I'm seven months down the road of a break up and getting there. This site has really help a lot and the advice given to people is great.

I'm starting look forward but sometimes things to get a bit much and there are nagging questions. A question I would ask is. Should you, if possible and if you have doubts about someone's relationship history make a judgment on wheather you should let yourself get involved with that person.

I'm nNow finding out my ex has cheated on past BF / Husband quite a bit.

So the reason I ask is my ex who is now 40 has been engaged about 5 times and married once. On all occasions she broke off the relationships and always has someone to move on to. Although I don't know about physical affairs she does set things up with someone while in a relationship ( which is cheating as well). Her marriage suffered because she got friendly at work with a guy but claimed not to have an affair. Her husband did not want a divorce but she did even though they had very young children. One poor guy sold his house moved in with her and the kids and also got engaged again. She booted him out after again getting friendly again with an ex and going back for a brief period.

Most of her relationships have been with people at work. She tries to maintain friends with her ex's but has no respect for them. More than happy to show off a new guy even just after dumping someone (that was me who got dumped-she left me for new guy)

About 3 years after her divorce she also brought her ex husband as a plus 1 guest (one of the rare times on her own) who wanted to get back with her to a works function but flirted and chatted up another guy in front of him. He made a bit of a fool of himself but she did humiliate him a bit.

I just wondered is it right to not pre judge and go into relationship with open mind hoping things will be different and perhaps they have changed or do you make note of the warning signs and stay away?

I will say I did not know most of this before I went into the relationship 4 years ago.

I clearly do not feel that this woman is to be trusted - ever. She lines up her next "victim" before she sheds her present one. If you would just step back and really, really look at her past behavior you would hopefuly be able to see what a manipulative woman she really is. And taunting her present victim with her newest victim is pure sadism on her part. She has no heart or is incapable of loving anyone including herself. Please steer clear of her and you will hopefully miss a lot of heartache and a lto of money squandered trying to impress her.

I normally say do not care about partner's past, since you cannot control it.

However, in her case, she clearly has a very bad pattern to use & abuse people for her own needs, and have no ground rules or respect for others. I will run away fast if I am you. She is not worth it. People do not change. Find someone decent for your future. Good luck!

When considering getting serious with someone you do need to learn about their relationship history. It may be necessary to dig and pry a little bit. Of course, ultimately, you're at the mercy of her honesty and truthfulness (unless her family/friends are willing to volunteer information, and pumping them may not be such a bad idea either.) And don't let common sense go out the window. Any woman who's been engaged 5 times would give me the willies, that's for sure and I very much doubt that she and I would last too long. That should be a red flag to anyone who's not blind, deaf and dumb.

Thanks for you replies guys and Cianci your right I did ignore some warning signs as I went along. I can see, hear and speak too.

I am stearing clear.

It was a lesson learned. When I think back she would even get jelous of attention I gave to her children espeacially on holiday when I played ball games with them. Not shout or anything but get moody and sulk. I would ask her to join in but she was not interested.
I see this now after taking a step back. She wasn't like this to start with though it was as time went on. Suppose her true colours started to surface as the relationship progressed.

Her new guy left his wife and kids after an affair with a women. So she may of found someone who is a match.

That's the hard part of dating someone. Sometimes they only let you see what they want you to see. Then you're falling for the "fake" them.

Count your blessings that she is no longer a part of your life. She has some real issues.

Yes, I think it is very important if not necessary to be open and share mutual relationship experiences. That's how you get to know someone.

People like this make me sick. Impossible to see it coming too because of course they won't advertise their m.o. They also tend to know exactly how to get people to fall for them. Unfortunately, that's the only part of relationships they are good at. I would love to see a study done on people like this so that hopefully we could identify a few common denominators. If we could dry up their resources through educating potential victims; perhaps we could elicit a change in their behavior.

The past can never be ignored, but there is a difference between repeated offenses with no recent changes and one time mistakes or evidence of emotional maturing.

[QUOTE=inertia;1885674] Impossible to see it coming too because of course they won't advertise their m.o. They also tend to know exactly how to get people to fall for them.

That was true it was bit like going out with DR Jeckle to start with and ending up with Miss Hyde.