First of all let me start by saying how ridiculous I feel for resulting in a website to get advice, but none of my friends or family can relate to me so I guess I have no other option. Im a junior high school so I'm not really a genius on this whole relationship thing. Im "talking" to this kid. We had a thing a few months back but he ended it because of multiple bull reasons. But now, he wants me back. I could go into great detail but this would take forever. Making long story short.. he is in college and he's into crazy drugs (Heroine, Exctacy, ect) and I hate that so much but he seems like he has a good head on his shoulders he has a job, he's got a lot of friends, still goes out and parties and does stuff. Hes not a total up, yet anyway. I just don't know what to do because I know that it will brake him soon, and it will brake me because I really like him. I just don't know what to think. My mind is so mixed up. I don't know if he even really likes me or if he just wants me back for sex. He seems like he genuinely likes me, but that's what I thought a few months back too... but when we talk and hang out it seems like sex is all he ever talks about. I Don't KNOWWW. . Someone help me out.

Run as fast as you can, as far as you can, from this guy. If he is into heroin it will only be time before he is stealing from his family and others to support his habit.

Luckily you know now that he is into drugs, before the relationship becomes more (marriage). Eventually, if it hasn't happened already, the drugs will be his prime interest and you will fall second or third to his addiction.

Just let him know that you may be available once he is clean and sober for at least a year.

Well he actually snorts herion.. is that different?

RUN! You can see the red flags being raised, now LISTEN to them and run for the hills. This guy is all around bad news

Its not that simple, I can't just "run" from him. Which is why I posted this thread. I need help with what to do.

well he actually snorts herion.. is that different?

No it's not different. Heroin is heroin no matter how you do it.

Its not that simple, i can't just "run" from him. Which is why i posted this thread. I need help with what to do.

What to do? Get him and his addiction out of your life. It's a lot simpler than it seems.

Which my advice stays the same. My fiance's ex was addicted to heroin, he "quits" all the time and it has now led him to stealing $100,000 worth of jewelry and pawned it off for $1700.

You came on here looking for someone to tell you to stick it out and help him, which is why you won't go to your parents or friends because they would agree with us.

Im sorry... did you say you were in JUNIOR High school and he is in COLLEGE??

What the h3ll are you are you even thinking with THAT? Let alone the massive drug addiction he has. Oh yeah, don't forget about the statutory rape that he seems to be okay with.

Yeah, this is a quality, stand up kind of guy. Maybe you can convince him to straighten up his life for you.

C'mon... your posts reflect more intelligence than your actions seem to

He just graduated high school bud. He starts college this year, I'm 16 if I want to its not rape.

He just graduated highschool bud. He starts college this year, im 16 if i want to its not rape.

Depends on where you live. It very well could be rape depending on his age and the laws of your area.

You're 16 but in junior high? Doesn't junior high go to 8th grade? I was 13 in 8th grade. Things aren't adding up here.

And a 16 year old in JUNIOR HIGH!?

Okay let me make this clear. I am A JUNIOR in High school.

Im sorry... did you say you were in JUNIOR HIGHSCHOOL and he is in COLLEGE?????

That was the FIRST thing I caught. Wow. Sounds like this guy is a real winner! He can't find anyone closer to his age?

im not really a genius on this whole relationship thing.

You made it very clear here.

Look... he is an addict. It won't be long before he is stealing from you and your parents to support his heroin addiction.

The best advice would be to talk to your parents and get approval to date a heroin addict.

Sounds like you guys are real winners. You don't understand that in high school there are four years. FRESHMEN, SOPHOMORE, JUNIOR, AND SENIORS

Oh we got that. Make sure you use your prepositions in your sentences. They come in handy

16 and 19 are not far apart, which is not the point of this at all.

Im a junior high school

I understand, my daughter is a sophomore. At one time I was a Freshman, Sophomore, Junior AND senior. I get it. It's how you worded it.

That doesn't change anything, he's still a drug addict.

It might not be the reason you're asking the question, but it's a red flag none the less

So I should just completely stop talking to him?

Sorry.. where I come from Junior High is 6th - 8th grade. That would have meant you were 13 - 14. Of course, where I come from there is no consent at 16 either.

