My step dad has a really bad temper and he ends up blaming me for everything that goes wrong in his life! :mad: He even came home one day and through me on the floor yelling at me about how I stressed him out and caused him to get fired.And I barely speak to him! He hits/pushes me almost every day over the smallest things! And sometimes when he's in his so calld "GOOD MOOD" he'll hold me against the wall either by my shoulders or neck and whisper really perverted stuff into my ear! He's done this a few times and it's just creepy!!

I've threatened my mom many times that I would go to live with my biological father if she didn't do anything about this (and I really don't want to do that, because I wouldn't want to move away from friends :( ) but she believes everything this guy says and I don't see why, since I am her own flesh and blood! My step dad keeps telling my mom I'm being delusional (which I'm not!) and she believes him over me. Why won't she just listen to me! We used to have a really good relationship until we moved in with my step dad... and now I feel like she's changed completely.

What are some things I can do to get her to listen or do something or even just believe me over him for once!! And please don't say anything about taping it... I've already thought over that and I have absolutely no idea what so ever how I'm going to get my hands on any sort of camera. :confused:

I'm so sorry to hear this you shouldn't br going trough anything like that. Back to the idia of taping it, you say you can't get a camara but if you get a voice recorder you can pick them up for under £10 and if he is shouting at you it should pick it up. Sit down with your mom and tell her you love her and you don't want her to be with someone like that and you don't want to see her get hurt as you no what he is like what if he gets angry at her one day. The only other thing you can do is phone the polise so she noes your being serious as what he is doing to is is illigal. Hope this can help let me no how things go.

Some mothers just never get it (like my own mother). Don't wait until she finally believes it. There's too great a chance she's not going to believe it until he does something drastic like rape you or beat you so bad you end up in the hospital. Forget her. Protect yourself. Your safety and well being is more important than being with your friends. If that's the only thing from stopping you to live with your dad, that's a lame excuse (obviously, your parents would have to have the custody agreement changed but I'm being optimistic and assuming your father would go to court for you in a heartbeat to protect you). If you're old enough to come online looking for help then you're old enough that you should also be able to contact your father for help if you haven't already.

You need to call your bio dad and tell him what is going on. I fear for your safety and the problem will only escalate. Your stepdad has problems and worse yet for any mother to take a stepdads word over a child when there is verbal , physical and sexual abuse.

Since he is accusing you of being dilusional ask them why they don't get you into therapy and get diagnosed then.
Then you would be able to sort this all out with a counselor.

im so sorry to hear this you shouldnt br going trough anything like that. back to the idia of taping it, you say you can't get a camara but if you get a voice recorder u can pick them up for under £10 and if he is shouting at u it should pick it up. sit down with your mom and tell her you love her and you dont want her to be with someone like that and you dont want to see her get hurt as you no what he is like what if he gets angry at her one day. the only other thing you can do is phone the polise so she noes your being serious as what he is doing to is is illigal. hope this can help let me no how things go.

Well I didn't mean it as if I couldn't go out and buy it, because I probably could... I meant it as in I have no transportion, and even if I did I would have to come up with a pretty good excuse of where I went and why I went. I couldn't just say "Oh I"m going over to my friends house" because my step dad would probably call that friend's house and figure out I didn't really go there. If one of my friends could drive, then that would be GREAT! But none of them do.

you need to call your bio dad and tell him what is going on. I fear for your safety and the problem will only escalate. your stepdad has problems and worse yet for any mother to take a stepdads word over a child when there is verbal , physical and sexual abuse.


Its not sexual abuse, he's never gone any farther than that whispering stuff.

since he is accusing you of being dilusional ask them why they don't get you into therapy and get diagnosed then.
Then you would be able to sort this all out with a counselor.

Haha well that's actually a really good idea, but I've already done something sort of like that. I told my mom (when we were alone) that if she truly thought I was being delusional and that all I was saying was a lie, then she should get someone else for me to talk to, like maybe the sheriff who lives a few blocks down, and see what he has to say about it. She basically ignored me and told my step dad what I told her later that day. And that lead to him hitting me after she left for work.

Hey beachgurl,

I'm sorry that you have to deal with something like this in your life. You are a very strong, courageous person and no one should have to live in conditions like this. Since your mom isn't listening to you, have you tried to talk to your dad about what's going on? He could speak to your mom and try to make your living situation better for you. I feel bad saying this, but it would probably be in your best interest if you lived with your biological father. It would stink being away from your friends, but if your stepdad decides to try to really hurt you, which seems very likely at this point, your friends won't be able to help you. Because at this point your situation could only get worse. I don't want to scare you, but you need to think about your safety. It sounds like your stepdad could having a bad influence on your mom, and for all you know he may be hurting her too and she's too afraid to defend herself against him. If you can't talk to your dad, you can try speaking to a counselor at your school and ask them what to do, they could probably give you the best advice on how to handle your current situation and it would be held confidential.

