I have the feeling most of the people in this board are much younger. Me and my ex are 45 and 36. I have been married, divorced, 3 kids. She never married, 2 relationships of 5 years each.

We both are foreigners in the country we live in, and both work out of our homes. We fell in love 6 months ago, but are dealing with a lot of trust issues and get in unagreements, where she responds to ignoring me. That drives me nuts, and I then overreact by becoming angry, impacient etc.

After she broke up with me 2 times, now I broke up with her. I then explained my reasons to her in an email, but I put it like "here are some tips for your next relationship"

I am still very very much in love with her, but do not know what to do. I went NC a month ago, and now she sent me a mail about some work related issue (I am helping her exporting something of her company through an agent of mine)

What can I do? I know about the NC thing, but I think in this case it is really confusion, fear because of previous hurts (exes) etc.

Thanks for being here!

You've already broken up several times. If you haven't fixed the problems that caused you to break up the first few times, then nothing will change IF you get back together (i.e. you will end up breaking up again).

The two of you had your good times. Then you had your bad times and have given each other many chances, but it didn't work out. It happens. You even made a list of things that you learned. So you're in a better position for your next relationship. So go out there and meet new people.

As for the no contact rules. If you can't block her out completely, then just keep the conversations as short as possible and nothing unnecessary.

So you have broken up 3 times already. That's enough, let her get her advice about business from someone else and YOU cut all contact and heal.

No shame in a relationship not working, the shame is thinking You can make it work by changing her. No WAY!

Never mix business and pleasure. Stop this game playing, sure some people on this board may be younger, but everyone has fallen victim to playing games. Put a stop to it!

You're just digging yourself a hole with the "giving her business advice" thing. She can get help from someone else, and you can live a life full and happy without her!

The more you prolong the effects of the breakup, the longer it will take you to get over her! Keep yourself busy, ignore her emails, and find someone that is willing to talk through problems and fix them rather than ignore them!

Great to hear from you all! I read through 650 pages of your advise, and some of you I feel I know very well already, that is why I signed up here.

I have to tell a bit more. Our first "break up" lasted about 5 minutes. The second breakup wasn't really a breakup, but it was a fase of her ignoring me. I then sent her a very nasty email, frustrated of her ignoring me etc. it was hurtfull, I later apologized but I think she still has that incident in her mind, but it led to her punishing me a lot, basically by completely ignoring me. However, after our first break, she later confessed to me that she had been thinking of me 24 hours a day and hating me for not contacting her. I actually did the "Magic of making up" thing (including the handwritten letter haha) and it worked.


This last breakup I did, because we had agreed not to threathen breakup at a fight anymore but to communicate... and she did again, so I had to break up. I did not do any nasty stuff this time, although I did try to contact her twice right after breaking up, of course with the expected results, and now after NC she contacting me.

I have shared custody of my kids, which means I am on and off 2 weeks every month. I move 500 km away then. I can understand it must be hard on her, as on me.
Anyway, just venting. She is French, I am Dutch, we both are half Spanish and live in Spain. The French are particularly proud and stubborn. She is! The 50% of the time I am here, she lives at just 500 meters from me, it is impossible for me not to drive by her place... pfff stalking at 45! As she took me back the first time, I now have a hard time to let go, because I figure she'd take me back again.. makes sense? The first time she said many things to deter me and was totally 100% clear in letting me know that she would NEVER go back with me, but hey.. it happened anyway.

I feel that she is fighting to get away from me, because she figures that at 36 she MUST find a guy that gives her the opportunity to still have a kid (ofcourse to me she said she wouldn't want kids) but probably she does not really understand what relationships are, and what it takes to make them work. She is a princess, that is what she calls herself also.

I don't know how come that she has cought me by my b***s so firmly, I am glad I can vent here, and will try to detach as much as possible to let us figure this all out. Will keep you posted and agree on NC to heal.

It doesn't matter how short the break ups were the frist two times. The fact is, you have a huge rift and it caused the two of you to strongly consider breaking up. That means there were a lot of problems in the first place. Even though you got back together, it doesn't seem like the problems were getting repaired. No progross = no relationship.

Sounds like you're on track on the recovery process though. Having a child together definitely makes things more complicated. You will probably continue to have dealing with her in the future regarding your child. But in that case, once again, keep the conversations to a minimum and nothing unncessary until you've healed from the breakup.

Thanks I Wish for you input.. . but we do not have a child together! She has no kids, I have 3. My point was that I think she wants to find a single guy who wants to marry and have kids with her, instead of staying with me who already has kids etc. so let her head prevail over her heart.

For whatever reason, a partnership that has a break up as a solution to the problem, is a big red flag to somebody is not that committed to working for a resolution.

I think it comes down to you seeing that, and letting this go. Clearly what you want, and what she wants is very different.

It doesn't matter any more what she wants. What matters is what you do for yourself about what you want. That takes making your own decision about reconciling your own head and your heart, realizing your heart is to hurt to be reliable.

No contact is your best solution.

She sent another mail, very businesslike about the deal I am presumably working on... She drives me crazy, I am having a very bad day today and doing all kind of stalkerish behaviour, I have to stop my mind from spinning!

Can you allow someone else to help you handle her file? You need to minimize all contact or anything related to her.

It is amazing. I just got informed that the business we are working on together is going to materialize! So I am going to sell a product of hers in a third country through a distributor of mine. We are both going to make money off that. Mmmmm might spend that on our wedding? Haha

Can you allow someone else to help you handle her file? You need to minimize all contact or anything related to her.

Thanks I Wish, but that is impossible, we both work alone. Actually right now I feel up again, because in a way it is funny that this is working out. I know the odds are not in favour of the relationship, but you never know. The most important thing is to control my emotions and not turn her in some kind of goddess but see things as they are. I am 9 years older (but wiser?? ) so I should be able to handle myself.

Thanks for being here guys/girls will keep you posted.

Her emails with information keep coming. She could easily have done it without me, by just forgetting about my market, but she used is as a way to keep in touch. I am fighting the urge to call her. In the end I broke up the last time. But I see no signals from her that invite me to do more than just work on the deal. Anyway, I am now in my kids town, 500km away for a couple of weeks, and feel more detached. But obviously, as I am writing to you here, I am still busy with her in my head. I am afraid to loose her if I do not contact, that is what my heart says, my head says, do not contact her yet, let her think think think also and if there really is a sound intention to try to make it work it will show... so I lay low.

No contact is tough today... guess I have to hang in there... what if she misses me also and we are in a Mexican standoff??

I am fighting the urge to call her. In the end I broke up the last time. But I see no signals from her that invite me to do more than just work on the deal.

Your in a weak moment magnified by a business contact from her. Don't give in to your mind playing tricks on you.

I am fighting the urge to call her. In the end I broke up the last time. But I see no signals from her that invite me to do more than just work on the deal.

