threads merged and edited


So I've been seeing this girl almost daily for about a month now. All we do is hang out at her place or mine and watch movies... (and true blood every Sunday :D).We usually just end up sitting next to each other while watching the movie and chit chatting or laughing. About the only thing we've done besides hang out n be lazy is we've had sex twice which we both enjoyed! And I've given her massages on her shoulder, back, arms, etc. a few times during a movie. We are old friends and totally have a thing for each other and talked about it frequently back in the day when we hung out. But I did have a girlfriend at the time and was totally faithful and out of respect for my girlfriend didn't see this girl at all =(

I don't know if I need to make a move and it almost feels like she's in the same boat... (she usually asks for the massage though). We are both are 21 and just ended a long relationship. And normally Id be all over her like I was when I started dating my ex... But I feel so scared to do it with this girl for some reason I can't explain! I can't tell if its because I'm not use to being intimate with another girl so soon? Or maybe I just don't feel the drive for this girl like I have other girls... But she's all I think about and I know I have feelings for her and I can't explain why I haven't just dove into this girl yet who says she loves hanging out with me! Ugh I'm confused hard core with myself right now. I'm a mess and I feel like a coward and for lack of a better word, a female genetalia!


HEELP!!

It sounds like you want to ask her out but you don't want to risk the great friendship you have with each other. Maybe slowly start asking if she is ready to start dating again or something give hints towards that let her know that you are ready to start dating again (when you are actually ready.)
Good Luck :)

Tell her you do not believe in casual sex. This should give her a hint that you are actually intrested in something more serious.

After merging your threads together, and seeing an entire picture, not only have you started becoming attached to this girl rather fast (having casual sex does that sometimes), but she is also feeling single, and free enough to, go visit guy friends for the week end, while you are sitting home "waiting for the courage to make a move".

I think your both just soothing over some hurt feelings from your break ups(rebound), and she recognizes it, but you don't. If I were you, I would do as she does, and balance your life with more than just hanging with one person, or getting into the routine of being with only one person. That way what ever it is your doing with her will not be the only thing you do for yourself, and that attachment you have, will give you a better perspective as to what's really going on, and if you need to make, a move or not.

It seems some communications are in order, and despite your efforts to go slowly, your rushing into this way to fast, because your feelings are leading you without thoughts based on facts, through communications. I doubt she sees things as you do, even if the sex is great, and the massages are the bomb.