I have been divorced for 4yrs. We have joint physical custody. I recently moved 60 miles away and lost my job. We have always rotated the weeks w/ kids however Im in a school district that has better school system but exhusband will only agree to leave it the way it is. Can I just put them in school out here? I do everything for the kids and when he has them his sister and 70+ mother does the caregiving.

Who has legal custody (different then physical custody)?

Hi new to the site and trying to decided to go back to court or if in fact I am the parent that is wrong in the situation.

Ive been divorced 4yrs. We share joint physical custody. For years we have switched off every Friday. I recently moved 60 miles away from ex and we can't decide on school. He wants to continue busing kids to school where they are on an 2hr roundtrip. I can take them and pick up if w/me. THE school system is better where I am and his mom and sister does all the caregiving for him. When trying to discuss it with him he's not open to anything but him making the decision that's comfortable with him, I asked for kids to go close to my job and I would bring the home everyday even during his week but he stated that was not convient for his sister. Now I am unemployed can I just put the kids in school by me or do we need to go to court? I don't want to go to court and loose my time w/kids because I moved and I'm unemployed. I think he just doesn't want to potentially pay child support. Now that I'm not working I asked for a little money to help me with the kids and he said NO! Now he lives w/his mother makes 50k yr. I get 1800/mth on unemployment and he's not willing to help. WHAT ARE MY OPTIONS SCHOOLS STARTING SOON?

You should go get the order modified.
You tell why you feel they are better in your school district and then you agree that he gets more visits on non school days.
You can give him every FRI. 6 pm to Sun evening, a month or two for summer vacation and any holidays you are willing to give up.
Give him an offer he can't refuse and then present it to the Judge.

Regardless of his motivation, if this cannot be amicably decided on your own, it needs to be brought to court/mediation. A 60 mile round trip for school to maintain joint physical custody is unrealistic. HOWEVER, there is a solid potential that you will not come out on top of mediation since you were the one that chose to move. The court's interest is what is in the best interest of the children. Changing schools rarely is. The fact that your schools are better helps your case some, but it is not a slam dunk.

I would get a good lawyer soon.

Please post once in one category - asked and answered on the legal board.

Is there a parenting or visitation schedule ordered by the courts? Did you get permission from your ex or the court to move?

If there was a visitation schedule in place and you moved without permission you may be considered in contempt of court. Moving 60 miles away interferes with your ex's right to visitation.

You NEED to go back to court and hash this out before he files for contempt.

We both have legal custody. We have equal rights and were in California.. I want to do what's best for the kids if I need to take them on weekends I will however I don't feel its fair that when they're with me I do the cooking homework, bathing and when with him his mom primarily does everything.

Who has legal custody (different then physical custody)?

We both have legal custody. However I may be in the wrong since I choose to move

we both have legal custody. We have equal rights and were in California.. I want to do whats best for the kids if I need to take them on weekends I will however I dont feel its fair that when theyre with me I do the cooking homework, bathing and when with him his mom primarily does everything.

We understand that you don't feel its fair. However, from a legal standpoint, its not relevant. What he chooses to do with the kids when he is custodial is primarily his business.

So since we have equal rights I can't just put them in school out here? We have not found a school for our 10 yr old who is going to middle school and the schools in his area are not good academically so he's trying to get her in other school districts. Should I just take them on weekends? Before I was willing to drive them but now being unemployed I can't afford it and he doesn't want to help me financially. But I do want what's in the best interest of the kids

so since we have equal rights I can't just put them in school out here? We have not found a school for our 10 yr old who is going to middle school and the schools in his area are not good academically so hes trying to get her in other school districts. should I just take them on weekends? before I was willing to drive them but now being unemployed I can't afford it and he doesnt want to help me financially. but I do want whats in the best interest of the kids


If you haven't found a school in your area then there is no convincing a Judge, Where do the 7th and 8th graders in your area go?

You have to first have a school established then make a workable plan that he or the Judge take you up on like I said in my previous reply and tell the Judge the conveniences of your school area vs the inconveniences of his.

N0 middle school in mind =no chance for you.

so since we have equal rights I can't just put them in school out here? We have not found a school for our 10 yr old who is going to middle school and the schools in his area are not good academically so hes trying to get her in other school districts. should I just take them on weekends? before I was willing to drive them but now being unemployed I can't afford it and he doesnt want to help me financially. but I do want whats in the best interest of the kids

That wouldn't be exercising equal rights, but forcing a complaint, which will work against you in court. Equal means he also has equal say in where they go to school.

