My girlfriend broke up with me 4 months ago ( we are both in out 40's for maturity info) I followed ASH123 advice on no contact and in fact we had an amazing warm conversation at the end. She contacted me a month after the break-up via text and said that she needed at least 3 months before she would think about seeing me again. She said she would contact me when she was ready and I said take all the time you want. (Yes, I have been dating and moving on with my life, I am in a great place)
3 weeks ago I was at a store and a text came over my phone asking if I was in the store and I said yes and it was her saying (me too :) I saw you come in.) So she found me in the store and we hugged and said hi for a couple of minutes and I gave her a final hug and said when your ready I would love to hear from you.
A few days ago I was driving and she caught up to me and rolled her window down and said hi to me at a light and I said talk to you soon. So my question is, do you feel like that is contact in the sense that I can call her and ask her out for a hike or lunch or as I kind of feel that she really needs to make that move and call me. I am not trying to play games, just want to do the right thing.

There is standard on how long you should wait before breaking no contact. If she's talking to you again, it means that she's ready. However, the question is, are you ready? Here are signs that you can watch for:

1) Do you feel that you've recovered completely from the break up?

2) Do you still have false hope that you will get back together?

3) Are you over-analyzing all her actions and all the signs?

Until you have recovered from the breakup you should continue no contact. Take whatever time you need before you start talking again. At least now you know she's ready, so you can contact her anytime. If you were meant to be friends, she will still be around when you've finished the recovery process. So there's no reason to rush.


She contacted me a month after the break-up via text and said that she needed at least 3 months before she would think about seeing me again.

She already told you that she needed some time away from you. She could have easily ignored you. The fact that she's talking to you again means that she's done her recovery, whether the 3 months have passed or not.

But like I said, it's not about her at this point, we know she's ready to talk to you. It's about whether you are ready to talk to her again.

I am ready to see her and I do appreciate that list but like I said, is running into me at a store or on the road really an indication that the no contact period is over or just a reaction based on the circumstances. If she actually called me or e-mail me or even said do you want to meet for lunch than I would not be asking this question. It just sounds a bit vague to me but at the same time I don't want her thinking, gosh I said hi to him and he never called or contacted me. Just trying not to push her away.

Seriously, let the girl fight to win you. Else it will just be a one way relationship

I would let her contact you now. Sounds like she will be talking to you soon, give her time, she is coming around. Take it from there, and good luck.

She said I would talk to you soon, you said when you are ready I would love to hear from you. So to me it sounds like you should wait until you hear from her. It seems like she is warming up to the idea to start communication again but I would give it a little more time.

I still don't see a "non contact" period, text after this many weeks, and so on.

And to get over a relationship it can take months of no contact, not weeks.

Like "I wish" said , if you have gotten over her and can have contact without the thought of getting back with her your fine.

IF you have thoughts of getting back with her you should stay NC.

No contact is over when you don't think about making contact. Kind of like waiting until you stop thinking about a white polar bear before you step into your house.

I'm not sure that I would go calling her. Understand that 'no contact' is not a tool for getting someone back, but rather a tool for you to heal and move on with your life and it sounds like you've done that very well. And if you do successfully navigate that obstacle it may eventually make you a little more attractive to your former partner than you were at the time of your breakup. But that doesn't mean that you're destined to be together or that you can just start all over again. You can certainly be friendly and cordial and it sounds like that's just what you've been doing but I wouldn't attempt to take it any further than that. Remember, you broke up for a reason. Even if you didn't fully understand or agree at the time, there was a reason nevertheless. And it's not likely that the underlying issues just magically healed themselves after a few months of no contact.

I have been going to counseling for a few years to just keep bettering myself. One of the main reasons the relationship ended is she said my way of being in the world was just “to big” it was like being with someone were the volume was turned up to 11 (and this does not refer to me screaming,lol) One of many big changes for me was hearing the words, “Have you ever thought that your biggest faults are your grandest assets with the volume turned up just a little to loud.” wow that completely change things for me. Than the other biggie was that I was always looking at what I could get out of a relationship until I learned it should be what you put into a relationship is what you get back. An third I need to love the person because they are living their authentic self and that I should be loved for living mine. I tended to try to change people or myself in the past instead of just staying true to myself and them. These are just a few life changing views and there where quite a few more. I think I at least want to opportunity to tell my ex these discoveries of self as I think it is important for her to see where I am at. Sometimes people need to see that someone is really growing and changing in order to reassess their belief about the relationship. Your thoughts?