We had been going out for about a year and a half. She broke up with me, told me she needed space, that she was growing up, that she needed some time alone, that she needed to find herself, etc. I acted very desperate and called her maybe 6 times in a 1.5 month long period. She never picked up.

I got over her and stopped caring. I went out with another girl. While I was going out with this new girl, my ex called me and basically told me that she loved me and wanted me back. Coincidentally the new girl I was going out with broke up with me. I used that as an opportunity to get back with my ex.

Now we've been back together for two months. Things are definitely not as good as they used to be. She has threatened to break up with me over PDA when she was with her friend. I agreed to her boundaries, but she's still treating me badly. When I call, she keeps our conversations dangerously short. I think it's because her long distance best friend is staying over for x number of weeks and she wants to spend time with her, not me. The fact that she threatened to break up with me has really soured my feelings for her.

It's not really all that great to get back with your ex. It is possible, but the reasons she got back with me are all stupid.

1. She was jealous.
2. Things didn't work out with the new guy I found out she was hitting on.
3. She was lonely and doesn't have many friends.
4. I demonstrated that I didn't need her anymore and she was afraid of losing me.

Now I don't know what to do. I straight up asked her, "Do you want me out of your life while your friend is here?" She said, "yes."

Is this just a phase and should I wait it out, or should I straight up just break up with her?

Vanish from her life! Get your own that makes you happy.

Your just going wait around for her to break up with you?

You tried to work on the relationship again but it still isn't working. Why stay when your unhappy and being treated poorly?

Next time stay out of her life regardless what she saids. Never settle!

Become Houdini and SHAZAM your way out of there!

All the reasons you listed on why she wanted you back (or possibly wanted you back) seem to ring true.

You got over her, and now you're in a bad place. Dump her. She's a user, and you're much too nice for that (RIGHT? )!

Don't let her turn you into a Sour Puss! Break up with her! Let her use someone else, and go get another saucy mamacita!

Sounds like she's just hanging on to you until she finds someone better.

Relationships are suppose to be happy and natural. This relationship sounds unpleaseant and forced.

Go find happiness elsewhere.

So getting back with the ex ain't so good after all?

Well, lesson learned. The least you can do now is break up with her before she breaks up with you.

Walk away and have no contact. If you do have moments of doubt. Log on to this site, read your post and replies.

They have this amazing thing on ALL cell phones. It's called a power button, it gives you the opportunity to turn off that phone and get busy with you life, also if you happen to leave your phone on, you can hit "end" when you see her number and it ignores her call so you don't have to listen to her whine.

Nope, she beat me to it. She broke up with me after a fight I had with her best friend today. It's over. I'm going NC again.

Wow, what an ex! She sounds so selfish but I have to say one thing though. You are using her as well lol (getting back with your ex as an opportunity). I'm cheering for you about the NC part. I hope you won't take her back next time she did this again.

Well this is what I see happening if you stay with her , you'll end up having another fight and she'll...


Oops I see it's already happened :rolleyes:

Your far better off without her , just don't break NC!!

Now I can't sleep. I feel like calling her and it's 3 am. I know it's not right, so I'm doing this instead. I know that we love each other, but we got into too many fights about little things.

To win her back I go NC right? Nothing I say is going to change her mind about this right?

NC is not about winning her back. It's about helping you to move on and enjoy a life for you.

Then what do I do to win her back. It's 4 am and I seriously cannot sleep.

When relationship troubles are on your mind - everyone has trouble sleeping.

You probably think you want her back and are confusing being or your own with missing her.

Do nothing and focus on the new life and freedom you can now have.

We had been going out for about a year and a half. She broke up with me... now we've been back together for two months. Things are definitely not as good as they used to be... she broke up with me after a fight I had with her best friend today... what do i do to win her back?
Lesson not learned, or you're a masochist.

To your credit, you're at least reliable. She can always count on you to be there when she gets bored and wants a boyfriend again.

then what do i do to win her back. it's 4 am and i seriously cannot sleep.

Explain, please, why you even want to win her back. You know there are other girls out there right? It sounds like you're just trying to settle for something you're familiar with. Forget about her.

Well I knew that calling her was a bad idea, but I did it anyway. I got her to forgive me, admit that she loved me, and go on a date with me. We're going on the date "as friends" but I don't think that's even possible. I have a feeling that at the very least we'll kiss, and at the maximum we'll get back together. I can't make the first move though, because it might make her angry.

She's says that we should be friends right now, but admits that later on we could get back together again.

Yeah, I am a masochist. I don't really care. I won't be able to update you guys for my 3 day vacation. I'm leaving my phone here so I can't call her. Hopefully the date on Sunday doesn't turn against me.

Its your turn to tell her YOU NEED space.
Don't waste your life waiting on her to decide to break up again. What if she decides she is in this for the long haul?
You would be living a lie to both you and her.
You aren't in love with her don't waste another minute. She wasn't thinking of you when she needed her space. So why are you so concerned over hurting her feelings?

She got back with you for all the wrong reasons... she made her bed don't lay in it with her.
Get OUT

Well we aren't technically back together again for the 2nd time around. Regardless, I know we both love each other, it's just we fight about stupid things. Once that stops, everything will be good again. I'm the instigator, so it's a problem with me and not her. I've just been stressed lately, and I'm sure things can be normal again once her friend leaves and she's alone again.

While her friend is here...
So take a back seat and wait it out.

I don't know what answers you are looking for when you say she got back together for the wrong reasons only to go on to justifying being back with her by saying she is in love with you.

She sees that she can say and do whatever she wants and you will simply go along with it so she is going to continue to pull your puppet strings and see how far she can push it.
If that is what you call love go right ahead.

Yeah you're right, I'll wait it out. It's 2 weeks before her friend leaves. She'll need me back again.

I have high hopes for this date. The only thing I can see going wrong is her backing out.

I don't really care why she got back with me. All I care about is the way we feel for each other. I feel like this is just a rough spot and we'll make it through this.

I wasn't TELLING you to wait it out
I was saying so you are going along with this ?

As in WHY would you do that?
I can see her saying she is busy and doesn't have time because she is with a friend when you call and ask her if you can get together but to come right out right off the bat and make it sound like a need space break up I wouldn't be so likely to take that very well.

Learn the hard way if she is just playing you.

Well she hasn't seen her friend for a year so I should have just left her alone with her. We were already planning to go on the date before we broke up again. She was trying to accommodate time for me, I just got angry and felt like she was ignoring me when she was just busy with her friend.

I'm going to wait it out for sure. I messed up this time, not her.

Wake up, she is back to using you when she has nothing better to do, and if she cared she would include you in what makes her happy. The sad part is you bend over, and allow it. That's being an emotional tampon.

Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs.

I guess you don't stand by what you said in your original post "it isn't good to get back with your ex". Then read the list you wrote to why she got back with you--not good.

If you and her keep having the same problems and the two of you are not overcomming them then "why do you stay or what to stay with her?"

Get out of the puppy mode and see things for what they really are instead of how it should be.

It sounds like your relationship is toxic. She is def using you and you are letting her. She knows that she has you no matter what she dose or says. I know its hard because of you feel for her, but she doesn't feel the same way for you. It sounds like if stay with her you are going to get hurt again. Why do that to yourself?

Wow you are content with letting this girl come and go as she pleases. You call her, she gets angry and breaks up with you, her friend leaves and you will be right there waiting. So how little of a bone does she have to throw you before you start running in the other direction!

At this point no one can convince me into not loving her. Now I just want to know what to do to get her back on the date that we'll be going on.

No one is saying for you not to love her. What we are trying to show you is that a different point of view on the situation. If so many people are having the same view and you are the only one that sees it different then maybe you should take a closer look. Be honest with yourself. If you keep this up she will never respect you as a man which will in turn mess up any chance of having a successful relationship with her (which I don't feel is a good idea anyways). You are digging your own grave. I personally believe that you are setting yourself up to get hurt again. Smart people learn from their mistakes and wise people learn from other people's mistakes.

RUN, do not walk, away from her.

***N0help4u agrees: oh so sorry s_ciani I disagree: he is in it for the rude awakening so there is no running away from her
Sarcasim intended

You can love her ALL you want but the fact is if she wants to treat you like a second thought instead of wanting to be proud to stand by you then you may be having a lot of wishful thinking on your part and nothing more.

One minute you are saying you are back together and love each other. The next you are saying you love her and hope you can win her back.
Right now it looks to us like any thing she says or does that sounds positive to your ears is going to be getting false hopes up for you.

You go out with her and you see where she wants to lead you. We'll be here waiting to hear how it all turns out

then what do i do to win her back. it's 4 am and i seriously cannot sleep.Listen to us ; you DON'T, I repeat, DON'T want her back. I wouldn't want her back and I don't even know her! Just reading your posts has me totally turned off to her!

Listen to us ; you DON'T, I repeat, DON'T want her back. I wouldn't want her back and I don't even know her! Just reading your posts has me totally turned off to her!

***as s_ciani wastes his breath and vainly types away :(

Explain to me how you can love someone more than you love yourself? That ain't love.

No self respecting man would be looking to get a partner like that back, they would vanish, and celebrate their freedom, by exploring BETTER options and opportunities.

You don't win someone back, they have to want to be with you.

He did admit to self-masochism.

Did he admit to liking being a puppet, too?

I have dated my ex's a couple time, and they are an ex for a reason. Typically if it doesn't work out the first time, chances are, it won't every work. How old are you two?

at this point no one can convince me into not loving her. now i just want to know what to do to get her back on the date that we'll be going on.

Sorry but I for one will not be helping you "get her back" because unlike you, I don't think anyone should continue to run head first into a wall. But I'm sure you could try magazine cut out of letters to form a love letter, or stand outside her window with music playing, if that doesn't work, keep calling her phone nonstop.

Reckless you have a lot to learn and sadly your one of those people who must learn the hard way.

I have 3 days to wait this out. I will not call her in between. I swear this is going to turn around.

So we can expect to hear all about it Saturday or Sunday...
I wait patiently... :D

That's right. Surprisingly, my hotel had internet access. I've been tempted to contact her, but I've held back knowing that I would only push her away. I'm going to act like myself when we go out and not even talk about the relationship. I know this is going to turn around.