I hope things work out for you and that they get better. You've done nothing wrong and you don't deserve to be hurt by your stepdad. Your mom is in a bad relationship and hopefully she will eventually realize that too. Don't be afraid to seek help, you are strong and very brave.

hey beachgurl,

I'm sorry that you have to deal with something like this in your life. You are a very strong, courageous person and no one should have to live in conditions like this. Since your mom isn't listening to you, have you tried to talk to your dad about whats going on? He could speak to your mom and try to make your living situation better for you. I feel bad saying this, but it would probably be in your best interest if you lived with your biological father. It would stink being away from your friends, but if your stepdad decides to try to really hurt you, which seems very likely at this point, your friends won't be able to help you. Because at this point your situation could only get worse. I don't want to scare you, but you need to think about your safety. It sounds like your stepdad could having a bad influence on your mom, and for all you know he may be hurting her too and she's too afraid to defend herself against him. If you can't talk to your dad, you can try speaking to a counselor at your school and ask them what to do, they could probably give you the best advice on how to handle your current situation and it would be held confidential.

I hope things work out for you and that they get better. You've done nothing wrong and you don't deserve to be hurt by your stepdad. Your mom is in a bad relationship and hopefully she will eventually realize that too. Don't be afraid to seek help, you are strong and very brave.

I've decided to use my dad as a last resort... trust me, he wouldn't just 'TALK IT OVER WITH MY MOM'... uh definitely not telling a school counselor!! ONE) I'm out of school on summer vacation anyway TWO) They wouldn't keep it confidential and the counselor would be required by law to report it... since it is sometimes physical. Then it would only get worse and I'd rather just keep quiet about it and not say anything at all because he seriously scares the crap out of me, but I know I can't do that, so that's why I asked this question... I just wish someone could give me some more ideas to get my mom to listen.

Call the police.

Oh, and pack your bags, kiddo. I think a good ol' living experience with your REAL dad is in order.

You say you stay because you don't want to move away from your friends, so I have to wonder if you are old enough to take this situation seriously enough.

If what you say is accurate, you are being abused constantly and continuously, and you must have bruises with him being physical. Have you shown your mother these bruises? Where is she when this is going on between you and your step father- does his behaviour toward you happen only when she is not at home?

If you have an alternative place to go, i.e. your dad's, then it is time to go there, and if leaving your friends is what is holding you back, then you have to realize that they cannot be considered as a reason to stay, considering the circumstances for you right now.

There is a reason why adults are required by law to report abuse. That's to protect you from harm, and hold those accountable for the behaviour. To be afraid of the fallout, is to keep you in control, and prevent you from not taking steps to stop it.

My advice is you should call your father immediately, or send him an email, and tell him exactly what you have said here. If he fails to intervene appropriately, then call the Child Protective Services where you are. All such agencies have 24/7 staff available.

You could also speak with a trusted adult, a parent of a friend for example.

Your threatening to leave to your mother does nothing. I am not sure if it is because she doesn't believe you, or if it has to do with her being silenced as well. You did not say she was being abused herself.

One thing is for certain. If you don't speak out, nothing will change.

You say you stay because you don't want to move away from your friends, so I have to wonder if you are old enough to take this situation seriously enough.


If what you say is accurate, you are being abused constantly and continuously, and you must have bruises with him being physical. Have you shown your mother these bruises? Where is she when this is going on between you and your step father- does his behaviour toward you happen only when she is not at home?

If you have an alternative place to go, ie your dad's, then it is time to go there, and if leaving your friends is what is holding you back, then you have to realize that they cannot be considered as a reason to stay, considering the circumstances for you right now.

There is a reason why adults are required by law to report abuse. That's to protect you from harm, and hold those accountable for the behaviour. To be afraid of the fallout, is to keep you in control, and prevent you from not taking steps to stop it.

My advice is you should call your father immediately, or send him an email, and tell him exactly what you have said here. If he fails to intervene appropriately, then call the Child Protective Services where you are. All such agencies have 24/7 staff available.

You could also speak with a trusted adult, a parent of a friend for example.

Your threatening to leave to your mother does nothing. I am not sure if it is because she doesn't believe you, or if it has to do with her being silenced as well. You did not say she was being abused herself.

One thing is for certain. If you don't speak out, nothing will change.

My step dad has never hit me with a closed fist, most of the time they're slaps across the face, sometimes on my back or something. I don't bruise when he does this, if he hits hard enough I'll probably turn red for a little bit, but that's all. Obviously he does it when my mom isn't home, or else she would probably be listening to me by now.

Well I don't really know what's going on between my mom and him.