Ok, regardless of that, take it from me. Heroine is a very serious drug. He may not even realize what he is getting himself into.

You cannot save him. And you cannot afford to keep him in your life because this will bring nothing but bad for you and anyone else that is in his life.

Another point... all he talks about is sex? What about you and your interests? Does he care about them at all?

I think you know the answer here.

Yes I apologize, I forgot the word in. But yeah I know what I SHOULD do. But I don't want to at all. Im just trying to find every way around leaving him.

Im just trying to find every way around leaving him.

Why? All he's going to do is bring you down with him. Your life will be a wreck. Have your parents lock up all of their expensive items in your home otherwise they will be gone before you know it.

This guy is BAD news. Not the kind of guy a 16-year-old should be associating with. I'm sorry to say that, but it's the truth. No good can come of this. I have a cousin who has gotten into drugs like that. He's now over 30 and because he has made such poor choices, the only job he is able to hold is pizza delivery. No offense to pizza delivery people. ;)

Man this thread is moving fast...

I was in a similar situation VERY recently... similar in the way that I was in a relationship... I KNEW what the right answer was but I didn't want to believe it.

I ended it. It was hard... it still is hard. But, nonetheless, it was the right thing to do.

But he's never brought me into his drug life. He told me about it once just to let me know but he hasn't brought it up since. Im just worried.

I ended it. It was hard... it still is hard. But, nonetheless, it was the right thing to do.

Often times, the right decisions are the hardest ones to make.

But he's never brought me into his drug life. He told me about it once just to let me know but he hasn't brought it up since. Im just worried.

He hasn't yet, but the time will come where he will slip up, or the addiction get too strong.

You have your whole life ahead of you, don't ruin it now.

You don't need him... Honestly. He's a bad influence on you... ( taking drugs)... if he's taking them your more likely too as well. And if he seems to go on about sex all the time.. that's probably all her wants...

Don't fall for iit.. You can do so much better..

Good Look :) x

I equate drug users(especially heroin and the harder ones) as cancers, because they start with just themselves, then slowly they spread beyond control and you're left wondering "If I had caught this earlier" but by then it's too late.


Btw, if your parents don't approve, then yes, it is rape.

the post wants to get off the subject of age and grades,cant you people help her without calling her a liar..

You really have to take all things into consideration when trying to give someone advice. It's typically called "reading between the lines" and therein usually lies the answer.

Where did it go?

I was wondering the same thing DrJ

But you guys should understand, if you really like someone. You can't help it ha. Its like no matter what gets in the way.. I'm still going to like him. And no I made it seem like all he talks about is sex. Nah its not just about that.

You keep evading the drugs issue. Aren't you concerned about that.

You really have to take all things into consideration when trying to give someone advice. It's typically called "reading between the lines" and therein usually lies the answer.read between the lines or interogating

No, zippit you are incorrect. Being as Drj and myself have read countless posts(evident by our post count) we have seen information that gets hidden between sentences, there are several issues here that raise red flags.

1. Drug user
2. She's 16, he's 19
3. Seems like she won't tell her parents about him
4. He talks heavily(she retracted her statement about all the time) about sex

That's four huge red flags she needs to be aware of and she is ignoring.

Okay. You said he does "all of these crazy drugs" but "still has a good head on his shoulders."

Okay. Okay. Hold on while I try to figure how exactly you think someone can have a good head on their shoulders when it's rotting away from drugs.

RUN AWAY. If you don't run away, he'll get you sucked into his bad habit, and then you'll have a "good" rotting head on your shoulders, too.

Heroin, cocaine, ecstasy, and prescription painkillers are all a recipe for disaster for him and for you. It is only a matter of time before he introduces you to his "friends" (not really friends.. they're drug buddies) and gets you involved. I can't tell you how many people I know that have fought drug addiction and lost by either relapsing or dying. I also can tell you how many people I know who said "I will never do anything like that..." who then got a BF/GF, tried the drugs that they were doing and got hooked themselves.

NOTHING GOOD WILL COME FROM THIS SITUATION. Take it from someone who knows.