Remember though that you have to have a change of heart in all aspects because as many here have said, even a couple posts today, said they got back with their ex and saw some improvement but as time went by they saw that they still had the same attitude and the same annoying ways.
So you can put an effort out there but it is what you do in the long run.

I honestly think you're the only one who really understands. Yes, I know that I might get hurt again. It's a risk I'm willing to take. I was the instigator of our fights. I kept making big things out of nothing because of the trust I lost for her when she broke up with me the first time. The reason she broke up with me the first time was another trust issue thing with me and thinking she was cheating. All along I haven't trusted her and I want to start now.

I understand you want to learn the hard way and sometimes that is the only way some people do learn some things but good luck with it actually working out.

We are waiting to hear how she reacted and how things went.

Well the original date was supposed to be a double date and it still is. It's my best friend and his girlfriend going with me and my ex. I just called my best friend and he says that his girlfriend is talking to mine now. He doesn't know what they're talking about but he says his girlfriend has already agreed to tell him and he'll tell me. I seriously hope this is just a,"despite not being with my boyfriend anymore i'm going on a date with him" explanation speech. I'll know within the next few hours.

Okay well she was supposed to call at 9 and 40 minutes have gone by, so now I'm kind of flippin'. My friend's girlfriend is going to sleep at 10 so I might not even find out what's going down tonight.

This means one of two things

1. She forgot because I'm not on her mind.
2. She's legitimately busy.

No matter how busy someone gets, they will make time for people they are fond of.

I hope the friend's girlfriend has information that clears some of that up.

Unfortunately, my ex hasn't called my best friend's girlfriend yet. I have a feeling it's not going to happen tonight. What the hell is going on?

I remember Talaniman posting up one of his rules. I'm paraphrasing, but it goes something like this:

Never try to read the mind of any woman, or analyze their actions for intentions


Like I said, I'm paraphrasing, but at this point, wondering what she's thinking is just going to eat you up... and not in a good way.

I think it is his friends girlfriend that was suppose to get back to him, not his ex girlfriend.
She probably doesn't feel it necessary so put it off.

Oh, okay, I got confused.

I thought his ex was supposed to call him, AND his best friend's girl was supposed to call him after talking on the phone with his ex.


*dazed&confused*

No it's just my friend's girlfriend will talk with my ex, then my friend will tell me what happened.

I feel like calling her and telling her that I'll treat her right and we won't fight about stupid things. That I've had time to think it out. I know that's stupid, so I'm not doing it. I have 3 days until I see her. Two until I have to call her to confirm this is happening.

Does everyone agree with my waiting course of action? Should I call her now and tell her that we can work this out? I won't act until I get advice.

does everyone agree with my waiting course of action? should i call her now and tell her that we can work this out? i won't act until i get advice.

... WHY do you keep asking this when we already told you and you would rather do it your way anyway??
You said you are going out in a day or two. Why do you want to push it? It will prove to her that you are not changing. Go ahead show her how desperate and needy you are it will confirm why she doesn't want to be with you in the first place.

When you get to the point you can't resist why not just call your friend and ask them how things went with the phone call first?? \

You are desperately looking for excuses to call her.

See if your friends say if she said you are still on for your date before you do ANYTHING.
The earliest I would call is the morning that you are suppose to go out.
Then I would keep it short and brief!

You: We still on for tonight
Her: Sure
You: Great! What time should we meet?/where should we meet? (whatever details you haven't worked out)
Her: reply
You: Great see you then. Later.
Click

Thank god for you. Yeah I won't do anything.

The phone call didn't even go down last night. I have nothing to tide me over. I refuse to cave in. I have to think of it like this, every time I cave I'm adding one more month or week to the break up.

Exactly.
If there is any chance of her wanting you back YOU are going to be your own worst enemy and blow it by not looking at it that way with everything you say and do.

I know you don't want to hear this, but I would have gotten another date and had a great time with my friends.

You honestly look very desperate about getting your ex back, and your pinning all your hopes on one date.

But I can appreciate your stubborn hard headedness, and if you want another shot at that brick wall, have at it. Who knows, maybe your head is harder than the wall, and you'll knock it down. Wear a helmet though just in case the wall is truly harder than your head.

How should I act on the date?

I made her a surprise before we broke up. She likes cashews, so I emptied a can of them and filled it with rocks (to make it heavy) and flowers. I'm going to give it to her, she's going to open and be like what? Then I'll say, "No I'm just messing with you," and pull out the real bags of cashews.

Good idea?

What physical boundaries am I allowed to cross (hand holding, cuddling, kissing?) I guess it kind of depends on how much she'll take and what kind of vibe I'm getting. Do I ever talk about the relationship under any circumstances?

See if you have to ask how you should ACT on your date with an ex then it MEANS you have not changed enough to give it another try. That is exactly what we have been trying to tell you.

So either you are going to go
And blow it again and she may not even give you another chance
Or
You are going to go and act and do everything okay where she figures she will
Continue with you and see where it goes and you will eventually blow it.

I now fully understand why she broke up with me. I fought against her best friend. It's not about who was wrong or right in that fight, it's about the fact that I did. She can't forgive me for that, especially when her best friend is living with her. I already apologized to her best friend, but there's no changing what I've done. I don't know how I can make this up to her or her friend.

The full story of how I fought with her friend goes like this:

I wanted to talk to my girlfriend before I went on vacation. I called and nobody picked up, but I saw she was available on IM, so I said hi. Her friend answered for me, and I asked where my girlfriend was. She said she was busy, I told her that seeing as how this was my last night before vacation, I really wanted to talk to her. She told me to call, and if my girlfriend wanted to talk to me, she would pick up. I did call, and she didn't pick up. I said "f**k you" to her friend on IM. Then asked her to talk to me instead and tell me what was happening. When I called, her friend made burping and farting noises on the phone and wouldn't talk to me. I don't remember what else I said, but I got really mad. I hung up on her and called again, but she had turned off the phone. I went on IM and asked her where my girlfriend was. She said she would finally let me talk to her, so I called and my girlfriend finally picked up. She told me that she had been upstairs and wasn't even there to pick up when her friend said she was. I got really pissed and messed up hard. I don't really remember exactly what happened, but she was so angry that she said she couldn't talk to me anymore. One hour later she calls me and asks me for a break up. Now what do I do?

You can't do anything about the past all you can do is go out on that date and give her an apology from the bottom of your heart and tell her you were wrong but don't over do that either.
Then it is all in her hands what she wants to do after your date.

Honestly, how should my apology go?

"I know that your friend means the world to you and I didn't mean to hurt her. I already apologized to her, and you've already forgiven me. I know you shouldn't have to put up with my s*** and I promise I'll treat you right and we won't fight over stupid stuff anymore. I'm mature enough to hold back my anger now that I've had time to think this over. You make me happy and I make you happy. That's as simple as it should be. Will you be my girlfriend?"

Maybe a little shorter and more to the point. "
I have had time to think and I realize just how wrong I was. You have a right to your friends and I should be more understanding.

Don't ask her to be your girlfriend you barely haven't even had a chance to win her back. Asking her anything like that will scare her away again.

How old are you?

Great. So I shouldn't say a thing about the relationship, but I should apologize. I actually don't see an immediate solution. This looks like one of those ridiculous time consuming things, but I know it's worth it.

I don't know what we're going to do on a date at the movies if the answer isn't "cuddle and get back together." also I seriously don't see this working out when her friend is still there. Her friend is just going to ask why she got back with me when I'm such a jerk.

Is this situation unsalvageable at this point? I feel like I might have to wait a loooong time to get her back. Right now her friend is filling the void in her life left by me. Once her friend leaves, she'll be empty again and I can take over, but right now I'm not so sure.

This whole date thing sounds like it's not going to go as well as I had planned. If I'm just going to apologize like some sad sap, it's not going to do it. Is talking to her about the fight even a good thing? I can already see her saying that I shouldn't treat her friends like that and that we should just be friends for a while. I mean that's what she said the first time I apologized. I don't see why the 2nd time around this is going to get any better.

I missed how old if he did say.

You summed it up right here slap_
BACK ON PAGE 1


So getting back with the ex ain't so good after all?

Well, lesson learned. The least you can do now is break up with her before she breaks up with you.


... he wants to learn the hard way...
Well maybe iit will give him some good practice in the meantime.

I did a search to see if he answered and I couldn't find anything.

Really man, how old are you?


if i'm just going to apologize like some sad sap
You don't even want to apologize.


i don't see why the 2nd time around this is going to get any better.
Then throw in the towel!

You're wasting so much energy on this, a most of it is spent on figuring out what to do. You will look back on this and cringe.

He IS determined that he is going out with her again this weekend. I thought since he will be with her a simple apology like ''I have had time to think and I realize just how wrong I was. You have a right to your friends and I should be more understanding'' would help break the ice since he is determined to prove he changed.

OF course he needs to mean it.

If your apology is some sad sap in your eyes then yes forget it.

Too late. I called her. Her friend picked up. I straightened things out with her friend, who forgave me. She told me to have fun on my vacation.

Then I talked to the ex. I asked if we were still down for this weekend, she said yes, but she still had to contact my friend and his girlfriend. She asked if I was still going to the play (the kind with actors) she had invited me to next Saturday with her. I said yes. I told her how amazing my vacation was (it isn't.) I told her I was going to go and I left.

I honestly feel like I have this one in the bag.
I'm just going to come back here and gloat in a few days. No way I'm apologizing ever again.

Good if you gloat that is fine more power to you.
Sounds like you don't need to apology if she seems so ready to forgive you.
Just watch you don't mess up again and be careful she doesn't end up having reason to dump you again.

...she asked if i was still going to the play (the kind with actors)
Ah okay, I thought you mean the kind played by tubesocks.


...i told her how amazing my vacation was (it isnt.)
You showed her!


..i told her i was going to go and i left.
You tell 'em reckless!


...no way i'm apologizing ever again.
You got that right, 'cause apologizing once when it's unnecessary and unwanted is okay, but if you do it twice... you'll just look stupid.



...i'm just going to come back here and gloat in a few days.
Lolwut

Gloat that you are getting back with a girl who doesn't seem to respect you? Maybe you guys will get back together and maybe it will last forever, but that's sounds more like a hollywood ending then real life. I hate to say this but I think you are going to end up right back here asking what happen to your relationship.

