So... my parents split when I was 13... basically turned my whole world upside down. My mom left, and its only now (10 years later) that I really realize why she left and I am glad she did. My relationship with my dad has been really really hard. I became his emotional punching bag right when my mom left, he had no where to take his anger out but on me. My mom had me with someone else, and my dad adopted me when I was just 2, so he is all I know as a Father. He always provided for us very well, in a financial way. Emotionally, he's out to lunch.

When I was just in grade 10 I got a summer job where my mom lives (45 minutes away) and a week before school started, he washed his hands of me and dropped all my stuff off at my moms house and said " here you take him, im done". So, being 16 and very close to my friends, there was no way I would move down to my moms and continue school. So I found a way to live back near home at a friends house so I could graduate with all my friends, Ever since then, he's been especially pissed off about it, and won't admit that he was "done" with me. Anyway, my life became about work and more work and trying to please everyone else but myself. It lead me down a road of addiction and self medicating myself until I was ready to die. My girlfriend at the time called my mom, and long story short I ended up in rehab and have been able to turn my life around and am now 10 months sober.. my mom has really really been there for me. Since my turn around, I've been able to upgrade all the high school courses I messed around in, and I have now been accepted into College for the fall. Something I always thought about, but never thought I could make possible due to my really garbage attitude in high school. I have always been an academic, but I have finally got in touch with that side of me and I feel really happy. When my dad found out about my rehab journey, he went up one side of my mom and down the other, basically telling her that its her fault and she ed everything up. He never once called me to say " are you ok" or "can I help??".. washed his hands again... about 5 months after I got out of treatment, I saw him about 4 times, I went down to his house for the weekends. We spent quality time talking and rebuilding I really felt positive about it all. It was a new beginnning and things felt good. About 2 weeks ago he calls me out of the blue to tell me how ty of a son I am and how Ive ed up my life and going nowhere... basically discounted those times we spent together that meant a lot to me... I love him, but no one can talk to me like this. I have always stood up for myself, even when I was a teenager and he's always hated that. It even led to physical altercations, but I never backed down. Anyway, after his phone call he's been acting like nothing happened. He stopped by today and picked me up to drive me to work because he had some funeral to go to in town. He told me I am making a mistake in going to college, and that " I HAVE MORE POTENTIAL". I said thanks for the compliment, but this is my life and this is what I AM doing. He said " awesome, follw your dreams"... but he said it in a mocking sarcastic way. I got out of the truck and he drove off. Then after the funeral he shows up at my work, and I don't know if that was his conscience or what the hell, but I was at work and obviously customers around I couldn't tell him to leave. He just made small talk and said," come see me at the house we need to talk"... so I don't know. I feel ing hurt and upset and I just don't know where I stand all the time. Should I quit contact and continue living my life. Is that in my best interest? Should I keep around my dad who discounts the good times we have together and constantly focuses on negative? I need help.

Your fathers behavior is very wishy washy.

It sounds as if he is unable to come to terms with your adulthood and is still stuck in the parental trap of thinking he can manage your life for you.

Some parents have no clue how to stop treating you like a child who needs constant direction and focus.

He has to learn that as you grow,so must his relationship with you.

He is now in the position to treat you as an equal and be more of a counselor and guide than a dictator.

Perhaps he feels that it is a power struggle and he just does not
Know where his place is so he reverts to treating you like a child.

You have expressed yourself in a very eloquent way here,my suggestion is to do the same with him,or even show him this post.

This is his issue and he needs to step out of his comfort zone and learn how to accept and appreciate his adult son.

Thanks, I appreciate the feedback.. I have tried to express myself, but constantly find myself in these battles that become about "winning"... and in the end up feeling like I did something wrong.

I think when you said "Perhaps he feels that it is a power struggle and he just does not
know where his place is so he reverts to treating you like a child."

That seems to make sense...


Anyhow, I really really do not like to bring up the past because I am really over what happened between my parents a decade ago... I just think a lot of the behaviors stem from that.

anyhow, I really really do not like to bring up the past because I am really over what happened between my parents a decade ago... I just think a lot of the behaviors stem from that.
I am sure that the past has much to do with it and while you can be done with it emotionally,if it is still having repercussions today,than it is still an issue.

Get it out in the open and don't allow him to manipulate you into thinking you have done something wrong when you express your feelings.Your feelings should be validated ,weather he agrees with them or not.

A nice long honest chat is needed here and before you talk ,have some ground rules about listening and not making it a competition about who is right or wrong.
Communication takes works,good communication takes a lot of work.Tell him how you feel and then the ball will be in his court.

Good luck and congratulations on your sobriety! As an aside,he may be feeling some guilt for his abandonment of you and not know how to atone for that.Maybe he needs you to tell him you forgive him,if in fact you do.