Thanks T, for being on my thread. I feel that she contacted me about the possible "deal" is her way of contacting me again, like saying: OK, I know I told you to leave me alone after you dumped me, but I've been thinking... etc.

I really think that is a real possibility. No clue how to act on it. I can play along, like I am doing now, just answering her questions, I could also tell her something like: Look, I am interested in a relationship with you, to build a future, but prefer not to have you in my life as a friend or businesspartner...

I can of course also just bluntly keep ignoring her, we will eventuall both move on but will not have answers.

I know this might sound hard headed, but I feel very strongly still. Maybe also a French girl reacts differently than an American girl? Not very direct but based on hinting?

I have been accused of being blunt myself, and I can tell you, just me, I have no trouble sticking to my decisions, based on the facts as I know them. Just me, that's honest communications. So make your decision and stick to it.

Talaniman rule- Sitting on the fence will give you splinters in your a$$, so make up your mind which side your on.

It is hard to not do anything, as like everybody else in this situation I get the feeling that we will loose each other... I'll give it a couple more days though, today is Sunday, it is hot, maybe I have been too bored and thinking too much... tomorrow a new day!

Talaniman, I need your objective opinion. Yesterday I really suffered, but kept the no contact. She has sent me 3 mails on Thursday, with specs about the product. I did not answer, was not necessary. So now, she sends me a mail: Can you please confirm you received my mails?

I think we are having a game here. NC seems to wake all kinds of emotions up and definitely turns the tables. I know it is not necessarily the purpose of NC, but what do I do? Do I wait until she really gives me a clear message? Or do I respond in a clear way, like, I am fine with discussing our future, but not with this gameplaying... Or... just keep up the good old NC?

Silly how now I feel stronger by her sending me an email...

We fell in love 6 months ago, but are dealing with a lot of trust issues and get in unagreements, where she responds to ignoring me. That drives me nuts, and I then overreact by becoming angry, impacient etc.

After she broke up with me 2 times, now I broke up with her. I then explained my reasons to her in an email, but I put it like "here are some tips for your next relationship"

I am still very very much in love with her, but do not know what to do. I went NC a month ago, and now she sent me a mail about some work related issue (I am helping her exporting something of her company through an agent of mine)



You have trust issues is a red flag that it may not work.
Neither one of you 'fight' fair which complicates things.
She is either childish or playing games or doesn't know how to handle conflict by not talking. You blow up which further drives her away from wanting to deal with conflict.

But I put it like "here are some tips for your next relationship" looks like a control 'my way' tactic rather than showing an interest at resolving through compromise and agreement

All you can do is tell her that you really care and would like it to work out but that you both need to figure out how to get along. Other than that NC is best.
DO NOT read anything into things when you do see her.

Hi N0, makes a lot of sense to me what you say, but I do not know how to put it... right now I am with my kids for 2 weeks, 500km away, so what I did today was just politely answer her mail about business, and nothing more. I guess dealing with a southern European mentality it would indeed be up to me to make a move, but NC is working right now (with huge ups and downs... ) to be more relaxed. Maybe one of these days I'll send her an email or SMS with your suggestion in it.

Hi N0, makes a lot of sense to me what you say, but I do not know how to put it... right now I am with my kids for 2 weeks, 500km away, so what I did today was just politely answer her mail about business, and nothing more. I guess dealing with a southern European mentality it would indeed be up to me to make a move, but NC is working right now (with huge ups and downs...) to be more relaxed. Maybe one of these days I'll send her an email or SMS with your suggestion in it.

No don't send her
Just explain where things stand IF she happens to ask
For now NC is best.
And it is best to say things from the heart not 'someone suggested'

She answered my mail about business. I can tell she is getting annoyed by my stricktly sticking to business. Her last mail was even despicable towards my distributor, that is helping her! Anyway, I am gettting to know her better like this, maybe she is not such a nice girl after all. I made it clear to her that my distributor is doing me a favor for her but that it is not his business really, and that I follow through because I promised to lend her a hand, and that I will keep her posted if there are any novelties...

If she wants another chance she should bring it up instead of himhowing around about it.

You are doing the right thing keeping it professional

I find it weird we are in contact but then again not in contact... am fighting the urge to contact her at this very moment... I would like to say to her, hey, why don't we just talk...

Just keep venting here... NC is really hard again. Has to do with the time of the day, after lunch. No news about our "deal" so no reason to keep in touch. Still I would like to reach out to her, any tips on how to do that?

OK guys and girls, I hope I did the right thing. After reading a post from Talaniman, about not using NC to manipulate, but try to work things through with matureness and honesty after a perido of NC to cool down. I wrote her a small email, saying:

Hi, how are you? I feel we are playing a game, exchanging mails about business pretending nothing is going on. I'd like to improve our comunication and be honest with you. I think that our relationship deserves that in spite of past mistakes. Are you willing to try to improve our comunication? Work with me to solve our problems for our mutual benefit? I wait for your answer.

I think you shouldn't stay with her,but if you love her very much it would be hard not to with so many problems I think it'd be best to stay away and if u stay away long enough ( a month or two ) you might actauly figure out either you don't want to be with her or An answer to You're problems.

If you cannot deal with her strictly business, leave her alone. There is no need for a sob story to explain things, or extend an olive branch for her attention. Your email to her wasn't about being blunt, it was about trying again, and only time can say if that works, or not. You took the risks, so you can only wait for the results.

Yep, will be waiting now... It is August, and here in Spain that means heat, next week I'll be sailing with the kids to Ibiza! Feeling better now, I think for me it was necessary to make it clear to her that the "business" conversation looked like a game to me, and to make it very clear to her that I am OK to work it out, but not gameplaying wise.

Of course she hasn't answered yet. I wonder if there is something wrong with me to have such a hard time with this. A very hard time. It is very frustrating not to be able to talk to her.

There is nothing wrong with you if she couldn't reply after you said about game playing she most likely realized that she was wrong and didn't feel comfortable replying.

Hi. I hope you are feeling better. I ve just come out of a similar relationship .he couldn't talk about problems and sadly I left him. All the best

Just back from 5 days sailing around Ibiza and Formentera. No answer from her. Not sure if I should do anything at all. I know what most of you will advise me but...

No buts stay strong leave it be. A relationship needs to be founded upon trust communication and NO mindgames.move on please.

On Monday the kids go to their mother and I will have 2 weeks on my own. Hopefully I can keep from contacting her. In the mail I sent her 10 days ago I asked her for a reply, she simply does not answer. No no, no yes. Nothing. I know that means that she is totally not interested... or not. Ignoring somebody also consumes energy I suppose. Oh well, taking one of the boys to the cinema, and will go out tonight with a cousin who is visiting.

Have a good time.