So, will you be gloating on here when the cycle repeats and she dumps your a$$ again in a month or two because nothing has changed from before?

LOL... good luck walking on egg shells and thinking you "won her back"!

***as s_ciani wastes his breath and vainly types away :(Yeah, I think you're right. We're trying to tell the guy what he needs to hear but obviously his not taking it. Some people learn the hard way and some people never learn at all.

s_cianci, you don't LIKE wasting your breath, vainly typing advice, and watching someone walk off into relationship doom?

I'm disappointed in you!

s_cianci, you don't LIKE wasting your breath, vainly typing advice, and watching someone walk off into relationship doom?!

I'm disappointed in you!Lol! Actually, I'm just trying to tell the guy what I wish someone would've told me when I was his age. As I recollect, I was always encouraged to be the 'nice guy' (read "doormat".) You know, "give them a chance", "fight for what you want", "they'll be back when they've had a chance to think about it", "send her flowers, that'll win her back ; it always does", "she's playing a game, be willing to play along". I could go on and on. Now I'm sure that the people who gave me these little bits of "wisdom" had good and noble intentions at heart but it's ill-conceived advice nevertheless. The truth is a lot better and, frankly, doesn't hurt as much because it doesn't give one false hope only to be let down all over again and it doesn't encourage naiveté.

I know what you mean. The people that give "the best" advice (aka. "She's playing a game, be willing to play along!") not only are clueless and trying to be optimistic about your heartbreaking situation, but they also are very in touch with reality. Too many times people give wrong advice because they're too wrapped up in Fairytale Land and happy endings.

Good advice or not he made up his mind pages ago he is GOING out with her this weekend. Then he is coming back and gloating

I am waiting patiently but I refuse to hold my breath!

A GLOATING PARTY?

I LOVE GLOATING PARTIES!

I refuse to hold my breath as well, but I'm sure not leaving out the chips and dip...

OP can bring the dip and I'll bring the chips

And I'll bring the punch!

Every piece is laid out. My best friend's girlfriend is now on my side. She's going to tell my ex that she and my best friend got in a fight, but it only made their relationship stronger. This is not a battle of convincing, it is of suggesting.

I have another plan to add to the cashew plan. I've got 3 heart shaped shells from the beach. I'll ask her to choose one for herself, one for her friend, and I'll keep the last one to myself. Then I'll tell her no matter which one she would have chosen, I would have given her this one in addition. The additional one is a heart shaped green rock. She likes emeralds and she likes the color green, so I find it fitting.

During the movie I make 0 moves unless I'm feeling it or they are welcomed. This will surprise her, as she might be waiting for the opportunity to say something like, "I thought we were supposed to be going as friends."

Here is the order of my plan
1. cashew plan
2.watch movie/joke about movie/have fun
3. after the movie do shell plan
4. speech plan.

The speech plan will appeal to her emotions and not to her logic. I will not try to justify my actions or apologize. I'll tell her that she makes me happy, that I won't pick silly fights with her, that I'll treat her friend with respect, and that I won't do PDA in front of her friend.

I will NOT ask her to get back with me. This is key because women hate to be forced. During the whole time I will take on a light-hearted mood.

Does anyone see any flaws in my plan, besides the fact that I'm trying to get back with her? N0help4u is absolutely right, that I won't change my mind on that.

every piece is laid out. my best friend's girlfriend is now on my side. she's going to tell my ex that she and my best friend got in a fight, but it only made their relationship stronger. this is not a battle of convincing, it is of suggesting.

i have another plan to add to the cashew plan. i've got 3 heart shaped shells from the beach. i'll ask her to choose one for herself, one for her friend, and i'll keep the last one to myself. then i'll tell her no matter which one she would have chosen, i would have given her this one in addition. the additional one is a heart shaped green rock. she likes emeralds and she likes the color green, so i find it fitting.

during the movie i make 0 moves unless i'm feeling it or they are welcomed. this will surprise her, as she might be waiting for the opportunity to say something like, "I thought we were supposed to be going as friends."

here is the order of my plan
1. cashew plan
2.watch movie/joke about movie/have fun
3. after the movie do shell plan
4. speech plan.

the speech plan will appeal to her emotions and not to her logic. i will not try to justify my actions or apologize. i'll tell her that she makes me happy, that i won't pick silly fights with her, that i'll treat her friend with respect, and that i wont do PDA in front of her friend.

i will NOT ask her to get back with me. this is key because women hate to be forced. during the whole time i will take on a light-hearted mood.

does anyone see any flaws in my plan, besides the fact that i'm trying to get back with her? N0help4u is absolutely right, that I won't change my mind on that.

Sounds like you are living in a fairy tale land my friend. If you know so much about women then I don't see how you are broken up in the first place. Perhaps I need to come to you for guidance on the females, as you seem to have it figured out.

Just one question: What do you do if NONE of this works out? Hollywood won't solve all our problems.

. Perhaps I need to come to you for guidance on the females, as you seem to have it figured out.
.

IF 'n when he has his gloating party we will make sure you are there to ask for guidance:D

If none of this works out, it is clear that I am screwed. I live my life until her friend leaves and she gets lonely and wants me back. I call her 0 times and do absolutely nothing. I date other girls etc.

You aren't screwed if it doesn't work out, but at least you have an answer. Thus, life moves on.

I was rejected by a few girls in the past week, both of whom I liked a lot (obviously wasn't in love with them, so I feel you on that). One of those girls was actually taken by my best friend, so it is life... it moves on, with or without you, fun or not. We just deal with it!

Have fun man, the worries are for those who do well worrying. I don't do that, so I try not to. Enjoyment gets me farther than sadness.

Like I said as long as you are happy with being in the backseat every time she lays down the law of how she wants it.

Well my answer is the same thing that got her back the first time. I know that desperation does not bring victory. When I asked her why she called after the first time she broke up with me, she said, "because i thought you were over me." the same concept applies here, but I have a golden opportunity that I intend to take advantage of.

When she got back with me she told me that life without me made her feel helpless, and that she loved me. That same helpless feeling will ensue again when I am gone and her friend leaves.

So you are happy being her Plan B option? Do you ever value yourself? It sounds like you are trumping yourself up as her end all be all! I almost think you need to get over yourself and quit trying to use her weakness as a way to get back into her life... what happens when her friend comes back?

How she wants it is actually reasonable. I said "f**k you" to her best friend. A little over the top? I think so. In addition to that, I got in a fight with her best friend.

Her best friend is the one to blame, not her. She said that my girlfriend could have picked up the phone if she wanted to talk to me, but on the contrary, my girlfriend told me herself that she was upstairs during the whole conversation. She didn't even know that I had called. She didn't tell me that until after we had fought beyond forgiveness.

Her best friend was playing games with me and making it look like my girlfriend was ignoring me on the last day before my vacation. That was what made me so angry and fight so hard with her. I was the one who wanted to break up with her over it, but I didn't know her best friend was lying to me.

It's because her best friend is jealous and has never had a boyfriend. She didn't like me the first time she met me, and still doesn't like me now. The reason she hasn't is because she's a straight up (fill in the blank.)

So basically you are saying that your girlfriend didn't break up with you in any sense of the word but she is trying to keep the two of you apart because you do not get along with each other but when her friend leaves everything will be back to peaches and cream.

We are preparing for your gloating party
So far we have dips and chips and punch
kctiger you want to pitch in the pizza?
I like mine plain extra cheese

I want in on this party. I see it being an "I told you so" party to be honest. I'll bring some tacos? Or perhaps another pizza

I love a GOOD taco pizza IF it is made right.

Okay so your blaming the best friend. It is everyone fault except your girlfrien? Nice!

I wonder what will happen the next time the friend comes to town--if the two of you are still together.

here is the order of my plan
1. cashew plan
2.watch movie/joke about movie/have fun
3. after the movie do shell plan
4. speech plan.

does anyone see any flaws in my plan, besides the fact that i'm trying to get back with her?
I see a big flaw, this is silly. I started to write another sarcastic response giving you bad suggestions, but I couldn't post it, I think I feel bad for you.

A cashew plan? Seriously man, get a grip.

She is going to laugh at you, and once her friend finds out about this, forget it, she'll rip you to shreds. I hope you've prepared for the humiliation.

I see a big flaw, this is silly. I started to write another sarcastic response giving you bad suggestions, but I couldn't post it, I think I feel bad for you.

A cashew plan? Seriously man, get a grip.

She is going to laugh at you, and once her friend finds out about this, forget it, she'll rip you to shreds. I hope you've prepared for the humiliation.


He's ready for anything! He has chips, dip, and punch!

I've never once went into a date with a full plan. My plan for every date, have fun and enjoy myself.

I've never once went into a date with a full plan. My plan for every date, have fun and enjoy myself.

I didn't want to get into it too much BUT
I think THAT is precisely his problem
HE plans things out, tries to fit things into his logic, is more precise and this is how life works view of life, is more ridgid in his thinking and is basically that type personality whereas his girlfriend is probably more free spirited and spur of the moment.

Once again you are over thinking everything and not seeing this for what it really is.

First off, your ex treats you like crap!

Second, getting friends involved to help with business you should be taking care of yourself is both WEAK and DESPERATE.

Third, this fairy tail plan you have to attempt to "win her back" is absolutely ridiculous. I don't think I know one girl who would fall for this, and one guy who would even think this would work.

This "plan" you have is going to backfire. Yea, she will remember you for a long time, but for the wrong reason. Instead of remembering you as the one that she stupidly let go, she will remember you as the ex BF who was SO desperate to get her back that he gave her lame a$$ cashews and seashells!

I feel sorry for you bro. Not sorry for the fact that you're suffering from this loss, but the fact that you are attempting this lame plan to get someone back and making a fool of yourself at the same time.

For your sake, I hope you learn from this disaster and NEVER attempt something like this again.

Do not care. This is now guaranteed to go down. I'll tell you all how it goes. I have made no mistakes. She called me, but I was out with my friends. I called back and I kept the arrangement negotiations simple and to the point.

When I called she was on the toilet. She told me to hold on. I made fun of her for being on the toilet and she said, "yeah, i was changing my tampon." she was probably PMS'ing just around the time she broke up with me, 5 days ago.

