I meet a great guy shortly after he left his wife we started dating while he was going through a divorce that she drug out as long as she could I had nothing to do with them splitting he was living with a friend when I meet him she has been a real pain she took 2,000 dollars out of a line of credit and we have to pay this back now all of this was fine until we found out that we are having a baby not planned but still excited about it she won't stop calling him she tells people that it isn't his baby and that they are getting back together well he asked me to marry him and she freaked out and has threatened me I am 7 months pregnant and want the crazy woman out of my life before my son gets here what do I need to do

You need to change your phone number to an unlisted number and get a restraining order to keep her away from you.

Do not answer the phone if it is her calling.

How did she take out a line of credit and you have to pay it back?

The line of credit was joint and he said he would pay it back because it was for him but he failed to freeze it after there divorce

Okay, just thought maybe she stole his identity, which would be a whole nother thread in itself.

Sounds as though you need a restraining order STAT.

Yes - change your phone #. Report her to the police - that usually stops this stuff.

BUT, this guy seems to have a ton of baggae - MAKE SURE HE ISN'T playing you - seriously.

Did they have any children together?

Yes - change your phone #. Report her to the police - that usually stops this stuff.

BUT, this guy seems to have a ton of baggae - MAKE SURE HE ISN'T playing you - seriously.

Thanks WCat for seeing past the woman's instability and proposing the idea that the guy might be doing some not so straight-up things. :)

It is up to the man to deal with his business and you should not be involved. If he isn't handling his business and protecting his woman I would have to question his love for you and his ability as a man.

Go to court and get a restraining order on her. Do you have any witnesses to her threatening and harassing behavior that can testify on your behalf, preferably besides your fiancé? He's better than nothing but a totally disinterested 3rd party would be even better.

Wait, hold up a minute guys. We never even found out if the guy is actually divorced yet.

Wildcat brings up a good point. Are they really, actually, honestly divorced, or are they separated?

My question is... Is the divorce final? Have you seen the papers?

Yes I have seen the papers and they are final I can't get a restraining order until she has physically come after me he has tried to cut tyes with her but we live in the same town they had no children I know that he isn't playing games he is just a worried about this but the courts won't do a thing until she has broken the law and she is very careful about how she threatens me I am not concerned with my safety but I am going to have a baby at the end of the year and I wanted advice on how to deal with her before then cause I don't want her near my child but until she breaks the law I can't get a no contact order any advise on this matter

You have no other recourse it seems but to let your husband deal with this psycho. Until the law can intervene I hope you have changed your phone number and document any and all incidences. You may seek an attorney and try to get harassment charges filed, but you must have good documentation

It seems to me this guy is not handling his ex properly. No means No.

Change the phone #.

BUT please, for the love of god, make sure he is straight up with you. For some weird reason, from your responses - I smell a rat!!

His ex should have been long gone by now.

"he tells people that it isn't his baby and that they are getting back together" - hmmmmmmmmmm who planted that in her head?? Why would she say that.

WOnder what this guy is really doing - I am serious. When stuff like this happens get the real answers.

The reason she thinks that this isn't his baby is because she never could concive with him but she is also 41 and drinks heavily along with drugs I have got the real answers from him and he has tryied to get a no contact order as well he dose handle her if he is around but she doesn't do anything when he is around we have a stalble realationship but with the baby coming I was hoping that someone could give me ideas on how to ride mylife from a bitter woman who wants to try to ruin this great time in me and his happy time

Be nice to just snap your fingers and all problems disappear. Not reality though.

I have another question - if she drinks and does drugs - does he? I hope to god he doesn't. Be truthful.

People on drugs and heavy drinks tend tell lonnnnng stories.

My only concern is he doesn't want his cake and eat too.

No he doesn't drink or do drugs that was one of the reasons that they split I have tried everything I have gone to the law and it doesn't scare her she thinks that it is funny that she can get awaay with this stuff he tries to avoid her but she shows up at his work or at our home and causes a big scene I am at wits end and don't know what to do

It's a little extreme, but I think you might be best served by simply moving out of town... maybe across the country. You and your husband would not only have physical distance to separate you from his ex, but you'd have the benefits of starting a new life in a new place with each other.

