Because I am, I'm not a gorgeous 20 year old, I'm an ugly 20 year old. I was always teased in school because of this and I have never felt beautiful, there's just nothing special about my face. I have a boyfriend and he's very sweet and respectful but his exes are all prettier and he of course loves looking at pretty women (based on his celebrity crushes).

Now, don't get me wrong, I do think other men are good looking, but not in a sexual way. I just can't think of other men in a sexual way. I don't know why. I can't look at other people (men or women) and get aroused, not even in porn.

And you know what? I'm sick of it. Because men feel entitled to "look" at gorgeous, naked women as much as they want. It's like their right. They always defend porn, strip clubs and ogling in the street. Even the most respectful man (like my boyfriend) will look around when he's alone, because it's in their genetic make up. Sometimes I wish I was a man that way I wouldn't have to worry about my looks and I could get away with ogling.

Because women like me, who weren't blessed with good looks, have to accept these things. Porn, strip clubs (because even if my boyfriend doesn't go, I'm sure he would like to, and also one of his friends is getting married soon, and well he also wants to marry me, so... ), and just "appreciating" the beauty of random women on TV or in the street.

No matter how much I exercise, wear nice clothes or do my make up right, why bother? I will never look like the "ideal"! My breasts won't grow anymore, my face won't suddenly change... and I'm not fat so it's not something that can be fixed by going to the gym. WHY BOTHER? If, by the end of the day, men will still think women in TV, magazines or porn are ideal. Even if they're fake, men don't care. They're ideal. These women look good without the airbrushing, at least they look better than me because their bodies are more proportioned.

And it's always said it's a self esteem issue. Oh, really? Way to make me feel better! So men can get away with ogling ALL they want, and this discomfort is still MY FAULT? REALLY! So I have to feel wonderful about myself, even though my boyfriend (or any other man) has the right to masturbate over beautiful, perfect women? Or want threesomes, and have every "man movie" be about explosions and tons of nudity. Is that supposed to make me feel wonderful about myself? Is that really acceptable and cool? Am I the only one who thinks this society has no real priorities?

Look, I know appearance isn't everything, but when you're bombarded by images of perfection, how do you expect some women, like me, to not feel like crap? (maybe I'm weaker than some enlightened ones). Are we bombarded by ideals of perfection regardind personality? Not as much... being kind, generous, talented and smart isn't really emphasized like being beautiful and hot is! At the very least, you're encouraged to be competitive, which isn't good either. But good traits? Forget it, IT's ALL ABOUT LOOKS!

There are ugly people out there, like me, who're SICK of being put down by the media and somehow expected to have glowing self esteem and just accept it.

So what can I do? I refuse to believe this is all my fault because I have low self esteem. Yes, self esteem plays a part, but it's not ALL my fault, right? I feel very frustrated and embarrassed and I hate looking at the mirror. I hate my appearance.

You are delusional if you think that as a guy I don't have to worry about how I look. Your negativity makes you ugly, as I would assume you are a naturally beautiful girl otherwise. Please don't generalize all of us guys as superficial and as "pigs."

Good vent... are you done, or do you want to vent some more? I have NEVER called any woman ugly, and I refuse to believe there is such a thing. I have my tastes, but because I am not attracted to someone doesn't mean they are ugly. NEVER say that about yourself. Look at the positives you have in your life.

Self-esteem isn't a fault, but it is in your control.

You have a boyfriend who seems very devoted to you, yet you are concerned that his devotion isn't genuine because other women are attractive. Believe me, there is always someone more attractive then the most attractive female, why?? Because men have different likes and desires. I could tell you I think Pamela Anderson is ugly, but another man will tell she is drop dead gorgeous.

You have to love who you are, try these sites, don't expect too much to fast. Most people have been building on themselves esteem their entire lives.