I'm not using that as an excuse.

Toall the people who don't believe in me, I am hollywood, I am prince charming, I am victory.

I'm just going to report on what happens from now on. I want no advice. I just want to report on the facts and the outcomes. I don't care if you're right. I'm hard-headed and I'm reckless.

She called again while I was out shopping. I don't intend to call her back because it can only be bad news. If it is good news, then I'll know tomorrow.

The toilet and tampon thing was too much information. You could have left that part out hollywood/prince charming/victory.

Well Liz you c itz like this
Her getting the phone while doing all that *things we don't want to know stuff* just proves she was anxiously awaiting his call and couldn't answer de phone quik inuff.

Since he doesn't want anymore advice, I will just use this topic as further evidence of the thickheadedness that the youth of today has.

i want no advice. i don't care if you're right. i'm hard-headed and i'm reckless.



Wish granted!!

::unsubscribing::

okay internet, you win.

the plans were nice, they made her smile and giggle. During the movie held her, but I messed up and went too strong. I thought she would want my advances but she complained about being too hot and such.

later on she held me in the restaurant we went to. She held my hand and stuff, nothing was forced. She made the advances, not me this time. I talked to her about our relationship. She said she couldn't change me, she said that in a relationship you should love each other for who they are naturally. I said I'd change and do anything because I love her. She said she loved me but that we weren't right for each other and tried hard to friend zone me. I refused. I said some pro game stuff and got her to say "i can't make a decision now, i'll tell you later." I got to this point because totally randomly, two of my friends just happened to be at the theater and vouched for me and said I would change. When my ex's friend said I wouldn't, they told her to shut up.

I'm not hanging on her decision. I know the answer is going to be no. I just felt like I had to make one last gamble. I have no regrets. It doesn't hurt any more than it did before. I know that I've made no progress, but I really felt like I had to do this for myself.

good job internet. You were right. I really don't care. If anything else happens, I'll tell you. I'll tell you when she tells me her decision, which I know has already been made. She hasn't called me tonight, and I doubt she will. She'll make it look like she's actually mulling this over when she isn't.

I don't want to read your advice, in fact I won't. I'm merely here to report so that others can see the outcomes of my actions.

Bring on the punch, chips and dip!

Hot diggity dog, we're good!

She is right and that is what we have been trying to tell you. I sensed that you are not her type by some of the wording you use and some of the things you said.
You need to back off and make her want to come to you by not being there hanging on her every word.
BUT you need to make changes or else find somebody more your type.

I am not the type to say I told you so
I leave that up to others

Pizzas on me!

You don't have to read our advice. I just want to let you know, that we have been in similar situations as you, up to the whole date plan thing...

If you need anyone to talk to or have any questions, we are here. I know we were all pretty harsh, but we were trying to keep you from falling on your face, and throwing more salt on the wound of your break up.

We don't do this to make fun. We all genuinely try to help people who post here. Since you have posted, we have and will continue to try and help. If you listen or not is your decision.

I hope you have learned from this. It's a hard pill to swallow when you accept defeat...

jmw0713 agrees: What the heck is that!? No crust? Loks like a pile of toppings to me. Where is the NY style pizza at??

All I could order with short notice :D
Should have planned ahead!!

That's OK. Crust is good, but the toppings make the pizza! :)

In my experience do not do nice things, with my ex we had several great dates a month or so after the initial break up and she even started acting like my GF again for a bit, and then like 3 days later was all I don't want to be giving you false hope, I don't think we can hang out anymore blah blah... I say just leave it alone, you will be better in the long run. But it is your choice after all, just thought I'd put in my 2 cents.

Ok I'm back , just figured someone had to bring the beer ;)

...good job internet. you were right. i really don't care. if anything else happens, i'll tell you. i'll tell you when she tells me her decision, which i know has already been made. she hasn't called me tonight, and i doubt she will. she'll make it look like she's actually mulling this over when she isnt'.

i don't want to read your advice, in fact i won't. i'm merely here to report so that others can see the outcomes of my actions.
We're right because a lot of us have been in your shoes before.

I don't blame you for disregarding all of our advice, in fact, I appreciate your honesty. I believe that very few people who ask for advice on AMHD take it seriously. Like you, they had a plan before they asked for advice, they're just looking for vindication for their decision. It's rare for someone to learn a lesson without experiencing it first-hand, it's just something that must happen.

This was painful to read. I think we can all relate to a bit of his desperation, although I have never actually followed through with my post break up fantasies because they always seemed like a bad idea after a night's sleep.

I blamed all sorts of people aside from exes post break up, but that's just self-deception. The fact that you aren't budging shows that you are a major control freak. This is why saying "I'll change" is a bold face lie to her. The more you hold on, the more you prove to her that you will never change. One day you will see the irony. One day you will beat yourself up for all of this. One day you'll regret being so thick. She will never look back. If I were her friend, I would tell her to run away as well.

The fact that you are preying on her weakness for you shows that you are a manipulative person. I hope she breaks free from you.

Me: “I called because I wanted to sing to you, for no other reason.”
Her: “Alright, sing to me.”
Me: (I sang the song “Always” by Blink 182.)
Her: “Good job, that was beautiful. So that's all you called for?”
Me: “Yeah, pretty much.”
Her: “How've you been?”
Me: “Well I did something this week that would make you angry.”
Her: “What'd you do?”
Me: “Nope, I'm not telling you.”
Her: “Just tell me.”
Me: “I got caught stealing from Wal-mart.” (I explained the long story to her and how my friend had tried to cheer me up after the double-date by stealing things. We were let off and no charges were pressed. I explained how my friend blamed her for our actions.)
Her: “You guys are just stupid. I told you that you'd get caught someday.”
Me: “Yeah, well I don't care.”
Her: “And you're blaming me for your actions?”
Me: “No, he's blaming you.”
Her: “I think it's funny how he supported you when you were trying to get back with me during the double date, even though he doesn't want us back together.”
Me: “Yeah, well that's because he knows what makes me happy. I'm done talking to you now. Didn't you hear the words in my song, 'I'm so sick of fights I hate them.' I don't want to talk to you when you're just going to be a jerk.”
Her: “How am I a jerk?”
Me: “I told you that I don't want to talk to you.”
Her: “When you say something like that about me, you should defend it.”
Me: “This whole thing has blown totally out of proportion. This was a little fight and it's escalated into something it's not.”
Her: “You just don't listen to me.”
Me: “I try to listen to you.”
Her: “But you don't.”
Me: “Yeah, well then just say it louder. Scream at me, slap me.”
Her: “I shouldn't have to do that stuff. When I tell you first time, you're supposed to get it, not be told fifty billion times.”
Me: “Well I'm sure you and RD (her best friend) have gotten into fights before.”
Her: “No, we haven't.”
Me: “You're lying, everyone gets into fights.”
Her: “We haven't since the 5th grade.”
Me: “Well, I'm sure you have other friends you've gotten into fights with.”
Her: “They're not my friends anymore.”
Me: “You have to learn how to forgive people.”
Her: “I hold grudges.”
Me: “That's not healthy at all. You'd have more friends and better relationships if you just talked things out.”
Her: “That's just not me!”
Me: “That's fine. I told you that I'm not here to fight you. I'm tired of all the stupid little fights we've been having over nothing. I'm never going to fight you about stupid stuff again.”
Her: “Okay.”
Me: “You've already admitted that you love me. It's as simple as that.”
Her: “It's not that simple.”
Me: “Well it should be. That's all a relationship is. It's not about stupid fights and arguments.”
Her: “Can we just be friends?”
Me: “I just have to say one thing. If you try to be my friend now, it's going to be over. I'm going to totally disappear from your life forever. My parents already know we broke up once, and getting them to accept you again was hard the first time. If they find out there's a second time, there's no chance of us having a future together. If that's what you really want, then do it.”
Her: “So, you won't even try being my friend?”
Me: “I've already told you that before. You know how I feel. I'm not going to be there when you come back to me regretting this. If you want me out of your life, then say it right now. I'll never talk to you again. You've done this to me once and you're sure as hell not doing it to me a second time.”
Her: “I don't want to talk about this right now.”
Me: “Do you love me?”
Her: “Yes.”
Me: “Then why are you doing this right now?”
Her: “I can't talk about this right now.”
Me: “Why?”
Her: “I just don't want to.”
Me: “Alright, I'm going to listen to you this time. I'm going to let you go.”
Her: “Okay.”
Me: “Alright then, I'll see you on Saturday and we'll have fun at the play. Goodbye.”
Her: “We will. Goodbye.”


I know you're all right. I actually went back and read some of your posts. The user Inertia is right. I'm too controlling. I know I should leave her alone, but this is something I needed to do for closure. I basically told her exactly how it is. She wants to be friends and I don't. I had to tell her exactly how I felt rather than leave it buried.

Man

That is one patient woman :rolleyes:

Hmmm... a very interesting conversation there...

I wonder how this plays out...

Her: “I shouldn't have to do that stuff. When I tell you first time, you're supposed to get it, not be told fifty billion times.”

All that talking you did in that phone call no wonder she feels the way she does! You sound like a poor attempt at manipulating her.

She knows you are not going to go through with your threats so she doesn't want to talk about it because she knows you won't cut her out of your life so why should she waste her breath?
One minute you are giving her an ultimatium the next you are saying see you at the mall on Saturday.
She already knows you are putty in her hands.

So lets see...

She says, " I want us to just be friends"

He says, " If you want us to be friends, I'm going to block you out of my life for good..."


Doesn't make sense to me. She basically doesn't want to date you, but at least she wants to be friends. If you didn't want to be friends with you ex, just say so in a nicer way, like "I don't think I could do that because my feelings for you are too strong"...

Anyway, this is one confusing saga, and I really want to know how to turns out..

