Threads merged


Wow this site really has hit the nail on the head with how I have been feeling, and everything I have gone through since my EXBF broke up with me. I'm hoping you will be able to give me some more great advice.

My ex and I broke up almost 3 months ago. He said he just didn't have romantic feelings for me anymore. He thought he was just going through the motions. We had been going out for a little more than 6 months - he said he had felt that way for the past month.

Since then I have basically done (almost everything) that one is tempted to do after a break up. I cried - didn't sleep - didn't eat - wrote him a few emails - ran into him everywhere - cried some more - texted him when I said I wouldn't.

He said he wanted to be friends, and I thought he really meant it. Last month he went with me to a baseball game for work - we had planned this prior to breaking up. I wasn't pleasantly surprised that we had a lot of fun - joking around and just generally having a good time. We hooked up afterwards - bad idea I know - I knew it was only because we were both drunk at the time - not that he wanted to get back together. Well at the game he said he thought we could continue to hang out -yet he never called.

Well last Thursday, I had asked one of my good friends if she wanted to go out with me that night - I told her to invite whoever ( I didn't think she would invite him) she invited all of our friends, and apparently he wanted to come. There were just a few of us and him. Instead of treating me like a friend like he had the time before this time he said hi but basically didn't really want much to do with me. It really hurt my feelings.

Now I'm conflicted - I really want him in my life and to be his friend, but its incredibly hard on me and probably not a good idea. I know I need to keep my distance from him, but we have about 40 of the same friends, so I always see their pictures of him on Facebook, and hear about them all hanging out. I know I'll run into him again. It just tears me up inside to not be able to hang out with him anymore - to know that everyone else is.

I think it hurts so much because he was the first guy that I've seriously dated after college (I'm 25) and that I felt I could probably spend the rest of my life with. I know I need to institute the NC rule, but every time I try I fail. I've been trying to get him off my mind, but he's on my mind CONSTANTLY even after 3 months. How do I end this? Ive been going to the gym a few times a week, I've also taking up jogging and I'm taking golfing lessons, I've joined a kickball league and made some new friends. I go out every time someone invites me out - I'm bsically never home anymore Im so busy, but he's always in the back of my mind.

Q1. How do I get him out of my mind - its starting to affect my work.
Q2. With so many mutual friends - how do I deal with this?
Q3. What do I say when I see him out? He's sometimes nice, and sometimes its like he doesn't want me around
Q4. Is there smoethign else I can be doing to move on?
Q5. I dread being home alone now - how do I get over that?

Sorry about the long post and all the questions. I appreciate your help.

A few things to keep in mind. Though no contact seems like a good idea, you have to understand why you need to implement no contact.

First of all, you have this idea that you're going to be friends. So you've set some sort of expectation, which is prolonging your healing process. This is how the process works. You have to completely heal from the break up first and foremost. To heal, you need to worry about yourself. You need to take care of yourself.

If you feel that reminders of him is hindering your progress, that's when you implement no contact. No contact is used because you are having a difficult time getting over him.

If one day you get over him, then you can try to be friends. But until you've fully recovered, you have to stop having the expectations that the two of you will try to be friends.

If you feel that you've tried everything to get over him, then you're going to have to take some more extreme measures. Here are some suggestions:

1) Since you have 40 friends in common and instead of blocking everyone, it's probably better to deactivate your Facebook until you get over him. Once you've recovered, you can reactivate it if you want. During that time you can keep in touch with friends via phone or IM.

2) Block him on IM and email, so that he cannot contact you. If you want, you can even change your phone number, so he can't call you.

3) You have to let your common friends know that you need to recover from this breakup, so you would prefer not attending the same social gatherings. So if your friends respected you, they will take that into consideration when inviting people out. Until you've fully recovered from the break up, you'll have to sit out a few social gatherings where he's present.

4) Hang out with more friends and family. Keep your mind occupied. It's easier said than done, but just find other hobbies. Meet new people. Just do something to get your mind off him.

I'm sure others will have more suggestions. But you can start with these.

Last month he went with me to a baseball game for work - joking around and just generally having a good time. We hooked up afterward - bad idea i know - i knew it was only because we were both drunk at the time - not that he wanted to get back together.
Even though you have been broken up for 3 months, you have never broken the attachment, and even had sex. Your right bad idea all around and being drunk is a big excuse, that doesn't wash.

Well at the game he said he thought we could continue to hang out -yet he never called.

But you sure expected him to, and are highly hurt he hasn't. That's no way to heal after a break up. Take the hint, he ain't into you, as you are to him.

Q1. How do I get him out of my mind - its starting to affect my work.
Stay away from him. Find something else to do.

Q2. With so many mutual friends - how do I deal with this?
You need a life beyond your friends. How old are you??? Only school kids run in packs.

Q3. What do I say when I see him out? He's sometimes nice, and sometimes its like he doesn't want me around
Hi, and bye. Thats enough. No conversations, no matter what.

Q4. Is there something else I can be doing to move on?
Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, There is a link in my signature, and you could stand to read my signature also, just food for thought.

Q5. I dread being home alone now - how do i get over that?
Have things you enjoy to keep you busy, Hmmm all those friends and nobody to talk on the phone with, sometimes?? You know girl talk? Your not trying.

Give yourself the time it takes to get over him and get your life and feelings back together. It takes time, and you need patience, and a plan to get yourself busy.

I'll tell you one really important thing when dealing with a break up, there is no such thing as "mutual" friends. They will always be partial to one persons side, to avoid this, you simply cut ties with "mutual" friends and get your own

It's best to not be friends. It will eat you up every time you see him, and "healing" will be a magical, impossible term that only seems to show up in stories like The Lord of the Rings... or something else magical. >.>

Also, besides the great idea of deactivating your FB, I would ask your friends not to talk about him around you. They should understand. If they are jerks about it, maybe you shouldn't be friends with them, anyway.

Honestly, he's going to be in the back of your mind for a while. My Ex broke up with me 4 months ago, and I still have days where I think about him constantly (although it's angry thinking, not "I want to be with you" thinking). But since we never talk anymore, it makes things so much easier, and I've healed so much faster than I expected. I've seen him a few times, too (thank God he didn't see me), and it made me angry. But I figure as long as I don't want him back like I did originally, I'm making progress.

My point is, you're going to have to take this NC thing really seriously if you want to feel better. And you WILL get better if you're serious. You'll find someone (or they'll find you) and you'll be so busy being happy, your ex won't find room to be in your mind. :)

Good luck.

Instead of treating me like a friend like he had the time before this time he said hi but basically didnt really want much to do with me. It really hurt my feelings.



.

I think he was just hurting to and that's why he acted like this,if/when you run into him in the future there always going to be a different reaction.

Three months is only a really short time for a relationship in which you'd invested your hopes and dreams. Your feelings of grief about the break up just do not pass that quickly.

I agree with the others - you can't get him out of your head while you still want or need to be friends with him. It just prolongs the agony and deep down keeps you hoping. Stop thinking that you can be friends and think about him as someone that is not good for you at this point in time. Avoid him if you can.

However, I also think that you need to accept that he'll be in your thoughts for a while and that a part of you is mourning the loss of the relationship. These feelings do not go away overnight and having them is part of the healing process. In other words, you can't process this ending unless you feel what you're feeling.

It's actually OK to feel lonely, conflicted and afraid. It's part of being human and it's part of our emotional growth. There are some things that we just don't 'get over' that quickly, nor are we meant to regardless of whether we'd like to!

Stick with what you're doing and take the advice of the other posters - you're doing good - sure, you may be doing it hard (we all do at some stage), but I promise you it does pass.

Thanks guys for all of the quick responses! Just as I was on day 2 of no contact yesterday (I had texted him on Sunday about a baseball game I was at), he texted me last night. First time in a few weeks where he texted me with out me prompting him. He and I have a lot of great baseball memories - we would always watch our favorite team (Phillies) together, and they won the world series last year, so every time I'm at a game I'm tempted to text him (I usually give in).

Yesterday was the All Star Game, and I knew he was probably almost expecting to hear from me, since so many of my favorite players were in the game. I decided right when I woke up that I wouldn't text him about it, and I was going to watch it with my friends, and not alone. Well - he sent me a text when it was almost over to ask if I was watching it. Stupid me, couldn't resist answering him. We had a short exchange - nothing emotional just about the game - I told him I was out with a bunch of friends watching it.

I think he may want to be friends with me - he is at least not mad at me, and I want to be friends with him too, but I think that has to wait until all of my feelings for him have passed. I wish they would go away more quickly so we could be friends again.

So today is now day 1 again. Ugh I miss him so much though. I was sitting in a meeting for work earlier kind of day dreaming and wishing I could ask him to go get a drink or even just a snack with me after work. I just want to catch up with him. I'm not going to do it however much I want to. If I did ask him tonight, there is a good chance he would say no or not answer at all and my feeligns would be hurt even more.

So I'm going to go to the gym and then jog by myself. Maybe clean or meet up with some friends. It's so hard to keep myself from missing him though sometimes, just going to keep plugging away.

Thanks guys for all of the quick responses! Just as i was on day 2 of no contact yesterday (I had texted him on Sunday about a baseball game I was at), he texted me last nite. First time in a few weeks where he texted me with out me prompting him. He and I have a lot of great baseball memories - we would always watch our favorite team (Phillies) together, and they won the world series last year, so everytime I'm at a game I'm tempted to text him (I usually give in).

Yesterday was the All Star Game, and I knew he was probably almost expecting to hear from me, since so many of my favorite players were in the game. I decided right when I woke up that I wouldn't text him about it, and I was going to watch it with my friends, and not alone. Well - he sent me a text when it was almost over to ask if I was watching it. Stupid me, couldnt resist answering him. We had a short exchange - nothing emotional just about the game - I told him I was out with a bunch of friends watching it.

I think he may want to be friends with me - he is atleast not mad at me, and I want to be friends with him too, but I think that has to wait until all of my feelings for him have passed. I wish they would go away more quickly so we could be friends again.

So today is now day 1 again. Ugh I miss him so much though. I was sitting in a meeting for work earlier kinda day dreaming and wishing I could ask him to go get a drink or even just a snack wiht me after work. I just want to catch up with him. I'm not gonna do it however much I want to. If I did ask him tonight, there is a good chance he would say no or not answer at all and my feeligns would be hurt even more.

