Do to unfortunate circumstances, my boyfriend and I are not suppposed to be seeing each other. My family forbids it, and his family wants him to go off to school. He has chosen to stay in our town, and work a full time job and buy an apartment. He did this all for me. My family still does not know about us, and I have recently decided I should be telling them.
The only thing stopping me, is my boyfriend. He is suicidal, and has been for a long time, he says. He is very obsessive, and gets angry a lot. He tries to hurt me, to make himself feel better, he acknowledges he does this, and always apologizes but won't stop. He always feels terrible about what he has done and tells me he is going to kill myself because I deserve better. Naturally I convince him not too. And this cycle accures once again. I have been through 9 suicide scares in the past 3 months. They are taking a toll on me.
Recently he thinks I am going to abandon him, and is telling me he has nothing, and only lives for me. I can not take the pressure. And I have no one to talk too. I am afraid he will do it, and then our families, and police will come crashing down on me, ontop of my own personal grief.
He realized what he is doing is wrong, by getting angry with me all the time. (Literally) And says he just wants everything to be over. I do not know what to do anymore. I feel I should get out, but I do love him. And I don't want him to hurt hisself. But I need to think about what I need. I am so scared, heartbroken, and worried. I don't know how I can help him.

He is controlling, manipulative, and abusive.

You can do NOTHING for him. Get him some professional help, then get away from him. NOW.


If you scroll down to the bottom of this page, see the "similar threads" section, there are many people in your same situation.

I think that your parents are concerned for your safety, and the 'unfortunate circumstance' probably has something to do with this, in that you are forbidden to see him. I presume you are also under 18?

One of the ways of control, is to put the burden of attempted suicide on your shoulders as a possible consequence of leaving him. This is not uncommon, and you have fallen into a trap, falling into 9 suicide attempts in 3 months.

You are in a dangerous situation. He is angry at you all the time, you are under unbelieveable pressure from him, and he is literally forcing you to be with him, under threat of death.

He is obsessive, and he hurts you, or threatens to hurt you, again as a consequence of you not being under his control.

You feel like you should get out, but his plan to stay in town, work full-time and get an apartment he expects you to move into is on the agenda.

I don't know if you will listen to me, but please consider a few facts.

You are in danger. You are under his control. You have no way of stopping anybody who is determined to commit suicide, regardless of what you do. Nobody makes anybody commit suicide, otherwise it would be murder.

Your parents are right to protect you from not only him, but from yourself. I know your instinct is telling you that this relationship is not comfortable, and it is wearing you down, but that is exactly how he wants this relationship to go. He will go to any length, including possibly taking his own life, to secure your compliance.

You are not responsible for how he thinks, behaves, or the things he does. To think that you can somehow try harder, or that because of something you have done causes him to behave in his angry possessive ways, is not true. He is playing you, and you have fallen for it. His apologies are meaningless, otherwise the behaviour would have stopped a long time ago.

There is NO future of equality, love, or respect when a relationship starts with one being an abuser/manipulator, and the other starts being the one who is controlled to meet his needs.

Please use the sense God gave you, and sit your parents down, and give them a printout of your question here. Tell them that you need help dealing with this, and you cannot do it alone. Enlist their help to speak to your boyfriends parents and inform them what is going on also. No secrets. Lay it all out in the open.

Put the burden of your boyfriends actions and threats right back to him. Make it clear you will not be responsible if he decides to commit suicide. Tell him it is over, and you will not be moving in with him. Advise him that if he comes near you, you will get a restraining order to keep him away. (He is dangerous.)

Please, please please talk to your parents. You are going to need all the help you can get to get safely out of your boyfriends life.