Well man, my ex didn't believe I would cut her out of my life when we broke up because I was so head over heels. She pulled the same "let's be friends" while I was warning her that I would disappear if she truly wanted to end the "relationship". I gave her a hug, told her she was great, wished her luck and vanished (or tried). She went nuts. Some of your actions are agonizing to read about, but the fact that this girl is "letting" you sing to her on the phone shows her immaturity as well. She's going to soak up your devotion and ride high on the confidence train throwing you bread crumbs... until she meets her new boyfriend. Hopefully your denial ends there. Keep this post alive until total heartbreak ensues that way we can post it as a sticky to prove that serenading your ex will absolutely not work. I feel for you man, I really do. If she had any self-respect she would try to save you from making a fool of yourself. Man, even though I didn't come close to the level of "determination"(obsession) you are showing, reading your post certainly reminds me of some of the emotional turmoil I was in back then.

As thickheaded as you are, this girl sucks. Letting you sing to her... that's sick. She sounds like a narcissist (ask around, I don't label very often). You've got to stop talking about her friend (really you shouldn't even talk to your ex at all). I made the same mistake on this one. Ex's friend started telling me things that began to drive a wedge between my ex and I. When the ex and I broke up, I asked why she wasn't even concerned that her friend was gossiping to me. She said because that's "just how she is". Meaning, she didn't care anymore. That's what you are hearing. Your ex's loyalty is to her friend 100%. You are a temporary stop gap right now. Whatever intimacy you guys had is gone.

If it makes you feel any better... my ex and her friend had a falling out as soon as I went no contact. When she realized she really did lose me to all that petty gossiping, I think she grew up just a little. General word of advice to everyone here. If your SO's friends are REALLY interfering whether it be gossip or leading your SO astray and you voice your opinion with no resolution. WALK AWAY. Don't make excuses, don't think you have trust issues, just walk away. From my POV, if one of my buds undermined or attempted to undermine a relationship of mine in any way, I would no longer call that person friend. Even if I wanted to break up.

After reading your last post, reckless, I felt embarrassed for you. I don't understand the purpose of calling someone and then minutes later telling them your "done talking to them"; you are very confused.

Like your ex said, just get it. She doesn't want you as a friend, she wants you out of her life and there for her at her convenience.

Honestly, I'm at the point where it's very much whatever. I've gotten past the point where I really care. She wanted to friend zone me. I said no. she says she doesn't know how she feels. I don't care. This is all really simple. I'm not getting her back. The chances of that are 0 at this point. Ignoring her may make her come back like it did last time, but that'll be 2 or 3 months down the road. Regardless, I'm not holding on to that.

One minute you are giving her an ultimatium the next you are saying see you at the mall on Saturday.
She already knows you are putty in her hands.

Well I have to go to this play. I've already paid 60 dollars to see it. If I back out now then I'm going to leave her with the awkward task of finding someone else to go. She honestly doesn't have loyal enough friends who will pay the 60. I'm not going to try anything, don't worry. I'm done trying. I said everything I wanted to say and that's that. I have 0 hopes of trying anything at the play or getting her to go back out with me. I can't even imagine her saying that she'd go back out with me anymore. It would have to be a miracle of God.

Yeah don't back out of any plans but just don't act so desperate that's all.
Calling and having a conversation like you did sounds like your desperately grasping for straws as a feeble attempt to hear her voice so you don't crumble

yeah don't back out of any plans but just don't act so desperate thats all.
Calling and having a conversation like you did sounds like your desperately grasping for straws as a feeble attempt to hear her voice so you don't crumble

You would think that was my reason, but I'm very honestly going to say that it wasn't. My reason was actually at first genuinely because I was in a happy singing kind of mood. It then changed into me basically telling her that I've had enough and that I'm gone if this continues. I had to say that. I don't know if you understand, but it was necessary for me because it's true. I had to tell her that I won't be around when she regrets this.

Okay so here's a fundamental world truth. Your ex girlfriend will not get back with you if you tell her you'll change, that things will get better, that you can work things out, etc.

The only way to get her back is to genuinely not care. You have to be up front from the start and say that you won't be her friend, that you won't wait for her decision, that it's over. Then you have to ignore, ignore, ignore, ignore. Any crack ups in ignoring will prolong the breakup.

Desperation is the seed of failure. The message you have to send across goes like this "I don't need you." That's it. Right now I'm in the ignore, ignore, ignore, ignore stage. I should have told her from the very beginning that it was over and left her alone with the consequences of her stupid decision.

You want to know how I got her back the first time? I genuinely did not care at all about her. I stopped calling her altogether for two weeks and got a new girlfriend. She came crawling back to me like a freaking centipede. You know how our first conversation went? She was all worried about my girlfriend. I told her that I couldn't get back with my ex anymore because I had my current girlfriend and I was going to give her a chance because my ex had already had hers. She called me back another time and told me that she loved me. I told her that despite her love for me, my decision would not change.

Eventually my feelings did change though. She called again and I told her that although I loved her, I didn't need her. I said those exact words. Unsurprisingly, that made her need me.

This is really just a repeat of the first time. Life is cylical. The same strategy of not caring is going to work again. I left out an important part of our conversation in one of my posts. She asked me if I had gone to club lately. I should have lied and said I did, but I didn't. Of course she's worried about that. Of course she's worried about losing me. Now I'm just going to let her worry.

i had to tell her that i won't be around when she regrets this.

You had to tell her because it is your ego you are trying to protect.
Just like guys that get rejected when they expect a girl in the bar to buy their corny one liners. They then say ''Oh well she must be a lesbian!''

It is self comforting. That is all you are doing by all your words to her is self medicating your own pain here.
You may believe she is going to regret this but in her mind your relationship as bf/gf is already over and she HAS NO regrets.

You are the one that is lingering in la-la land believing it is this way or it is that way.

Get over it! For your own sanity sake.

Well... I know I'm kind of late to here, you seem to have great advice from these people here. Similar situation with you actually, but without going into too much details on my thread, I quickly pick up this NC rule created by rome and advice taken from tal, rome, friend, inertia, jol, and some other that I can't recall. And guess what? Its going in my favour. :) I'm gaining more control in my life, doing happy stuff without my ex and I started dating other girls already. Of course, there will be downs bit here and there but it doesn't affect me much.

All I can say is if you're actually happy and satisfied with what you're doing now with your ex then no one is stopping you. But I would say, don't mourn about the past (seems that most of the time you're just moving forward), what's done is done, all you can is is learn from it, also take a step back, take time to think about it, be in reality not fantasy, ask yourself... is she worth it? Are we having a healthy relationship here? Am I compatible to her? In order for a relationship to be healthy and smooth, you need the 3C's. Compatible. Communication. Commitment. No less. Have you 2 fulfilled 3 of these?

Well the communication thing is the problem. She says I don't listen, and I try but apparently I don't try hard enough. I'm to blame for doing the stuff she told me not to like PDA and getting into a fight with her friend. I know there's no convincing her that I can listen anymore since I've proven to her that I can't. I really want to change this time but she doesn't think I can.

I wish there was something I could say to turn it around, but I know there's nothing to do but to ignore her. I have to be chill on Saturday when we go to the play and just act like her friend, not her boyfriend.

The whole no PDA thing pissed me off because it made me feel like her friend and not her boyfriend. That's like the extent of why I did it even though she didn't want me to. She says it makes her friend feel awkward and I totally understand that now, but it's just too late.

Honestly this whole not listening thing is a mistake on my part. She's just totally overblowing the situation and now it's just ridiculous.

Regardless, I'm going to let her come to me and if she doesn't then it's just whatever.

I wish you guys could tell me what to say to get her to know that I'm listening without getting sarcastic or biting responses. I know you guys are trying to do what's best for me but you know I've been determined in this thing.

She feels she has to overblow it because you don't listen. Like if you tell a kid don't touch and they touch the stove you have to keep reinforcing what you say until they get it.
You aren't getting it.
Its not what you say it is what you don't say.
You don't get all wordy and obnoxious like that last phone call you told us about and some other things you have said and done. You don't go on and on about how you are changing... you do it and prove it by actions speaking louder than any words.

When she is talking all you do is shut your mouth, look at her, and hear every word she says. Do not interrupt her and think before you speak. Like N0help4u said ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS! It doesn't matter what you say to her, she is seeing how you act and knows you are blowing smoke!

Like we have said for the past 14 pages, you're fighting a battle that is impossible to win. After Saturday, you should cut your losses and start moving forward in your love life, instead of spinning your wheels with her. You have already taken this WAY further than it EVER should have gone.

Wow, this thread is 14 pages long and the OP just doesn't get it.

This is a destructive relationship. I can't believe I even read that phone call!

Dude! What is wrong with you? Have you ever been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder? It's clear this chick is playing you and making you look like a fool. Weren't you even embarrassed to post that call? Wow!!

She is an ex for a reason. Leave her alone already.

well the communication thing is the problem. she says i don't listen, and i try but apparently i don't try hard enough.

No, you're wrong again. You're problem is you're trying too hard. In the beginning of this thread, you were convinced you two were getting back together so you consciously distorted the reality and looked at the situation they way you wanted to see it. Under normal circumstances, that's being an assh**e, but given your desperation it's really a cry for help. In either case, it's not listening.



i wish you guys could tell me what to say to get her to know that i'm listening without getting sarcastic or biting responses. i know you guys are trying to do what's best for me but you know i've been determined in this thing.

Like we've been telling you all a long, leave her a lone and she'll get the hint that you finally understood.

Okay well on Saturday I'll do nothing but listen. There is no talking her out of this. There is no talking me out of this. I've made my choice.

You guys are probably all right. That's fine though. I'm going to use actions rather than words to support myself.

Like we've been telling you all a long, leave her a lone and she'll get the hint that you finally understood.

Woah woah woah. That's the kind of advice I like. I'll leave her alone every day but Saturday, where I'll listen to her and not make moves on her or act like a jerk.

I don't know what you said slapshot, but your words seem to get through! It's not we all haven't been saying the same thing for the past 137 posts!

Then on Sunday pretend like she doesn't exist... that she NEVER existed.

She's treating you badly , don't waste your time you deserve better

So wordwise there's nothing I can say. Calling her even if it's not to talk about the relationship, I'm assuming that's bad too. Action-wise just do what she's been asking me to do all along.

But the biggest thing of all is to leave her alone and let her think it out on her own.

If you keep calling her you are going to piss her off more and start moving into the creepy ex/stalker territory. I know you don't want to end up there.

so wordwise there's nothing i can say. calling her even if it's not to talk about the relationship, i'm assuming that's bad too. action-wise just do what she's been asking me to do all along.

but the biggest thing of all is to leave her alone and let her think it out on her own.

