I have Sole Custody of my two minor children. Their Dad is in the US Army. Our custody agreement says he only has visitation in NY State, but has not come to NY in 5 years. My question is, if I wanted to move to Canada with my kids, could he stop me? Do I need his written permission to even go to Canada with the kids? He does not have independent access to their medical and school records and refuses to see the kids in NY.

Need some advice!!
Mary

You should get a change in the custody order, even though he has not visited, you will need to ask the courts permission

My daughter has sole custody of her son, she has to get written permission from his dad to take him out of the country. They have asked at the border to see the letter. You just need to be sure you have ALL the documents you need. Talk to you lawyer.

Ok.. what would a change in custody give me? I already have Sole Custody.. I don't even have my ex-husband's phone number and he won't respond to my emails.. so Are you saying I cannot even go to Canada with them? Before the border required passports I took the kids to Cananda. All I brought were the birth certificates and Costody papers and those were sufficient..

Not a change in "custody" but a change in the order, you have to get the courts permission to be able to move out of state with the child. And change of the fathers visits rules

Mary, with all the changes in border crossings, it would be a good idea to just check with your lawyer to see if anything is required at all.

It would be a shame to get to the border, and be turned away because of simple paperwork.

Im sorry.. I just think it's ridiculous that I have to continuously jump through hoops as far as legal things go..
My lawyer said we will most likely go to court and he will black mail me in some shape or form.. ie: less money to get what I want
Just hoped I wouldn't need to go back..
Thx..

Im sorry..I just think it's ridiculous that I have to continuously jump through hoops as far as legal things go..
My lawyer said we will most likely go to court and he will black mail me in some shape or form..ie: less money to get what I want
Just hoped I wouldnt need to go back..
Thx..

Ridiculous that you want to take his children out of the country without his permission? Sorry, but he has rights too, regardless if he is using them or not. Its still his right to exercise as he see's fit.

Yes.. Ridiculous! Him.. not me! He has not seen my kids in three years. He has only called three times in the last year.. and yet I'm required to ask him a favor? I do it all by myself.. I dry their tears, I make their dinner and do their homework with them.. I am solely responsible for their well being.
I teach Elementary Education and sadly, we still struggle everyday. The move to Ottawa is only three and a half hours away from where we are in NY. I think I have a right to make a better life for the kids and I..
Again.. he is in the United States Military, and will never live in NY.. Why do think it is unfair for me to make a life for my kids and I? I have never stopped him from seeing his kids, he chooses not to.
My point is, he is merely a name on their birth certificate.. and that is all. I will get the proper papers to go to Canada with my kids legally, I just think "asking" his permission is RIDICULOUS!!

Yes..Ridiculous!! Him..not me! He has not seen my kids in three years. He has only called three times in the last year..and yet I'm required to ask him a favor?? I do it all by myself..I dry their tears, I make their dinner and do their homework with them..I am solely responsible for their well being.
I teach Elementary Education and sadly, we still struggle everyday. The move to Ottawa is only three and a half hours away from where we are in NY. I think I have a right to make a better life for the kids and I..
Again..he is in the United States Military, and will never live in NY..Why do think it is unfair for me to make a life for my kids and I?? I have never stopped him from seeing his kids, he chooses not to.
My point is, he is merely a name on their birth certificate..and that is all. I will get the proper papers to go to Canada with my kids legally, I just think "asking" his permission is RIDICULOUS!!!

Because they are his kids too. I assume you have no problem cashing his support checks, right?

He did not pay a dime of Child Support for three years. I worked Teaching and waitressing to support my kids without anything from him. Just because a person is finally forced by the law to pay a measly fee.. does not make the a "DAD"..
I am not the bad guy here.. I had initially refused to agree to him giving up the rights to his kids, out of a small hope that one day he would make the effort to see his kids. I don't want his money.. it has never been about his money..
I understand he obviously has a right to know where his kids are and that I make every effort to make it possible for him to interact with his kids. I would never stop him. I know I can move anywhere in the states without his permission, so I guess I was confused on why crossing the a boarder less than four hours away requires his written permission, which would be difficult to do out of court.
He has started over and remarried.. he lives in Texas and has a whole new life. I just want to do the same.. and of course I would arrange visitation with him, IF he wanted it..
Again.. having wages garnished does not make you a "DAD".. you say you are a pretty good Dad Steve, well he has never been a father to these kids.. and it's their lives I care about, not his..

Im not saying that he is a good dad. I am merely saying that he has rights and whether you agree with them or not, they also protect you. The child support or lack of it is something you could have/can see to. Along with his rights go his obligations.

Yes, if you go to court you will most likely be allowed to move. Why it makes so much difference is because A) the court order says he can have his visitation in NY... and if you aren't there the court order cannot be complied with and B) because US laws are not necessarily enforceable in Canada. It's the same with an out of state move... it takes the power out of the hands of a court that was legally entitled to have it.

I am not suggesting that you are the bad guy here. I am suggesting that you need to understand that the law treats both of you equal.