Building Self-Esteem: A Self-Help Guide (http://www.athealth.com/Consumer/disorders/self-esteem.html)

Building Self-esteem - Introduction, National Mental Health Information Center (http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/SMA-3715/introduction.asp)

Hope this helps a little. :)

I'm sorry that I sound bitter, but it just seems pointless trying to be attractive, because I'm genuinely ugly, if men always make excuses such as "I can't help it, it's my biology". And as I said, even the most respectful guy will check out other women, and that makes me feel bad. And I'm sorry, but guys don't have as much pressure to be hot. They have financial pressure, pressure to be strong, etc. But not necessarily "handsome". That's why you see gorgeous women with not so attractive men all the time. And why if a guy is 15 lbs. overweight it doesn't look as bad as if a woman is 15 lbs. overweight.

I'm sorry if I sound bitter, again, I apologize, but unless you're genuinely ugly, you don't know what it feels like, especially for a woman, to see how men go gaga over women who I will never look like, not even if I worked out all day and had plastic surgery... and it sucks, because it's often said that looks are the least important quality, but it doesn't seem like it. I'm not saying men are pigs, just that it's their biology to look and want gorgeous women, and that's why they use porn too, because that way they can have variety without cheating... if only porn stars looked more like normal women, though!

WOW, I'm impressed,I have not heard a rant like that is ages,you may think your not beautiful,but by god you can rant!

Your right,men look.. so what. They look.

And them,just one little thing,tiney teeny,the man that loves you and wants you to be his wife,he probably thinks your beautiful,of course he is bombarded with beauty from all angles,but,he picked YOU.
He sees the beauty in you,on you,your face,your body,. and you don't.

I am "handsome" and I don't have a girlfriend...

You consider yourself "genuinely ugly" and you have a boyfriend...

Your mindset is flawed. If you are ugly it is because you believe it to be so. Seriously, you aren't ugly!

I'm sorry that i sound bitter, but it just seems pointless trying to be attractive, because I'm genuinely ugly, if men always make excuses such as "I can't help it, it's my biology". And as i said, even the most respectful guy will check out other women, and that makes me feel bad. And I'm sorry, but guys don't have as much pressure to be hot. They have financial pressure, pressure to be strong, etc. But not necessarily "handsome". That's why you see gorgeous women with not so attractive men all the time. And why if a guy is 15 lbs. overweight it doesn't look as bad as if a woman is 15 lbs. overweight.

I'm sorry if I sound bitter, again, I apologize, but unless you're genuinely ugly, you don't know what it feels like, especially for a woman, to see how men go gaga over women who I will never look like, not even if I worked out all day and had plastic surgery... and it sucks, because it's often said that looks are the least important quality, but it doesn't seem like it. I'm not saying men are pigs, just that it's their biology to look and want gorgeous women, and that's why they use porn too, because that way they can have variety without cheating... if only porn stars looked more like normal women, though!

You are so entirely wrong to think this is exclusively a female concern. I wouldn't refer back to it again. Men are just as insecure as women are, sometimes more so. If you aren't walking in those shoes, don't talk about them.

Not really, I asked him and of course he thinks Monica Bellucci, Elisha Cuthbert and most pornstars look better than me, but that it's OK "because I LOVE YOU, not them".

He picked me because I play guitar and know my books... not because I'm beautiful. You know how you always want what you can't have? Well I've always wanted to be pretty... one guy at school once told me I should get some plastic surgery, because I'm ugly butr there's still hope for me...

You sound very angry. There is always someone better looking than the next, and even the most "beautiful" people have self esteem issues... so don't think you're alone and that being good looking is everything. It is self esteem. Obviously your boyfriend finds you attractive and he sees something in you that maybe you don't.

And it's not just men that look at other women... women do it too, so please don't play the gender game. I have plenty of friends that are girls that look at other guys, that look at porn, etc. I understand it might be frustrating if you don't do these things, but most do.

The point is, and the place to start, is yourself esteem. If you find yourself ugly, others will as well. Attractiveness is a reflection of yourself. If you feel beautiful, others will see you that way. If you constantly deny compliments people give you, hold all this anger, blame the media, etc, you aren't going to get anywhere.

With this level of anger, I would seek counseling. Or maybe you do need to just vent like KC said. The question is what do you really want? The media isn't going to go away and neither is porn.

Not really, I asked him and of course he thinks Monica Bellucci, Elisha Cuthbert and most pornstars look better than me, but that it's ok "because I LOVE YOU, not them".