Do I read stalker here? Leave her alone. Don't call her, don't text her, NO CONTACT period!!

Don't call her to talk about anything. She doesn't exist anymore.

If you keep calling her you are going to piss her off more and start moving into the creepy ex/stalker territory. I know you don't want to end up there.

Have to spread rep

EXACTLY
Right now he is in the obnoxious ''This proves to me WHY I broke up with him'' stage.

Advice taken. I will most certainly not call her except to arrange stuff on Saturday like what time etc. when I go I will pretend my arms are dead and do nothing to touch her or do that PDA crap she complains about.

I know exactly how she feels right now. She told me she loves me and I know she does. She loves me, but she won't put up with my crap anymore. She's tired of me never listening to her and she doesn't think the relationship can work. I know she's not sure about it because she said she wanted time to give me a straight answer. This isn't completely final, but I also know that there's nothing I can say to turn her around. I know this because I've proven time and time again that I don't listen. My actions will speak louder than my words and I will treat her right. I'm done with this thread until Saturday. Thanks for all the help. I will try my best to forget about her and let this thing run its course. I'll tell you all how it turns out. I won't call her, don't worry.

i know exactly how she feels right now. she told me she loves me and i know she does. she loves me

NO she doesn't love you , she can say it as often as she wants but her actions clearly state that she doesn't. You don't leave someone you Love FULL STOP.

You've been given some real good advice by some smart people on here now and it just doesn't seem to be sinking in , because basically you just refuse to go No Contact and start your healing process.

Bottom line is you can take every one's advice and leave her alone so you can start healing , or you can stay on the emotional Roller Coaster wondering if it's ever going to pull up , and in a couple of months time you still won't be any closer to getting her back.

Friend, I agree. That's why I decided to stop offering advice because he obviously doesn't want it

well the communication thing is the problem. She says I don't listen, and I try but apparently I don't try hard enough. I'm to blame for doing the stuff she told me not to like PDA and getting into a fight with her friend. I know there's no convincing her that I can listen anymore since I've proven to her that I can't. I really want to change this time but she doesn't think I can.

Its never too late to change and improve yourself, but don't change just because to suit her, is for your own benefit. Its never too late to learn to be a good listener for your future.


Friend, I agree. That's why I decided to stop offering advice because he obviously doesn't want it

Lol rome, just sit back and see how this ends then. :)

__________________________________________________ ___________________________

NC since 29th June

I said I was going to quit until Saturday but she called me.

I'll make this simple. She said her mom would refund the ticket to the play and I said I'd go anyway. We talked random small talk. I stupidly told her that I loved her and that I would listen from now on. That I wasn't just saying that, that I would actually do it. She said that I couldn't force her into making a decision. I said that I wouldn't force her. I said I was busy and goodbye. She said bye.

honestly guys, you're right. I can actually do better. She is treating me poorly. She's just breaking up with me on a whim without even giving me a real chance. I should really just replace her. In this situation she really has me by the balls. There's no way to regain my manhood in this situation. The ball is in her court and there isn't really anything I can do about it.

like I did this time, I wrote down our conversations from the first time she broke up with me. When I got her back that time, the ball was in my court because I was actively replacing her. Here's a conversation from 3 months ago

Her: “I'm so scared”
Me: “Of what?”
Her: “That you will fall in love with that girl, and not want me, or want her body more than mine.”
Me: “You're stupid”
Her: “Well I don't know what she looks like, but Dylan thinks she is hot, so maybe you will find her more attractive and fall in love with her and I'll be nothing.”
Me: “I told you that I would always return to you; that I'd always love you. I've never lied to you.”
Her: “I know…and if you find another girl who is prettier than me…”
Me: “Number one, that's not possible. Number two, you're stupid. Number three, it's not just about how pretty you are; it's your personality too.”
Her: “I want you with me so much, you're all I want and need.”
Me: “That's great baby. I won't give you up like you gave me up.”
Her: “What do you want me to do?”
Me: “You don't have to do anything but love me.”
Her: “I'll bleed for you if that would make you forgive me, I do love you.”
Me: “That would most certainly not make me forgive you. Anything that involves you getting hurt won't make me forgive you.
Her: “I love you.”
Me: “…”
Her: “Do you not believe me?”
Me: “I believe you.”
Her: “I don't know what to do to prove it to you”
Me: “There isn't a way you can. You used to tell me that all I ever did was say that I loved you, but I didn't act like I loved you. I didn't know what to do to make you believe. So I definitely don't know how you can prove yourself.”
Her: “I don't regret doing it, only how I did it. I do believe we needed it... how else you really know how much you mean to someone or how much they mean to you unless you let them go and see how it makes you feel?”

I mean honestly. I wrote that back in June when we broke up the first time and she crawled back. Look at me now. I'm the one asking for forgiveness. Enough of that. I'm going to ask her to apologize for all of this. I don't need her anymore. This reinforces the NC to the point where I really don't care about her because she's pure evil.

Don't ask to an apology. She doesn't owe you one and you don't owe her one. Just leave her alone and get on with your own life.

You're going to ask her to apologize?? Jesus do you listen? ENOUGH!!

You are acting like the biggest creeper and stalker I have ever seen. Look at yourself! Quit doing this! Not only do you look pathetic to her, but to the rest of us who have wasted time giving advice to you. I cannot seriously believe you are contemplating doing this. I am almost speechless, and I RARELY get that way.

I am almost of the opinion you need to seek help from a professional. There has got to be some rational explanation for your ignorant way of thinking, but I certainly can't find it.

Fine. I won't ask for an apology. I will go into silence again. I shouldn't have picked up. I won't pick up again. I appear on Saturday. I have as much fun as I can. I use my anger as fuel to not contact her between then and now. I don't contact her afterwards.

I assure you I will go NC. Today is the first morning I've woken up and realized that I don't want or need her.

I said I was going to quit until Saturday but she called me.

I'll make this simple. She said her mom would refund the ticket to the play and I said I'd go anyway. We talked random small talk. I stupidly told her that I loved her and that I would listen from now on. That I wasn't just saying that, that I would actually do it. She said that I couldn't force her into making a decision. I said that I wouldn't force her. I said I was busy and goodbye. She said bye.

honestly guys, you're right. I can actually do better. She is treating me poorly. She's just breaking up with me on a whim without even giving me a real chance. I should really just replace her. In this situation she really has me by the balls. There's no way to regain my manhood in this situation. The ball is in her court and there isn't really anything I can do about it.


and she crawled back. Look at me now. I'm the one asking for forgiveness. Enough of that. I'm going to ask her to apologize for all of this. I don't need her anymore. This reinforces the NC to the point where I really don't care about her because she's pure evil.

Listen to yourself!!
Unbelievable



she is treating me poorly
**HELLO she is treating you poorly because you keep going back for more when she has explained herself until she is blue in the face!



she's just breaking up with me on a whim without even giving me a real chance.
**How many chances do you want before you will consider it a real chance.
I am counting at least 4 chances she has given you to get it right so far.
Problem is you are insisting on going back for the next round before you have figured out exactly what you are doing wrong.



I should really just replace her
**Sounds like this may show a part of your problem. Replace---BATTERIES get replaced
not people.



in this situation she really has me by the balls. There's no way to regain my manhood in this situation
**Another problem you are looking at this like a power struggle and either she looses or you loose rather than your being willing to simply admit that you two are just not compatible with each other.


the ball is in her court and there isn't really anything I can do about it.
**the only thing you seem to get but again I think you are only trying to convince yourself rather than actually getting it.



she crawled back. Going to ask her to apologize for all of this. I don't need her anymore. This reinforces the NC to the point where I really don't care about her because she's pure evil

** More power struggle on your part as well as your projecting the way you see it and too stubborn to HEAR what she is trying to get across.



The mere fact that you are writing conversations out and keeping them to hold against her months later shows you aren't getting it.

Good go NC but until you figure out where things went wrong with her I am not so sure you are going to do all that great ''replacing'' her.

That's a good start. I still think you are using Saturday as a last ditch effort to try and get her back, but if you insist on going to this play with her... I'm not going to stop you.

Do not go overboard and start coming up with "plans" to show her you've changed. It won't work. She has already made up her mind about where you stand in her life right now. It time to accept that and start focusing your time and energy on yourself and doing things that you like.

I see things from her point of view. I'm the most hard-headed stubborn guy on the face of this planet. She's right when she says I'm not going to change. Sure I'll try to listen, but I probably won't one time and this whole process will repeat itself if I were to go back out with her again.

Maybe you guys are right and we aren't compatible. We would be if listening wasn't such a key factor. I do try to listen. My friends think it's because I'm a guy and I'm not good at listening. They say she has to have more serious relationships to understand that most guys just don't listen. I know that guys not listening is a pretty normal and stereotypical complaint from women.

This play isn't really isn't a last ditch effort because I'm not trying to to put effort into it. I'm not planning things out. I'm going with the flow this time around.

I have the will to let her go now because I know she's right this time. I agree with her now. I probably won't change. I didn't even fully listen to you guys' advice. I only really paid attention to the ones I wanted to read. I don't listen because I always think I'm right. It's a character flaw on my part. It's just who I am.

Thanks for sticking it out with me. Thanks for telling me things I should have known all along. I had to learn them myself and that's fine. They'll mean more that way.

Most of all, I'm going to be with my friends more. Today I'm going to a water park to just relax and have fun. Thursday I'll invite someone over. Friday I'm already taken by another friend. Saturday is the play. I haven't planned Sunday yet.

Your problem is not so much in whether you listen or if you are hard headed as much as it is in the way you interpret things and try to work everything out in your head instead of chillin and just enjoying. Over analyzing and putting your perspective into every situation is killing you from getting anywhere.

i mean honestly. i wrote that back in june when we broke up the first time and she crawled back. look at me now. i'm the one asking for forgiveness. enough of that. i'm going to ask her to apologize for all of this. i don't need her anymore. this reinforces the NC to the point where i really don't care about her because she's pure evil.
Ha, that's gold. Under normal circumstances I'd encourage you to get an aplogy, but your past behavior doesn't warrant one. You kept on playing her games and showing her how weak you can be. She was smart enough to take advantage of your vulnerability.