Having a hangover now! It is amazing how I keep obsessing over her. No news whatsoever and it is costing me all my strength not to call her. Why shouldn't I call her again?? I am searching all over the place in Google etc. for her name, have to stop that. I still do not understand why she is hiding like this...

Having a hangover now! It is amazing how I keep obsessing over her. No news whatsoever and it is costing me all my strength not to call her. Why shouldn't I call her again??? I am searching all over the place in Google etc. for her name, have to stop that. I still do not understand why she is hiding like this....

Well, you said in your original post that she used to drive you crazy by ignoring you. That's what she's doing. And, she's obviously better at it than you...

If you didn't want to break up why did you do it? There may be people on this forum that are younger than you, but believe me, you're not acting your age!

Make up your mind what you want to do, because you're acting like a teenager.

Love never sulks or turns its back.

Thanks Gemini, so what do you suggest I do? I broke up with her because she was threatening to break up while we had agreed not to use that "weapon" in our relationship. But you are right, I even do feel like a teenager! However, I do not know what to do!

One day at the time one step at the time cry when you want to cry vent when needed focus on you who YOU are as an individual.

You continue to leave her alone, as she has left you alone. Its your life to lead, enjoy it to the fullest, without her. That's what you do.

It is curious how many of us, like me, have to hear the same advice over and over again, advise that totally makes sense, only to have several moments during the day with that urge to contact, to do something. Glad I found this board, last contact was 10 days ago, my suggestion to her to talk... I will post here when I feel the urge to contact, and not contact her. I hope you will put up with me!

Great idea it worked for me!

Goodmorning! It is definitely the mornings that are the hardest... pfffffff... hanging in there!

Are nt they just! :-( you re doing great though I ve noticed you ve started helping others. Way to go.

Yep trying to help others, it is easier to help others than to help yourself. From the outside many cases look so obvious!

Yes they nearly always do when one s coming from the head not one s own heart. Our emotions do seem to eh trip us up?

Thanks Gemini, so what do you suggest I do? I broke up with her because she was threatening to break up while we had agreed not to use that "weapon" in our relationship. But you are right, I even do feel like a teenager! However, I do not know what to do!

Don't contact her - and hey, get it clear in your mind that you won't play games.

Today I am depressed, more than anything else. Still feel like reaching out to her, it worked the last time... I understand all of you being against it, so keep hanging in there, and instead of contacting her, posting here.

But still... don't women like to be pursued, specially in this case, where I deserve to suffer a little bit?

Some days are not good.stay strong.keep busy.

Women who like to be pursued never run far, or fast enough not to be caught, if you're the one who they want to catch them.

But in your own case it's not about a relationship at all, its about you gaining a really fresh, and realistic perspective, on your own situation.

You did the right thing, coming here and not to her, because the depression, and the urge to call her, WILL PASS. Don't dwell get busy, that helps a lot in changing, not only your mood, but your thoughts as well.

Hey, I never said it would be easy!!

OK, but I haven't called her in 2 months, have not contacted only replying her "business" mails that came in, and of course 2 weeks ago that mail where I ask her if she'd be available to work through our stuff...

And your point would be? Keep it strictly business, as I imagine that's all you can handle, and all she wants you to handle. Drop the dreams of romance, buddy.

Hey Tal, I appreciate your input a lot.. but you seem very very sure!

I suspect she is on a holiday with her sister right now, and probably also pondering this stuff. I am not as black and white as you yet! We'll see what happens but I promise I will lay low!

I understand, and your right, its hard to process new information when your emotionally charged. I hope you give yourself a chance for the emotional dust to settle, so you can separate her facts, from her fiction.

I still get confused sometimes, but now I have time to step back, and see a bigger picture, before I act.

Tal, I think I have a feeling where her emotional dust is. I am 45, I went through a bad bad bad divorce, in the end I managed to get out with shared custody after 7 lawsuits etc. I know more than it would appear in this thread...

She is 36, no kids, 2 very bad relationships of 5 years each where she probably lost all confidence in us men...

I think I am OK now to deal with this. It is just that after 6 years of being single I really hoped this would be IT. Summer here in Spain is a big issue in the sense that everything is dead, everybody is away, she knows I am with my kids, don't know that much about her but I know she is a little conservative, and very proud, french etc. and above all she is perfectly aware of that fact that if she doesn't get it right this time she is running out of time.

She told me at one point, that she is "at least not contributing to the overpopulation of the planet" I didn't say anything, but hey, I have 3 kids!

In her last rant she shouted something "You do not know if I want kids! You do not know if I'd like to be married" etc. so obviously there is an issue there.

I just would like to be able to talk to her about these kind of issue, to understand her better. I am pretty sure of my own feelings in the sense that after 6 years of being single I'd consider her a potential candidate.

I am not really desperate, just sad and frustrated. Actually I am at 45 still very good looking and very successful with the women, only, I think I am too critical and don't admit many women to my heart, just short flings, this time I felt different and of course I am not stupid, but as you can tell from my posts this girl got me...

I enjoy the board a lot, it helps me to relax in the dificult moments, but I have to admit I have a little bit of trouble with the standard NC advise...

All I can say is that a relationship where breaking up is an established pattern is not where I wanted to be. So I got out.I spent the first week after the break up desperately wanting to talk and rescue what we had.by not contacting my ex since the break up I ve managed to find out what I don't want from a relationship. Of course it still hurts but every day it hurts a little less.some couples aren't meant to be together.it seems to me that your ex has made no attempt at trying to meet up for a discussion about your problems.

Goodmorning Monica! You are right, she hasn't... yet? We'll see trying to dwell less on it but not yet ready to let it go entirely...

Good morning.any time of letting go takes time.it helps to keep really busy.and maybe not get stuck in the what if thinking mode.. .

Getting really busy in August is the problem! But I am OK, will go out mountainbiking today, good to get rid of negative energy.

That's the ticket!:-)

I almost called her! Jeeeezzz...

What stopped you. don't fall off the wagon.

The fact that I'd have to admit it to you guys stopped me! Haha

I think I am making good progress in the detaching process, or am I...

On the other hand, I still want her...

Don't fall for her trick. She is just going to hurt you in the end. She is talking all business like and even emailing you just to see if your with anyone else. And she probably knows it drives you crazy. Don't let her get the best of you. Stay strong and show her how strong you are. You don't need her. I understand you still love her but do you really think she still loves you?

That's the best deterrent ever! :-)you re doing well.hang in there -and hide the phones.

Hi Summer, I have absolutely no idea wheather she loves me or not. I know that we were both very insecure and that lead to mistrust. I think she has been burned badly in the past. Also I think that she is figuring that my having 3 kids with shared custody is too complicated for her... I don't know. Maybe I had made too big a idea of a new start with a beautiful girl in my head, after 6 years of being single with one night stands only.