So I'm gonna go to the gym and then jog by myself. Maybe clean or meet up with some friends. It's so hard to keep myself from missing him though sometimes, just gonna keep plugging away.

You're going to miss him for a while, but never fear! You are doing the right thing by keeping busy and going out with friends. STICK to NC this time! Seriously. Even if he texts you 32943294 times, just say NO.

You can do it!

I'm a Phillies fan too, delete his number from your phone and stop answering his texts, it's only going to delay recovery

Well I'm glad I at least went out with some other friends that he doesn't know to watch it. I only saw half of it because then I went out with some other friends to see Harry Potter. I'm glad that at least I didn't text him about the game - he sent it to me first - sad that I responded though.

I was just at the gym, and just wasn't in the mood today. I was getting myself all upset because I was thinking how if he wanted to hang out with me he would call me (which is true) but then I took it in a different direction that I guess he doesn't want to hang out with me anymore - and that was getting me upset.

Ugh - all day today I felt pretty good then the end of the day I just fell apart. I guess some days are better than others. I wish I felt good consistently every day. I wish I knew what it felt like to feel good every day like I was when I was single before he and I started dating. I get jealous of him sometimes when I think that he probably feels fine, and can go about his days normally, while I'm out there being miserable or upset.

Side note: (oh and what were the phillies thinking signing pedro? We need halladay)

We were good friends before we ever started dating. That's how we started dating - we would watch sporting events together go see movies once in a while. Just hang out. I never felt an pressure around him and we would just joke around. I secretly had a crush on his friend, but I thought he was handsome and a nice guy as wel, so I was shocked when eventually we found ourselves dating. Then I realized I had fallen for him and not his friend. We had a great time going out or just staying in - we never really fought - maybe 2 times but it wasn't anything earth shattering. Then something changed.

I think it was stress from school - I'm going to school for my MBA and he was finally about to finish his bachelors after a bunch of years trying. Our dates ended up being in the library, or go see a movie, then go to the library. I felt the lack of intimacy, and said something to him hoping we could work on it. Well 2 weeks later he decided we should break up because he felt like he didn't have the same feeligns for me anymore. I (obviously) was devastated. Not the outcome I wanted at all from talking to him about how I felt :(

He's also 2 years younger than me - so maybe it was stress coupled with him wanting to do single guy things. Maybe he just wants to get all that out of his system - so its not his time for a relationship.

I'm just trying to move on - but its hard. I've been broken up with before and it was never this hard. I went out with one guy for 2.5 years and we were fine afterwards. I guess this time I didn't see it coming. Oh well. I know there is some reason for all of this - a lesson - or maybe now that he's out of the way I'll meet the real man of my dreams - or maybe our paths will cross another time when we are both ready.

No matter what - I just want to be happy being me - happy with who I am. My feelings for my ex are really the only bad part in my life right now - I have a great job, house, friends - I just need to learn to be happy on my own again. Ugh :( I wish I didn't miss him.

I won't touch the God subject but going through my break up I had one saying that I found online. It's still taped to my wall in my room

"If this world doesn't take your hand, it will only knock you down. If you won't pick yourself up, maybe you don't belong on your feet"

Is there a Quote thread somewhere with quotes that help people get through breakups or tough times? If not - maybe I'll start one

I have 2 favorite quotes that help me when I'm feeling down

There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept, things that we don't want to know but have to learn and people whom we can't live without but have to let go.

There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept, things that we don't want to know but have to learn and people whom we can't live without but have to let go.

(unfortunately I don't know who to give credit to for either of the quotes).

If you believe in god - or even if you don't I found that reading St. Theresa's Prayer helps to calm me down too. I guess it just reminds me that there is a point to all of this.

May today there be peace within you
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for every one of us

I feel like absolute crap today. I had written him an email back on July 2nd after hanging out with him and some other friends. He had treated me like the bottom of the barrel while hanging out with everyone else. The email said I still wanted to be friends, but that I hated being treated like he could care less about me. We had hung out a few weeks prior and had a good time, and that I couldn't understand why he would treat me so differently one time to the next.

He didn't respond until this past Thursday (july 16 - said he didn't check that email address frequently) He said he's sorry that he does want to be friends with me and that maybe in time it will be easier. That he owes me a lot and that we would hang out soon - on his birthday on the 31st.

I didn't respond, but I guess it gave me some kind of false hope that maybe everything would be OK. I was in a great mood on Friday. I was incredibly busy this weekend - went to NYC for a few nites - went to PA to visit my family - went to philly. I had fun but he was in the back of my mind.

Today, I feel lonely and upset. I really miss him. I really wish everything would be OK between us again. I hate not having him in my life - I hate not being able to call him whenever I want or just contact him in general. I'm totally afraid to cut off contact completely because I'm afraid he really won't ever get back in touch with me and he'll be gone from my life forever.

I guess I just feel like I'm in despair right now, and that there is no hope.

The last few weeks I have kept myself so busy - and I've done a lot of fun things like sky diving, going to NYC, going to VA Beach, Baltimore, Philly, the beach, just hanging out with friends. But I feel like I can never look forward to anything. I'm going on vacation this weekend to the beach and I just could care less. While I'm doing all these things I just wish he were there.

Is there anyway to get out of this rut and start being excited for things again? I just want my life back again.

I feel like absolute crap today. I had written him an email back on July 2nd after hanging out with him and some other friends. He had treated me like the bottom of the barrel while hanging out with everyone else. The email said I still wanted to be friends, but that I hated being treated like he could care less about me. We had hung out a few weeks prior and had a good time, and that I couldn't understand why he would treat me so differently one time to the next.

He didn't respond until this past Thursday (july 16 - said he didn't check that email address frequently) He said he's sorry that he does want to be friends with me and that maybe in time it will be easier. That he owes me a lot and that we would hang out soon - on his bday on the 31st.

I didn't respond, but I guess it gave me some kinda false hope that maybe everything would be ok. I was in a great mood on Friday. I was incredibly busy this weekend - went to NYC for a few nites - went to PA to visit my family - went to philly. I had fun but he was in the back of my mind.

Today, I feel lonely and upset. I really miss him. I really wish everything would be ok between us again. I hate not having him in my life - i hate not being able to call him whenever I want or just contact him in general. I'm totally afraid to cut off contact completely because I'm afraid he really won't ever get back in touch with me and he'll be gone from my life forever.

I guess I just feel like I'm in dispair right now, and that there is no hope.

The last few weeks I have kept myself so busy - and I've done a lot of fun things like sky diving, going to NYC, going to VA Beach, Baltimore, Philly, the beach, just hanging out with friends. But I feel like I can never look forward to anything. I'm going on vacation this weekend to the beach and I just could care less. While I'm doing all these things I just wish he were there.

Is there anyway to get out of this rut and start being excited for thigns again? I just want my life back again.

The thing is, sometimes you've got to feel bad so that you can feel good again. It's life and it takes time to get over things. Understand that there has been an ending, and you're mourning the loss of a relationship. You'd be much better off if you cut off all contact with him, because it only makes you feel worse.

One thing I always told myself when I felt like I hit rock bottom, it's solid ground to start climbing back up and that a dead end road is a great spot to turn around at. Keep moving forward, leave the past in the past. You can try to raise a sunken ship from the depths but it's still wrecked.

Thanks guys - I like the rock bottom idea (well I don't like it but it makes sense). Some days I just feel so much better than other days - today was not a good day :( Its been 3 months to the day tomorrow - and sometimes I don't feel like I am any better than the first week. I eat and sleep and go out and all but just emotionally sometimes I don't feel any better.

And he seems to be having an easy time of it - he has maybe sent me a message 2 times on his own accord - not provoked by me. He has otherwise not contacted me - god I wish it were that easy for me! I just miss him all the time.

Today my roommate asked if I would be home for dinner (frequently I'm not since I keep so busy), but I was able to make it - she invited our couple friends over and her boyfriend was there and me - all was well until after dinner when everone was all cuddly and I just went upstairs. She must know that it bothers me still - ugh.

I have to go to a birthday party that my ex will be at next Saturday - its my friend Mandy's birthday, but its also his birthday - each year they do a joint party. I've known mandy longer - that's actually how I met him. I want to go, but I just don't know how to act around him. I don't want to seem like I still let this get to me - because that won't help the situation. I don't want to seem like a heartless - although I should be - but I don't want to hang all over him. Its hard to be around him and watch him hanging out with all of our friends and not me. I can hang out with other people there and I'm sure I will - I'll just wish he wanted to hang out with me.

I might go see a counselor - its been 3 months and this stuf is still always on my mind - it makes it hard to get my work done - and just hurts so much sometimes - then other times - I pretend it doesn't bother me. Im starting to feel like I can't talk to my friends because I've exhausted their patience. Anythoughts? Has couceling helped anyone at all?

Threads merged

So I have been having a tough time letting go of my ex. I've realized that most of my hurt isn't because I miss his love, but more that I am hurting from feeling rejected. I'm also just scared to let go because it means giving up on the possibility of him coming back to me. I miss his friendship, but I can find that in other people if I look.

So, I've been doing lots of digging, and I found a great blog with great words of advice. I hope it helps others as much as I hope it will help me.

How to let go of a relationship when you don't want to
http://www.lovecoachblog.com/let_go/

How to deal with heartache
http://www.lovecoachblog.com/dealing_with_heartache/

I'm sure there are probably other great articles out on her blog that would be helpful too.

I hope this helps others in my situation.

Bella, that was very kind of you to offer words to help others heal.

Tick

This isn't so much a question - its more an email to my ex that I want to send to him but know I shouldn't. Here goes. (sorry if you can't read this - I'm crying and not about to spell check) Give me any words of wisdom you have.

So, why is it that last night you and I went to dinner and you were nice to me and we joked around and hand fun, and you were interested in what was going on in my life - yet tonight - I invited you out to hang out with our mutual friends- you treat me like crap?? So our night started with you telling me you were so engrossed in watching the phillies, and whenever I tried to talk to you, you answered but were engrossed in the phillies game because they could lose.