If this is straight up and he's not a part of the problem then a restraining order should take care of it. On the other hand if she's trying to tell you something (i.e. if maybe he's still communicating w/ her on the side) then you should find that out somehow. HE SHOULD, HOWEVER, BE THE ONE TO RESOLVE THIS - NOT YOU.

It does seem to me though that you two rushed into things with the baby and all? Is that true? Not a good sign when a man has unresolved issues from his past and doesn't take time to resolve them or heal. I'm not sure that's the case but wanted to check. It may not be good for a strong, lasting relationship if this man uses "band-aids" to resolve his relationship problems.

Yes - The issues between him and his ex are not resolved.

He needs to end ALL communication with her to make oyur relationship work.

Yes the time is bad for a baby but I was on the patch when we concived and we both have decided we want this baby I would love to move but his job won't allow it and my family is all around here I know that there is no communication between them other than when she shows up drunk because we have joint cell phones and I have had all her numbers blocked we haved tried everything to rid ourselves from this witch but she won't give up I love this man very much he is a great guy loving partner and is just a concerned about this whole situation as I am

jesee-The other posters have raised some very good issues and if things are as you say, then your husband is the only one who can stop this madness. She is a pscho no doubt, and if she shows up and harassed you at work and home has he been to the police? I guess we are having trouble understanding why the police cannot act on documented incidence and at least spoken to her about staying away from you both.

I do understand what she is saying about not baing able to get a restraining order. No crime other than harassment has been committed yet.

I also agree with what everyone else is saying in that HE must be the one to handle the situation.

The only other advice I can give at this time is to post a No Tresspassing sign somewhere visible on your property, a window, a door, the yard, anywhere it is visible. When she comes on your property, she must be told that she is tresspassing and that if she does not leave the police will be called. At that point she will be committing a crime.

Also, as others have said, you need to DOCUMENT everything. You should get a tape recorder and tape record her rantings, it is olny illegal if it is done over the phone. So video tape and/or audio tape when she is there.

Thank you guys so much he is handling it the best we can I just wanted some input from people who that aren't in the middle of it I will post the sign and then talk to an attorney about the restaining order if you guys have any other advice feel free to share it

Sorry to sound repetitive but why don't you have HIM do this? You shouldn't really even be involved until maybe you two are married? Anyway, there are absolute ways to stop this, even if you two need to change your #'s and move. I'm just curious as to why you are taking on the responsibility to stop this - what is he doing to help stop it?

Also, for informational purposes, it is very easy to get a restraining order. In fact, anyone can do it and you can get all the information (incl the form) off the web and take to the court. It costs virtually nothing to do. However, it will not help unless the police come while she is there. The only difference is they can take her off to jail immediately. It will not be a long term solution but it may deter her. I think you need to place more of the responsibility to deal with this on your "significant other".

She sounds like Fatal Attraction on the loose. Get a restraining order, but if you can, do not let her know how much it upsets you. If she does not get a response, she might leave you alone. Your husband needs to get a restraining order also, if she goes to his work he can have her arrested. Do go to the police station and get something done. There are crazy people out there. Be careful.

I think it's really up to the guy. Personally he hasn't handled it correctly and I still don't understand why?

Wildcat, yes it is up to him to put a restraining order for him, but he can not do it for her. She has to do her own, just as she can not do one for him.
I find nothing wrong with Jessee asking questions also. Believe me, as much as I love someone, I would ask questions and find out what I could do to help myself and my unborn child's well being in a situation like this. We do not know that he is not doing something to resolve this. Jessee may be a person who has handled things for herself and wants to be prepared. There really are people out there that get crazy and will not let go, especially if they are on drugs and alcohol. Even with a restraining order she may still act the same. My friends daughter met a "nice guy" and after 3 months turned into a monster, drank and started doing drugs. To look at him, he was an all American guy. He came from a very nice family. She found out he had quit drugs to get her, once he got her, he was back on them and became impossible to deal with. She finally changed colleges and moved away. They were worried for quite some time. He was arrested for breaking the restraining order and he did not care.

