Hi,

I was in a relationship for 14 months until yesterday. I have just turned 23 and my girlfriend is going to be 28 this year. She asked me to give her time and space to deal with her issues. She feels that because I am only 23, she does not know if she wants to continue with our relationship. She told me that somedays she feels like she wants to be married in 2 years and start settling down, but she also said that sometimes it doesn't bother her.

We are extremely close and pretty much don't do things without each other. My life has revolved around her since we have been together. My parents were not altogether happy with the relationship - they told me something to this effect would happen. They like her, but just feel we are at different stages in our lives. The thing is we love each other madly. She makes me happy in ways I can't describe. And just trying to be without her is proving to be super difficult.

She said she wants to be single for a while and focus on herself and her things, because she has not done this in 12 years. She has always been in relationships. Things between us have always been up and down. The concerns have always been there from my side and hers, but since our last break up of a few days (this was about 3 months ago) things have been going great. We've been enjoying our time together, doing cool things, and just loving each other.

I am unsure of what to do. I want her in my life, not only as a friend, but as a girlfriend. To me, the future is something we cannot control. I give her all that I can at this point in my life and it seems as if the things she wants (or is making herself believe will make her happy), I can't give her (engagement, living together, etc). I am fully committed to her in all ways. She might not have a ring, but she has my heart.

Thanks in advance for any advice/answers I get.

The Lost Sock :)

I'm sorry to say, but when a girlfriend asks for a break and even explains to you that she wants to be single for a while, it means she's taking her first step at moving on with her life.

Telling you that she wants time and space is another way of saying that she wants to go out and explore with other people, while still hanging on to you so that you become her backup, in case her experiments go wrong.

You had your good times together. If she wanted to give it another chance, she would try to work things out with you and not apart.

She already knows that you still care about her. But it's time for you to start moving on with your life. If she comes back to you, then great and we're all happy for you. But if she doesn't, at least you'll have made some progress in the recovery process and will be in a better position to start moving on with your life.

We are extremely close and pretty much don't do things without each other. My life has revolved around her since we have been together. My parents were not altogether happy with the relationship - they told me something to this effect would happen. They like her, but just feel we are at different stages in our lives. The thing is we love each other madly. She makes me happy in ways I can't describe. And just trying to be without her is proving to be super difficult.



This paragraph alone is fairly scary. I fear your dependence on her, and each other may be a HUGE problem as a whole.

As for what you should do, give her what she asked for. Perhaps if you hadn't revolved your life around her, it would be easier to see a clearer picture and give her what she wants, which is time to think. Make yourself scarce and work on building a life that revolves around yourself, not someone else. To me, it seems her actions and words have made it apparent she no longer wants you in her life. Sucks to hear, but better to hear the truth than to be towed by a string for months at a time.

My life has revolved around her since we have been together.
Smothering relationships fizzle out and die after time. You can't have your life revolve around hers, otherwise the relationship gets boring and dies.


She said she wants to be single for a while and focus on herself and her things, because she has not done this in 12 years.
She doesn't want to be with you anymore... plain and simple. Start the healing and move on with your life... make sure to keep yourself occupied!


last break up of a few days
How many times have you broken up? You have only been dating for 14 months.


I am unsure of what to do. I want her in my life, not only as a friend, but as a girlfriend.
But she doesn't want YOU in HER life... remind yourself of that.

Think objectively. She broke up with you because she is looking for something else... whatever that may be. Not your problem. Start thinking about YOURSELF more and start having some fun. You need to accept the fact that this is over... and until then you will drive yourself nuts trying to find answers.

The age difference is not a deal breaker. There must be some details you're leaving out. Are you living with your folks? Employed? To me, it sounds like (even though she may care about you), she needs to move on to realize her dreams. Let her go, and refer to some of the helpful tips found in this forum for dealing with heart break. Good luck...

She asked me to give her time and space to deal with her issues

That's what she asked for, and that's what you do. It doesn't matter what you want from her, because she isn't going to give it to you.

Look at it as an excellent opportunity to get your own life, that you enjoy back, and break the dependence you have to be with someone to be happy.

That's what you need. Now leave her alone to do her thing, and you find out what your thing is.