Stop thinking about everything and leave this whole thing alone, forever.

Your problem is not so much in whether or not you listen or if you are hard headed as much as it is in the way you interpret things and try to work everything out in your head instead of chillin and just enjoying. Over analyzing and putting your perspective into every situation is killing you from getting anywhere.

Very true. I can't speculate on what might happen anymore. I can't even care. I have to just let it happen and let things be natural. If I just be myself and she doesn't want me back then it's not meant to be. I've been way over the top with all of this. I have no real rationale for my actions except that I've been through this before and I'm even more scared this time around

Good luck on starting NC. You had made the right decision. :) I have a way if it feels like the world is on your shoulder when you undergoing NC. Keep a calendar, mark as the day goes by, write little note on how you feel if your calendar has some space. Every 90 days check your progress, I can guarantee you if you're strong, you will feel so much more relax and happier with life without her as your partner.

__________________________________________________ _

NC since 29th June

I didn't even fully listen to you guys' advice. I only really paid attention to the ones I wanted to read. I don't listen because I always think I'm right. It's a character flaw on my part. It's just who I am.


You're not the only one who only heeds the advice that they want to hear. A lot of people who are first time posters here do that.


most of all, I'm going to be with my friends more. Today I'm going to a water park to just relax and have fun. Thursday I'll invite someone over. Friday I'm already taken by another friend. Saturday is the play. I haven't planned Sunday yet.

This is what you should have been doing weeks ago. I'm glad you are finally coming around. These are the things that will allow you to finally get over her and move forward in your life.

I'm starting to believe you are finally moving in the right direction. Now stick to it! LOL!


N0help4u agrees: I think he said he is going to the play but she sold her ticket and isn't going

I guess I have to work on my comprehension and interpretation skills! :D

It'll be tough... it's supposed to be.

We're all pulling for you to get what you want... which is sanity hope. Peace of mind. Dust yourself off and let's get through this.

I may have missed something here , but if she isn't going to this play anymore what signifigance does Saturday night have anymore??

I guess it is going to be hard/ major accomplishment sitting through a play sitting next to Joe and Harry knowing SHE isn't going to be there.
=suffering/enduring

she said her mom would refund the ticket to the play and I said I'd go anyway.

It looks to me like she is still going. Her mom wanted to give the money back to him so he didn't have to go. He is going anyway... at least that's what it looks like to me.

Oh okay then he has to suffer by containing his self.

It looks to me like she is still going. Her mom wanted to give the money back to him so he didn't have to go. He is going anyway...at least that's what it looks like to me.

Thanks JMW , I'm still confused :confused:

I hope "reckless" comes back and clarifies.

Me too. I could be interpreting this wrong... I looked back through the posts and this was the only reference to who would be attending this play that I could find. Unless I missed something.:confused:

i said i was going to quit until saturday but she called me.

i'll make this simple. she said her mom would refund the ticket to the play and i said i'd go anyways. .

I think jm is right. I took it to mean her mom would sell his gf's ticket and he said he would go even if she wasn't. But I think it does seem to mean her mom offered to give him his money back so he doesn't have to go and he said no he would go anyway.

no. you guys need to stop. Her mom offerred to refund my ticket if I didn't want to go. She's still going and I'm still going. Stop the wild speculation.

Another thing. I was chilling with the bros today when I realized something. This girl is really wrong for me. She makes me feel terrible and if she really loved me she wouldn't be doing this crap. She says she does love me, but it's not like I can really believe her anymore. She says she hasn't made her final decision on breaking up with me again, but it's obvious that she has.

The first time she broke up with me and got back together with me she begged me to trust her. She begged me to believe her when she said that she loved me.

Now if she asks me to get back with her again, I'm going to say these words. "I can't see myself getting back with you. You've done this once before and I don't know if I can trust you a second time. Goodbye."

You're all right. I'm giving up on her. Applaud. I'll tell you what happens. Hopefully nothing happens and this can just fade into my past.

It isn't wild speculations I just read it wrong we got it figured now your both going

another thing. I was chilling with the bros today when I realized something. This girl is really wrong for me. She makes me feel terrible and if she really loved me she wouldn't be doing this crap. She says she does love me, but it's not like I can really believe her anymore. She says she hasn't made her final decision on breaking up with me again, but it's obvious that she has.

First of all, good that you woke up. :) Second, she might be confuse and lost and she wants to like what they say hang on to you till something else happen. I believe you do get what I mean. Lol. The earlier you start NC, the better. Everyday counts.

She called me tonight around midnight.

Her: "be there at 12."
Me: "wow, ok. why?"
Her: "I really don't want to miss this. We'll leave without you." (she said it in a mean way.)
Me: "ok, wow. I'll be there. you're being a real jerk."

Her voice raised and she started saying something. I hung up.

She really is evil.

Well gee dontcha think that that last conversation you had where you sang and this one where you hung up just might make her a tad bit hostile (evil)
?

At this point I really don't care. I'm just stating what happened. You can all know the results when they come around. I don't need justifications for her actions.

There was this wall I hit. Then I climbed it. Now I can see for miles and miles.

Good it is good to see for miles and miles

Today was the day of the play. I acted cool. We laughed and joked etc. she smiled and held my hand throughout the entire play. Her hand left mine to clap sometimes, but it would go right back into mine.

After the play we held each other. She kissed me three times on the mouth. Her friend was there and said, "hey! i thought you guys were going to try to be friends!" I felt like that was the appropriate opening. I asked her to be my girlfriend again.

She said no. I asked why. She said because her parents were forbidding her from seeing me. I asked why again. She said because I stole from walmart, got caught, and blamed her for it. I told her that I wasn't blaming her for my actions, my friend was. That's the truth. It was my friend's idea to steal from walmart in the first place.

I asked her why she told her mom about it. She said because she goes to her mom for advice. I told her I was going to have to talk to her mom about this. She told me not to.

Her mom pulled up, I opened the door.
Her mom: "Do you need a ride?"
Me: "No. What's up with this whole you forbidding me from seeing Danielle again thing?"
Her mom: "Now is not the time to talk about that."
Me: "okay, then call me later."
Her mom: "okay, but not today. we're busy."
Me: "that's fine."

Now I have to figure out what to tell her mom to convince her to allow her daughter to go out with me. I'm the guy that made her daughter cry, stole from walmart, and looks like an a**hole.

Advice besides give up on her would be nice. Specifically what to say to her mom when I look like the guy who's just going to hurt her daughter again.

All you can do is be as honest as you can about your mistakes and how you are seeking to learn how to better yourself. That you learned your lessons about ____________, ___________, and whatever else.

For some reason I doubt her mom will call back. The ex herself will probably initiate the conversation.

New plan is to NC until she calls, then agree with breakup saying something like, "you're right, the relationship wasn't working. we both need some time to mature and find out what we want. maybe we can get back somewhere else down the line, but not now."

new plan is to NC

This is what we've been telling you for the last 2 weeks :rolleyes:

Friend, I don't agree with this at all. All he is doing is playing games, he's trying to use NC as a weapon to get her back, which isn't working. Maybe when he finally gets his balls back he will realize what a fool he is being.

Yeah NC is not working here. He just uses it as a defense mechanism when it isn't going his way... then one word from her and he is right back there and all that.

Reck
Yeah she won't call you. It is to her advantage to not call you. Out of sight, out of mind.
She will stall talking to you because she DOESN'T HAVE to talk to you.
So all you can do is when the time is right you take advantage of the opportunity to tell her.

It worked once before. Regardless of this fact, I have lost. I have 0 hope. Her parents will not be reasoned with. They probably will not even call. She will call within a week. I will agree with the breakup. Time will pass by. Situations will be decided.

It was decided 19 pages ago, you are just to thickheaded to accept that it's over. Why would she want to be together with someone who doesn't have a spine and she can manipulate into thinking he's got a chance and getting whatever she wants while being able to meet new people.

And I know you're going to say "she's not seeing anyone else" and if you believe that, you're just a darn fool

Right now she isn't seeing anyone else. I know this is true. She doesn't have the time with RD still staying at her house until Monday. Maybe a week later she will. Maybe a month later she will. I know that's what her friends want. They'll try their best to hook her up with somebody.

The only way to be strong is to ignore her. Even when she calls I have to not pick up. The talk with her parents can't end well so why am I even trying? My hope was stolen from me yesterday.

I say that I won't pick up, but I probably will. Curiosity will force me to do it. I'll tell her it's over and that I accept it. Time will pass. Things will happen.

Wow, you are so naïve. You are STILL blaming her friends for things, I can already tell that you don't like blaming her for anything or yourself.

If she wants to see other people, she will do it on her own. She doesn't need her friends help. You really need to get out of her life, you are way to attached to her for anyone's good

I do blame myself. I'm getting out by telling her I'm getting out.

WHY! Why do you feel the need to tell her you are getting out? I think getting out is what she wanted considering she ended it

WHY! Why do you feel the need to tell her you are getting out? I think getting out is what she wanted considering she ended it

Yep looks to me like the self justification thing of
YOU can't fire me I quit
I HAVE to have the last 'laugh'.

I want her to know that I agree to our being finished so she doesn't think she can come back whenever she wants to. She knows she has me and I have to tell her that she doesn't.

You know how you stop her from thinking that?

Don't pick up the phone when she calls!

It's really that simple

Fine. Eventually she'll get the message once she has tried enough times.

You have told her that a few times within the past week or so and you still keep going back
So she KNOWS already that your final words are not your final words so what's the point?

I can picture it now. You on the phone telling her we are through. She is rolling her eyes and saying whatever to patronize you and thinking in the back of her mind... we had this conversation last week when he called and sang that silly song to me. Wonder when we will have this conversation again... maybe this weekend. Okay I'll keep playing along to see how long this goes on.

I never told her that. I never said we were over or that I would stop calling. Romefalls19 is right when he says the best way is to not pick up.

So you never told her that after the play you were through ''If... '' or that you were only going to the play because you already had the tickets.

Anyway whether you said anything to her or not about not being together. She knows your patterns and she knows you like a book so if you did call and say you are through she won't believe it because she figures she knows you all too well

Nope. I never did say that we were through. I said I was going to the play because she told me it was good and I wanted to have fun.