What you *should* do is whatever you feel is best for your children. Its hard for us to determine this since we really don't know all of the factors involved.

If you haven't found a school in your area then there is no convincing a Judge, Where do the 7th and 8th graders in your area go?

You have to first have a school established then make a workable plan that he or the Judge take you up on like I said in my previous reply and tell the Judge the conveniences of your school area vs the inconveniences of his.

N0 middle school in mind =no chance for you.

No, it's the exact opposite. I have a school in my area and in my address zone. He doesn't have a school. He willnot allow her to go to a middle school in his zone because of academics are poor and crime so he has her on a waiting list for the school he wanted her to go to since she didn't get accepted.

So if she doesn't get picked up off the waiting list she has to attend the school in his zone. That is not good for her as she is a gifted student and the school in my zone are #1

What about support since I am now unemployed do I have alegal right to request assistance?

what about support since I am now unemployed do I have alegal right to request assistance?

I don't know CA laws specifically, but if there is disparity in income even if there is joint physical custody, support is generally ordered. The idea is to keep things equal between families. CA has a thing called a dissometer that you can probably Google to figure out what would actually be owed in many circumstances.

Alternately, if you give up your current physical custody order for visitation you may owe support.

Is there any chance you can move back closer to where your children are going to school now? If you're unemployed, it doesn't seem there would be anything holding you to stay where you are (unless you own a house you can't sell.)

No, its the exact opposite. I have a school in my area and in my address zone. He doesnt have a school. He willnot allow her to go to a middle school in his zone because of academics are poor and crime so he has her on a waiting list for the school he wanted her to go to since she didnt get accepted.

So if she doesnt get picked up off the waiting list she has to attend the school in his zone. That is not good for her as she is a gifted student and the school in my zone are #1

Then that is more in your favor.
Make a plan he will go along with
Every weekend holidays and summer vacation in exchange for you having them school days.

However I may be in the wrong since I choose to move

First you never answered whether there is a court ordered parenting plan or visitation schedule. You also didn't directly answer whethere you had permission to move, though the above quote seems to answer in the negative.

Second, as Steve said, equal rights means EQUAL. You both have an equal says. So if you can't come to an agreement, then you need to go back to the court or a mediator to work things out.

I have a burning question that hasn't been asked... If your unemployed who are you living with and what guarantee do you have of getting a job in the same place your in now ?

I am remarried. No we don't have a court ordered visitation we just decided on our own what we would do. I did speak w/ my ex about moving and he was OK with it. My husband and I decided to move to have space for the kids. He lives a 2bdrm hm w/ his mom, dad, & sister. We moved to a 5bdrm hm cause I do have a 10mth old daughter. I have been asking him when he would move so the kids would be more comfortable but says financially he can't but can afford to drive a 06 bmw 525. I can't leave until my lease is up.

Sorry he can't afford to move but can afford his car.

If the visitation isn't court ordered and the ex agreed to the move, then he had to consider the issue of schools. I would approach this with him telling him, that since he agreed to the move he needs to agree to their change of schools. If he wants to fight it tell him to go to court. Then register the kids.

I presume that, prior to your moving, you and your ex lived in the same school district? If in fact the custody order calls for joint physical custody then I'm afraid your ex has the ace in the hole on this one. You moved 60 miles away so that puts the onus on you. Ultimately, one of you will have to bend since, regardless of which school district you enroll them in, you'll need to supply proof of residence. And a fraudulent school registration can have serious consequences so you don't want to go there. So, strictly speaking, you'll probably have to be the one who'll have to give in this situation and let the kids primarily reside with your ex so that they can legally attend school in that district. You can certainly have liberal visitation when school's not in session, though you'll be doing a lot of driving to make it happen.

She said they agreed without the court.
She also said he does not have a suitable middle school in his area

I'm afraid your ex has the ace in the hole on this one. You moved 60 miles away so that puts the onus on you.

I disagree. Since the ex agreed to the move, I think he may have relinquished his rights in this particular issue.