He is already hooked to heroin and most likely coke as well, since they go hand in hand. It's only a matter of time before he either looses his job or can't get a job because of his habit. Next thing you know, he will be borrowing money from you to support his habit. Then he will start owing dealers money. Then he will start stealing things to get money for the dope and the people he owes the money to. Then he will go to jail.

That is the usual cycle of life for people addicted to drugs. Notice how there is nothing good in the above paragraph.

You never get over a heroin addiction.

Look, you're 16 years old. You really shouldn't be hanging out with people who are doing drugs. Let me tell you, from personal experience, they will drag you down with them... slowly.

I got lucky because I some how managed to wake up and see what was going on around me and get out. My other friends were not as lucky. I lost one of my best friends to a drug overdose. All of my friends have been to jail, some of them multiple times. I don't talk to any of them anymore and my life is so much more interesting and meaningful.

The sad part is.. I was so messed up through high school and part of college, I can't remember much of anything. Those are supposed to be the good parts of life and I pretty much missed out on all of it because all I cared about was getting high, or drunk, or whatever. I didn't make me "cool". It made me a junkie.

Don't let that happen to you. Enjoy your life and make memories with your friends. High school is a time to have fun, not to get f-ed up.

Stay away from this dude because he will bring you nothing but trouble.

Stay away!

Believe JMW about the drugs, he's from Baltimore (doesn't matter which part, unless he lives in Fed Hill or Canton, he's seeing these drugs everyday). Also, you opened your post with saying you felt ridiculous for soliciting advice on this site. That's like a heroin addict going to NA and saying they feel like they don't belong there (see how I tied this all together... ). Everyone needs help sometimes and it doesn't matter where you get it from (unless you end up owing someone something... ).

You like to argue (not a shock coming from a 16 year old girl). You're also very prideful (embarrassed to ask for help and arguing clued me in). Is this whole situation more about you being able to change this guy, or being right about something? Are you rebelling? How about learning guitar and playing punk music instead. You can right lyrics about how your parents try to protect you from drugs and sex while you try to protect your "love interest" from... drugs... and... sex??

I'm giving you a hard time because that's what you respond to.

Hi hon.

From reading your original post, you sound like a very very smart girl, and a very sweet girl. Be proud of that first of all. And don't downplay yourself with the 'im not a genius in relationships' your 16. I'm 24 and I STILL don't have it all figured out. Your doing pretty good. Keep it up.

Now. As far as your friend... I understand its hard... I understand you like him, you may even love him (though you never said that) however, you have to ask yourself, how much can he possibly love you when he is sky high in heroin? How can he possibly take YOUR feelings and desires and your person in to consideration, when he is so doped up, that he can't even see past his nose?

I understand that you like this guy... its hard not to. When you're a teen, that type of guy is always SOO irrisistable. I dated several of them.

The ONLY options you have, is to go with this guy, or to leave him and NEVER speak to him or see him again...

I must warn you however, my experience, and from what I have seen from others, if you date this guy... it will only be a mater of time before YOU decide to try out the drugs. It will be simple. Your hanging out, and he says 'go ahead baby, just try it once, if you don't like it, you don't have to keep doing it'

It doesn't matter how smart you are, or how much you KNOW its bad... there is ALWAYS temptation. And eventually you will fall into that temptation, and trust me, you CANNOT try it 'just once' and never again. It just doesn't work that way.

Good luck hon. And we are always here to listen and support you. And I will be hoping and praying that you make the SAFE choice for yourself.

Love Jennie

You like to argue (not a shock coming from a 16 year old girl). You're also very prideful (embarrassed to ask for help and arguing clued me in). Is this whole situation more about you being able to change this guy, or being right about something? Are you rebelling? How about learning guitar and playing punk music instead. You can right lyrics about how your parents try to protect you from drugs and sex while you try to protect your "love interest" from ...drugs... and.....sex?????

I'm giving you a hard time because that's what you respond to.



No your just REALLY WEIRD.

jenniepepsi, thank you :)

Seriously.

Please, please, listen to jennie... and run away from this guy!

I don't know if he even really likes me or if he just wants me back for sex

Yup, it's just for sex. You're 16, willing, able, and let's face it, he's a drug addict, a loser, and no one else will sleep with him. You're it.