So we all walk down to the next bar because your friend mike is there - and its about to be your birthday in an hour. As soon as we get to the bar, you leave all of us to see your friend mike and hang out with him. Don't invite us over or tel us where your going - no - just leave. So I walk over and tell you wer are going upstairs - say hi to your friends all of whom know me. I ask you to come upstairs before its your actual birthday in an hour.

An hour goes by - I send you a happy birthday text - no response - 20 min later - I send you a text asking if you are going to come up stairs you say "very soon!". Yea 20 min later you come upstairs, blow all of your friends off including me to go talk to some chick -and you are absolultey engrossed in talking to her (never mind that the phillies are now losing 7-2 and if you were talking to me you would have been all about that and worried). You don't say thanks for the text or anything to me - or ay of your other friends - who actually drove you to the bar.

What did you use them to just get a ride to newark so you could hang out with your other friends?? They were pissed too I was pissed for different reasons - because you were nice to me and an today. And 25 feet away from me chatting up your chic friend. Oh and then 20 min into it your ealize you ddnt say hi to the friends that drove you. So you come over and bring your friend kate. Say hi quick introduce us all and abruptly vanish again to the front of the bar 25 feet away where I get subjected to watching you laugh and have a great time with her. Yea - hey jerk - I'm rRIGHT HERE!! YOU ARE HURTING MY FEELIGNS RIGHT NOW! I run out and cry -but I don't want him to know I'm crying - my friends are trying to console me.

I'm about to leave - I happent o have to walk passed you - I hit you on the shoulder and wave good bye. You follow to say good bye to the entire group.. You give me a hug, and by this point I've been crying and can't really stop and you ask what's wrong - I try really hard to blurt out that I wish you wouldn't hurt me rightinfront of me -no idea how it came out - but iw as crying and hugging you and didn't want to let you go. You left then to hang out with your other friends. Iwas still crying. I left too.

Dude - its not like we broke up because someone hurt the other person - u just "dont have romantic feeligns for me anmore" well you know what - no matte what I do - I still have those feeligs for you -its been a little over 3 months and that hasn't changed for me. No guys interest me except you. Apparently I'm replaceable though. . Do you even care that you hurt me? You obviously know now. Are you doint this to me on purpose? I want to write you an email and tell you all of this - but that's a bad idea. I came home and cried my eyes out for an hour to my cousin on the phone. She now thoroughly hates you.

Unfortunately I have to see you on Saturday at mandys birthday party - yea its yours too but I was friends with her for 2 years before I ever met you.

This time - screw it - I don't care if its your birthday or not - I'm not talking to you - I'm going to try to be strict about this no contact thing. I sent you a happy birhtday text, and I got nothing - you ignored me when youc ame up stairs- well - screw it - u don't need me - I may need you now - but I don't need to contact you. If you actually want to be friends like you've told me so many times - its now YOUR turn to make the effort . I've run out of effort for you. I miss you and hate you and wish you weren't a jerk to me 0 none of this will end until I get rid of you (which is incredibly impossible seeing as how we have all the same friends - but I'm going to try). Maybe you will realize what you are missing one day - and it will be way too late. Its already too late for you. Goodluck finding someone like me again. I cared about ou more than I ever should have how much did you carea about me? I was in a great mood for the past 2 weeks - then tonight - its like a huge setback. I give up - how about you try to be my friend for once. I don't want to care anymore - you don't deserve someone like me. I'm always around helping my friends well your not my friend anymore - good luck in life I am tired of hurting so much.

Venting to others or a diary is a very good way to get your emotions out... and so it crying, so don't feel bad.

I'm sorry you're hurting so much, but you did the right thing in not sending this to him. It would end in disaster.

Keep your word on the NC thing, though. I PROMISE that NC does wonders, and even if you're not completely over him, you'll still feel a lot better.

Keep NC, and keep venting. People here know what you're going through, and don't mind helping.

Hi Bella
I'm really sorry for your hurt but unfortunately this is the way some guys try to tell you their not interested anymore if you don't take the hint and keep contacting him.

He's let you know and to him it's just a drama when you confront him with all the crying etc.

I know that's not what you want to hear but that's how a lot of guys deal with this sort of situation.

I suggest you just leave him alone now and go No Contact , that way you'll start healing and it won't hurt as much the more time goes by.

Chin up.

Thanks for replying guys. Definitely no contact from now on. It will be incredibly hard, but I finally have a reason. I have nothing left to hold on to to hope that we might get back together. And any guy who would be nice to me one night then a total jerk the next doesn't deserve me at all. Until this point I thought about all of the good parts of our relationship, but now all I can think of is how much of a jerk he was to me - I have nothing left to say to him.

Today is his birthday - earlier in the week I sent him a card which he got on Wednesday and I sent him a happy birhtday text last night at midnite before all this started - which he never even said thanks to me for. So I've already said my part to him about his birthdaythankfully or I'd be tempted to send him a message about his birhtday.

I'll run into him tomorrow definitely, but I'm just going to pretend like he's not around. If it gets to me I'm going to leave. My cousin is going with me to the celebration, so she promised to help me stay away from him if I need the help.

Its kind of strange - I feel pretty craptastic and Ok at the same time today. Bad because I didn't sleep, my stomach hurts, and I just feel betrayed. Ok because now I have a definitive answer in my brain that there is on going back. I'm not being torn in 2 directions by the idea that we could get back together again. There is no chance now - I know it- and I think knowing this will help me move on no matter how sad it is.

There is somebody else out there - I just keep wondering where this somebody else is right now.

I might take the afternoon off work - if its not raining maybe ill drive to baltimore and walk around the harbor or go see some movies. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with this. Ugh.

Hang in there bella. I'm going through the same hurt. Somedays it feels impossible to move on and it sucks. Yesterday was REALLY crappy. I'm at 2 1/2 weeks of NC. But I went to the gym and hung out with my roommate and I felt 10x's better. I do believe it will get better. Stick to NC and you'll get through this. :)

No Contact means no contact for very good reasons.

It gives you time and space to start to recover from a relationship that has ended.

Your original post is really a good little essay on why No Contact should be taken literally.

You see him, you hurt. You talk to him, you hurt. He says something, you hurt. You see him with another girl, you hurt. He looks and acts like he's single, you hurt. You try to have him see how hurt you are and how disappointed he is with being so crappy toward you, and you hurt. You turn on the waterworks, he doesn't bend.

Because this is still so raw for you emotionally, consider not going to places where you know he's going to be, i.e. the birthday party. You are not over him, and this will show; how you look at him, talk about him, think about him. While he is within earshot and you can actually see him, you are again, setting yourself up to be hurt.

My advice to you is to back off completely. Find things to do to keep yourself busy instead of worrying about an event where you'll know he'll be, where you will need your cousin with you to help you stay away from him, as you said.

There is somebody else out there - i just keep wondering where this somebody else is right now.


Your right there is someone out there for all of us , but it's important to go through your healing process first.

And that someone will turn up when you aren't even looking.

Good Luck Bella :)

Yes it should be consistent. I left my partner two weeks ago-then rang him a couple of days later. He screamed at me to leave him alone. Nc yes!

So - I've successfully done an entire week of NC as of tomorrow. Unfortunately I did end up going to the party last Saturday, but it actually opened up my eyes a little bit, and made this NC thing much more do-able.

I had fun at the party dancing with all of my other friends, but my ex was a complete Jerk - it seems he is fooling around with this girl who has a boyfriend (that everyone knows) and she is also one of his best friend's exes - there must be a man code against that. Well when I figured this out - It really turned my stomach. I was disgusted at him since this is a 180 from the guy I used to know really well even before we were going out. I am incredibly disappointed in him.

This did help though since now I don't even want to be his friend. I haven't even felt like talking to him.

I was in a good mood most of this week actually which was a first for me. Today I have been kind of down. I think I'm a little hurt that he disappointed me, and I'm also a little lonely. I have all this energy and I want to go out and do something and meet new people, but there is no one to go out and do anythign with tonight. Its hard to meet new people when you are stuck at home watching a movie because there is nothing to do.

Anyway, I just wanted to give everyone an update. I'm going to stick to the absolutely NO Contact rule. At first I had wanted to send him an email telling him how disappointed I was, but I got over it - I don't even want to spend that much energy on him.

I guess sometimes the guy really does have to be a complete and utter jerk in order for you to move on - stinks that it has to end up that way.

I'm glad you're staying strong, Bella. It seems like you are making headway in your recovery. Tues. marks 1 month NC for me. I had the biggest urge today to send a "how are you" text, but I think I'm going to stay strong as well and forget about it. Congrats on your 1st week. I know it was tough, but stick with it and you'll make out great!

Oh, one more thing. Read the post below. I read it today, and this post alone is the reason why I'm sticking to NC (even though he didn't, but had his reasons). It's a great read on hope and being able to move on and staying positive and healing.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/she-wants-space-but-tells-me-not-give-up-her-93599.html

Hey Laxman thanks for the words of encouragement. DEFINITELY do not contact your ex - you just went an entire month - I'm so envious of you. Don't destroy that or you will have to start back at day 1.

Its still hard to believe its necessary to go through all of this for someone you used to care about. Ugh.

I'm on day 10 of NC, but I had all kinds of dreams about him last night. I miss the guy he used to be. Why do people have to change?

I'm going to run into him next Saturday at a going away party for my best friend. I guess that will be the true test of my NC. Just going to stay away - plenty of other people to talk to there, and I have nothing to say to him.

Its not a test of NC, it's a test of how well you handle yourself. Sounds like a good plan though, have fun with others, and be polite, and brief, with him.

As long as you don't get dragged into emotional conversations about the past, you will be fine.

What if he has a date?

Ugh - this NC thing is getting hard now. Its been 16 days which I am so proud of - but I'm starting to miss him - even though he was a jackass to me. He went out with a bunch of my friends on Saturday and I just saw a bunch of pictures of it, and it made me miss him. It made me wonder why it is that he can hang out with all of them, but yet he doesn't miss seeing me at all.

I'm here every day missing him - and I don't want to - but its like a bad habit I can't break. I'm depressed because of him, and yet he's out hanging out with our friends having fun, not missing me a bit. I really want to stop missing him - to not think about him anymore, but I can't seem to get him out of my head.

I'll probably see him at a going away party both Friday and Saturday this week - and I don't want to break my no contact with him, but its going to be tough because I miss him so much and he doesn't seem to miss me at all. The last 4 months he hasn't really contacted me at all - I just can't believe how easy this has been for him.