You having three kids should not be a big deal. I'm 18 and had a kid when I was 13 and no one looks at me different. Shared custody over kids is normal. If she has a problem with that than she's so not worth your time. You need to find a girl that will care and love you for who you are. And can deal with the fact that you have shared custody over your kids. If she can't deal with that than why waste your time? If that's the reason you think she's not with you now, what makes you think she will ever be with you again?

Ever think she uses you for your business connections? That may have to end unless you have a plan to deal with it better. I have one, get a social life of your own.

The "business connection" was just an opportunity to sell a product against the mexican flu in morocco. She has a contact with the product, I have a contact in Morocco with contacts in the hospital world. I think she used this "business" as an excuse to get back in touch really. Then I sent her the mail about me feeling we are playing games around the "business" and so far no news. Her silence says enough I guess. On the other hand, I am silent also...

My social life is OK.

Wow have had a terrible sleepless night what a mess. I don't know if I can keep this up. I need to talk to her...

Well just venting. Today a friend from Barcelona comes over to hang out a couple of days, will be partying a lot this weekend.

Morning dutchman. Vent on that's the whole point.dont drown in your emotions.or swim if you must.:-)

It is a bit like the Billy Joel song, goodnight Saigon...

They rule the night.. and the night seems to last as long as six weeks...

I woke up several times bathing in sweat! Now I am OK again. Strong stuff. I still have to figure out a next step, I am not ready to give up yet. Am I crazy?

Not anymore than most of us I guess.but we re all different.my story is that by going N C straight away I could start concentrating on me.and though I miss the many good moments I'm now quite happy knowing that the bad ones are gone.I know my relationship is over and to me that's a relief.I don't think you are there yet.but from what I gather from your posts you are getting stronger and more in tune with yourself as the days go by.

Hi guys, still here. Have a friend over for a couple of days and going out a lot. Still she is constantly on my mind... Next week I will have the kids again so it will be 3 weeks before going back to barcelona and then what? I still feel the need to contact her, although in general I am more relaxed now, much less anxiety.

Although I feel a little bit better, I am still not 100% convinced this no contact is really the way to go. I have not spoken to her in over 2 months, and 3 weeks since I mailed her... but my feelings are still as strong as ever. What would be the best approach to talk to her? Or am I way off even thinking of speaking to her?

N C is the best way in my opinion.thats coming from me who today has spent three hours stopping myself from emailing my ex to let him know what a... I think he is.can only speak for myself but I know I if I were to break the N C I d be back on square one again.and I don't want to go there. Sorry for ranting.:-)

Friends, I feel NC is not helping. I am a lot calmer but nowhere near over her at all. This week a friend of mine came over. He lost his job, and also his relationship of 5 years... but he is very much enjoying himself here with me and I can't get over my relationship of only 6 months!

I think I have to try once more to at least talk to her. Don't shoot me! I still have almost 3 weeks to go before returning to the city we both work in...

Ok- no firing squad- but you kind of know that's probably a slippery slope.. . suggestion: you re possibly more in love with the idea of this relationship than the lady herself-now don't shoot me!

Hey Monica! You might be right, but I want to find out. I will use these 3 weeks to become more relaxed and hopefully get to a state of mind where I can cope with whatever comes up. This week with my friend has helped me, specially the fact that he "should" be in far worse shape than I am, considering he lost his home, job and girlfriend of 5 years all at once! And he happily thanking me for going out every night with him and having him in my house haha.

I am pretty sure my "ex" has issues and specially with the fact that she thinks I won't have children with her, at least that is what I suspect. I suppose that for a woman of 36 a lot of biological issues are playing up as well. I think it is good that we have had this space of a couple of months, hopefully I get the chance to talk to her and understand things better.

A man s got to do what a man s got to do-right? :-)

You have calmed down, and hopefully you'll be calmer in 3 weeks. Wait and see.

My friend just left, we had a good week drinking and going out too much but anyway! On Monday the kids will be here again for 2 weeks, have to get them ready to return to school. For the rest, wait and see... nothing much else I can do.

Friends... considering the fact that I made the decision to contact her again, now that 2,5 months have passed since we've seen each other and I think I haven't had enough yet to be able to let go and feel there honestly might be one more chance...

I will go there in 2 weeks time, as I live there 2 weeks on 2 weeks off. Would it be best to try to set a "date" in advance with her so 2 weeks will pass before we can meet... or just call her up when I am in her city in two weeks time so that we can meet almost right away?

Call her and see where it goes.

I'll call her from Barcelona. That way I'll be in town. If I do it from here it will be 2 weeks before we can meet and I want to see her face to face.

Yes call her if that is what you truly want-she can only say yes she wants to see you or no she doesn't.

I'll wait with calling her. In fact, I have no clue what to say. Will be awkward as she has not responded to my mail last month where I propose to talk.

I find it very weird that it takes me so much effort to get out of this situation... at 46...

It s not really weird harrie-you fell in love and we can't switch off our emotions from one day to the next.or week or month etc.and I don't think age matters either.I think what matters is that any relationship that goes break up make up break up needs a real overhaul if its ever going to work in the future.and that means both people seriously working on themselves and for the relationship.what would you say to her? Only you can decide that. If my ex were to call me today-well I changed my number, so presumably he cant-but I would politely tell him I want no contact.. but that's me!

Harriejansen; I'll wait with calling her. In fact, I have no clue what to say. Will be awkward as she has not responded to my mail last month where I propose to talk.

Take the hint, my friend and back off that expectation, as it seems to be unrealistic in face of the fact she doesn't respond. You have to find your own closure to this to move beyond it.


I find it very weird that it takes me so much effort to get out of this situation... at 46...

Your not trying to get out of the situation, your trying to fix it where you get what you want from it. That's what makes it so hard, as its not under your control, but hers, and her actions (or non-actions) speak louder than any words could. They say leave her alone, except if its about her business.

Yep Tal. Part of my confusion is the fact that her previous episode of ignoring me in February, she had been even more clear in refusing to talk to me, but eventually we came back together.

I'll let it be, and every now and then when I'll get these mental hickups I'll keep writing here if you let me...

Hmmmm, okay Harrie, as long as we can comment on your vents, you know how we are. :D :eek: :).

Don't worry we will! :)

In an hour I'll have my kids again for 2 weeks! That means I survived two weeks alone with way too much going out, beers etc. Hopefully these 2 weeks will be good for me, and then return to ground 0...

No news from the front whatsoever. She is doing 0 contact also. Pffffff silly actually...

Enjoy your kids!

I have great kids! 3 sons! Today I have a up day for a change, I think I am starting to get over my little princess...

You r lucky -I have one son and he s great.enjoy happy days.its good being a parent!

Went sailing today again, very nice with friends, and had a great Paella.

It is still hot here, but August is nearly over and in September everything starts again.