He picked me because I play guitar and know my books... not because I'm beautiful. You know how you always want what you can't have? Well I've always wanted to be pretty... one guy at school once told me I should get some plastic surgery, because I'm ugly butr there's still hope for me....

I am unsubscribing now.

It's one thing to have self-esteem issues, it's another to be ignorant and stubborn about your issues.

If you wish to address the problem, read the advice. If you wish to carry on a moaning session for pity, then carry on, but I don't have advice to give for self-absorbed whining that isn't listening.

I really don't want to say this but... I would'nt marry a guitar or a book,I would'nt have sex with them and I pretty much would not like to spend the rest of my life with them alone...

OK,the question. If you want to change your looks,why don't you?

New haircut,colour,eye lash inserts,colour contacts,push up bras,creams,lotions for skin.
The list and the expense goes on.

Here's a thought, instead of lashing out and then "apologizing" for it afterwards, just don't lash out... otherwise no one will want to give you advice.

You sound too angry and blameful of media/men to be receptive to any advice right now. So until you change your attitude you aren't going to change anything.

Look. It's not a lack of self esteem. I know I'm good at some stuff... I'm smarter than a lot of girls... I suck with numbers, but I'm great with letters... I'm artistic, a musician, but I also write, paint and draw... I'm generous, etc...

It's just I can't live deluded thinking I'm beautiful when I'm not. Sometimes you are, sometimes you aren't. I know I'm smart, but I'm not pretty.

Check out this website... this man says beauty is exclusive, therefore, not everyone can be beautiful:

Feminine beauty : The type of beauty that befits a woman (http://www.femininebeauty.info)
(NSFW)

And I already tried counseling, it didn't help. Maybe I came to the wrong forum... I've read in other places online about women like me.

Sorry for wasting your time.

Simple answer how can you expect others to see the beauty in you, when you don't believe you are beautiful? You believe your ugly therefore it shows in your attitude.
It is making you bitter.

No object in this world is so beautiful that under certain circumstances it will not look ugly.

You're biggest conflict is yourself. Beauty make capture some people attention but it's the personality that captures people heart.

You truly need to work on your self-esteem. I bet you are not ugly as you say.

Here is some useful knowledge for you, as a man. Things we "guys" have to worry about:

1. Do we have an attractive body
2. REJECTON!! We are the ones who are expected to ask the girl out... we are the ones who get told "no" on a constant basis... it SUCKS
3. What happens if we leave the toilet seat up?
4. PMS week... aka hell week
5. Societal norms of being strong, can't be too emotional or weak
6. Making sure that our girlfriends or wives are happy on a constant basis

Life is what you make of it. Sit there and moan about not being pretty, well do something about it! Or, stay in a constant state of unrealistic BS that you continue to drown yourself with.

i really dont want to say this but.....i would'nt marry a guitar or a book,i would'nt have sex with them and i pretty much would not like to spend the rest of my life with them alone...

ok,the question. if you want to change your looks,why dont you?

new haircut,colour,eye lash inserts,colour contacts,push up bras,creams,lotions for skin.
the list and the expense goes on.

It wouldn't make much of a difference. And that's... life, I guess. I don't like feeling fake, though. That's why I rule out contacts, hair extensions and implants... My bone structure won't change, etc. I have good skin, for example, but that doesn't make me pretty if I have low density hair. Or a man-jaw.

It is a lack of self esteem.

If you came for help then seek help or ask about your anger issues. Everyone is beautiful for their own reasons and for some reason that information is lost in your head.

You want to blame society, men, other beautiful women... but you have to look inside on the things you control FIRST.

.

Define Beauty.

Beauty is not just defined as a physical appearance

The definition of beauty= pleasing and impressing qualities of something. It is not limited to looks, and not everything that is physically attractive express beauty or defines beauty.

Rejection? I was rejected throughout high school! I made the first moves because guys WOULDN?T APPROACH ME! And It wasn't because I was "whining" about not being beautiful, I never talk about this unless it's online. I was just myself, trying to be nice, and what happened? I got called ugly, I was crushed and the guys went off with the beautiful airheads who dumped them in a week to go for the next guy. So rejection goes for both sides, I was rejected at least ten times in high school alone. As a matter of fact, it wasn't until I graduated and met an older guy (my boyfriend) that I got someone interested in me.