When are you going to get some back bone and self respect? Before or after he ruins your life?

I'm voting for before.

Dump him, run, finish school, find someone that isn't on a path to destruction.

Been here. Done this. It didn't end well. Some mistakes don't have to be made in order to learn from them.

Good luck.

Be smart you can either
"learn from others mistakes" or
"learn from you'r own mistakes"
The later comes at a higher price

Jenni's advice is best by far and she understands you. Follow it. She is right to a very great extend. :)

Sorry, I don't understand why a heroin addict is so irresistible to anyone with a clue. I'm finding all this ego stroking pretty useless. I'm not going to get into the details of my life, but I have been close with plenty of addicts. I've seen the little teenage girls that they use. Rebelling against their parents by sleeping with a guy (bad boy, haha no) with a drug problem. As a close friend, you try to put up boundaries for the addict because you are sick of being used. You and all your friends get together to intervene and the addict runs away and starts dating some little girl who doesn't know any better and is unable to put up boundaries because of an infatuation.

I was trying to avoid victimizing you, but that's what you want to hear apparently. Addicts use everyone including family. There is no reasoning or bargaining with an addict (especially heroin). They pull on your heartstrings to get what they want. After all of your pain and suffering, when you finally call it off, they hardly bat an eye because compared to the drug, you are nothing.

Hes not a total up, yet anyway.

This is the line that sticks out to me. The best question is when he does become a F**k up (and he will if he is using heroin) do you want to be so deeply involved with him that you get sucked down to the bottom with him? The best thing is to get out now unscathed by his mistakes.

This is the line that sticks out to me. The best question is when he does become a F**k up (and he will if he is using heroin) do you want to be so deeply involved with him that you get sucked down to the bottom with him? The best thing is to get out now unscathed by his mistakes.

Exactly! And does she really want to stick around to find out when he does turn into a total F**k up?

I think everyone is avoiding the issue at hand. Why even spend one second longer around this than you have to? OP has some codependency issues that need addressing. Forget about the drug addict, his heroin problem is only scratching the surface.

He's a bad habit you need to kick
Sure he may have a good head on his shoulders NOW but him being into drugs will eventually rot away his entire being of anything you do like about him. Then you are stuck with a guy that uses the last of your money for drugs instead of paying the bills. You are stuck with someone that prefers their drugs over sex with you. You are stuck with someone that has in time let the drugs take over their life.
I know a lot of drug addicts. They will steal their grandmothers heart medicine and not think twice about it. I know four who can't remember anything except their name, they live down the street and where is their next drug coming from. They were fine 10 yrs had a great life, job, wife, house, car, whatever. Now they rely on their friends letting them sleep at their house or they would be out on the street.
Oh and the one OD's at least twice every 5 yrs
2 are dead from overdoses.

Heroin addiction is a contract for life. Even reformed addicts will tell you they miss it every day.

Sorry, I don't understand why a heroin addict is so irresistible to anyone with a clue. I'm finding all this ego stroking pretty useless. I'm not going to get into the details of my life, but I have been close with plenty of addicts. I've seen the little teenage girls that they use. Rebelling against their parents by sleeping with a guy (bad boy, haha no) with a drug problem. As a close friend, you try to put up boundaries for the addict because you are sick of being used. You and all your friends get together to intervene and the addict runs away and starts dating some little girl who doesn't know any better and is unable to put up boundaries because of an infatuation.

I was trying to avoid victimizing you, but that's what you want to hear apparently. Addicts use everyone including family. There is no reasoning or bargaining with an addict (especially heroin). They pull on your heartstrings to get what they want. After all of your pain and suffering, when you finally call it off, they hardly bat an eye because compared to the drug, you are nothing.

Inertia, I'm not going to rate you a 'reddi' because your not wrong, and this is your opinion, and your more than welcome to give your opinion and I respect that. And in a way I DO agree with you.

However, what this poster needs right now is understanding advise. She is looking for support and help. And I personally don't consider it 'ego stroking' she is young and confused, not young and stupid. We can't stop her from making a mistake in her life. We can only give her the advise she is looking for.