No news from the front of course... but I feel more emotionally detached, we'll see what happens.

Today off to a bbq with family. Life is going on but I can't stop thinking about her still. I figured another reason of getting stuck in a negative way is the economic crisis, specially here in Spain it is very very bad. If I'd been selling like crazy, I'd be more positive and maybe would not see this situation so heavy, and even could call her up cheerfully without the drama or a twisted stomag...

This so called recession s a worry for sure.have you ever made a pros and cons list? Re your ex I mean? That helped me a lot.Especially since I found about ten pros and thirty cons! Write a daily journal.focus on what was not working etc etc.:-)

Mmmm pros and cons is difficult, we were in the honeymoon stage? I think the cons for her maybe that I am away 2 weeks a month, that I have 3 kids and maybe she wants kids... those kind of issues, not real relationship issues while together we always had a great time.

OK kids-did you ever actually talk about what she wanted in that respect?and sorry for asking did you break up a total of three times during this honeymoon period?it's a bit volatile don't you think?one thing Ive learnt is that a good relationship needs to be grounded.I respect you for being a great caring dad but it does seem you two didn't discuss serious issues like her wanting children etc?:-)

Nope not at all. Once she told me she would not have kids, that at least she wouldn't contribute to the overpopulation of the planet... I almost took it as an insult, having 3... but in her final rant to me all of a sudden she said: you don't even know if I want kids, maybe I can't even have kids... so there is something there. The problem I have through all this is that I would like to know what happened and what the issues are, I actually don't have a clue other than that she felt that "we argue too much" which in my experience is not exactly true.

Guys, I think this is progress... 3 days not posting! I must say I feel a lot better all of a sudden and am starting to see things differently, and relaxing more. Finally! One week to go before going back to worktown. No contact is actually easy now, hopefully when I am back also... she lives 300 metres from me there...

Another 3 days without posting. I am getting a lot better, although I am still planning to meet her next week.

One thing is for sure, if you want to get yourself back together the most important things for me to do are:

1. do not go out drinking too much! Keeps the depression going

2. start working out. Has an incredible effect on the chemistry in your body and makes you feel a lot better

3. try to stay off the computer and stop googling, facebooking etc. your ex. I still have to improve on that one...

Anyway, getting myself together, the anxiety is gone and most of the depression as well. Will keep you posted.

OK guys, 6 weeks have gone by since last email contact, and 3 months since having seen her the last time. I am much much much more relaxed.

However, I am still convinced that we might have a chance. So I need to reestablish comunication somehow. Next week I'll be in the same city as where she lives in (I live there 2 weeks a month) the last 2 months I have not gone there, mostly because of holidays and also to help my healing process.

I have been working out a lot, lost 3-4 kilos, am in atletic shape, very suntanned, do not drink as much anymore (that was one of our problems, our relationship was based on going out too much) etc. etc.

My question for those who know my story... what would be the best way to contact?

Please do not give me the "stay NC" line as I seriously feel this is not a relationship that has run it's full course yet, but a relationship that has fallen victim of very bad comunication and stupid fights, due to not in the least excess consumption of beers and mojitos while going out...

We won't stop you if you want to pursue her again. If she feels the same way about you, then great! You can tell us about it and we'll be happy for you. But consider the following:

1) Are you prepared for rejection? She might not feel the same way as you. With all this time apart, she might have realized that this is over. There's a reason that she hasn't tried to contact you to try to reconcile. It's been quite some time apart and there's as good chance that she has moved on with her life.

2) Are you prepared to reset all the progres you have made? Talking to her will make you over-analyze all the little details and signs. It might put you into emotional turmoil because when she responds, you will be looking for clues of false hope.

You're going against all the advice that we've given you. So once you start contacting her again and it doesn't work out, then we'll have to start all over the process. Are you prepared for all that?

Hi again glad you re feeling better.as contact is what you want to go for call her and ask her if she wants to meet up.two options she says yes and you take it from there-or she says no and then you ll know she s probably moved on-and then you re going to have to deal with the rejection.

As things stand now, there is not much to loose. I think I can handle the rejection if there will be.

Just call her up doesn't feel good enough. She is mad at me for giving her the feeling I don't take her feelings into account. She is French, and very proud and stubborn. She also is very pretty, but I know for a fact lonely, like me in a big city in a foreign country at our age it doesn't get easier.

I have to slip in subtly and have a good reason to propose her to meet up... Next Monday is my birthday, then on Tuesday I'll drive up there.

I could also bump into her (she lives very nearby me, like 300 metres) I'd prefer not to email or SMS, calling is an option but then what do I say?

Just ask when she's free and meet up. Then express your feelings in person and see how she reacts.

Yes and you need to call her for that-as you said no texts or emails.and no bumping into either.

If you can handle rejection, then indeed you have nothing to lose.

My point exactly.

I have not called her yet... call me chicken... Monday is my birthday and Tuesday I go up there. Would you guys wait to call to be in town or call now anyway?

Call when you get there.have a great birthday and good luck.:-)

Today is my birthday! 46! Makes you realize that life is too short to not have fun. Tomorrow going to "worktown" still planning to contact! We'll see!

Enjoy your day-keep us posted.:-)

Hi friends, first update of trying to renew contact. This morning I talked with my morocco contact about business, and mailed her an update about that. No answer. This afternoon I called her, she did not answer. So... so far no progress! What's next..

What next indeed?you ve tried two ways of communicating with her and neither got a response.she s moved on is my take on this.sorry.

She answered my mail: Hi, thanks for the info, regards, F

Now that is a short answer! Tomorrow I'll try to call again.

There must be a reason there is trust issues. You must consider your partner when being in a relationship. Trust is everything. Giving up to easy is not good ether relationships take allot of work.

So far attempts to contact have been futile... I feel OK anyway, doing a lot of sports etc.

Just sent her a sms: Hi I am in town these days maybe we can have a drink, would like to meet again

And she silent... I drove past her house, she is in town, but what can I do?

Not a lot the ball s in her court and either she gets in touch or she doesn't.its that simple.

Well, I have my answers! I tried to call her today, she didn't answer, so I called again and then sent her a message, please answer, she then sent me a message: what part of me not wanting to see you or talk to you do you not understand! And don't dare to come here because I will take measures.

?? Well, I needed this to be able to move on. I am flabbergasted really by so much agressiveness. Thanks guys!

There s your answer and now you can get your life back for real.all the best.

Wauw today I am having a really bad day... it is true that contact sets you back...

I can still not grasp why she is so aggressive, guess I shouldn't think about it and get myself back on my feet again, really hard today.

Yes feeling the way you are today is understandable-thats why no contact is the best thing.I don't think dwelling upon how she feels is a good for you-hard as this sounds you should move on now.