I do want to protect myself and I understand why everyone seems to think he should be doing more but we have done everything we can I will not run from a person who is trying to ruin the best thing to happen to me this child means so much to both of us and I want our familys close by and that means staying in the same town as her I am so glad you guys can see this is a problem that needs legal attention but I have sent the cops to her house on night she rubbed dog cpar all over my car and she laughed at the cop and told him she had done it but since there was no permant damage I couldn't press charges we have stopped reacting to her childish games in hope that if she got no response it would lose its fun but it just seems to make her even madder if we just ignore her and then things get worse the woman is old enough to be my mother and she acts like she is 15 it scarys me to think of what she is going to do when this child gets here and we get married I hope that she gets over this soon cause I only have 11 weeeks left of being pregnant and if she threatens my child it won't be a good thing

Unfortunately, police get so many domestic violence calls, and this is along that category. Their hands are tied to a point. It is sad that something bad has to happen before anything is done. Does she have any family that is sane enough to talk to her to get her some help. It sounds as though she is definitely disturbed. Have you both talked to her together so she sees she can not play games behind your backs. If she is on drugs, there can be no reasoning with her when she is on them, but maybe catch her at a sane moment. It is not good for you to be so upset and being pregnant.

Do you have police reports where she admits too wrong doing? Can you document specific incidence? Can you document specific phone calls? That's what you need in small claims court witnesses are even better. Sue her for harassment.

Oh, what a difficult situation here, this woman obviously feels so may different emotions right now. Probably hurt and anger are the main ones. Somebody I know went through something a bit similar. She will eventually give up. Phone numbers should be changed though and meantime don't answer the calls as you don't want to get further involved. The automatic reaction for an ex is to call all the time, she isn't doing herself or any of you any favours.

We have changed the numbers but in a town this small it is not hard to get a number because everyone knows everybody she is upset and I understand that but I didn't break her marriage up she and he did that and she left him alone until we started dating so I guess she thought of it as a break (they had done that before ) and she sees me and this unborn child as standing in her way the cops can't do anything else unless we want to make a big court ordeal out of it and I believe that it will only give her the satisfaction of knowing she can cause trouble between me and my fiancé and since she has never physically gone after me I can't get a order for her to stay away from me

When I filed for divorce, I requested a restraining order against my husband as I feared he would be a monster when he found out that I filed. I was never questioned or asked to prove that there was any harassment or physical abuse in order to get it.

Perhaps your state's laws are different for issuing restraining orders? Are you certain that you must prove that she harassed you in order to get one?

Yes I have to prove that she is a threat to me to get the no contact order need physical evidence

I asked my friend Karen if physical evidence was needed for her restraining order. She said no -- in fact, I was impressed with how easy it is to get.

I talked to my neighbor who is a former sheriff. He said the harassment and especially the car damage is grounds for further action.

I hate to say it but unless the laws differ remarkably where you live (and I don't think they do) this isn't adding up at all.

I can only gently suggest that if you are playing the good folks here, that isn't a very nice thing to do and may gain you consequences from the moderators. Truthfully, the last OP they found pulling leg is facing permanent banning from the site.

At the very least, I hear you making a lot of what is called "yeah, butting" in the recovery industry, which is taken as a sign of someone who doesn't want their problem really solved, but is simply using the mechanism of "seeking help" to simply gain attention instead. So I am now asking you-- what's the deal here, Jesee?

yes i have to prove that she is a threat to me to get the no contact order need physical evidence
What state do you live in?

I just thought htat I would let everyone know that she has given up on making my life hell my fiancé sat down with her and told her that if she didn't stop the childish bull crap he was going to take legal action and that seemed to do the trick I want to thank everyone for your helpful advise