I am in a bit of an awkward situation. I dated my wife for 5 years and just got married about 2 months ago. My wife's sister is getting married in less than 2 weeks. We were from different towns, but my wife's sister is marrying a guy from my high school.
The dilema is in the fact that my wife's sister has a lot of baggage going into her marriage that I don't think the groom is aware of...
A little history: she had her first baby at the age of 16. They baby's father's family wanted to keep the baby, however her family decided to adopt the baby away. They went behind the father's back and posted a message in the local paper stating they were searching for the father of a baby born on date x. Needless to say, the family never saw it and the baby was adopted away.
Fast-forward several years to her freshman year of college. After one semester her parents pulled her out of school for a terrible eating disorder. She left home and moved in with a guy she went to high school with. She started stripping for money. My wife and I found out where she was dancing and tried to convince her to leave with us. She refused and said she could not stop and that she was addicted to drugs. A month or two later, she said she wanted to be pregnant. Soon after she announce she was pregnant.. She had the baby and the father was present for the delivery. The father got a 3rd shift job to help support the baby. The christmas, the two were engaged. She only wore the ring sometimes, and didn't acknowledge that she was engaged. Fast forward several months and she started dating a guy from my high school. Now that she was dating someone new, she would not allow the baby's father to see the baby or come around. The new guy and my wife's sister got engaged but lived in different towns. They never had mush time to get to know each other.
My concern is that the groom does not know what he's getting into. My wife's sister made mention that she would not allow for her fiancé to adopt her son. This is a continued trend, suggested by her father, that they are very untrusting of guys. My wife's father is extremely controlling, to the point of being abusive. My wife and I are not on talking terms with the parents.
My question is, should I warn my friend since I knew him many years before the family. I don't want him to marry into this problem only to have the baby's family show up on his doorstep wanting custody. Also, I would want to know all the details of my future wife's past(example: babies, babies' daddies, professional dancer, etc... ). He knows about the first baby, but does not know the circumstances the family used to adopt the baby out... His future wife has his details of the most recent baby's father.
Any advice or thoughts would be so greatly appreciated!!

You said it yourself - you "think" he's not aware of her "baggage."

Like the rest of us, I would "think" you live in a (somewhat) glass house. I wouldn't throw the first stone.

Mind your own business. I see you helping no one and hurting a lot of people.

And if he does know or knows part of it or your information is faulty or she's changed? Again - mind your own business.

Don't you have enough going on in your own life to keep you busy?

I empathize with him being a younger man, 2 years out of college, and still fairly innocent to the world. I would want someone to tell me. Not only is it his life that is being tinkered with, but his fiance's son who should be considered. It isn't fair to the child.

I would suggest to stay out of it,as already mentioned this girl may have told her future husband everything.

Regardless,it is not your place to interfer,he is a grown man and I'm sure capable of making his own choices.

I empathize with him being a younger man, 2 years out of college, and still fairly innocent to the world. I would want someone to tell me. Not only is it his life that is being tinkered with, but his fiance's son who should be considered. It isn't fair to the child.



Two years out of College and an innocent? I rather doubt it.

So how do you see it as fair to his fiance's son if you break up the relationship?

My wife talks to her sister on a regular basis, and has been told that he does not know these vital details. When I say innocent, I am referring to the fact that we are out of school working, never married, and no illegitimate children. It is not fair to the child's biological father who still wants custody. The child is currently being raised by the grandparents.

I am not looking to break up any relationship, I just want the groom to be well informed before he stands in front of God to say "I do" forever... Again, if it were me, I would want to know, especially if she has no intentions to allow him to adpot the child, but he thinks otherwise...

My wife talks to her sister on a regular basis, and has been told that he does not know these vital details. When I say innocent, I am referring to the fact that we are out of school working, never married, and no illegitimate children. It is not fair to the child's biological father who still wants custody. The child is currently being raised by the grandparents.

If the child's biological father wants custody,then that is his issue,not yours.

It seems that you are interfering in a situation that really you have no involvement with,only to do what you seem to perceive as a good deed.

If you are truly his mans friend you will stay out of his personal life,unless you are invited by him to offer advice and opinion.

I understand it may cause hurt in many ways... Let me ask you your opinion.. if it was you, would you want to know all details that could affect your future as a spouse and possible parent that adopts this child? The answer to this question doesn't rely on whether it is right or wrong to tell the groom. Thanks for your opinions!

If this man had any questions concerning his future wife,and your married to her sister,does it not stand to reason, that at this stage IF he had concerns he would have already asked you.

My thinking is... I should communicate to him that I am open to questions if he has them. I have no right to spill this information to him if he does not want to know any of it. But I do feel a duty to him to let him know I am available if he has any questions or concerns. He has only known her and her family for about a year. I've known the family for 5-6 years and the groom for my entire life.

I understand it may cause hurt in many ways... Let me ask you your opinion.. if it was you, would you want to know all details that could affect your future as a spouse and possible parent that adopts this child? The answer to this question doesn't rely on whether it is right or wrong to tell the groom. Thanks for your opinions!


No - I would not want to know "all the details" that "could" affect my future as a spouse and possible parent that adopts this child from a third party.

Anything I want to know I find out first hand from my prospective partner. Anyone else who has an opinion, some criticism, some "details" I assume is a jealous troublemaker with nothing else to occupy his/her time.

Before I married my husband a "good friend" called to tell me all the "details" of his divorce some 20 years previous. First, I already knew all the details; second, the vast majority of her info was incorrect and based on hearsay; third, I asked her point blank what her interest was. She said she was concerned about whether our marriage would last if I didn't know the "details." When I finished laughing we asked our Attorney to write her and let her know if she ever contacted me - or him - again she would be sued for spreading false information or, on the slim chance there was anything to what she said, for spreading true information for the sole purpose of causing embarrassment.

She decided maybe she didn't really care that much about my emotional health, after all.

I see no indication that the birth father will consent to an adoption so that question is very premature.

I repeat - how nice of you to care about this babe in the woods, out of College guy. Don't you have any problems of your own to solve? Or how about feeding the hungry? You could try doing that in your spare time.

Volunteer somewhere.

Leave these people alone. There is no way you can win this discussion with the innocent who is marrying this woman - if, in fact, she is "this woman."\