Yeah that is why it is bad to contact it is merely a set back and accomplished nothing.
She may have felt she needed the aggressiveness to be assertive to make sure you got the message without question.

Hi friends, have had a bad weekend but I feel I am getting better. Maybe it wasn't that bad to try the contact, at least I have a clear answer.

I still can't understand her need to be so incredibly rude. I know I am delusional probably, but to be that rude means she must be hurt? It is not like I have been bombarding her with messages or something like that.

Yes you have an answer-and whether she s hurt is no longer important.time to move on now.look after you and heal.

I don't think she is hurt, or was rude.

I thought you could handle rejection because you had nothing to lose?

Haha yes Tal, I thought I could handle it. I think I can but I felt the blow!

And I do think it is not necessary to be rude and threatening. Anyway, I have difficulty with this, have to get it out of my mind.

That's what happens when you push and don't take the hints a female gives to be nice, and let you down easy. You kept pushing and she got harsh, no biggie. Now you know.

Well, I am very likely to bump into her sooner or later, what then? All my other exes I always talk to?

Should you bump into her say hello and walk away.thats all it takes.

Just venting a little bit. I am still waking up with her in my mind, several times a night. It is hard to move on without knowing what exactly went wrong. I am sitting here 300 metres from her house, I must admit I have drove by, even have seen her sitting in her balcony, alone, the weekend. In a couple of days I will leave again to see my kids for 2 weeks. I do not feel that bad actually, just frustrated about what could have been and the way it ended, and specially here nasty way of refusing to even talk about it, even if I have not at all flooded her with calls, mails, etc. I hope maybe some day to be able to understand what happened. I Thanks for being here friends, this board has helped me a lot.

I think you re going to have to come to terms with the fact that you ll probably never get answers to your questions.In the long run it doesn't really matter what the answers might or might not be.We can only come up with our own answers to our own questions and try to learn from our o mistakes and hopefully have better relationships in the future.

Her being so close will make no contact harder, as those old feelings will be stirred up again every time you see her house, or car, or a glimpse of her, but its about you being able to give yourself time, and a lot of it.

Yep, will be going away for 2 weeks again this weekend, that might help. I guess her refusal to even talk to me must mean she has another. Knowing for sure would make it easier.

Whether she is with somebody else is speculation and irrelevant.What you know for a fact is that she doesn't want any contact.So you have to take it from there,and start building yourself up again.

But its not your business what she does. Why do you need her having other interests, to make your moving on easier? That's something that's YOUR decision, no matter what she is doing.

I think it is because, during our previous break which lasted 2 months, she was even more clear in not wanting anything to do with me, but came back... My mind is against my (and yours!) better judgement playing that game with me still, that she'll be back and we'll make it the third time around... that's why I almost hope she is with somebody else... does that make sense?

Ok friends, I got my distraction... my ex wife is trying to change the schedule of our kids, in stead of 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off, changing every week. That would mean for me to drive 2000 km a month in stead of 1000... Anyway, keeps my mind off the ex girlfriend to be busy with this new issue. Feeling a lot better.

Hey good you re feeling better only way to go-thats a lot of driving ; keep the music going!

You are in emotional roller coaster between child custody and break up in a foreign country. You will need strong nerve. As you know, you will be getting better as time goes by. I always stick with the old cliché, everything happens for purpose, and everything has cost. You will get paid well since you have tried hard. Take care yourself!

When I was a little girl, I thought grown ups do not have issues just like they do not have to do their homework. Ha ha. What an innocent misunderstanding. Being a cool grown up is not that easy. That's why our life is interesting. Oh, well.

Friends, I am doing OK, much much better then when I first came here. Still thinking a lot of her though, also waking up at night with her in my head etc.

Knowing my story, do you guys think I ever hear from her again? Even just to check up? Just wondering what you think.

NO! Because if your both doing your own things you'll be to busy living, except for the occasional thoughts.

Maybe you end up as friends for life, maybe you won't. Maybe you fall for the next hot potato you meet, or she does. You never know so be in a place where you can deal with whatever happens in an adult, clear headed way.

I think you ve got a touch of what I d call relationship hangover-nobody knows what may happen in the future-which is probably a blessing in disguise?

I am having a very nostalgic day today, it still feels so weird that the last time we saw each other, June 8th!! We were totally all over each other and then never spoke again... pfffff... c'est la vie...

Nostalgia s OK but don't get stuck there.que sera sera -and life still goes on.

It is a rainy day here, that is not very often the case... how are you doing! See that you are very active on the board!

I'm good thanks. It's a great board and it s helped me get back on my feet very quickly. Trying to help others a great way to regain your selfrespect! :-) how are your kids?

Kids are great, running around with friends. I am quite good also, lots of mountainbiking and gym, lost 5 kilos, am strong, look like an adolescent myself! But... as you know, I have that nagging issue in the back (and front) of my head!

Yup I get that but what can you do? Me being an impatient person I just let it go when I ve tried my best.
And I believe you did try but it wasn't happening and that's sad but there you are.
Sometimes we have to chalk things up to good/bad memories and move on Harrie. :-( x

Friends, I still have her in my head, can't help looking indirectly at her Facebook (I look at a page of a girlfriend of hers where she occasionaly writes on) I know that is bad but... I'd like sooooo much to be able to talk to her but we know what happened when I tried... sigh... it just does not feel "over" yet for me! I'll keep up the no contact... but I do feel that as time goes by she flies away...

Stop stalking her on Facebook! That's not No Contact, its unnecessary torture.

Every time you check out FB you take a mega step in the wrong direction.
You know the drill find the strength to stick to it.

Thanks, I know I shouldn't, I feel fine though, funcioning normal again, so it is not that I am an emotional wreck anymore, just curious about her, thinking about her yes. I'll try to get a grip on that, I think it will fade in time, it is already happening.

Trust me once you make your mind up it fades quicker then you might think.

Back in worktown, so at just 300 metres of her! But much much better than last month. I just went shopping for clothes with a girlfriend (not romantic) and that was good. Hanging in here!

Good to hear-not shopping weather here-pouring down rain.
You re on the right path now!

I am on the right path, but still shaky, I can't understand how she can be so mad that she does not want to talk to me! What did I do?? Anyway, I am getting better and better.

There are so many things we ll never understand and so many questions that will never be answered.
After some time all that becomes unimportant and a thing of the past.
Trust me on that one.

I know Monica, have had experience in the past, although it seems I have a strong tendency to dwell on things...

It just takes time Harrie and you had that setback a while ago.
We re all the total of our previous experiences and we grow with each new one however hurtful they seem at the time.

Small update... I am getting incredibly fit do to working out a lot and cycling.. I am in worktown and must admit I did some stalking.. why does she have to live almost right in sight of me! Anyway, I have started to date a little bit, and have a lot of success... We'll see how it goes. Still not over her but wayyyyyy better!