I miss him - will this ever go away? I hate running into him all the time, but I can't just not talk to any of my friends anymore. Why has it been so easy for him to stop contacting me this entire time when its almost impossible for me? Sorry I just had to vent to someone - ugh I miss him :(

ugh - this NC thing is getting hard now. Its been 16 days which I am so proud of - but I'm starting to miss him - even though he was a jackass to me. he went out with a bunch of my friends on saturday and I just saw a bunch of pictures of it, and it made me miss him. it made me wonder why it is that he can hang out with all of them, but yet he doesn't miss seeing me at all.

I'm here every day missing him - and I don't want to - but its like a bad habit I can't break. I'm depressed because of him, and yet he's out hanging out with our friends having fun, not missing me a bit. I really want to stop missing him - to not think about him anymore, but I can't seem to get him out of my head.

I'll probably see him at a going away party both friday and saturday this week - and I don't want to break my no contact with him, but its gonna be tough because I miss him so much and he doesn't seem to miss me at all. The last 4 months he hasn't really contacted me at all - I just can't believe how easy this has been for him.

I miss him - will this ever go away? I hate running into him all the time, but I can't just not talk to any of my friends anymore. Why has it been so easy for him to stop contacting me this entire time when its almost impossible for me? Sorry I just had to vent to someone - ugh I miss him :(

Hey Bella,
You've been doing great. When I got dumped, I set myself a goal directly. My goal was to lose fat and get back in shape. Everyday there was tremendous change and I was very pleased with myself. When I started to think about my ex, I just looked in the mirror to see how much fat I lost.

I say fight your emotions, don't let them control you. When your ex start missing do something else. Also don't worry, time heals all wound. It's not easy because you have mutual friend but you'll get and then one day you will feel whole again. As everyday passes you will have ups and down, but them it will be only ups and life will be like normal or better than before.

Sorry I just had to vent to someone - ugh I miss him :(

No you don't miss him , you miss who you thought he was.




Why has it been so easy for him to stop contacting me this entire time when its almost impossible for me?

Because he is over you , before he broke up with you he knew it was happening and therefore a lot of his emotional demons had been dealt with.

For you , like most dumpees it seems to come out of the blue and for no reason , so you have to start your healing from that point. Just takes time I'm afraid and the fact that you have to see him from time to time certainly doesn't make it any easier.

Good news is one day you will start to feel better and then it just gets better and better as each day/week etc. goes by. Then you'll look back and see what a lot of unnecessary energy you spent worrying about someone who isn't worrying about you.

Ugh it still hurts though that someone who used to care a lot - now doesn't even wonder how I'm doing. It hurts me that my entire summer has had this shadow cast over it that I can't get rid of because he's always in the back of my mind - yet for him its just so easy.

I shouldn't be jealous of him but I am - I wish my life wasn't so gloomy right now - I hate missing someone who doesn't miss me - but I can't seem to stop.

You trick yourself into not caring by doing activities and hobbies that fill your life and that you love. Volunteer, go give someone in need of REAL help a hand. The more proactive you are in rebuilding a truly meaningful life the easier it is to get over this.

Yea - I think I need to volunteer somewhere and be of some use to other people. I have been filling up my time with trips to the beach, hanging out with friends, going to the gym, etc etc, but I think maybe giving my time to others will make me feel like I have a better purpose in the world rather than just wasting my time being selfish.

I actually filled out the 10 page app to be a volunteer with the red cross, I did the back ground check and all, but they require you to go to a group orientation which is for some reason always held during the work day - so I can never go. Maybe I'll try the hospital or humane society or something.

Last night when I wrote that I was so upset - but today I feel a lot better and more clear minded. Its amazing how your mood can change day to day. I know he isn't purposefully trying to hurt me - he's just going about living his life - hanging out and having fun. I think I'm just envious that its so easy for him - I want to be in the same place mentally as him where I don't care and this doesn't bother me anymore - I know that will come with time.

I hate how love can make you rational ane irrational all at the same time.

Volunteering is a great idea! Actually I'm also starting soon in September to volunter. It helps us get better and it helps other people, what more can we ask for? Besides we meet people that have the same goals.

He is living his life, so you should live yours and try to stop thinking about him. It's hard but get occupied, get busy all the time. It's easy for him because he is the dumper and you are the dumpee, it's much harder for us.

I've done OK this week. I was kind of a mess on Monday night because there were a bunch of pictures posted of him having fun with a bunch of my friends, but I got over it. I decided I was going to go see a councelor to see if that might help. She was OK, but I guess she kind of thinks there isn't anythign all that wrong with me. There isn't but I just feel like I'm letting this hurt me too much.

Today is the 20th day of NC. It seems to be getting a little harder. I just found out that one of my friends isn't going to invite me to her birthday party because my ex will be there. She is his best friend's girl friend. I told her I wish she didn't have to make a choice between us, and that it hurt me.

When he and I broke up it wasn't like something horrible happened to make us break up - he just wasn't into it anymore. I don't understand why he has to be a jerk to me now when he never was before, and why it seems like I can't get invited to things because he might be there. Not fair...

I still don't want to talk to him - this weekend I have to see him each day for my friend's going away party. I'm going to do my best not to talk to him and just stay away. I guess I'll see if I'm any good at it. I just wish my friend's didn't have to shaft me each time because they don't want us together.

I just don't get why htings have to turn out like this - why can't we be civil with each other?

I've done ok this week. I was kind of a mess on Monday nite because there were a bunch of pictures posted of him having fun with a bunch of my friends, but I got over it. I decided I was gonna go see a councelor to see if that might help. She was ok, but I guess she kinda thinks there isn't anythign all that wrong with me. There isn't but I just feel like I'm letting this hurt me too much.

Today is the 20th day of NC. It seems to be getting a little harder. I just found out that one of my friends isn't going to invite me to her bday party because my ex will be there. She is his best friend's girl friend. I told her I wish she didn't have to make a choice between us, and that it hurt me.

when he and I broke up it wasn't like something horrible happened to make us break up - he just wasn't into it anymore. I don't understand why he has to be a jerk to me now when he never was before, and why it seems like I can't get invited to things b/c he might be there. Not fair...

I still don't want to talk to him - this weekend I have to see him each day for my friend's going away party. I'm going to do my best not to talk to him and just stay away. I guess I'll see if I'm any good at it. I just wish my friend's didn't have to shaft me each time because they don't want us together.

I just don't get why htings have to turn out like this - why can't we be civil with each other??

You don't really need a counselor, you're in pain and it's normal. Why do you even want to have any kind of relationship with him? It's hard because he is there but just enjoy yourself even if he is there. Don't look at him. You're doing good with NC just keep going with him. NC is about everything, don't check Facebook with him in the pictures as it will only give you pain.

I don't know too many people who can break up, and maintain cordial relations with mutual friends, without making the friends uncomfortable in a situation you described.

I think it is an unfortunate fact of life that friends will change after a breakup, especially couple friends. Eventually you, and your ex, will both have new mates, and it might be different then, but for now, this has changed the friendships.

Maybe it is because he is not as bothered about all of this by you are, that your friends are being thoughtful. I know that sounds strange, but to invite you, they may be thinking the breakup is still too fresh, and they don't want to put you in an awkward position.

The next time you fall in love, he will have friends, and couple friends, and any that you have lost you will regain again, and maybe even more.

Think of it not as being left out or snubbed, but that your friends are also on the spot, and not intentionally trying to hurt you.

I've got to see him tonight and tomorrow at a going away party. But I'm determined to hold it together. Just do my own thing - keep away - and if he says hi - say hi back but keep it short and move on.

Anyone have any good tips to keep me from wanting to monopolize his time? I'm determined not to, but it's always harder to do things than it is to say them. I want to keep myself frm lingering around him.

I promised myself a massage if I can make it through these two days with out drama. Sounds reasonable right?

Stop worrying how you'll get through the night, and if you can handle yourself. You'll do fine, and have a great time, because that massage idea is some good motivation.

Threads merged




Q1. How do I get him out of my mind - its starting to affect my work.
Q2. With so many mutual friends - how do I deal with this?
Q3. What do I say when I see him out? He's sometimes nice, and sometimes its like he doesnt want me around
Q4. Is there smoethign else I can be doing to move on?
Q5. I dread being home alone now - how do i get over that?

Sorry about the long post and all the questions. I appreciate your help.

You have to answer all these questions yourself, bella, no one can do it for you. You can't let an s/o who has moved on, obviously, effect your livelihood. He doesn't want you around. If they are good friends they will support you, if not, leave them be. Q4, yes take a trip, a vacation, get away, who knows maybe you will meet someone in Jamaica, Bermuda, Mexico. Q5. Get a dog or cat to talk to. They offer unconditional love and actually look at you when you speak to them. Just think positive, maturely, give it a break. He isn't the only fish in the sea.

IMO

Tick

Stop worrying how you'll get thru the night, and if you can handle yourself. You'll do fine, and have a great time, because that massage idea is some good motivation.

Thanks. Yea I think I'll be OK - Just haven't talked/see him in a few weeks so I'm a little nervous. I'm just going to enjoy hanging out wth my friends and not worry too much. Anyway tomorrow I get to go to a bachelorette party after the other party I have to se ehim at - so that will be fun - and he def won't be at that one hahaha.

Unless he is a male stripper, Hehehehehe!!

I hope he's not a male stripper- my husband tried that once, and made $1.00

To Bella, you can't ignore him, you will be faced with at least saying 'hello'. But, after that, keep on movin'. If you stop, or hesitate, and he jumps in with conversation, it will just be harder and harder to walk away.

Good luck, stay strong.

Thanks guys. He didn't show up tonight. I was kind of happy about that, but at the sam time I know its my friend Mandy's going away party - stinks he didn't show, but he always has been kind of selfish. Oh well.

He probably won't show up to her party tomorrow, although I'm going to go. I may be forced to say hi to him, but tahts it - I doubt he would jump in with conversation - he's more of the person who would rather not be faced with talking to me.

He will most likely be at the birthday party I'm supposed to go to after the going away party tomororw, but I already committed to going to a bachelorette party, so I don't have to see him. I might go to the birthday party for an hour, and I already explained it to those guys - they are fine with it.

