I was in a relationship with this guy for almost 6 months last year. We got into it quickly, with him sleeping over every night and living three houses down from each other. Then he broke up with me twice.. the first time, he called me the night after and begged for me to take him back, saying he made a huge mistake and that I mean a lot to him. I was totally in love with him, so of course I went back to him. That didn't last long before he broke up with me again, stating that he didn't care as much about the relationship as I did and that he didn't want to keep stringing me along. I was heartbroken and really thought he was the one. I started to move on and date other guys when he got ahold of me after not talking for 3 months stating that he missed me and if I wanted to hang out. Since then, we've been "seeing" each other approx. a couple times a week.

He pulled me back in as soon as we started hanging out again and my feelings for him started back up in no time. I'm still in love with him, and I know he has feelings for me as well. However, he told me straight up that he didn't want a relationship because it's too stressful and he's a busy person between working full time, going to the gym everyday, and hanging out with his buddies. I was OK with that just because I was so glad to have him back in my life. It's been almost 6 months since we started hanging out again and we've just gotten closer and closer. We just have the best time when we're together and by his actions when we're together, I can tell that he likes (loves?) me.

Since we've been so close lately, I just recently brought up the subject of a relationship again. He immediately said he thought that "all the cards were out on the table" and that he didn't want one in the foreseeable future. But admitted that we're pretty much dating/together without the label. He doesn't want me hanging out with/dating other guys and says he wouldn't and hasn't seen other girls (which I believe because we're in the same group of friends and I would find out about it in no time, and he is just a busy guy). He gets mad when I "flirt" with other guys (which I really don't). He said that even though he hasn't exactly told me that he has feelings for me, he's been showing it by us 2 hanging out a lot and he'll put his arms around me when we're together in public and stuff like that, pretty much how a boyfriend would act. He'll just do cute things like kiss me randomly or pull me close to him. Basically, he says you can have feelings for someone without being in an actual relationship.

But even though we have a great time together, he doesn't want to hang out much (usually about twice a week). He thinks that if we hang out more then I'll see it as a relationship and start to expect more from him, and he doesn't like having to "report" to anyone about what he's doing all the time, he likes being alone sometimes and doesn't have time to commit to me like that anyway. He thinks that a relationship would go downhill quickly and he likes how it is now, and that it's "new and fresh and exciting" because we don't hang out a whole lot. I'm not a busy person and get lonely a lot, which makes me depressed when he's not around and by the fact that he won't talk to me for a few days at a time. The way I see it, if you really like someone, wouldn't you want to talk to them and hang out with them as much as possible? But I just can't believe that he doesn't have strong feelings for me, and all my friends see it too and say that he loves me and just don't understand him.

The relationship that we did have last year wasn't great, but I don't think that he believes that it could be different this time. I think he's scared of a repeat of last time. And I'll admit that it was stressful because he's a busy person and I'm not and I just wanted to hang out with him allll the time, which he didn't want. We spent way too much time together and I got mad when he wanted to do things without me and got jealous a lot.

I don't know if I keep seeing him like we are now or should I just end things completely? He is really confusing me. I wonder if he'll ever want a relationship again and if I'm just wasting my time waiting for him. I know I would become even more depressed if I just ended things with us because I would NEVER be with him (as opposed to a couple times a week). I really love him and think about him all the time and have faith in us, but maybe he's right and maybe it's just not the time for a relationship now. Does it sound like he'll come around or should I just break things off? Yes, we do usually sleep together when we hang out but he says he's not just using me for sex and got offended/mad when I asked him- but does it sound like it? I just need some advice...

Thanks so much for any help and sorry this was so long!

It sounds like you are in a relationship with him now--his ways, his terms. Your pushing him for more is only going to push him away. So I'd say you have to go with the flow and take it as it comes good or bad. Or else you have to decide that you want somebody that is going to commit and leave him.

It sounds like he comes AS IS

To me it does sound like he wants you but doesn't really want to date... like more friends with benefits I think he just wants a girl he can mess around with and then just leave you when he finds a new girl. Hun just move on. I know its hard but once he knows you moved on.. he will try even more to try and get you. Maybe he will realize that you are the one he wants.