Accidental stalking I hope!
Good luck with the dating and keep getting better.

Hi friends. Still lurking here. I have to say I feel a lot better than I did when I came here! However, I still think of her almost all the time. Without the desperate emotions, but still. I sometimes look at her Facebook foto (that is all I can see) and have the idea she is still alone.

Am I normal to still think about her so much? Should I act on it?

Stop staring at her photo, and continue leaving her alone. Stay away from that web page and I'll bet you won't think about her as much.

Tal said it very well but I ll add my two cents-every time you look at her picture you take a step back-dont do it!:-)

Hey guys, back again. My oldest son had a bad accident with his scooter, he is fine but it was a scare and 3 weeks hospital! The good thing that came out of it that finally after 5 years I am talking with my ex-wife again (about the kids that is!)

Anyway, I had a low moment, thought about HER way too much and then wrote her an email, telling her about my son, and telling her I think about her, that I still miss her etc. bla bla bla. Although well written, you will hate me for this!

Anyway, I am still not over her. I must have a problem!

I'm sorry to hear about your son-hopefully well on the mend now!
Well that w a s naughty of you- but Ill not give you a big telling off-you know the drill by now.
You lived in hope for so long that's why you ve still got a way to
Go.
All the best from rainy old England.
We even had SNOW the other day.

Hello friends! Just to keep you in the loop. I am still not cured, but guess I learned to live with it. Yesterday I "saw" her on meetic... she has put a profile there... I clicked on it, she also on mine, and then she proceeded to remove her picture... Wonder what she is thinking... ah well...

All I can say is feliz navidad.
And all the best for 2010.

Hi guys! Checking back in. You have been here for me in the worst times. I am doing fine now, although I still think about her a lot, but it doesn't hurt anymore. Something curious happened, she "unblocked" me in Facebook, that means, I can search for her and find her again. I won't contact her, but was thinking, does that mean anything?

Whether they like you, or not, they get curious, especially if you have disappeared from their lives.

My Facebook is admitting non friends to see part of the content, so she is able to see some posts and pictures. Do I change that now? Do I block her? Or just leave it be?

Anybody any ideas on this?

Hello-sorry I missed your previous post.

I hope your're well-as for your question,as you still feel the need to ask, I would say block her.
:-)

Hi Monica! I was missing you already... haha, well, I just let it be. Blocking her would be reacting to her unblocking me. But you are right, I am still fascinated by the situation. I wonder if she is going to make some move. I won't!

Yes,good point actually-leave it as is.
Its all water under the bridge,though,don't you think?

I am not really sure, to unblock somebody in Facebook you have to take some steps, it makes me wonder what she is thinking. I still would like to see her in person. I am OK with the situation now, funcioning normally, but obviously again around here, so... it has stirred something up.

Sleeping dogs is what I say-though your reaction is understandable.

If she was truly interested in getting in touch,she knows where to find you.

Not familiar with Facebook, so explain why you have to do anything besides what you have been.

OK Tal, I'll explain. In Facebook you have "friends". People post their photos, stories etc. online, and exchange conversations. If you like somebody, you add them as your friend. If you are neutral, you are no friend, but people can find you on Facebook and see what you post online. If you really do not like somebody, you "block" them, which means that the person who you blocked, cannot search for you, cannot see that you are on Facebook, cannot see anything from you, and vice versa.

What she did, already when we were in our "relationship" is block me. You can block somebody in Facebook, but when you create a false profile, or look the person up in Google, you can still see that they actually do have a profile. It is a kind of cyber stalking, which I admit I did (and I think everybody on this site)

So... she unblocked me. That means, she can look at my pictures, things that I do on Facebook, like saying hello to friends, participating in activities etc.

To unblock somebody, you have to take some steps. It is not something you'd do accidentally. You have to go to your "block list" then choose the person you blocked, accept several warnings "if you unblock this person this means they can find you, interact with you, etc." and then proceed with the unblocking act.

This is what she did. My profile is pretty public. So she can see that I am organizing a sailing trip to Ibiza, who I have added as friends, which events I plan to attend. She also knows, that when I search for her name, she will show up again in my result list.

It is a long story, but I think Facebook is a very relevant factor in your work here, as it is a virtual connection with a person that very much influences interactions.

I hope this gives you a bit of insight. If not, just create a Facebook profile, and I'll add you as a friend, and you'll see what it is all about!

Thanks, but no thanks with th FB thing. So why is she not blocked by you, so she is effectively cut from your life... again, and wouldn't that end the speculation of what her brain is up to??

I think the blocking thing is rather childish, I mean, would you block me? Or any other person? So I decided not to react to her unblocking me with blocking her.

And... obviously I am still not ready with this. That's why I came back here, to share this with you wonderful people. This silly unblocking thing has made me think that she might me looking for contact with me. I will not contact her, but again, it has triggered something in me that has made me come back here.

Ah, and I could not block her before, you can only block people you can find, and obviously I could not find her to block her... I think FB now changed that by adding the possibility to block email addresses... still I do not want to block her.

I'm not a fan of Facebook,its messed up numerous relationships on this site and it does encourage the cyberstalking you mentioned.

Now this has got you back to overanalyzing some actions of hers and the can of worms is open again.

You were only with her for 6 months and after almost a year and you can't forget her? Do you like her for her looks mostly or does she have other good qualities as well? You're not doing proper NC. You are doing it with the hope she'll contact you and spying doesn't help. I guess you got to learn it the hard way once before you realize it. Just read your post. You are dealing with a very smart girl. She knows the game very well and will inflict pain on you if you keep trying. It has been almost a year. If she wants to come back she would have tried to contact you by now.

This silly unblocking thing has made me think that she might me looking for contact with me.

Look, its been almost a year since you two broke up. My guess is that she is being polite and trying to let bygones be bygones. It's a mature thing to do and she may even want to be friends.

If you are not ready for that (friends, cause that's all it can be) then you need to stay off Facebook completely. You can read my story on how I used to check my ex's blog and every time it was a setback and made me feel like crap trying to analyze everything. Its been over two months since I've even heard from her and I don't really have the desire. Now a year down the line I might consider being friends, but even that I doubt after what she did and the way she abandoned the relationship.

Hey guys! Thanks for your input. She isn't doing anything, not being polite, no friends, nothing, she just unblocked me for whatever reason. That is all. I am not in her friends list or whatever. I was just wondering why she'd do that, as unblocking somebody is a conscious action. Also, we are Spanish and French, things are not exactly the same here as in the US. Anyway, I very much apreciate your input. The last time I saw her was in June 2009, we had hours and hours of wild... well anyway, and never saw her again. That is frustrating.

