PDA

View Full Version : Curiosity - Do you compare new person to an ex?


CanIBuyAClue
Jul 28, 2009, 10:36 AM
Just out of curiosity, I would like to hear both the male and female side of this.

Do you ever find yourself comparing a new date / person of interest to your ex?

Obviously if you are not over them I would say probably yes. I am not talking about exes who were abusive (physical or verbal) or any other sort of really bad personality traits. You should be happy to be out of a relationship like that. My question falls more in line with ones where the relationship just kind of ended for no really bad reason (yeah, yeah there's always a reason I know - not cheating, abuse, drug addiction, or anything like that is what I'm getting at). I would think that most people who had a relationship with a great person would try to find somebody better than that person. Do you ever find yourself thinking oh hey, this person is not as funny, good looking, doesn't have as nice a body, doesn't treat me as well, not as smart, etc... when moving on to a new relationship? I would think the goal would be when leaving a prior relationship to find somebody better and not go "down a notch" no? Just random thoughts on the matter that I would like to hear opinions on?

ZoeMarie
Jul 28, 2009, 10:39 AM
You know sometimes it's not about finding someone better or going "down a notch." Sometimes it's about finding someone with more similar interests, that you connect with on a deeper level or that you're more compatible with. I don't think I've ever compared anyone to an ex as in "this guy is better" or "this guy is worse."

jmooney527
Jul 28, 2009, 10:43 AM
I honestly have before... I'm not saying that it's right but I have haha. When I have thought about it, it was only a thought in the back of my head... it was never a driving factor towards any decisions I've made.

Like Zoe said, it should be more about suiting your wants/needs than comparing.

N0help4u
Jul 28, 2009, 11:03 AM
It is natural to compare but when it hinders your relationship or make it a conscious thing you dwell on that is not healthy.

Romefalls19
Jul 28, 2009, 02:58 PM
Nohelp is right, it's natural to compare. Personally, I have compared my ex to my fiancé, things are always better. Some examples are freedom and trust. If it starts hindering your relationship, you need to take a step back and examine things.

CanIBuyAClue
Jul 28, 2009, 05:06 PM
Good input. Yeah I was thinking along the lines like if I broke up with my girlfriend, or vice versa would I constantly be trying to get somebody better than her in every aspect. And then realize that oh maybe what I had was really good, oops. I would say that it is something that enters my head (finding somebody better), and to be totally honest part of it would be to have the satisfaction of "showing them off" proudly that you found somebody better. :)

s_cianci
Jul 28, 2009, 05:13 PM
When the relationship "just kinda ended for no really bad reason " as you say, then there's really no basis for comparison. On the other hand, when looking back on various "red flags" that were or should have been noted, then certainly you want to learn from that and avoid those like the plague in the future.