My step dad has never hit me with a closed fist, most of the time they're slaps across the face, sometimes on my back or something. I don't bruise when he does this, if he hits hard enough I'll probably turn red for a little bit, but that's all. Obviously he does it when my mom isn't home, or else she would probably be listening to me by now.

Well I don't really know what's going on between my mom and him. Slaps across the face as just as bad as closed fists and make him just as guilty. As the others have said, you need to get out of that situation now. Calling the police is a good idea, especially if you can manage to do so right after one of his "slaps" where there's still some red showing. You can always make new friends when you move to a new home such as with your father. Also, today's modern technology makes it easy enough to stay in touch with friends from just about any location on earth.

Do you really want help? We've all been offering you advice and telling you how to get yourself out of this situation. You have to empower yourself. Now one can help you if you don't tell them you need help. i.e. if you don't tell your dad you need help, he can't help you. If you won't tell a counselor, they can't help you. If you won't take our advice, we can't help you. It doesn't matter if he's using an open palm or a closed fist, he has no right to hit you. It doesn't matter that he hasn't acted on his perverted comments (yet), he has no right to make them. But by not speaking up and speaking out you allow his behavior to continue. I can't give you any advice on how to get your mother to believe you, because like I said before, she may never listen to you. Or if she does, it may be too late. You have a choice now. You know you can get out of there. We've told you ways to get yourself out of there. You can either take the advice or allow yourself to continue to be his victim. Its up to you.

She is afraid and I can understand because if she tells the only people that are there to help they can take her away from her family, friends and her life and that can be scary for a kid even in abuse or they could possibly not comprehend the real seriousness of it enough to remove her and leave her there and it would be worse because she did put it out in the public.

Its not sexual abuse, he's never gone any farther than that whispering stuff.


If you are a minor, this is SEXUAL ABUSE. Period.


Tell your biological father. Your doctor. Your priest/bishop/pastor. Your doctor. Your friends. Your friends parents. ANY OF THESE PEOPLE CAN HELP.


When all else fails, contact these people.

Welcome to Childhelp - Childhelp (http://www.childhelp.org/)

If You Suspect the Sexual Abuse of a Child | Stop It Now (http://www.stopitnow.org/adsearch/suspect_abuse?gclid=CJnCmKyh4JsCFRifnAodl2MV_Q)

Toll Free Crisis Hotlines (http://www.athealth.com/Consumer/issues/hotlines.html)

PLEASE listen to us hon.

do you really want help? we've all been offering you advice and telling you how to get yourself out of this situation. you have to empower yourself. now one can help you if you don't tell them you need help. ie, if you don't tell your dad you need help, he can't help you. if you won't tell a counselor, they can't help you. if you won't take our advice, we can't help you. it doesn't matter if he's using an open palm or a closed fist, he has no right to hit you. it doesn't matter that he hasn't acted on his perverted comments (yet), he has no right to make them. but by not speaking up and speaking out you allow his behavior to continue. i can't give you any advice on how to get your mother to believe you, because like i said before, she may never listen to you. or if she does, it may be too late. you have a choice now. you know you can get out of there. we've told you ways to get yourself out of there. you can either take the advice or allow yourself to continue to be his victim. its up to you.

Yes, "I really want help" Why don't you try putting yourself in my shoes and see how I feel about all of this? It's not as easy as it sounds. Yes, everyone's advice was probably great advice, but there are reasons I don't just want to jump right into them. (and these reason's don't include not having contact with friends) If there's some way around it, then I would try that first, and eventually if it ever came down to it, I would take everyone up on their advice... which was why I asked this question BEFORE I go off and do something I'll probably regret.

Yes... its always better to just wait until he puts you in the hosptial... maybe then your mother will listen... but probably not if she hasn't by now...

We told you what you should do...

I understand its hard. My mother abused me for years in my youth and I wanted to run away several times, but never did...

But you have to think about 'what will happen if he goes further with this'

One day he will come home very angry, and beat you so badly you almost die, or DO die.

One night he might decide he wants to have sex, but your mother is sick, or sleeping, so he comes into YOUR room.


Good luck hon. I hope and pray you make the right choice... but like you say... its YOUR choice... I just hope you don't take too long

My father used to beat the cr@p out of me. There was never any sexual abuse. But there was plenty of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. My mother knew about it. He did the same thing to her. I know its hard. But no one else can get you out of it. I finally started talking about it. I told my aunt. She was able to help me convince my mom to get me and my siblings out of there. She helped me get counseling. No one can help you unless you let them. Are you able to get in the car and leave? Not come back, go out and get your own place? Pay your own way for everything? I was under the impression that's not an option for you. But telling other people, letting them help you, that is an option.

my father used to beat the cr@p out of me. there was never any sexual abuse. but there was plenty of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. my mother knew about it. he did the same thing to her. i know its hard. but no one else can get you out of it. i finally started talking about it. i told my aunt. she was able to help me convince my mom to get me and my siblings out of there. she helped me get counseling. no one can help you unless you let them. are you able to get in the car and leave? not come back, go out and get your own place? pay your own way for everything? i was under the impression that's not an option for you. but telling other people, letting them help you, that is an option.