It is a lack of self esteem.

If you came for help then seek help or ask about your anger issues. Everyone is beautiful for their own reasons and for some reason that information is lost in your head.

You want to blame society, men, other beautiful women... but you have to look inside on the things you control FIRST.

If I were as beautiful as Megan Fox then maybe I wouldn't feel so ugly.

Click on this link below for a great song on your situation... :cool:


Cry Me a River (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7p4mioawIA&feature=fvst)

Rejection? I was rejected throughout high school! I made teh first moves because guys WOULDN?T APPROACH ME! And It wasn't because I was "whining" about not being beautiful, i never talk about this unless it's online. I was just myself, trying to be nice, and what happened? I got called ugly, I was crushed and the guys went off with the beautiful airheads who dumped them in a week to go for the next guy. So rejection goes for both sides, I was rejected at least ten times in highschool alone. As a matter of fact, it wasn't until I graduated and met an older guy (my boyfriend) that I got someone interested in me.

OMG, what a pity party.

I am beautiful inside and out, you know how many times I was rejected in high school... too many to count. High school is a horrible experience that ENDS, so let it go.

Can we talk about depression/anger issues since you aren't rational about yourself esteem issues?

You indicate that yourself is "trying to be nice" then maybe you have multiple personalities... you are coming across very abrasive, angry, stubborn, and blameful of others. Who wants to help you when you are like that?

If I were as beautiful as Megan Fox then maybe I wouldn't feel so ugly.

Don't tell KC, but Megan Fox isn't pretty without all the airbrushing and make-up either. It's her job everyday to get up and be beautiful for us, do you know how badly she gets rejected when she leaves the house without make-up on or worse yet, with a pimple!!

It's definitely an ugly attitude. I would take a beautiful attitude and an average girl over a Megan Fox and ugly attitude ANYDAY.

You know,I'm going to agree with you on one point.. we are not all beautiful human beings..

People do and say horrible and nasty things that have lifelong repercussions.

BUT.. theres always a but.. what makes a child who has been burned beautiful.. their courage,their heart and the love they show,and their face... because love only sees with eyes of love.
Love of self,that has eluded you.

You are smart,intelligent,artistic woman.. and you can't see your beauty.

I'm no help to you.
Moving on.

Successful people radiate self-esteem not self disgust. And until you realize that you will just be at the same point in your life.

Don't tell KC, but Megan Fox isn't pretty without all the airbrushing and make-up either. It's her job everyday to get up and be beautiful for us, do you know how badly she gets rejected when she leaves the house without make-up on or worse yet, with a pimple!!!

It's definately an ugly attitude. I would take a beautiful attitude and an average girl over a Megan Fox and ugly attitude ANYDAY.

You mind your tongue!! :mad:

Here I'm being angry, but in real life I try being nice, most of the time. The Internet is great because you're anonymous, so you don't feel embarrassed about expressing your feelings... that's why I don't lash out in public. I am nice with people in real life... I need to get rid of these feelings since no one would understand, and besides I'd be too ashamed to admit I feel like this to anyone who would care.

If you are ashamed to admit how you feel, how can you possibly think you are alone, that men don't share these insecurities?

You mind your tongue!!! :mad:

It was just my jealousy talking, I didn't mean it. :eek:

This has nothing to do with looks. It is about your own self worth. I was always told how pretty and funny I was and never believed anyone and pushed a lot of people away...
Even the prettiest of people, believe they're ugly.
You have to believe in yourself and so what! You don't look like Kate Moss. Who gets the right to say who is beautiful or not?
Everyone is beautiful in there own unique way.

If you are ashamed to admit how you feel, how can you possibly think you are alone, that men don't share these insecurities?

I guess maybe I'm too naïve... I just see so many ads for creams, lipo, etc. etc... directed at women... there are mostly nude women around, not men... in magazines and such. I don't know about Cosmopolitan because I honestly have never had one in my hands (not that I'd want to read one, I hear it's pure trash). I reckon men have insecurities, like money... my boyfriend sometimes gets insecure because he feels like he can't buy me enough stuff, but well, I'm not a gold digger type, so I'm not concerned... but I guess I just thought guys had other types of insecurities, like financial, who's stronger, who has the best car, boys don't cry, etc. But it never occurred to me that looks were one. Not even penis size... I've never met a woman who truly cared.