Hey guys! Thanks for your input. She isn't doing anything, not being polite, no friends, nothing, she just unblocked me for whatever reason. That is all. I am not in her friends list or whatever. I was just wondering why she'd do that, as unblocking somebody is a conscious action. Also, we are Spanish and French, things are not exactly the same here as in the US. Anyway, I very much apreciate your input. The last time I saw her was in June 2009, we had hours and hours of wild... well anyway, and never saw her again. That is frustrating.

Is this an ego thing? I know you're a successful business guy. I guess it's the ABC (always be closing) rule. Failure is not an option.

I guess it's different in Europe, you guys are more open to one night stand lol. Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce coir, Oui Oui.

It doesn't matter where you are in the world, the NC theory is the same. Everyone from this board are all over the world.

If you're trying to get back with her for the sake of little head then be prepare because it going to cost you. But I guess you can afford it.

Harriejansen,
I think you have too much free time in the foreign country.
Why don’t you date other attractive girls? It is beautiful spring, and you left her year ago. It is really perfect time to move on.

I am organizing a sailing trip to Ibiza, we will be around 10 large 50 feet yachts and around 80 people. My problem is not dating other people. My problem is that I am stuck on her for whatever stupid reason! I was fine forgetting about her, but... anyway, I am 46, and I think I've seen a lot, lived in 8 countries, blablabla, 3 kids, blablabla, but this girl has done something to me!

anyway, I am 46, and I think I've seen a lot, lived in 8 countries, blablabla, 3 kids, blablabla, but this girl has done something to me!
Yes, brain damage.

Lol

Hi Myagony, I have been reading your "case"... wow... talking about brain damage!

Lol is about right. :)
In fact, the brain damage is not done by her, but by you.
You voluntarily stalking her over face book constantly, and let your heart dwell in the fantasy.
Living in a fantasy is easy get way and mostly sweet, but it is useless.

In my definition about face book:
“it is virtual place people post their (Photoshop touched) photos and narcissistic information to advertise self to others.
Face book is the most effective place to hurt & revenge ex by posting all rosy color information and happy photos.
If you are allowed to see the ex's face book, you are heart broken over and over again by knowing that how happy he/she is now without me.
If you are blocked from the ex's face book, you pull your hair, and wonder what is going on there, create crazy possible scenario over own jealousy, and get heart broken over and over again.
So called, face book curse.”

So, you did not do NC at all.
Yes, You are very stubborn.

Mmmmm, she blocked me even while in the relationship. So, I could not see her. She unblocked me last week, and yes, she can see my profile. I can only see her picture. Yes I am stubborn. And you must be an angel, by supporting your hubby with his son...

I was wrong about the face book situation of yours. Sorry for inaccurate comment.
Thanks for reading my thread, and I feel calm, feel better, and actually I like to delete it but I do not know how.
As you can see, I am far from an angel. I make more mistake than anybody else.
Actually, it would be really nice if I was an angel, then I would not make any mistake FOREVER. Ha Ha :)
In fact, I am stubborn as well, since I pushed myself hard until I could not take it any longer as you can see.

It seems everyone in this site has same problem in love, and I am learning a lot by myself.
I hope everything works out for you.
That remaining lingering feeling is really stubborn, and it is really hard to get rid of it. Bon Voyage!

Yup, this whole thread has been about that.

How long does "running its full course" take?

Could be forever. Or as long as you want it to.

Hey,

Was just thinking about something as I was reading your thread.

All the advice here is for you. Take it how you wish.
What really helped me when I was down & out, was reading my thread over & over. Taking into consideration the advice I blew off at the time.

There are some amazing people here. Isn't going to name names, but..

And not every answer will resonate. You will know which ones do, if you are willing to listen. To yourself, more importantly.

The point is everyone is different. Kind of like breakups.

Oh, BTW, this relationship wasn't right from the get go.
Go NC, and start living w/her in the front of your mind.

Van.

Thanks guys/girls for all your input. Sorry to be testing your pacience! I am stubborn yes, and I want to "win" maybe. The feeling has been very strong however, I am not used to this happening to me, although it has happened before twice, when I was 17 with my first GF and also 7 years ago with my divorce. It costs me a lot to let go with this girl. I think it is because I never spoke with her again. I am doing quite well emotionally though, compared to a couple of months ago. I just tend to keep wondering... Facebook is an issue, we could almost dedicate a forum to the role of Facebook in relationships!

Abrupt endings can put you in shock I think.
But,when its over,its over.

You get that Facebook forum up and running,I promise I'de drop in and post my candid opinions!

Thanks guys/girls for all your input. Sorry to be testing your pacience! I am stubborn yes, and I want to "win" maybe. The feeling has been very strong however, I am not used to this happening to me, although it has happened before twice, when I was 17 with my first GF and also 7 years ago with my divorce. It costs me a lot to let go with this girl. I think it is because I never spoke with her again. I am doing quite well emotionally though, compared to a couple of months ago. I just tend to keep wondering... Facebook is an issue, we could almost dedicate a forum to the role of facebook in relationships!

Maybe you've always get what you want. You said in your post that you are in contact with all your exes and probably a few one nights stand with them as well? Unfortunately this time around you got rejected and it caught you off guard. The chase is exciting isn't it?

No, it is not that simple. I am a pretty serious guy. I do have one night stands sometimes, but when in a relationship, usually very loyal, be it love, work, or friends relationships.

What I am trying to say is, you were able to be friend and get in touch with your exes and was able to have a few one night stand with them for old time sake. With this girl it's different. She didn't want anything to do with you and that's what killed you.

Apart from the one night stands with exes (never had one) I agree that something about this girl killed me. But as I said, I came back to share the fact that she "unblocked" me in FB all of a sudden, that stirred something up in me, but in fact now I am more OK than when I was being blocked. For the rest, I am doing fine, just curious really.

Just keep going about your business.
The one without her, and her Facebook status.

I'm not having the slightest urge to contact her, so that is good I think.

That's very good!
Good luck with the Ibiza project.

I would like to bump into her though, just to see the look on her face.

Cross that bridge when you come to it-if it happens at all.
You might surprise yourself by feeling -nothing.

It is almost impossible not to happen, living very near each other and going out in the same city... I must say, I bump into very unlikely people all the time, but haven't seen her since June... do women have a special radar? Maybe the unblocking thing has to do with that?

Or maybe it was something she just did,for no specific reason.

As for radar,I haven't got a clue, all I know is I don't.

I bump into my ex basically every time I go out.

I don't want to fall in the analyzing trap... (lol) but when I noticed she unblocked me she had some kind of CD cover as picture, as she always has. I have a lot of promotion for my Ibiza sail trip on my page (50 people already signed up) Then she changed her profile pic to one of hers in bikini on the beach in... Ibiza.. lol no wonder I went bezerk with this girl.

How cute-but don't fall into the trap of overthinking-its a waste of time and energy.

Stop looking and wondering.

Just worry about you.

NC, man. All of it.