I'm really sorry about what happened with you in your past. It's sort of funny how you had just about the same problem as I'm having. But I'll still have to think it all through before I say anything.

You need to do something.
Even calling 800 hotline numbers might be helpful


Oh and keep a well hidden diary of detailed things he does with dates and times.
Like I told mom he ______________at 9 am she left for work at 9:30 he then slapped me at 9:35 after screaming at me.

Oh and keep a well hidden diary of detailed things he does with dates and times.
Like I told mom he ______________at 9 am she left for work at 9:30 he then slapped me at 9:35 after screaming at me.

Thanks the diary thing sounds like a good idea.

Well i didnt mean it as if I couldnt go out and buy it, because I probably could...... I meant it as in I have no transportion, and even if I did I would have to come up with a pretty good excuse of where I went and why I went. I couldn't just say "Oh I"m going over to my friends house" because my step dad would probably call that friend's house and figure out I didnt really go there. If one of my friends could drive, then that would be GREAT! but none of them do.

Give your friend the money and ask them to go buy it. Maybe one of their mothers would get it for you.

I think you know by now that your step father is abusing you and that anything you say to your mother will be repeated back to him.

I think that talking to your mother is making things worse, because she's in denial. She tells your step dad, he takes it our on you, and round it goes.

If you've got a cell phone, you could keep it on 'record' (secretly) when you're alone with him in the house and then play it back to your father. Keep the diary of dates and times hidden away. You may also want to mention what's happening to some of your friends so that there is proof you've told someone - apart from this forum.

Guys like your step father are bullies - the best thing you can do, at this stage is to remove yourself from the room that he's in and not respond to him in any shape or form. Don't go into your bedroom, go into the garden or the kitchen. Better still, get out and go to a friend's. Try and spend more time with your father or other family if you can.

Once you have enough evidence and have got the courage to do it - tell your father.

I think you know by now that your step father is abusing you and that anything you say to your mother will be repeated back to him.

I think that talking to your mother is making things worse, because she's in denial. She tells your step dad, he takes it our on you, and round it goes.

If you've got a cell phone, you could keep it on 'record' (secretly) when you're alone with him in the house and then play it back to your father. Keep the diary of dates and times hidden away. You may also want to mention what's happening to some of your friends so that there is proof you've told someone - apart from this forum.

Guys like your step father are bullies - the best thing you can do, at this stage is to remove yourself from the room that he's in and not respond to him in any shape or form. Don't go into your bedroom, go into the garden or the kitchen. Better still, get out and go to a friend's. Try and spend more time with your father or other family if you can.

Once you have enough evidence and have got the courage to do it - tell your father.

I've decided I'm going to tell my older sister first sometime this week and then she could help me tell my dad.

That sounds like an excellent idea.

Good for you for coming up with a plan.

I hope you will post with how that goes.

I think most of us are concerned for your safety. Get your father involved as soon as possible. It sounds like it's just a matter of time before he crosses the line. If you were my daughter, I would want to know about this. ( I would have a long "talk" with this "tough guy")If your mother is always taking his side, maybe this is not the best place for you. May GOD keep and protect you.

You should just sit down with your mom and tell her what happening an say its me or him . If she doesn't listen to you . Just ask on of your friend can you spend the night at her house. Tell your mom your running away. Go to your friend house for the night and go back to your house the next day .she will go crazy looking for you an tell her your sorry but she was not listening.if she still doesn't believe you see if you can get help from someone close to you like an annt or an uncle

you should just sit down with your mom and tell her what happenin an say its me or him .
She already told her mom, her mom didn't believe her and it made it worse.
Saying its him or me is only going to make it worse because mom tells him everything and then she gets screamed at and smacked when mom leaves.
Besides they would call her bluff anyway.
If she did runaway where ever she went would be in legal trouble.


if she doesnt listen to you . just ask on of your friend can u spend the night at her house.
tell your mom your running away. go to your friend house for the night and go back to your house the next day .she will go crazy lookin for you an tell her your sorry but she was not listenin.if she still doesnt believe u see if you can get help from someone close to you like an annt or an uncle

Again she can not just decide to go stay at a friends. He would say no and she would be in trouble. If she snuck off she would be in even more serious trouble when she returned. Again where ever she went could get in trouble if the police were notified by the mom and him.