I don't know... I just thought they dealt with other kinds of problems.

I guess maybe I'm too naive... I just see so many ads for creams, lipo, etc., etc... directed at women... there are mostly nude women around, not men... in magazines and such. I don't know about Cosmopolitan because I honestly have never had one in my hands (not that I'd want to read one, I hear it's pure trash). I reckon men have insecurities, like money... my boyfriend sometimes gets insecure because he feels like he can't buy me enough stuff, but well, I'm not a gold digger type, so I'm not concerned... but I guess I just thought guys had other types of insecurities, like financial, who's stronger, who has the best car, boys don't cry, etc. But it never occured to me that looks were one. Not even penis size... I've never met a woman who truly cared.

I don't know... I just thought they dealt with other kinds of problems.


Adverstiment is to entise THAT IS THEIR job, half the people don't use those products, and thank god for Photoshop half of the people, are not all that you think they are. Those photos go through series of editing, and airbrushing, I know. I modeled, and I am far from perfect But everyday I think of myself as the next best thing since sliced bread.

If I didn't care how I looked I can promise you NO girl would date me... PROMISE! We have to try and look good too, we can't just walk around in wife beaters and a beer gut hanging out expecting to get a ladies number... world doesn't work that way.

We all share all of the same kind of insecurities. Men are probably even more so concerned with looks because they are the responsible ones for asking for dates, making the first move, proposals.

Imagine how much they worry about rejection. If you have always been this walled up, your feelings probably show on the outside making you less approachable. Confidence is addicting and reassuring and it's the confident people that stand out in a crowd.

I hope you can take some time and reread the thoughts on this thread.

The moments I feel the most confident are:

a) When I'm in front of my class doing a presentation about something I really know about.

b) When I'm on stage playing with the band.

c) Strangely enough, when I'm having sex with my boyfriend. I may not have the best body, but I have really WORKED on my skills.


The moments I feel the least confident are:

a) When I'm in the beach, in a bikini.

b) Walking around campus/the street/the mall, seeing how there are a lots of girls flaunting the goods (I live in a place where we practically have no winter, so... ).

The moments I feel the most confident are:

a) When I'm in front of my class doing a presentation about something I really know about.

b) When I'm on stage playing with the band.

c) Strangely enough, when I'm having sex with my boyfriend. I may not have the best body, but I have really WORKED on my skills.


The moments I feel the least confident are:

a) When I'm in the beach, in a bikini.

b) Walking around campus/the street/the mall, seeing how there are a lots of girls flaunting the goods (I live in a place where we practically have no winter, so...).

Sounds normal to me.
I still know that who I am, makes what they show look like garbage. It might get that first look, but I will get exactly what I want, when I want it.

Sounds normal to me.
I still know that who I am, makes what they show look like garbage. It might get that first look, but I will get exactly what I want, when I want it.

Yeah I guess you're right. Good advice, thanks.

KC... your responses are CLASSIC!!

Yes UglyChick, guys have to make themselves look good to. We do care. If I didn't care how I looked when I went out anywhere, I would just wake up in the morning, pick up the clothes I wore yesterday off the floor and walk out the door.

Most of the time this only happens the morning after I hit the bar and crash over someone's house...

Every other time, I a least shower... geez give us some credit!

OK jmw, I NEVER said guys don't have to take care about HYGIENE... because that's what a shower is, or shaving, etc... hygiene. But ther'es not as much pressure to look good. Like women have to be busty, thin and gorgeous... look around! Pick up a Playboy, and see... that's men's ideal. Perky boobs, small waist, round perky butt, long legs...

Hygiene doesn't equal good looks.

I hope venting in this forum is helping you, because it seems like you really need it. You can't even be happy that you have a boyfriend. What do you really want?
I think you should stop obsessing about porn stars because you are distorting your own self image.