I know I can move anywhere in the states without his permission,

No - you actually cannot.

Im not saying that he is a good dad. I am mearly saying that he has rights and whether you agree with them or not, they also protect you. The child support or lack of it is something you could have/can see to. Along with his rights go his obligations.

Yes, if you go to court you will most likely be allowed to move. Why it makes so much difference is because A) the court order says he can have his visitation in NY... and if you arent there the court order cannot be complied with and B) because US laws are not necessarily enforceable in Canada. Its the same with an out of state move... it takes the power out of the hands of a court that was legally entitled to have it.

I am not suggesting that you are the bad guy here. I am suggesting that you need to understand that the law treats both of you equal.

I understand your point Steve.. I am not trying to erase him as a father. I haven't pursued all of the money issues in court, because I simply wish to move on from the situation. Every year that goes by without contact, only enforces the fact that he wants nothing to do the kids.
However, because of his Military status, he had been given additional time to sign off on things.. such as visitation and medical insurance. It gets frustrating to think, that even if he doesn't care about what the kids are doing, it takes twice as long to pursue things because no Judge ever wants a decision to be appealed based on the fact that he is a Soldier.
I have been dealing with the Courts for five years and although he does have rights to the children, he has abused them in regards to his Military status. My kids went for a two week visit with their Dad three years ago. The Military post viewed the kids as "Military Property" and it took three months to get them back, even with a NY Support Court Order.
It just infuriates me that an individual can abuse the system for no other reason than simply because.. he can..
As as crazy as it has been, I still wouldn't stop him from seeing his kids. I will have to petition the courts so that a Visitation Arrangement would still protect my kids, from being in "harm's way" and accommodate living in Canada.. just another long, and tedious process..
Thanks Steve..

It just infuriates me that an individual can abuse the system for no other reason than simply because.. he can..


Not trying to minimize your situation, but hang around here a while and you will hear stories that will make you glad that your situation is this easy...

No - you actually cannot.

My Custody papers state.. "The Mother, as the Custodial Parent, may make any and all decisions on the where the two Minor Children will reside, providing that she makes her residence known to the Non-Custodial parent and the State of NY, prior to an out-of-State Move, where in the Visitation Agreement will then be modified to acommodate both parents. The Visitation of the Non-Custodial Parent has been limited to the Boundaries of the State of NY, if the Custodial parent re-locates out of the Boundaries of NY, with the minor children, it is the Responsibility of the Custodial Parent to provide any and all documentaion to the State of NY, Supreme Courts prior to the actual move. If the Custodial parent, fails to notify the Courts of her new Residence with in ninety days of relocation, the Custodial Parent may then be held in comtempt of Court .."
So, I've already looked into the verbage of these papers. Because he in Military and does not reside in the state that the children live, and no detailed visits have ever been made, my lawyer says, I do not need to get his permission to live in another state, I just have to file a Modification to the Visitation order, prior to the move and provide a new propsed plan for visitation.

My Custody papers state.."The Mother, as the Custodial Parent, may make any and all decisions on the where the two Minor Children will reside, providing that she makes her residence known to the Non-Custodial parent and the State of NY, prior to an out-of-State Move, where in the Visitation Agreement will then be modified to acommodate both parents. The Visitation of the Non-Custodial Parent has been limited to the Boundaries of the State of NY, if the Custodial parent re-locates out of the Boundaries of NY, with the minor children, it is the Responsibility of the Custodial Parent to provide any and all documentaion to the State of NY, Supreme Courts prior to the actual move. If the Custodial parent, fails to notify the Courts of her new Residence with in ninety days of relocation, the Custodial Parent may then be held in comtempt of Court .."
So, I've already looked into the verbage of these papers. Because he in Military and does not reside in the state that the children live, and no detailed visits have ever been made, my lawyer says, I do not need to get his permission to live in another state, I just have to file a Modification to the Visitation order, prior to the move and provide a new propsed plan for visitation.

You don't need HIS permission, but the State of NY has to approve an out of state move. I cannot imagine they wouldn't give it, so it's a technicality... but still a fact.

You dont need HIS permission, but the State of NY has to approve an out of state move. I cannot imagine they wouldnt give it, so its a technicality... but still a fact.

As I understand the Custody Agreement.. I can move the kids out of state, and it is a formality for me to inform the NY State Courts. I inform their Dad and inform the Courts. They do not have to "Approve" the move, but approve the new Visitation.. but that is just semantics..

My papers don't say, "You must ask us before you move and wait until we, the courts agree to the move.." They say I must "inform" them of my move and give a new proposed visitation agreement. My ex husband has "Supervised Visitation", that he does not exercise.

It does not matter anyway.. because we are not moving to another state. We are moving to Ottawa. Canada..

Thx for you opinions Steve..
Im off to cash one of the RIDICULOUS child Support Checks I just received.. and no, I have zero problems doing so.. My case has been far from easy Steve.. What's been EASY, is being a MOM to two AWESOME Kids..
RIDICULOUS..