Sort of a huge load taken off my shoulders, but part of me wishes he would have gone so I would be able to see how I would have handled hanging out in a controlled environment with him. All of his friends LOVE me, so its kind of weird - they were there but he wasn't. Oh well - just lets me go to sleep peacefully tonight. Thanks for your help everyoen!

If he didn't show up then great! Believe me it's MUCH better not to see him. You are still healing, you shouldn't test how much you've "healed". A lot of time I have to go out with my friends, my ex is there... and that doesn't help even a couple of month later. You're doing great! Just keep continuing what you are doing!

Ugh - I hate Facebook - he is now "in a relationship" 4 months to the day we broke up. He's going to both of the parties ill be at this evening - I really hope isn't bringing the girl. I'm pretty sure its this girl he was in class with last semester - and I kind of wonder if that is why we broke up. As soon as spring semester started he started to be weird. Ugh - I'm not really sure how to react to this.

He told me he wasn't looking to be in a relationship with anyone, and here he is already in a relationship with someone - it really hurts me. I know he couldn't care less about me now - and it stinks because I've had him on my mind the entire summer - and I can't get him off my mind. But I'm apparently easily replaced. I'm really hurt right now. Kind of devastated. I know we are both allowed to go out with other people, but why so quickly in another relationship.

It's basically part of life... the pain that is. Just in case you haven't completely understood NC, you should delete everything from everywhere that would be related to him. That means delete him from Facebook, block him and block any email that he could send.

It's common sense, if you have some information about your ex, the pain will not go away. If you cut everything, the pain will go away slowly, but it will go away.

As hard as it is, it's now his life and now it's yours... you shouldn't ask yourself those questions. I understand it is painful... my ex cheated on me, lied to me, used me, then I have to see her from time to time, go to night club with her with a group of friend, and see her give advise to a girl who broke up with her boyfriend because he cheated on her... while my ex cheated on me.

With all that I still manage to be myself and really not to think too much about her. Life is way too short to be thinking about the why's and the if's of people who could just hurt us that easily. Basically you can say you have to redo NC from start... since you've checked his Facebook. Try to avoid him, if you can't try to be concise and don't look at him or think about him during a party. It's hard but it's possible.

This is what people do-and as we are not with them anymore we must accept their choices.of course you are hurting and I feel for you.you know that day by day it DOES get better.try to continue moving on- I understand from your posts you re doing well.

I know I need to delete him from Facebook - that is the source of all of my frustrations - but its hard because part of me wants to know what's going on in his life. Plus we have so many friends in common that I can always see the pics they post of him.

I think I need to stay away from Facebook altogether for a while. I wish I had some more friends that weren't his friends. I hung out with all his friends last night in fact - I've been tryng to make new friends - its just hard.

I was doing kind of well actually before this happened. One of you guys said this to me before but at least rock bottom is firm ground to stand on and start over from.

This still hurts though...

It's not easy Bella, but you will live to see another day, and at some point in the near future, you will rest your mind at ease, knowing that what you DO know, is enough to let go of.

You will never have all the answers. Maybe what you are left with is just knowing that you loved him so much, and that is the part that hurts so much to let go of. It is easy to remember the good times, and the bad times may not seem so bad, but it is over, and you have to think of only you right now.

When you are feeling overwhelmed, one thing I like is writing in a diary. Get a notebook, and every day write something about when you thought about him that day, and why. Write it out whether it's a good memory, or a bad memory. If you are angry, write that out. Stuffing either the good or bad, or not realizing the good and bad, will only keep surfacing until you face it. It will also help you, in weaker moments, to realize how far you've come, when you do happen to run into him and his new girlfriend somewhere down the line.

It is a loss. A loss of what you thought your future would be, a loss of confidence, a loss of emotional control, rational thought, etc. We have all been there Bella, and it is natural. To not go through all this pain will leave you in the future, with doubts when you are thinking of commitment again. That's called baggage; don't let it happen to you. Keep your perceptions of this relationship incheck, not all men, and not all relationships will be like this one.

Celebrate your freedom Bella, that is what you have now. You are strong, and getting stronger every day. Think of all the good things about yourself that you will bring to the next relationship, including experience. Better to have loved and learned, than never to have learned to let yourself love again.

As to Facebook, you can 'delete' your account, which only de-activates it, for a few months if you want to. Or, you can keep things as they are, and when you come across pics or notes of him, get that diary out, and say how you feel about it, or how its affecting you.

My guess is, before you know it, you'll have a hard time putting a sentence about him together, because you'll be over him. :)

There is a feature on Facebook where you block and delete him. You SHOULD NOT want to know what is going on with his life! It will only give you more pain and suffering. NC is all the way or you're not doing NC at all. It is tremendously hard but NC is the only way to get better. Look at all the threads and the only people who were able to get better are the one doing completely NC and taking care of themselves.

And yes Facebook is quite an addiction this is why I hate it. I believe that people are passing too much time on it because a lot of them are bored. What matters is our own life and if we are bored then she should get into more activities.

And actually being at rock bottom is a good thing, you can rebuild from scratch. Making new friends should not be so hard. Take is slow.

Yea this is pretty tough for me - not going to lie. I really want to just start over with a clean slate - just move on - I'm going to make it happen. I haven't been able to convince myself to delete him as a friend or block him, but I did block her so at least her pics and posts and stuff on Facebook won't pop up. I'm also going to stay away from Facebook for a few months.

Now I just have to try not to run into the 2 of them out. Its so hard to believe that he is going out with another girl - theya re having fun together while I'm just miserable. I don't want to be, and I'm going to try hard not to think about them.

I still just want to cry - I'm so good at giving advice - and I know what I SHOULD do - its just so hard to get your heart to start believing it too. Its hard not to obsess over someone. But he isn't mine anymore - its done - time to move on. So much easier said than done.

Hey bella,
Well it's actually good you're saying to yourself to get over him. It's so hard to follow your head when your heart is misplaced... but our emotions do calm down after a while and you do get better. It's a good thing you are getting off Facebook for a while, it will help you heal. The first day of healing and NC are very hard ( I guess you have to redo them again ). The best way to do it, is to make a list of things, in your head or in paper and follow them.

For example, you would go everyday to the gym and work out hard whatever mood you are in. You plan on getting out once every weekend at least and try to get in contact with all friends. Talk to your family about your problem, your friends, this board...

In order to heal and get better you need to take an ACTIVE part and set yourself some goals. He is gone and now you have to accept it. Indifference should come later as you continue healing. If you are having trouble getting new friends try to talk to random people or people in your class, work... that you've never talk to. Day by day you DO get better but it requires lots of work.

I really do want to get over him - I hate this terrible feelng in my chest that I always have from worry about all of this. And its just not worth it - there are so many other people out there. So my mind is made up - just another thing to get my heart and emotions on board.

As for NC, I've basically mastered all forms of communication except Facebook - that is the final frontier, but I put some steps in motion so I don't have such easy access to his info. If I must, I will delete him if I seem to be slipping up. I know I'm only going to get upset if I look him up.

I'm debating on sending him an email that basically says, For my own peace of mind, I need to do my best to stay away from you for a little while. This is a small town, and I would appreciate it if when you see me out, you wouldn't come over to say hi, or maybe just go to a different area of the bar. If I see you, that's what I'm going to do. Maybe in a few months, I'll come up and say hi to you when I'm ready, but right now I need to spend time away from you.

What do you think? I think if I sent it to him, he would do his best to honor it. I know most of the things I get upset about aren't things that he is doing to me purposefully tyring to inflict pain on me. This is just such a small town, I know I'll end up seeing him out, and I'm going to leave if I do, but I don't want him to surprise me and come over to say hi until I'm ready.

Unfortunately, we have so many friend in common, there are a lot of parties and get togethers I might have to miss, but its for my own good. I might tell my friends I'd like to stay away from him as well, so that they tell me if he is coming over, or perhaps they will invite me over once in a while with out him.

I'm still going to keep staying busy - the gym tonight, kickball tomorrow, eagles game on Thursday, wedding this weekend. I'm working on building some friendships outside of my normal group. MBA Classes start again next week, so that should also keep my mind occupied.

Let me know if you have any thoughts. Thanks guys!

I would suggest not sending an email to him. I just think any type of communication right now would cause more harm than good. Just keep busy as you are and you will get through this. All anyone can ask of you is to try your best to get over him and you are doing that. Give yourself credit and keep doing the things you are doing.

Ok - no email - maybe I'll just write the email I would have written in this forum and not send it. If he does come up to me in a bar or restaurant around here, I'll just politely ask him to refrain next time until I'm ready to be around him again. Sound like a plan?

Bella reading this thread is so weird for me because I was in the Same situation as you and it feels like you were writing my story. I live in a small town too and my ex and I come from the same group of friends. He acted the same way as your ex did- nice to me one day, horrible to me the next. I did the NC thing and broke when he came to me saying he still had feelings (which ended up being a lie). Breaking NC was the biggest mistake I could have ever made. The fact is that people change. And it's so hard to learn that and accept it, but it's just life.

I would definitely suggest that you don't send that email. Why even waste your time and energy on him? Don't give him the satisfaction that he is so amazing that you can't even bear for him to say hi to you. It seems to me from your previous posts that if you see him around there is a chance that he may not even approach you. My ex never does, when I'm around him now he acts like he doesn't even know me. But I have truly realized that I'm better than him- and it's time for you to realize that too!

You will get through this. I thought I never would, and I'm not even fully over everything yet. But I will tell you that NC has made me a million times happier, and I am no longer hoping for him to come back or trying to plan my future with him in it. There is a brighter future for the both of us! Stay strong and keep yourself busy, don't waste your time contacting him because it will only make everything harder for you. Keep moving forward.

Don't make plans to make other plans. If you see him out act like the mature and smart woman you are, be polite but short and carry on your way.

I have all faith you will handle it the best way possible, but until then, don't worry about it. Also I would suggest writing the email but posting it here. Lots of people have done that on here and it works best for them.

Dog gone rep system!! Good advice KC.

You can't let him continue to run your life. Just because he is at the same place you are, doesn't mean you have to keep running away and make changes. If you keep planning your life around him, you will always be wondering what he is doing and where he will be and live with the fear that you will see him. You have to take control of your life and live it how you want, with out the possibility of running in to him at certain places holding you back from doing so.