I'm not going to call her. She's going to call me. You're right when you say she knows me like a book, but I know her like one too.

When she calls I'll tell her we're done. Then I have to enforce it.

I honestly cannot believe I have read this whole thread... but I have AND I read it to everyone at work. Reckless I want to meet you so bad because if anything to hit you upside your head so you get some common sense back. There is no way you can be this attached to this girl that honestly does not care about you and just keeps you around for entertainment purposes... My coworkers and I have desperately been trying to figure out how old you are... we have a bid going on and my bet is that you will never tell. I'm amazed at all the advice that you have been getting from all these intelligent and knowing people but everything seems so repetitive... I swear these 20 pages are repeated every other page because you have this weird bipolar stage where you are just going back and forth on what to do; like one min you are done with her climbing a mountain moving on crap and the next she kissed me three times on the mouth and I asked her to be my girlfriend...

This is all very amazing to me... When I first read your question my heart went out to you and I thought your "gf" was a loser; then by I think it was page two I was like awesome he is getting somewhere he can break up with her and move on with his life... then this crazy rollar coaster kicked in... I no longer feel for you I see you as a controlling, manipulative, kind of obsessed guy. And now I am feeling for your "gf"... I really hope you figure this out and what you really want and if this is it please continue but reading this thread makes me want to scream due to your ignorance...

I hope all ends how you want it to reckless but with past experience and a little common sense I think you just might not have the outcome you want.

Good Luck,
Kagan

i want her to know that i agree to our being finished...nope. i never did say that we were through.

the best way is to not pick up....when she calls i'll tell her we're done. then i have to enforce it.

...you're right when you say she knows me like a book, but i know her like one too.

Haha, good God, you don't make sense. You'll never learn, and she's probably been seeing someone this whole time, but I bet you believe she's not because she told you so.

Honestly slapshot, I don't give a damn.

It's been 3 days of NC.

I went out with my friends to a movie and they all convinced me that she's a horrible person. They told me to convince myself that I didn't need her and that I had to live for myself, not for her. They said that I wasn't the same person, always depressed and such. They said they wanted to see the real me next time we went out.

They're all right. At this point it doesn't matter whether I wanted her back or not. This situation is totally unsalvageable. I shouldn't want her back because she's done this twice to me.

I have no more elaborate plans. My only plan is to NC and if she really wants to talk to me she'll find a way besides the phone.

She hasn't called the whole 3 days. She obviously doesn't want to talk to me. Normally I would chalk this up to her wanting to spend the last few days with her best friend in peace, but I'm not that crazy anymore. Why should I waste all my time on someone who doesn't care?

Her parents haven't called. Something inside of me knew they wouldn't. I prepared myself for this. Now it's just hard because I'm trying my best to stop thinking about her.

Her friend will be back home tomorrow. I'd like to call her friend just to find out how my ex feels. I know that's probably not the best thing to do, but I'd like to know the reason behind all of this without asking my ex. I'll probably never find out the real reason and I'll just have to live with that.

Thanks for telling me how stupid I am. You were all right. Good job.

update:

It has been a week of NC and I kept strong.

I went to the mall and asked my usual shopkeeper for a green tea drink. I asked him how much it would cost. He replied, “For you... $4.” I saw him ring up $4.67 on the cash register. After a few minutes of mixing, he handed me a green tea smoothie

Me: “That's not what I asked for. I want liquid green tea, as usual, not a smoothie.”
Shopkeeper: “I've never sold liquid green tea. I just sell coffee.”
Me: “Then what were you selling me before? Don't you remember me?”
Shopkeeper: “I remember you, but I don't remember what your drink was. What color was it?”
Me: “A brownish color.”
Shopkeeper: “Then it must have been coffee.”
Me: “No, it was definitely green tea.”
Shopkeeper: “Ask anyone around here if I sell green tea. They know me. I've been here for 7 months.”
Me: “No. What am I going to do with this green tea smoothie? I don't want this. You take it.”
Shopkeeper: “I don't drink smoothies, I just drink coffee.”
Me: “Then I'm going to have to give it to someone.”
Shopkeeper: “The trashcan is right over there.”
Me: “No, I'm not going to waste it.”

I asked a random person if they wanted a free smoothie. They refused.

Me: “Ok, now what?”
Shopkeeper: “I'll make you a deal. You can ask five more people if they want your smoothie. If you can get one of them to take it, I'll pay you $10.”
Me: “Five people?”
Shopkeeper: “Five people.”
Me: “Fine, deal.”

I asked four people if they wanted a free smoothie and all four refused. I returned to the shopkeeper.

Me: “Ok clearly, this is messed up.”
Shopkeeper: “You better hurry. I'm closing this place up in two minutes.”
Me: “Ok, wow. So you're giving me a time limit now?”
Shopkeeper: “Yeah! I have to be out of this place by nine.”

I finally saw a good target. There were two young punk guys and one of their fat girlfriends. All I had to say was “free smoothie” and the punk guy took it right out of my hands.

Me: “Ok, I win.”
Shopkeeper: “I'm true to my word.”

He opened up his register and pulled out my $10. I walked away satisfied and $6 richer. I got home and the first thing I wanted to do was tell my ex about my story. Surprisingly, SHE HAD CALLED ME half-an-hour ago, when I was still in the mall. I called her and immediately broke into my story in an excited voice. She laughed at my story and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Me: “That's all I wanted to tell you. I'm really busy, I have to go now.”
Her: “Wait…wait! So why did you call RD (her best friend) a few days ago?”
Me: “I just wanted to talk to my best friend in the world.”
Her: “Your best friend?”
Me: “Yeah, pretty much. I wanted to know if she made it back to Florida okay.”
Her: “Oh…alright.”
Me: “I have a lot of stuff to do. Bye.”

I hung up, but within fifteen seconds the phone rang again.

Me: “Okay, so why are you calling me again? I told you I was busy.”
Her: (Giggle.) “I meant to call RD.”

That's my story. She's curious as to how I'm doing. I showed her that I'm doing just fine and that my life is exciting. I hung up on her because I was “busy.” I think I'm doing it right. Back to no contact again.

I'd really be just fine without her at this point. My friend is trying to hook me up with a girl I don't know, but those things never really pan out. I'll get a new girlfriend on the random eventually.

I was wondering where you disappeared to.

Looks like you need to find another coffee shop while you're at it.

Well I guess that sums it up for NC reckless style.

This is the most arse backwards attempt at an excuse to break NC that I have seen on this board, sure birthdays happen and I can understand that urge, but a stupid bet about Green Tea and coffee and you HAVE to call her and tell her about it? Really

So after a long time of NC I got the "let's just be friends call." I said "no."

I can finally move on with my life.

I have been totally NC since she called to be friends and I said no.

But something interesting happened. She is the only other person who knows my Myspace password. She logged into my account and deleted a poem I wrote for her a long time ago. Now this really angered me, because she was violating my privacy.

I changed my password so she couldn't continue creeping through my account.

I talked to my friend about it, and he noticed that she had blocked him from Facebook. We made a bet as to whether she had blocked me too. I bet that she did, he bet that she didn't. The truth is that she did.

I had long since stopped checking her Facebook, but it's interesting to know that she blocked me. I feel a little bit of sting, but it's really not that bad.

I must really be getting to her because she took this way too far. It's not that I'm trying to hurt her, I'm just trying to live my life. I guess she's making the right moves.

Good, she blocked you... all the more reason to leave her in the past and look toward the future.

I know it just pisses me off a little bit that she went into my account.

I'm glad I never caved in and checked her stuff, because it would have been so much worse if I figured it out like that. I never would have known if my friend hadn't brought it up. My only regret is that I didn't block her first.

I'm doing just fine. I got a gym pass for somewhere within 5 minutes of walking distance and I see my friends almost every day.

I just want my experience to be an example to everyone who wants to do stupid stuff like contact her, give her gifts, serenade her, etc. I did all of the above.

I learned by experience that NC is the best thing to do, and I didn't do it. Now that I've finally started life feels a whole hell of a lot better.

Some take longer than others to learn, some never learn, so at least you have learned, and that's a great thing.

You'll be doing better and better
Good to hear things are progressing for you.

Glad that u're progressing, after reading your posts, its like you're making yourself a toy to her whether she wants it or not while she's living in her own normal life. Your over confidence and stubbornness brought u no where in NC, just prolonging the healing process as u realised now. "When you're pretty much over here i dont think u'd be around here posting about her." Take that as reference whether u're moving on or just talking crap to make yourself look good.

You've learned to live with yourself and make your own decisions without obstacles stopping you from doing so.

I would say that's the one of the greatest things you can accomplish.

I'm glad you've finally come to your sense's and realised the power of NC.

I don't know about the others but I have to admit there were a few times I had almost given up on you because of your stubbornness.

Anyway alls good that ends good :)

Drop her like she's hot. NO Contact. Let her chase you.

In the mean time find yourself a woman. Leave the little girls in the sand box where they belong right next to the buried cat poop.

I'm getting really pissed. I called her last week about getting my stuff back but didn't get an answer. I left a message asking when a good time would be. This is one week later and I still haven't gotten an answer for when I can get it back.

I called again and left another message about when I could get my stuff back, it's just really pissing me off. Do I just have to resign myself to the fact that she has my $80 flash drive and fuzzy handcuffs? Should I keep trying, or just accept the fact that she has my stuff?

Just leave your stuff.

Its an excuse to contact her and you know it.

My ex owes me $50k. I don't think I'm going to see that either.

Ive chosen to get on with my life. You need to do the same.

Is it really worth getting pi55ed for a lousy $80?

Like Chrissep said just leave it and get on with the healing , no point going back a few steps.

Yes leave it-I ve got lots of clothes in my exes flat but they can stay there-Im not bothered.

yes leave it-I ve got lots of clothes in my exes flat but they can stay there-Im not bothered.

And what a great excuse to treat yourself and buy some new clothes ;)

I have left a lot of stuff all over the place, and it can all be replaced, because its just stuff, and not worth the hassle. It sure ain't worth being frustrated or mad about. Or breaking NC, nor waiting for a response from a stubborn ex.

Let her keep her souvenirs.