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View Full Version : How do I tell him I want to wait for him?


brittie_xoxo
Jul 24, 2009, 05:21 PM
My name is Britney. I'm a happy 17 year old. I was just in an awesome relationship. But then he brokeup with me. He moved to Mississippi and he's really really busy with going to work and college and trying to spend time with his dad; which he never got to spend a lot of time with. But the reason why he brokeup with me was because well he was going to be really busy so it would be hard for him to put effort into a long distance relationship since you always have to add extra since you're so far away and you don't get to see each other often. He also said because I'm to dependent on him and I need to become independent on my own. I feel like I emotionally depended on him because I have a VERY bad relationship with my mother and father. They're divorced. My dad never comes around or calls me but he pays my cellphone bill. My mother tells me she hates me and wishes I was never born. Which is something I have to listen to everyday. I feel that subconciously I saw my boyfriend as my dad; not in a creepy way but in a filling in the empty hole in my heart way. So not only did my boyfriend have to be my average boyfriend but he also had to fill in the extra gaps. Like paying extra attention to me and all those other things like being my complete support group. I also have really mean friends. So yea no friends, no mom, no dad. The way he talks to me and stuff shows me he still cares and loves for me and if I become more independent on my own he'll try being with me again. I asked him today if what me and him had was real and he said: Yes I cared about you and loved you but I felt sort of turned away by your dependency. The night before I told him I wanted to continue on being apart and one day when he comes back up to visit his mom if he'd like to hangout or sort of go on a date and he said: I can see that as a possibility. He's the love of my life and I know it for a fact. Me and him have experienced everything pretty much together. We're each others weirdo and we watch all the same shows together like bestfriends yet we have a passion of love for each other.

2nd part-
Since then the other day I told him that I appreciated all the things that he has done for me and that I still loved him and I always will. I also told him that I got plans on being independent. I also found out that what me and him had was real. I know he's not faking it because he's gone "crazy" over me before in front of my eyes. This is what he said to me the other day in one of the messages:
"Brittany, I think time apart is a good thing. Little messages and stuff will just feed your dependency. The sleeping and eating thing are normal, the way it has worked best for me is to not talk for a while then after a while start talking again. It's just whats best for you and me right now."

So far, does the outcome for me and him look good?
Do you think there's a possibility of me and him back together once his busy days become less busy and I gain my independence?

I know you can't predict the future, you must take what comes.
I'm looking to see if someone else sees this possibility by what's going
On so far.

Me and him rarely ever fought. We never really had problems.

I would just like some tips or support from all of you.
I'll accept any way you can help me.

brittie_xoxo
Jul 27, 2009, 11:17 AM
Me and my boyfriend brokeup after 11months. We brokeup because he moved to Mississippi and his life would become to busy to put effort in a long distance relationship, with college study work and spending time with his dad. He also said my emotional dependency sort of made him not like me. He knows I'm trying to become more emotionally independent and he wants me to. We had the best relationship ever; being like bestfriends but being attracted to each other. I want to tell him I want to wait for him but I don't know how. I'm afraid he'll think if I wait for him I won't become emotionally indepenedant; but deep in my heart I know I will.

How can I tell him I want to wait for him but I'll become emotionally independent?

MissRissa
Jul 27, 2009, 11:20 AM
Well, first you should work on actually being emotionally independent. This kind of worries me because all though you want to wait for him, you don't know if he'll wait for you and that could really get you hurt. For now, I'd say focus on yourself and then when you do become independent, I have a feeling that you'll figure it all out. But just remember it doesn't happen over night, it takes time. Good luck! :)

brittie_xoxo
Jul 27, 2009, 11:23 AM
Well, first you should work on actually being emotionally independent. This kind of worries me because all though you want to wait for him, you don't know if he'll wait for you and that could really get you hurt. For now, I'd say focus on yourself and then when you do become independent, I have a feeling that you'll figure it all out. But just remember it doesn't happen over night, it takes time. Good luck! :)

Me and him decided not to talk for awhile and it's really helping me. I've also been writing in a journal and it helps me a lot. When we brokeup I asked if he was wanting to date other people and he said he was not wanting to date other people and that right now he wouldn't even have the time.

brittie_xoxo
Jul 27, 2009, 11:51 AM
Me and my boyfriend brokeup after 11months. We brokeup because he moved to Mississippi and his life would become to busy to put effort in a long distance relationship, with college study work and spending time with his dad. He also said my emotional dependency sort of made him not like me. He knows I'm trying to become more emotionally independent and he wants me to. We had the best relationship ever; being like bestfriends but being attracted to each other. I want to tell him I want to wait for him but I don't know how. I'm afraid he'll think if I wait for him I won't become emotionally indepenedant; but deep in my heart I know I will. When me and him brokeup I asked him, what is it you want to date other girls? & he said no. His life would be to busy right now to date other girls anyway.

How can I tell him I want to wait for him but I'll become emotionally independent?

I wish
Jul 27, 2009, 12:10 PM
Like Rissa said, it's not healthy to wait for someone if that person doesn't want for you too. You would be setting yourself up for a huge disappointment. Focus on moving forward with your life.

Maybe one day you will find each other again. Things have a way of coming around. But don't hold your breathe because something things don't turn out the way we plan.

It's better for you to keep some distance from him for a while. Work on your personal issues, such as being too emotionally dependent. I'm glad that writing in a journal helps. Keep taking steps to improve all the time.

Torrid13
Jul 27, 2009, 12:20 PM
I wouldn't tell him you want to wait for him; you will most likely be setting yourself up for heartache.

Like the others said, continue working on being emotionally independent, and just live life. You'll probably find someone even better when you least expect it.

tmb08
Jul 27, 2009, 12:27 PM
Don't!
Trust me, showing a guy that you can't be without him makes you look weak. Have you ever heard the song "fight like a girl" take into consideration what all it means. And be honest with yourself, the chances are you won't end up together again unless he comes back. Long distance relationships VERY RARELY work out. It would be different if you had been together for years. There are PLENTY fish in the sea hun. If he's not willing to make it work in the first place, he's not worth it. Believe it or not, there are better guys out there.

HelpinHere
Jul 27, 2009, 04:58 PM
I'll have to disagree with tmb's first point.
Speaking from personal experience, having a girl "wait" for you won't make them seem weak. In fact, it may make them look at you as committed and a futuristic goal-setter. As far as I am concerned, when I was told I'll be waited for, it made me feel special too! :D

I'll reference you a song too: I'll wait for you - Joe Nichols (I think)


Anyway, on to your question:

How can I tell him I want to wait for him but I'll become emotionally independant?

I think just telling him "after we both have gotten our lives straightened out, wanna give 'us' another shot?" would be an appropriate way to go about telling him that.

Good Luck! :)

MissRissa
Jul 28, 2009, 12:07 AM
Writing in a journal is a great way of letting out a lot of emotional pain!