Don't let him hold you back...

Thanks guys! I appreciate the continued advice. I definitely know what I have to do (and not do). He gets no more time from me, If I run into him I'll worry about it then. Truthfully I'll probably worry about it before I go out each time, but I'll try not to. He is no better than I am - just because he got back into a relationship right away doesn't mean anything. It means I'm taking time to make sure I am better, so that my next relationship works out better.

I do miss him still, and it just stinks that things turn out the way they do. Avoiding someone you used to like to hang out with isn't fun and hard work, but just going to keep on trying. I definitely welcome any other encouraging words you may have :)

As far as him getting into a relationship, I have yet to get into another relationship and it has been almost a year since my break up. I have dated, but no serious relationship yet. It isn't about me being ready it is merely about not settling on someone for sake of having a title. When the time is right you will know, but more importantly when the right person is there you will be ready.

One morning you ll wake up and you ll be completely over him.and all this will be in the past.

We all believe in you Bella. I have much more month of NC and healing ahead ofyou and I can truly say I feel wonderful! Life has never been as great as that, even when I was with my ex. There is tons of threads who started NC and feel much better. It's no magic, it's common sense.

One day you will feel truly happy about yourself and that's the secret of a successful and happy life. Don't worry about him, do whatever you planned to do and get on with your life. The more active you are, the faster you will heal.

Bella,

That's so normal. Im going on almost 3 mo. Of NC.
Everyday is different. But staying strong through the pain and creeping feelings are maddening at times.

Its so hard to not wonder what ex's are doing, I still do that. But what Ive realized is those thoughts don't help me one bit.

These are in a way, your own residual memories. Hes actually gone now.

All of those thoughts are in a way your speculation. Your assumptions. Like its "easy for him. And honestly, who cares? Once you start caring more about what your truly feeling and doing for yourself, those will take a back seat.

But only with time and strength. Show yourself how strong you can be.

Plus, if you share friends, you should know who you true friends are. They should be happy to help you cut the drama.

So I was just talking to my friend at work just about lunch and stuff. She's friends with my entire group of mutual friends, but she understands my situation.

I asked her how the parties went this weekend (that I skipped due to my ex being there and the potential of his new girlfriend being there), and she wanted to know why I didn't go. I told her I didn't go because of him and she said she would have gone anyway since it was a going away party for my friend who s moving away for 2 years. I explained why I didn't go and she said well why does it bother you, and I said because I feel like I was replaced, and I wouldnt' have been able to stand seeing him with someone else - especially since I had only found out a few hours earlier. She said she would have gone anyway to see our friend, but I just doubt I could have handled it in any mature way - and I didn't want to mess up anyone's party. She asked me if I was going to avoid all the other parties I'd be invited to, and for now - yea I probably will if he is going to be there - eventually I'll go again.

She kind of got me upset because I guess it seems like I'm avoiding my friends because of this guy, but I just don't want to cause a scene or anything. I also don't feel like being hurt every time I go out - that's no fun. If I just see my exbf even with out his new girlfriend I'll probably get upset.

So, was I right to not go to the parties? Or should I have gone to say good bye to my friend? I'm trying to work it out with her so I can see her before she goes for a bit. She is doing a last hoorah on Thursday - I atuall have another commitment, but I told her I would be there if I could. I did ask her to let me know if my ex was there. If he was there alone I'd make an appearance for a few moments and avoid him. If he is there with the girl, I won't go - I don't want to create drama for everyone.

So, am I doing the right thing by avoiding them all? I'm only avoiding them if he is there - maybe they don't quite get it?

I think you are doing the right thing, and your friends should understand. There is no point in causing more pain for yourself, so by avoiding it you are doing what is best for you, and that is all right.

I'm surprised your friend is so insensitive.

I don't think you should go to events where he'll be there, with or without, his new girlfriend.

For you to know ahead of time would mean your friends would have to speak to him and see if he's coming solo or not, and that puts them on the spot.

If you are invited to an event and he is going to be there, you either don't go, or take a chance that 'she' will be there as well.

With this being so fresh, my advice is to stick to your guns, and just lay low for now. Make alternate arrangements as you're trying to do, to say goodbye to the friend that is leaving for two years.

One other thing I wouldn't do is keep explaining myself. If you are asked why you didn't attend a certain event, just say that you weren't feeling well, or you had other plans. Anything you do say about the real reasons for your absence, will most likely be spread around to all your friends, and that will get back to the ex.

You will know when you can handle attending an event when the event itself, is more important than who is going to be there.

Thanks guys I defintely thought I did the right thing. After the next week or so events will die down with my friends - once summer is over everyone gets busy doing their own thing. Fewer BBQs and stuff. Yea I think I will just tell them I had other plans.

I honestly am not trying to avoid my friends - I think I just need to hang out with some different people for a while, and minimize contact with people we are mutual friends with.

I don't think my friend was tryig to be insensitve, I just don't think she realized how much it hurt me that he is dating someone new.

I need to calm down - go eat lunch - get out for a walk and then get back to work - hopefully cheer up.

Have you had your vacation yet? Sometimes going away for a week or two can be healing-new places-new faces.:-)

You know its always a lot easier for people to say what they would do when they aren't in the same situation as you. I get it all the time, but at the end of the day you know how you feel and should go by what you are feeling and not worry about what other people would or wouldn't do. Half of the time its because they have never felt what you felt or been where you have. If you didn't want to see him with his new girl then you shouldn't have to. End of story. Friends should understand.

Yea I definitely need a vacation! I think I'll take a week in October after my largest project for work is due.

I hate that I wake up and before I even wake up he is on my mind - anyone know how to stop that?? Or how to switch tracks when you can't get someone out of your mind. Mostly when I'm at work during the day since I should be doing work but I end up thinking about him. At night its not so bad because I can go out for a walk or to the gym or invite friends over.

I was listening to the radio this morning on my way to work, and "King of wishful thinking" by Go West came on. That is EXACTLY how I feel - I wish I didn't have to fool myself into not caring though :( Here are the lyrics for anyone who hasn't heard them:

I don't need to fall at your feet
Just 'cause you cut me to the bone
And I won't miss the way that you kiss me
We were never carved in stone
If I don't listen to the talk of the town
Then maybe I can fool myself..

I'll get over you.. I know I will
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking
And I'll tell myself I'm over you
'cause I'm the king of wishful thinking
I am the king of wishful thinking

I refuse to give in to my blues
That's not how it's going to be
And I deny the tears in my eyes
I don't want to let you see.. no
That you have made a hole in my heart
And now I've got to fool myself..

Bella its fake it till you make it.healing takes time but you re doing well.keep posting we re here.:-)

Yep,
Healing does take time don't force it on you. Day by day it gets easier, especially if you take care of yourself. It hasn't been that long since NC, healing takes at least a good 2 or 3 month at least to start to get as good as before you went out with him. It may take more. But it gets easier day by day. Honestly, I hated sleeping at night but I would love waking up in the morning.
Every time I woke up, I had a good night sleep and my brain was able to pause itself from thinking about my ex.

I'm just the opposite. I am OK to go to sleep at night (probalby because me and my ex didn't sleep well togethr - I kept him awake haha), but when I wake up and I'm alone I get sad.

I think I'm kind of on my way to feeling better. I mean I don't think about calling him or texting him or anythign like that. I haven't done any of that since August 1. I'm learning to ignore his Facebook. I still wonder constantly what him and his new girl are up to. That irritates me, but I'm trying not to think of it.

I wish this would speed up a little haha.

That's exactly how I felt and still do at times.

I tell myself that my ex is no longer in my life & that she really doesn't matter anymore.

The more you wonder or try to find out stuff, the more pain you bring upon yourself. Its maddening at times.

A few weeks ago, I was so frustrated at myself for dwelling and not letting go, but it takes time. Don't beat yourself up, just be patient and work proactively on yourself.

Cause that's the most important person.

I might have to see him tonight :( My friend's final going away event - and I want to go because it will probalby be the last time I see her for 2 years. She is going to text me to tell me if he goes. If he goes alone I am going to go and just stay away from him. If he goes with the new girlfriend, I told her I probalby wouldn't show up - maybe I'd go to the coffee shop next door and she could say hi - but I just don't want to see them together and get upset.

I kind of feel panicky right now even though that's not for probably 10 hours. I think it's the thought of potentially running into them anytime in the future that is making me feel like this. I wish it didn't matter to me but it does. I keep telling myself it doesn't matter, but it still hurts.

I want her to be just as selfish, immature, and emotional unavailable to him as he was to me - even though I know that is spiteful - ugh that's how I feel...

Nah,
It's all right to feel like that, we all cope in one way or another. Don't go if you don't have to, invite her to a coffee or something. It's tough having mutual friends but as long as you do NC, you should be fine. Beside it's probably time to get new friends now and meet new people.

You're actually doing the right thing, waiting to get better before you date someone else. It's like a wound, you don't go back to work after you had one. I suggest you don't go but you do another activity, don't stay at home and dwell on it.
Don't underestimate how good you've been doing.

I think you might be underestimating yourself.

I think that you should go, and keep the focus on your friend, who is far more important than your ex boyfriend should be. To be honest with you, if I were that friend, I'd be wondering why you need special circumstances in order to attend, and expect me to set them up for you.

He has a new girlfriend, and for whatever reasons, that seems like a done deal. Why is it easier for you to see just him, and not him if he's with her. Is it a matter of it hurts more if he's with her, and hurts less when he isn't? Or is it you can handle him alone, and be more confident in just ignoring him, or doing something simple, such as sayinging hello.

Is it a matter of you wishing to confront him alone? Are you expecting him to offer reasons this all happened? Would it make you feel better to call him out face to face?

Time isn't necessarily the only factor in getting over someone. Acceptance is. He is no longer your boyfriend, and no matter how hard you try, you will run into him at some point, so you may as well deal with him now.

I think the sooner you see him, and realize that you have enough inner strength and confidence not to do something you will regret, the better. And that would be him with his new girlfriend, nor not.

You give him a lot of power over yourself. His mere presence can stop you from attending an event. He doesn't have to say a word.

I don't know if you will ever be ready if you keep avoiding all these social functions.

