Hi guys -

Quick back story, was out this past weekend and met a great girl. Got her phone number and everything, but the only issue is she's 30 and I'm 24.

I'm still going to call her up and ask her out, I like her a lot, but I'm wondering if there is anything I should know, I've never approached an older woman before, especially this much older.

I appreciate any and all help. Was just going to ask if she wanted to get something eat this weekend.

If you like her there shouldn't be a problem. Be yourself she'll like you best like that. She may have some expectations to get the relationship faster than you, but then again I'm generalizing.

Yea that's what I mean, I'd like to know what the generalizations are in the 30ish dating scene.

The fact that you need to ask this question makes me wonder if you feel immature yourself.

You don't need to give special attention because of age. Treat her like you would any other person. Treat her with respect.

If you develop an interest in her, then treat her like you would any girl that you have feelings for.

I bet the last thing she wants is to be reminded of her age. Enjoy the time that you spend together.

Go into it with an open mind and heart. If you generalize or do anything else it will show and you will walk into the situation with a poor attitude or behavior. Just have fun and enjoy each other's company. No pressure!

Ok, that's what I was wondering about. It's not that I feel immature at all, I'm more or less interested in knowing if taking her to a bar or something isn't as good an idea as taking her to a restaurant.

I appreciate the help guys.

My general rule for first dates: make it something casual and informal. I think the first date should be extremely comfortable for both parties, as the main point is to talk to each other, BS and just enjoy one another (or not, in some cases). Nothing fancy and no pressure or nervousness.

There's 11 years between my mum & dad
And they've been married for god knows how long

Age is a state of mind. It's not like your going to marry her tomorrow. Maybe she has a younger sister.

I agree with all posts before, just have an open mind about it. It is only an issue if you make it one. I'm not sure if a bar is a good place for a first date... a casual restaurant is always a nice choice. Just feel it out and see where she would rather go.

Oh to be a girl of 30 again,(im 37).

What does she expect? Hard to say,but I'm guessing she is having the same conversation with her friends,is he too young,what will he expect? What will I wear? Aaahhh.

Do you see,she may also have the same concerns as you?
Take her somewhere where you can talk and get to know her.
Relax and be yourself,have no expectations for the evening and see how you both get on.

I have to agree with everyone here. Comfortable is best, and conversation and interaction is the way to go. You just met her. You're just getting to know her. It's just a date. There was someone else that said "You're not going to marry her tomorrow". Everyone anymore seems to want to jump strait to the relationship anymore. It's a date for crying out loud. The date is where you get the answers to the questions you have. Good luck. And have a good time.

Thanks guys. I wasn't expecting anything more than a date, I was just wondering if there was anyone older than myself that could shed some wisdom.

I appreciate all the help though, this is good stuff here.

There are some ways that you can figure out if there might be a possability of some more mature expectations. What kind of job does she have? What kind of car does she drive? Have you seen her house/appt? How does she dress?

Take a deep breath and relax. My husband is 32 and I'm 24. It doesn't cause nearly as many problems as you would think.

Don't let pere pressure plant you in bed with her on the first night. If she wants to, it's a different story. If you go through the evening and she brings up her ex boyfriend or ex husband and then later on she wants to go to bed, 1 You may be the rebound, or 2 She could be using you to get back at him. If she seems bitter toward him, she's probably using you, whether she knows it or not. If you get through the night and he never comes up, you're probably in the clear. But then if everything seems to be in the clear and she does want to take you to bed or you take her, that could mean automatic attachment. She might think that either you want to be with her, or she could end up thinking that you're taking advantage of her. Really there's a bunch of stuff to read into that. I would say probably at her age and at the mind set she should be in, a nice wet kiss good night and a follow up date would be a good sign of success. I would also bet 100 to 1 that she's looking forward to a nice relatively quiet dinner. I don't mean like "Olive Garden" all romantic. I mean like sort of a sports club with a quieter area. But you can ask her of coarse.

Brancp34, not ALL women who are open about their past relationships with a new boyfriend are using you as a rebound or revenge.

You're right Jenniepepsi. I'm sorry. I was sterio-typing. But you can't say it's not possible. I've just been hit by that on more then one occasion.

I personally never cared for dinner on a first date.I don't like to eat and then have drinks after.
I think a nice quiet club with maybe a jazz or blues band ,some dancing and then after a quick bite somewhere.
Ask her what appeals to her more.
I see you are in the City so you have a great resource at your fingertips.
As the other have said,age is only an issue if you make it one.

Artlady has some good suggestions. Jenniepepsi is right after all. Age is a matter if you make it one. What it really comes down to is personal maturity. Do you have any more suggestions. I think you may have some more valuable info for perhaps both monster and myself.

Which one of us, me or artlady? You mentioned us both :P


In the event you meant me, about the only thing I can add is the biggest problem I can think of.
And that's the older partner treating their younger partner like a child. Its hard to avoid. But not impossible.

No matter what your age, a relationship must be EQUAL. I learned this the hard way, but not in the age sense. My husband is older than me, but he has a mental disability so in many ways I am older than him, and I used to TREAT him that way... a BIG no no!

jenniepepsi

Theres 11 years between my mum & dad
and theyve been married for god knows how long


Your mother is 11 years older than your father (which is the question as I read it)?

My buddy's 23 and his girlfriend of nearly two years turned 35 this year. She's awesome.

Only advice to you is don't think about the age difference, at all, it'll make you tense and you could ruin any date you have.

I am not getting age gap as an issue. She will go out with you, because she is attracted to you vice versa. What is the matter? Just be yourself and see how it goes. You will have fun with a different person. If you think it is not fun to be with her or keep being self-conscious about age, then you should stop seeing her.
I always have fun with young male coworker who are funny and spontaneous. They seek my opinion when they have issues, since I am supposed to be more resourceful. I learn their direct & fresh approach. It is all give and take, and most of time we are goofy together and have fun. I have close friends about 10 years plus and minus range, and my best friend is exactly 8 years younger than me, but she is much smarter than me. I love and respect her. Age is relevant.

My rule: I will date any female I find attractive. It is a date, not a stepping stone to marriage. Nothing wrong with having fun.

Chances don't become miracles until you take them.

Hi Monstar. Wow! I was surprised to hear that there is only a 6 year age difference. I can understand your concerns especially being it's the first time but there is no problem here whatsoever. I've dated men 10+ years younger than me. I would have married one of them actually but it's hard to go into. Believe me it had nothing to do with the age difference. Everyone gave great suggestions. I happen to love being by the water so a simple walk, sitting and having a snack, or a drive nearby is just as well so long as you both feel comfortable with that. Maybe you will both agree on doing the very same thing which will make things easy for you I'll bet. But do not be concerned about the 6 year age difference. I'm young at heart and seemed younger than a couple of men I've been with that were younger so again, don't sweat it. Do tell us how it's going though please. I find it interesting. Good luck to you!

There is nothing to worry about. Date her as if you were dating a girl the same age as you. If things click, then there's chemistry there.