Like women have to be busty, thin and gorgeous... look around! Pick up a Playboy, and see... that's men's ideal. Perky boobs, small waist, round perky butt, long legs...




It's all the media's fault :) Hey, I've been told all my life how beautiful I am inside and out, and still I had always struggle with my insecurities, always. Look at it on the positive side, you know that the person you are with loves for who YOU are , just the way YOU are. Fisical beauty dies with the pass of time, spiritual beauty never dies.

Let me tell u a little story, When my ex was breaking up with me (almost 2 yrs together), I asked him about a girl that was throwing herself at him through Facebook, she was a classmate of his from school, I was shocked because the break up was so out of the blue, so I asked him If he was cheating on me with her, and in a very scornful tone of voice he answered... "Oh no!... Why would I wana be with some one less attractive than you?" at the beginning I didn't quite process that, but when I did... you have no idea how much that SUCKED! ( guess I'm venting too)

Wow, you're pissing everybody off with this rant of arrogance you keep throwing up.

Bottom line, if you feel ugly, then you have self esteem problems. Detailing why thoughts and suggestions wouldn't help, is just bitter and plain rude.

Keep assuming what society is all about, keep telling yourself there's no way to feel pretty... but it's an issue that YOU have, it's not anyone or anything else.

Don't try to blame everything else other than yourself, that's an easy way out to call yourself ugly. Stop whining, get up and do something about it, whatever it take to make yourself feel a little bit better about yourself.

Hello dear. I haven't read all the replies, as there are many of them.

First let me say, I know how you feel. I'm not very attractive, I was born rather plain, and frumpy. My husband loves me for who I am and in fact thinks I am beautifull.


I want to suggest to you that you see a therepist. You need counseling to help you get through this.

Also I want to suggest a book that my sister gave me. (if you are christian) its called "The Confidant woman" by Joyce Meyers. Amazon.com: The Confident Woman: Start Today Living Boldly and Without Fear: Joyce Meyer: Books (http://www.amazon.com/Confident-Woman-Living-Boldly-Without/dp/0446531987) it helped me SOO much.

Good luck hon.

Wow, you're pissing everybody off with this rant of arrogance you keep throwing up.

Bottom line, if you feel ugly, then you have self esteem problems. Detailing why thoughts and suggestions wouldn't help, is just bitter and plain rude.

Keep assuming what society is all about, keep telling yourself there's no way to feel pretty...but it's an issue that YOU have, it's not anyone or anything else.

Don't try to blame everything else other than yourself, that's an easy way out to call yourself ugly. Stop whining, get up and do something about it, whatever it take to make yourself feel a little bit better about yourself.

Arrogant? I know I'm talking about me, but I'm not arrogant. Heck, if this is an issue I have, of course I'm going to talk about myself, right?

I'm not saying I'm not to blame, of course I do, I just hate it when people assume it's all just bad self esteem. It's not. Look, women have more pressure to look good and that's undeniable. Due to "biology"... men in prehistoric times tried to mate with the best looking women, right? That kept going on, no? So women are judged on looks way more than men. Right. So now, with all the emphasis and the sickening amount of media portraying beautiful women and boyfriends/husbands drooling over it, how do you think less than pretty women feel? It's not just me, let me tell you... a lot of women feel like this. Sure, we all have lower than average self esteem... but is it only OUR fault? Don't you think society is a bit twisted sometimes? If personality is so important, then why are looks emphasized so much more?

Sure, we all have lower than average self esteem... but is it only OUR fault? Don't you think society is a bit twisted sometimes? If personality is so important, then why are looks emphasized so much more?


Is it all your fault? Of course it is, are they putting a gun to your head and telling you to look like your view of a stereotypical woman? No. Society can show and flaunt images til' they have no more, it shouldn't affect you like it is right now. If people don't think you're "pretty", that's life. Everyone has their own opinion and it's how you deal with it.

Dude, personality IS important, more than looks. People are different man, that's just the way the world is. Society can get to some people, others just let it pass by. Even so, I'd rather date someone who I can talk to and who I can relate with, over a pretty girl who isn't as deep. Looks aren't everything, as much as you make it out to seem.

Enough of this self serving rant.