What happens if it's a year from now, and you are seeing him for the first time in a year. I would think that if you haven't dealt with it, it would be as shocking, and as difficult as it is now.

I would love to see you just go! You don't have to stay long, but long enough to let him know he's not going to stop you from saying goodbye to a dear friend. That should be your focus, not him, not his girlfriend, not the past.

I agree with you jake2008, I don't want to miss out on my friend because my exbf is there. I would rather go if he new girlfriend isn't there because it would be less painful to see him by himself than to see him all cheery with a new girl. I don't want to say a thing to him - I don't want to confront him or anythign - I just want to go and let him be. I wouldn't mind if she was there and I knew I could definitely if introduced to her be incredibly polite and nice and say "its really nice to meet you" and just be the wonderful person that I usually am (kill them with kindness thign). I don't want his new girlfriend to think I'm psycho, or anythign so if and when I do get introduced to her - I will be the super nice person - ugh I guess I just don't feel like dealing with it tonight.

I'm going to go no matter what - if she is there then so be it - I can do this - I'm a mature adult - and I want to say goodbye to my friend. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Tonight I'm using the tickets I bought back in march for his birthday to go see the eagles with some of my friends hahahahha - I guess its his turn to lose out. I'm not going to worry so much - I'm better than this.

Bella, you really are going to come through this with flying colours. Think positive!

Try not to read anything into it that isn't there, just focus on your friend, and your other friends, and have some quality time with them. They are the ones that are still there for you.

One little trick I do, is put time into chunks to make things easier. Say the first chunk is getting in the car, and driving to the party. Then the second part would be going in the front door, and greeting everyone. The third part might be getting through dinner or the barbecue or whatever is planned, and so on.

When I have had stressful things to get through, it really helps me to think that, OK, got through the first two chunks, two more to go.

Good luck, please post and let us know that you put your best foot forward, and pulled it off with flying colours!

A few things to keep in mind. Though no contact seems like a good idea, you have to understand why you need to impliment no contact.

First of all, you have this idea that you're going to be friends. So you've set some sort of expectation, which is prolonging your healing process. This is how the process works. You have to completely heal from the break up first and foremost. To heal, you need to worry about yourself. You need to take care of yourself.

If you feel that reminders of him is hindering your progress, that's when you impliment no contact. No contact is used because you are having a difficult time getting over him.

If one day you get over him, then you can try to be friends. But until you've fully recovered, you have to stop having the expectations that the two of you will try to be friends.

If you feel that you've tried everything to get over him, then you're going to have to take some more extreme measures. Here are some suggestions:

1) Since you have 40 friends in common and instead of blocking everyone, it's probably better to deactivate your Facebook until you get over him. Once you've recovered, you can reactivate it if you want. During that time you can keep in touch with friends via phone or IM.

2) Block him on IM and email, so that he cannot contact you. If you want, you can even change your phone number, so he can't call you.

3) You have to let your common friends know that you need to recover from this breakup, so you would prefer not attending the same social gatherings. So if your friends respected you, they will take that into consideration when inviting people out. Until you've fully recovered from the break up, you'll have to sit out a few social gatherings where he's present.

4) Hang out with more friends and family. Keep your mind occupied. It's easier said than done, but just find other hobbies. Meet new people. Just do something to get your mind off of him.

I'm sure others will have more suggestions. But you can start with these.


I agree with you :)

I don't agree with jake2008 here. It is not a game here about who is stronger or who has control over who. We are adults and we shouldn't play this game. She needs to get better and getting No Contact is the way to go. If she feels that she is strong enough to see both of them, then go enjoy yourself, if not don't put yourself into more pain.

So, I went - just got home in fact. I got there before he did - then a little later he showed up with his new girlfriend. I just hung out with everyone - evetually since he was literally standing next to me I said hi and gave him a hug chatted for a moment then moved on. He never did introduce me but whatever. I'm glad that I went and I was able to show that I can have fun out with my friends and not scared to be out. They were kind of touchy feely but I have a few friends that understand what I'm going through and they helped me out.

Some of his friends told me they like me a whole lot more than her - so that was a good confidence booster.

I had fun though - and they left early, so for the last 2 hours I stayed out and had so much fun. I should have left around the same time they did because I have to work in a few hours, but I was just happy to be out with my friends - and I got to say good bye to my best firend.

I'm glad you told me to go Jake - I am going to continue with NC completely - I still don't want to run into him unexpectedly but I know I can handle it and leave if I have to. I don't want to avoid all of my friends forever. I still miss him, but really not much I can do.

Ugh :( good night everyone

Good for you Bella , glad you had a good night and just goes to show you can do it... and with dignity :)

Well Done!

Nice one, Bella. Makes me happy to hear that.

How strong & cool are you?

Keep it going. And yes, NC all the way.

Whoo hooo!!

You did it Bella, and with grace and confidence. I'm proud of you. :)

Bella I cannot tell you how proud of you I am. You acted in an mature and classy way that signifies the type of person you are. Bravo!! Here is to many more good times to come, because I can feel that you are going to be a great catch for some lucky guy one day!

I think what KC really meant to say was you acted in a mature and classy was...

You did a great job holding yourself together and facing your fear. Now at least you know that you can still go out with your friends and not worry about seeing him so much.

Thanks guys!

I still can't get him out of my head though :( Last night I had some crazy dreams with both of them in it - so I need to try to focus on something else. I still miss him and it hurts me that he likes this girl and can have more fun with her than me - at least right now.

He treated her last night in the "giddy-new relatioship" kind of way - the way he treated me when we were going out - but by the end of our relationship he was a different person. I envy her right now, but I know he tends to change. Oh well...

Bella,

Give you a little perspective. Yesterday my ex e-mailed me out of the blue. First time we have spoken in nearly 4 months. She happened to do this one day before our year anniversary of breaking up, which is today. I have proclaimed I am completely over her and such, but I will be the first to tell you my heart jumped a bit when she contacted me.

We all sometimes have those feelings. I laid in bed last night remembering the good times we had together and almost cried. It is hard and it sometimes takes control over our emotions, so no worries. You handled yourself like a true pro. I am not angry about the break up anymore and I thank God I had the pleasure of getting to spend 4 years with a very special person, but this is life and we all move on. Keep on truckin partner!

That's the double edged sword of seeing them out. All those memories and such come back and cycle over and over again in your head. It's good to get out and know how you will act around them, but the "hangover" from seeing them can be pretty bad.

When I saw my ex at the baseball game a few months back, I couldn't get her out of my head for the next 2 weeks!! It was pretty rough. I'm all better now. Just learn from this and so you know how to deal with it better.

The dreams are rough, but they will go away too. I went through a period of a months where I had constant dreams of her. They sucked. I would wake up in and in the morning still have her in my head...

I'm glad all that's over!

Don't envy her. She isn't the winner, you are! She just doesn't know what coming yet. The cycle will repeat.

You're still healing and feeling lonely. That's why you still put him on his pedestal and think she is the prize winner. Sorry, it's really the other way around. He is a loser and she now has to take care of him. You are the winner, because now you have the opportunity to find someone better.

Trust me you will find someone 1000% times better than him.

Hey guys,

I've been in a pretty good mood the past couple days. Yesterday especially - I only sporadically thought about my ex. This morning was good, but the past half hour or so I've had that nervous feeling in my stomach again - it needs to go away.

I've been keeping busy though - work is really busy, MBA classes started again - trying to make plans for this weekend as it will be my birthday. I think I'm a little nervous about my birthday though. I wish he would be around - I guess I wish I could still invite him out for my birthday. Not sure if he will wish me a happy birthday or not - I guess it really doesn't matter. I guess I only really care if he does because it would show that he at least thinks about me once in a great while and didn't just forget about me when he started going out with this new girl. None of this should matter to me, but of course I still miss him.

I know we weren't right togheter, and there is someone out there that is better for me - but can't help but miss him anyway. Otherwise I've been doing good. I haven't checked his Facebook in a week -and other than running into him for a moment last Thursday I haven't talked to him since August 1st. All of that no contact stuff is helping. I also haven't been in touch with too many of his friends lately, so that they can't slip up and say anything about him. Trying to make new friends.

Argh! Just felt like writing because he was on my mind - I guess I'll get back to work now.

Happy early Birthday!! I will be sure to kick a few back for you! Enjoy!! As a matter of fact, I will be happy to attend this party and I promise a good time all around! ;)

NO NO NO and NO! Why in the world would you invite him to your birthday? This is the perfect time to invite guys that you don't really know to your Birthday so that you get to know them better. You'll get a surprise after that.

No I don't really want him to be there - I just wish none of this had happened so that he could be there - no what I mean? I'm not inviting him out or anything - believe me it wouldn't make my night fun.

Oh well - got to move on.

Yep moving on is the thing to do. Look we all wish that things happened in a different way, but in the end of the day, what is important is yourself and being happy. You have a chance to not see him, that's more than me. I'm still obliged to see my ex with mutual friends.

Yea I end up running into him with mutual friends as well - like last Thursday but it went OK. I'm definitely not going to invite him out - I actually already sent out the invite, and he wasn't on it :)

I think I will run into him less frequently now actually because my best friend moved to Ireland last weekend and she was the one that kept inviting him out. Stinks she had to move, but I won't see him much either so tahts nice.

I definitely feel much better than I ever did back from April - July. The no-contact thing is definitely very helpful.

Happy Birthday Bella,

This will be something to look at as a very, extra special day for you. From this point on, it's all good. You're getting stronger every day, you're getting through all this, and as hard as it is from time to time, those hard days are now becoming moments, and it won't put a dent in your day, or your life.

Good for you, keep up the good work!! :)

Same here. Happy Birthday.
Have a great party. Enjoy those friends.

Let this day remind you of all of the amazing and important things in your life. Mostly you.

That's why we celebrate. To be grateful for our life.

Take time to blow out those candles. You know the ones...

Cheers,
Van

24147

Nice one, friend4u!!

Killer, that say it all...

Haha! That cake looks delicious! Thanks guys! I'm definitely going to celebrate. I turn 26 on Sunday - so its not some big celebration, but I'll turn it into one anyway. Plus now that I'm single I can celebrate with anyone I want ;) hehehe.

Have a great day. :-)

No comment

So my birthday weekend went well. Had fun - didn't see the ex. All of our mutual friends came out though for my birthday so that was nice!

