Can anyone define who or what is a user in a relationship, do people actually set out to attach themselves to somebody as a means to an end of something...

"Users" are trolls that prey on the kind-hearted and even the most intellectual beings. They can range from being beautiful to completely atrocious, yet they have an enticing aura about them that makes the irresistible to fellow humans in general.

These flighty creatures like to tell a person how special they think that person is, and how they will love them forever, of course on the condition of material and/or sexual favors. These beings have no shame, and once the kind person that is fulfilling their desires runs out, they quickly kick them to the curb and find someone else to prey upon like a leech.

Some "user" trolls can be easily spotted: "gold diggers" & "players" are common names. However, beware! Some "user" trolls are very cunning, and sometimes it's almost too late before they are spotted! So be sure to keep your eyes OPEN. They exist in all countries and languages!

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They are everywhere. But so are good people!

Read my post.
I was just dumped by one.

Wish I knew then what I know now...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-wants-breakup-after-5-years-359578.html

Does your question relate to this,
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/friends-more-376134.html, or is this just a general question.

This is just a general question...

How do you get over being taken advantage of by a user?

Maybe you can elaborate a bit more if this is your experience.

I cheated in my last relationship but told my ex and she was hurt pretty badly, although the relationship didn't end. It went on for another two years with her cheating on me in the last year and me forgiving her but she kept at her hidden agenda even though she was still with me and I was trusting that she wasn't. She then left me in the new year.

I would cook clean do everything in my power to make sure she was okay, she even once told me in the car that as soon as she gets the chance, she is going to leave me, months passed and she still stayed in my bed and shared incomes and then bang, just like that, she tells me she needs time...

She wouldn't be with me if I didn't tell her I loved her in the beginning of the relationship, and at one point I refused and she left, it was a week later when I was hurting over my own issues that I called her and told her I realized I want to be with her and so I love you.


She dropped out of university because she was over weight and planned on having gastric bypass surgery, it wasn't till 3.5 years in being together did she end up having the surgery and not less then 4 months later did she leave me cold.

Cheating & hidden agendas aren't a good recipe. Even though you tried to make amends.

"As soon as she gets the chance"? And "If you didnt say you loved her at the beginning"

That's all too twisted.

Doesn't sound like you were for her. Be glad for that. Move on & never contact her or speak to her. Let her use someone else. She doesn't know what she wants, but wants you when it works for her.

What was good about this?


So, once she got skinny, she was on the prowl again...

Shows who she really cares about.

How do you think I feel, I never had a girl love me or give me everything, spend the nights, live together, gave me her checks... visited family,,

Dude, I know.

But, she deep down isn't exhibiting the things that a healthy relationship is made of. She sounds incredibly selfish.

I am in the process of getting over an ex girlfriend you is one of the most self absorbed people I have ever met. She used me, I gave & gave, taking away so much of myself. She never really wanted me & I hung on (even with the good times, family, etc.. )

She had me pegged, studied me and when she figured out how to put the final dagger in, she did.

All I got was after 5 years was "I want to be single" After 4 or 5 days, I went no contact & haven't spoke w/her since.

This has been one of the toughest things to do & try to get over because you feel so used.

My advice is to work on yourself, give yourself time. You will start to recognize her traits, accept them & hopefully use that knowledge so this never happens again.

When you give & don't get back, something's really wrong.

Sure ; happens all the time. And actually you yourself just provided a very good definition of a "user" ; someone who befriends someone else as a means to an end, the end usually being a selfish one at that.

sure ; happens all the time. And actually you yourself just provided a very good definition of a "user" ; someone who befriends someone else as a means to an end, the end usually being a selfish one at that.

Exactly

A user - Someone who is only out for themselves. They are only concerned with getting what they can and do not considered others feelings

From what you said it doesn't sound like she necessarilly used you. It sounds like circumstances got out of control and her feelings and actions changed.
She may have never gotten over the fact that you cheated on her and wanted you to feel the pain of being cheated on.
Sounds more like revenge than using you.

Then she got her surgery and decided she wanted to move on. Unfortunately some people will dump you when they are at a point in life when they think they can do better.
Again I don't think it is using you but more disregarding your feelings for her own desires.

She was using you by staying when she knew she was no longer in love with you.