Well there's SOME designated public school where children of that age who reside in that area attend, free of charge, for nothing more than a simple proof of residence such as a utility bill. Whether it's a "good" or "suitable" school is largely a matter of opinion ; the fact is that it's there. And if that's the school district where they're used to attending, that'll be an ace in the hole as well. And speaking as a professional educator, it should be.

We have never lived in the same school district. We apply to "choice schools" in la to get the kids to a better school and they get bused. In Ca if you don't live in great areas and the school you're assigned to is below on test scores you can apply to other schools. We did that and she didn't get accepted for middle school. My problem with him he's not wiling to consider what's best for the kids. I would rearrange my schedule when I was working to take the kids to the bus. The school was 1hr away. I don't want her have to go to a low performing school because he's selfish. When I proposed before that she attend school by my job last year and I would take her home everyday even during him time his response was who was going to drive her there. When it just involved him getting up a little earlier than 7am to drop her and it was litereally 6 miles from his job. We may have to go to court cause he only wants what's convient for him. And if she doesn't get into a school he's just going to use someone's address instead of me using my own residence and her going to a top school in ca.

Well there's SOME designated public school where children of that age who reside in that area attend, free of charge, for nothing more than a simple proof of residence such as a utility bill. Whether or not it's a "good" or "suitable" school is largely a matter of opinion ; the fact is that it's there. And if that's the school district where they're used to attending, that'll be an ace in the hole as well. And speaking as a professional educator, it should be.

She said the school is unsuitable due to violence and poor quality education or something like that.

And she wants to go to school here. There are more programs for her and she can get into after school activities as where before she couldn't because she was bused. The school by me is 2 blocks away. And test scores are 20% higher than the school he's lying about an address for.

Thanks for all your help. I wanted to get others insight cause I don't want to fight over my kids I want them to have the best education and be happy. So the fact that they have their own rms where as they're sleeping in a living room and better school system that I don't have to jump through hoops for I thought would be good for them. The twins are 6 so they're neutral. My oldest is soon 11 and she wants to stay here.

OK yeah she could go to the public school that is assigned to his address but do you really expect me to think as an educator you would send your child to a school where the school isn't even meeting the states standards, the crime is ridiculous not to mention teen pregnancy. She is an advanced student and to not send her to a school that would challenge her I think is selfish of the parent. The idea is to do what's best for the child not you and that's why I'm here

Take it to court and tell the Judge all the advantages over his disadvantages and give him liberal visitation in your suggestion for a visitation plan. Then hope for the best

I think I will petition the court. Im open to the weekends and holidays and every other week in the summers only cause they're bore there cause he's to cheap to pay for camp or some activities instead leaves them with his 70+ mother. When I drop the kids off on Friday by Monday they're asking me when am I coming to pick them up. So I guess I need to go to court.

Being 60 miles apart it might be better to suggest every other week and if you want to get them enrolled in summer camps you should take the camp brochures with you.

I disagree. Since the ex agreed to the move, I think he may have relinquished his rights in this particular issue.Yes, but where is it ever indicated that the ex "agreed" to the move?

Yes, but where is it ever indicated that the ex "agreed" to the move?

Post #21


I did speak w/ my ex about moving and he was ok with it.

He said he was OK with the move and then after I moved I lost my job. I don't really think he thought aboout it in detail cause I still worked out there and its summer so we were already going back and forth about school. So then I asked about her going to school here and he said No. I was commuting to the city daily if you live in Ca or near many people commute. I live in the Inland Empire and he is in Los Angeles area. I would even take them on weekends but he's not willing to take them M-F.

If he is not willing to them M-F how does he expect to get them to school?

The school by me is 2 blocks away. And test scores are 20% higher than the school hes lying about an address for.

Can you obtain copies of her school registration and prove the address he used to register her there is not accurate?

Since moving for you is not feasible and it appears you have a better living situation than your ex, not to mention - living closer to the school, you could try using all of this to your favor and hope for the best in court.

*I would not mention the BMW as a comparison of what ex can and cannot afford.* I would stick to the school and preferred living situation.

Yes comparing incomes and financial status is not good unless they are out right negligent in meeting their needs.

Thanks yes I can prove it if he goes through with using an address. I would never go into court talking about his car... lol, I just get frustrated sometimes that he would keep the same living arrangements instead of having the kids more comfortable.

Thanks Everyone