I was down a bit here and there just remembering how much I had wanted him to hang out for my birthday - but I had a good time with out him. Been in a mostly good mood the past few weeks with some weak spots here and there. He did send me a Happy Birthday text - I replied and just said thanks - otehrwise I'm still doing the NC.

It's nice to feel lke I'm getting better. Stinks to feel down here and there still but not as much as before. Stinks he and I can't be friends but I suppose most exes can't. I'm glad I'm feeling like my old self again - I'm busy - making new friends - going to school - working - and having fun. The most important thing is that I'm feeling better about me :)

Hope you all are having a good week.

Glad to hear, Bella.
You are doing the right thing. Keep it up!

Stellar news Bella. I feel this thread is going to me motivation for others coming her in your predicament. You have done awesome! Keep making new friends and just have fun, remember, life is too short to wallow in misery! :)

Great news!

Just remember time is the healer it won't be long and you will catch yourself saying Hey I didn't think about him at all today and it will only get better from there good luck I enjoy your replies thanks

You're doing great. Everyone has ups and downs... even those of us who have been dealing with this for a while. You're doing much better than a lot of people.

Yep,
There will be ups and down, but mostly ups from now on. Keep it up!

Ugh I woke up in this kind of crappy mood. 2 of my friends are getting married to each other today. My ex is one of the groomsmen. I was supposed to go as his guest, as they didn't have enough money to invite everyone separately with a guest. Well since we aren't going out - I'm no longer his guest, and not reinvited due to lack of money. He is probably bringing the new girl.

I really wanted to go see them get married, but I understand why it didn't work out for them to reinvite me. Just stinks that the girl that barely knows any of the friends is now going to watch it all - when she probably could care less since she doesn't know anyone, and I get to stay home.

Oh well - I want today to be over since this was probably the last thing we had future plans to do together. I guess it kind of just hurts because I know where he is today. Doing no contact is great because you don't know what they are doing and you can't think about it if you don't know. But it really does stink when you do know what they are doing.

I guess some days are up and some days are down.

Yes bella-some days suck!tomorrow s another day though and I think you ve been doing really well!

If they are getting married in a church, there is no reason for you not to attend the church ceremony.

It is not closed to the public when a marriage is taking place, unless things have recently changed.

You can go and watch them get married, which is the important part, without an invite.

Wow bella thank you so much for all of this! I'm 3 days out of a 2year relatioship and I feel empowered by your post! I went through the same motions as you - feeling sick, couldn't eat, crying all the time, bargining with myself if I had done things differently we'd still be together, checking his Facebook all the time, checking my phone for texts all the time, always thinking of him, sometimes talking about him as though he was still my boyfriend, understanding why we broke up and that it wasn't a healthy reltonship, working out how much of a loser he was to me for the last 2 months of the reltionship, he also 'couldn't sleep' with me in the bed and was a selfish loser for the last 6 months - except my ex was really immature I was his first relationship and he didn't know how to treat women. Understanding that I deserve better! Keeping NC for 3 weeks - until exams are over then we might talk, realising who my true friends are, as I had a lot of mutual friends with him. I'm now looking in better shape then ever and have the whole summer ahead of me to really get those heads turning, I am going to be strong and gorgeous when I next see him. I feel like a massive weight is off my shoulders and even though I think about him still and get sad about "not waking up in his arms" and all those lame romantic things, I know there is an absolute sweetheart out there somewhere, waiting for me, who is going to cherish me with all of their heart! And there is someone out there for you too bella, I just know it!
And thank-you so much again for all your fantastic posts and everyone else's support! It has helped me more than you would ever believe and I know it would help others too! U must be doing so well by now! All the best!

Hey Jenny,

I'm SOO glad that my posts helped you! I am doing a lot better now. After he was a jack a$$ in August it made it so easy for me to justnot want to talk to him anymore. He just wasn't the guy Iknew anymore. Then he started dating someone knew and it hurt but helped me a lot to just move on. I was hanging out with another guy this passed month - but he was kind of flaky and had his own break up problems to deal with.

I actually ran into my ex last night for the first time since my last post. One of my friends warned me he would be out with his girlfriend wher we were going but I said I'd go anyway. Said hi to him he gave me a hug asked how I was doing - chatted for a bit then I went on my way. Saw him later in the night too - it was all civil. Feelings come rushing back but not nearly as bad (and his girlfriend stood him up which kind of made me happy hahahahahha).

So today I kind of missed him - NOTHING like before - but I know there are plenty of better men out there! Best thing to do is get in shape - go to the gym and be healthy and good looking for all those other guys - be happy with who you are before dating someone else so you know you are being treated right.

If you ever need any help - def send me a message! GOOD LUCK!

Good that you got that one over with, Bella.

Rock on... No missing, yes.

Get reaquainted with yourself & what is important when it comes to guys & what you want.

Ya know what's helped for me is to live in the moment. Not too far in the past or future. Break down those feelings when they enter. Am I digging this moment? Why not? "Oh yeah"

Good luck.

Van

Probably cause of BS...



Van

Best thing to do is get in shape - go to the gym and be healthy and good looking for all those other guys -

Glad your doing so well Bella , and what you said above is so true.


Time may heal all wounds but a steady daily routine makes a really good bandage.

but I know there are plenty of better men out there! Best thing to do is get in shape - go to the gym and be healthy and good looking for all those other guys - be happy with who you are before dating someone else so you know you are being treated right.


Yea! There is still good men out there like me! Wait... no, I'm not available, I'm planning to stay single... sorry girls :( .

So this is totally random -but my ex JUST sent me a text - he is apparently golfing with my boss today. How random is that? (they aren't close friends or anything) I think he just was still on the mailing list for the golf tourny from when we were going out - and now he is on my boss's foursome.

Talk about random!

Don't fall into the trap!! I did and it was NOT fun!

I'm not golfing with him - and I have no hopes of hanging out with him either - he is already dating someone else. I just thought it was random he decided to go golf with my boss.

Yup-strange but that's life. Good to know you're OK again.

Who cares, let him.

I hate those days where you just randomly feel kind of lonely. I'm sure everyone has them - that's my day today. No real good reason for it, and I know better by now, but just can't get rid of the feeling.

I know there are lots of great guys out there that I have yet to meet, and believe me, I'm not in any rush. Just today is kind blah. The fact that today is Monday probably isn't helping.

Be strong. It happens to the best of us. It's more than normal. I usually go to the gym during these days and then I feel better, or I call all my friends and see which one is available for a walk in town.

Another point, you shouldn't look for someone because you are lonely. You need to be able to feel great alone before you date.

You I'm not looking for anyone currently - someone comes along they do. It's just one of those mondays where I don't feel like doing anything productive, and blah.

I have work all day and class all night, so can't do anything fun today :( I think that is contributing to the way I feel. So much to do in the next few weeks (I have work, 2 grad classes and I'm moving), just not enough time for fun. Today would be a great day for a hike.

I know what you mean lol, I have time where I'm down also when I have too much work. I try to go to the gym though at least for 1 hour, so that I feel better in myself.

Here's a hint: plan a trip but in the far future, you'll see your day will go much better.

I hope everyone has a great holiday! Thanks for all of your help this year!

I'm doing pretty well right now - tiny ups and downs but nothing like a few months ago, so thank you all for your help.

Good news Bella!
Happy Holidays to you !

Glad to hear it.
Cheers, Bella.
Same to you.

Just in time to enjoy the holifay season.

The holidays are always a bit more tough but I think being single for the holidays is more fun - more holiday parties! Hahhaha. Have a great one!

More holiday parties and more money to spend on other things. Plus, there is less to stress out about, because you don't have to shop for the "perfect" gift.

Bring on the eggnog.

So, I have the choice of going to a new years eve party with all of my friends, but my exbf and his new girlfriend will be there. I'm still on the fence about it. But last night I actually went out to dinner with them (and some other friends). His girlfriend, Kate, and I had never really been introduced so I took it upon myself to introduce myself and strike up conversation. Wanted to see if I could stomach hanging out with them for NYE. She was really nice to me, and he was pretty nice to me as well. He treated me like old times when he wasn't a jerk. Sucks that she's so nice (if you know what I mean). But at least they didn't try to make me feel weird, so maybe down the line we can all be friends. We have so many friends in common, that if they stay together we need to be friends or it will just always be awkward.

Still don't know about the party though. I'll know every person there - and I kind of want to go do something where I won't know everyone. So I might go up to Brooklyn. Kind of feel like starting the New Year out fresh with different people. My old roommate lives up there so might go.

So it was nice that everythign was OK between each of us, but you know there is still that faint pang of jealousy.

Happy New Year everyone - time for a fresh start.

Happy New Year my dear!
And I'd go for the Brooklyn option-meet new people.
All the best.x

Your state is really small. Go to Brooklyn, meet new people it's usually much fun also.

So just thought I'd provide an update on my situation. As of last night, I have been single for a year now. Honestly, I've been in a great mood recently. Last night for a little bit I did feel a little upset over how terrible last year was, and how I wish I would have handled it differently. I was mad at my ex last for ruining a good portion of my year.

He actually texted me last week for the first time in a year to see if I wanted to go out - I just responded - I won't be home. I think we could probably be friends in the coming months but I really just would like to continue to do my own thing and leave him alone.

Lots of guys are floating around for dates this past month or two, so it's nice to have things normal, fun, and flirty. I'm looking forward to having a great summer with no drama, and no emotions similar to last year :)

Took me a long time to get over that guy, haven't talked to him or seen him since mid-december, and I really feel great. Everything happens for a reason. Learned a lot about myself this year.

Good for you.

Same here, going on a year for me.

That's nice! I almost got into a year being single, I guess you guys beat me :(.

Unfortunately - my mom passed away last week - I posted it under bereavement but some of you guys on this thread have been so helpful with break ups - figured id let you know. If u have ever experienced losing a parent - take a look at my thread there, and let me know what you think. This is so rough - pretty different from how I felt when my ex and I broke up though - I was more immediately sad then - right now I guess it hasn't hit me how this will impact me for the rest of my life just yet. :-(

Im sorry.
Yeah I know what its like. And a brother that died too.
Don't think we are ever truly prepared.

My best,
Van