I need to contact the women I loved but lost 33 years ago as I can't get her out of my mind. I know she married but I only know her maiden name, current age, and city of birth. What is my next step?

You loved her 33 years ago - you lost her - you think about her all the time - you know she is married yet want to contact her??

This is all going to end in even more hurt for - you are not looking for closure - you are hoping she will come running into your wide open arms and declare her love to you - I am sorry but I doubt that is going to happen !

This lady left you for a reason all those years ago and has moved on with her life and has a new life that does involve you - what right do you have to suddenly reappear in her life.

You do not need closure after 33 years - you need to look at your own life and deal with those issues that are making it hard for you to let go of the past.

Leave this lady and her new life well alone. Stop living in the past it is something we can not change - the future is.

Emma-Louise: had to spread the rep... but well said! I agree 100%

SkHanson: I think what you need to do is to find closer with in yourself and find away to let go of her and the memory of the love the two of you shared. It has been 33 years and she is married and taken and unavailable, and I really doubt that you seeing her again or you telling her that you still lover her etc. (of course I don't know the exact reason as to why you want to contact her, but either way... )

The most likely outcomes I see from such a meeting is that you either find out that she is no longer the woman you remember,

Or

Its just going to open up old wounds and pains and create more hurt and no closer.

What I will suggest for you (seeing as it seems that you are unable to find closer on your own) is to maybe see a counselor. Check into counselors in your are, call them explain your situation and that you need help to find a way to find closer in this and move on with your life and see if maybe one of them can help you deal with this.

Often people have to find closure within themselves. Back before the politically correct movement we had to tough everything out within ourselves. Only within the past 20 or so years has everybody been all about needing closure from this or that.

Often people needing closure only opens up hurt for the other person. She is married she doesn't need the complications so that you can feel good about your life.

Also often when people look back at an old flame they romanticize and remember all the good times. Then when they meet again it is often either like two strangers or they think what in the world was I attracted to them for or they simply remember why they broke up in the first place.

You have closure, she is married, that closes that chapter - as closed as you can get it.

Let go of the 33 year old obsession.

What's really going on in your life, that you have to go back 33 years?

WOW! For all of you to have no idea as to the circumstances as to the reason for the conclusion of our relationship and yet to have assumed all that you have is very disappointing. I need to resolve some unanswered questions that I have regarding for one thing if child was birthed or if other choices were made. I was told it was her decision and that was that. Before I could convince her otherwise she left town. She made an effort to see me about a year latter but I was not there any longer and my dad told her that he would give me the message and phone # but I never got it as he wanted me to finish my education and thought it best to let sleeping dogs lie. I didn't want to spill these unhappy beans but once I saw attacks being issued for no just cause I wanted to let you know that I have ALLWAYS believed that you cannot judge a book by its cover. So let me bid you all a fond farewell as I have seen in a very sarteling manner that the world is indeed full of sinnics. Thank you for nothing.

A. I didn't assume about your conclusion of your relationship. I stated different things about break ups in general.

B. If you wanted answers to questions about a baby she may have had to you then THAT should have been the focus of your post but you said nothing of the kind so HOW were we suppose to know. We can only answer according to what you wrote. How do you expect us to read something into your post that you NEVER even mentioned??

You came off like you wanted to see a married woman that you once dated because you ''Can't get her off your mind'' that is a far cry from needing to know some things like if you are a father.

I hope you come back so we can help with your real issues since our replies were so off base with what you actually want to know.

Your welcome

Still the question arises of why wait 33 years.

Well, I suppose he's gone now, but I am curious.

After 33 years, how does anyone know she is still married. That would really be a stretch in this day and age wouldn't it?

Also, 33 years ago, not knowing if he fathered a baby, would play on anyone's mind. 33 years ago, he was not told what happened. He could be a father.

I would be inclined to put register with agencies that can reunite a parent with a child they have not seen, or had given up for adoption. I cannot think of the name of these organizations off the top.

Maybe put an ad in the local paper that you are searching for her.

Check birth records at the hospital in her home town. Who knows, maybe she put his name on the birth certificate.

If it were me, I'd want to have my curiosity satisfied one way or the other.

I think it's a safe bet the child was never told, if it was indeed his, and opening up a can of worms would be useless as who would admit a 33 year old secret or submit to any test to prove it?

For all of you to have no idea as to the circumstances as to the reason for the conclusion of our relationship and yet to have assumed all that you have is very disapointing. I need to resolve some unanswered questions that I have regarding for one thing if child was birthed or if other choices were made. I was told it was her decision and that was that. Before I could convince her otherwise she left town. She made an effort to see me about a year latter but I was not there any longer and my dad told her that he would give me the message and phone # but I never got it as he wanted me to finish my education and thought it best to let sleeping dogs lie. I didn't want to spill these unhappy beans but once I saw attacks being issued for no just cause I wanted to let you know that I have ALLWAYS believed that you cannot judge a book by its cover. So let me bid you all a fond farewell as I have seen in a very sarteling manner that the world is indeed full of sinnics. Thank you for nothing.

We can only answer what you address, we are not mind readers or here to play 'Guess what else?'. We addressed the issues you addressed.

I was not attacking, but 33 years is too long to wait to address closure, no matter the circumstances. I don't think you can validate needing closure after all this time, she is married, that is the end of a story.

If there was concern over a child conceived than 33 years later, you have to let go. Any adult child that would want or is aware of your existence has the ability to seek you out. Time to seek out some counseling on how you can move beyond this woman.

I didn't mean to offend either, but in all honesty (if your still here) we can only answer questions on the basis of the information we've been given. If your question was more complex then just finding closer from a lost love (33 years back in time), then that information would have been useful for us in order to give advice more specifically.

It hit me today...
Not only was the OP not telling us why he wanted closure but I realized that another reason his question doesn't seem honest is that if it is that he has an adult son why wasn't he asking how he could go about meeting him? Why ask about meeting up with the mother if your real intention is to find the son. I am sure he could find ways to find the son without having to meet the mom. He doesn't know the mothers whereabouts any more than the sons so to me it sounds like he is using the excuse of his son to get to mom.
Like others have said why 33 yrs later.

We can only help you based on the information that you provide.

You only shared a portion of the situation with us, so that's all we can help you with.

As for the harshness of others, some people can take criticism and some people can't.

33 years later sounds a little bit over the top, that's why people are knocking you with a reality check.

If you feel that there was a misunderstanding, then clear it up. If you want help on a specific issue, then give us all the necessary facts so that we can help you accordingly.