I am a mother of a 14 month old daughter. I work full time as a therapist. During my time at work my mother cares for my daughter half-the-week and my mother-in-law the other half. They both watch my daughter in our home. I very much want my daughter to have a good relationship with both sets of grandparents. However, for the past couple of months my daughter seems to have a better attachment with her grandparents than she does with me and her dad. Whenever, the grandparents are present my daughter does not want to have anything to do with us. My husband or I did not have involved grandparents so I do not know if this is a healthy attachment. When they are not around I feel that her attachment to me is what it should be. Is this a healthy attachment? Can she have a secure attachment with me and prefer her grandmothers? I am very sad and worried so please help.

Hi there

Firstly, it must be brought to your attention that the most important bonding, learning and impresional age of a child in between birth and seven years old.

Most of a child's personality is based on this age grouping and it is extremely unfortunate that you aare not around with your daughter during this period of her life.

You are goinf to ned to show much, much, much more loving and caring during this time, if you want your daughter to become attached to you and your husband.

I cannot impress on you more how important it is to have a loving and caring environment for your daughter to grow up in.

I do symphathise with you as there is so many people like you that need to work to keep your head above water. Just do your best...

Lots of love and prays

Regards
Peanuts

I think this relationship is healthy. When I was growing up I loved my grandmother the mostest in the whole world. Every Saturday we would walk to the library and spend half the day there. When I was 13, she had surgery and I packed my bags and moved in with her for the summer to take care of her. My mother and sister would go over there to see me and my grandmother. She is the dearest lady in the whole world. Now, I have a 6 year old son who is the same way with his grandmother. They are the bestest of friends. Grandmothers get to give in more than the parents. They spoil them more. There are less rules. That's because they get to hand them back and go home. So, it is very likely that ANY child is going to want to be with their grandparents. But, we as the parents have to continue with the rules and be the heavy. Just be glad for the children that they have an outlet when they are feeling frustrated by all the rules we enforce. I would rather have my son run to grandma than a gang, any day. Another reason to not only be OK with this relationship but encourage it, is the grandparents will not be around as long as us. When their time comes to pass on, the children will have warm happy thoughts and memories to keep with them for always. Lots of children never get the privilege to know their grandparents. Be glad that yours do.

Hi when ever love is involve any relationship with a kid is healthy. Kids have a great conncection with grandmom cause she is warm and gentle and the child feels safe. Kids need there mom around from birth to 3 to 4 years old to form that wonderful bond that only a mom and child can have. I know in some cases u have no choice u have to work if you're a single parent but in cases were parent are able to stay home with there kid in the early years there relationship is a lot stronger in the later years in life. GOOD LUCK