I am a 35yr old single mother of three, 15, 5yr boys and 4 year old girl. My husband passed away two years ago after one day illness. I have never liked being alone. Actually I don't remember ever being out of a relationship since my first date. The last two years have been torture for me. After a year of mourning I decided to start dating with the hope of settling down. I find that I am so scared to get involved sexually because I fear contracting HIV and my children are so young and need me since I'm the only surviving parent. The use of protection is not so easy with men here. I would like to get tested and get married, I don't enjoy chasing. Dating game is just not easy for me. I have tried internet dating but most men either want internet sex after a few chats. The few that are willing to meet me end up wanting to meet me in their bedrooms or hotel rooms... never over dinner. Yes I know men like sex and I am willing to give that but I don't want to jump from one man to another. I just want to get married, love, be faithful and that's it. Is it ever possible for one to get someone who just once commitment and love. Can I get married now without having to go through the trumour of dating 50 men before I meet the right guy. And if you say I can date without sex, it's a challenge to convince most men of that. I enjoy sex but not with just everyone.

I want to make sure I'm understanding this right. You want to get married now to mr right. But you don't want to have to look for him. Correct? I think that's what everyone looking for mr right feels like.
If a guy can't let you get to know him before getting into bed with him, he's not worth your time. And you may have to talk to a lot of guy's before you find one that is willing to wait. That's just how it goes.

First you have to take your time and find the right one. You are off to a good start recognizing that any man who wants you to meet them in their bedroom or hotel room is not marrying quality.
Try a more reputable place to meet guys.
E harmony is suppose to be more reputable.

If you meet a good decent reputable family man type of guy that is looking for a good relationship chances are you don't have to worry as much if he has HIV although there is always the possibility.
I think it still can take 6 months from the time of sex to find out if you do have HIV.
Maybe you could let the guy know that it is a phobia with you and you want to get checked.

Basically you have to learn trust because some people even in a great marriage cheat so you HAVE to go with your heart and trust and pray for the best

Slow down some! Loneliness can make us jump into things and make crazy decisions sometimes.

It is indeed a great thing you can recognize a scumbag that just wants your body; that'll save you a lot of heartache in the future!

Like N0help said, try going to a more reputable place to meet a man: this can eliminate a good amount of shady dealings, but still, always keep your eyes open!

But remember, finding someone to spend the rest of your life with takes time. You can't rush love, especially marriage. I know it's difficult, but try to keep yourself busy (besides with stuff with the kids) with things you like to do. Be happy with yourself instead of depending on someone else for happiness!

Everything will fall into place, the way they are meant to be.

What do your kids think of their mom dating??

Note to that Hiswill is not in the USA
What country are you in?

I don't really know the law in your part of this earth. Is it not possible for Selina to give away the 3 year old and still have visitation rights? I wish both parties did not have to be selfish. It is difficult for any mother to totally give away a child. The bond at birth can not be explained. Can the foster parents not agree to let Selina see the child maybe once or twice a year. That way the child is not deprived of either the good life or some sort of a relationship with his biological mother. But all the same God will prevail. Please let me know what happens.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adoption/three-year-old-son-being-adopted-375562-2.html

Don't know if that will have any bearing on what answers to give or not.

Thank you all for your great advice. Its just a lonely world out here. Im in South Africa. Unfortunately I'm not so outgoing so the only possible place I could meet a man besides the net is Church or the work place. Im an HR person and enjoy interacting with people in business, but socially I can't stand crowds. It could be the African upbringing also, where you don't go out looking for men, you wait home and hope they one day knock on the door. I enjoy my children's company but I just need a friend, companion, someone I can relate to about more serious issues in life.

Okay so you aren't in any strict culture or anything. That is good. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders just don't ever let ANY guy get over on you.

I hear you, I never really had any adults I could relate to when my kids were growing up and it can get to be lonely and make you want to cry.

The things you are describing aren't things that you can make happen at will. And it is possible to be single and still be happy ; after all, look at me! That's not to say that I would pooh-pooh the idea of being with someone, in fact, it'd be very nice if I were. But I can be happy regardless and that's the point. And I would be very careful about indiscriminately jumping into the sack with any old Tom, Rick or Harry. I know you already know that but your thread kind of suggests you're willing to go to just about any length to find what you think you want. You've been through the whole courtship and marriage routine once before so you have some experience to fall back on. Remember, you want to marry a man who loves you and who you love in return. Getting married just for the sake of being married is bad news.

First it is just hard, I am a single father of a 8 year old and dating is almost impossible, unless my 8 year old is part of the "family" style date.

And if they want sex on the first date ( unless you are in to that of course) just laugh at them and cross them off the list. Obviously you are either looking for men in the wrong places and/or your online profile ( assume you are using some dating sites) suggest things you are not.

So be very forward in your communication that you have morals and sex is not a option till you establish a long term relationship, that will weed out 99 percent of online daters, ( a lot of them married anyway and just lying to you)

Next men not wanting to use protection, leave them laying in bed if they don't, you carry a condom with you, if and when you decide to have sex. If they don't use it, they don't get it, period and be firm.

Next if you are meeting men in hotel rooms and bedrooms I have to say, you are not what you are claiming, since if you don't want this type of relationship, you just don't do that.

Make sure that men know what you want, a long term relationship, make sure they know you have children.

And then you find a lot less trash to mess with.

I do find it funny, men are normally expected to accept women with children, be a great step dad and so on, We often put down men who don't.

But I have had the issue myself, as soon as a women finds I have a son, it is well I am not going to be another mother, and poof they are gone.