You are right, I don't agree that drug addicts are 'irrisistable' however, teenage girls CAN (and often ARE) be attracted to those 'bad boys' into drugs and crime. Something about 'anarchy' in a teenagers life, seems to hit a spark.

*hugs* again I say, I'm not trying to be mean. Just a difference in opinion :)

I guess I should've put in that he has met my parents, they like him. They don't know he's into drugs but they do like him. My point, I'm not "rebelling against my parents" I don't have a relationship with my parents like that whatsoever. Just thought I would throw that in there. But you guys are really getting me thinking, great advice thanks.

inertia agrees: This issue hits close to home for me, I don't mean to sound judgmental.

I understand hon. I know you weren't being judgemental :)

Addicts are not bad boys. They are losers, sometimes tragic, but they are not some rule breaking James Dean anarchist. Read Chomsky and listen to "The Sex Pistols" if you are looking for anarchy. Drug addicts are a bottomless pit of emotion, time, energy and money. I'm not saying they are all hopeless, but it's up to them and no one else and unfortunately, I have only seen one person ever truly clean themselves up, but heroin was not their drug of choice. Addicts take the easy way out. I'd love to be so stoned that nothing ever bothered me. I've spent the last of my patience on addicts. I have zero sympathy for them and I'll take a hard line approach with anyone who does. The funniest thing about the "bad boy" image is that all of their friends think the guy is a loser.

And one more thing... he's not a "bad boy" he keeps his drug life very very personal. He just told me because he thought I should know. He got all good grades in school and its not like he's into crime or anything like that. Im just confused because I know this will just get worse and you guys are just saying "leave him" no like.. would you guys just leave someone like.. I don't know your sibling or your cousin or someone who is involved with drugs. No you wouldn't. Because you care for them. Im not just going to leave him, I can't do that... "ego stroking" no not all. All I need is some advice to get through this what I should do besides leaving.

I see what you are saying about not leaving someone you love. So have you tried to get him into a rehab?

But its not like he sits around and does nothing all day?

If this is how you feel hon, then I have some new advise for you :)


You need to talk to him. Explain how his drugs are bothering you (they are obviously bothering you) let him know how you feel and how worried you are and any other emotions you are feeling because of this.

Ask him if he is willing to see a counselor, maybe getting into drug rehab.

Do whatever you can to support him, and help him lead a healthier life.

Yeah but what you don't realize is that it is only a matter of time before he does sit around all day doing nothing but heroin.

By 'bad boy' it means that he is not the image of the boy your mother would pick for you IF she knew everything about him.

The problem is that right now he is controlling the drug but quite often the drug over takes the one doing it and begins effecting everyone around him. You may think things are great with him now but you don't know 5 to 10 yrs down the road that he isn't going to turn into somebody you wish you never met because of the drugs.
You don't want to leave... so you don't jump into anything and get in over your head. You take it slow and don't let him persuade you into anything. You give it time and develop a good friendship until you can be sure that things aren't going to go downhill.

Sit there and watch him while he is doing his heroin or crack and THEN see how you feel about being with him even though he does drugs.

I have talked to him and he quickly changes the subject. When we started talking again I asked him if he was still into drugs. He said " a little" and I told him how much I hated that and he just changed the subject.

And he changes the subject. Which means he has no intentions of stopping and doesn't care if it bothers you. And that's the truth!!

Amazon.com: The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star: Nikki Sixx: Books (http://www.amazon.com/Heroin-Diaries-Year-Life-Shattered/dp/0743486285)

This might be a good read for you

Wow, your so right. This is the worst feelingggg, Because I want to believe he cares about me. But he probably doesn't at all. Ha sweet.

I hate drugs too and I never did them but I have had a few bfs that did drugs. I know it is a dead end thing to be in a relationship with someone who does drugs.
Fortunately I have always been against the idea of doing drugs and never ever could see myself doing them. But I have known girls who ended up on drugs because of their boyfriend and they had sworn they never wanted to do drugs.

I had a friend; straight A student, capt of everything, president of his class etc. I'm not lying. He was incredible, funny, smart, creative etc. Comes from a great home, great parents who love him. He had a lot of friends. A ton actually. He got into heroin in college. Everyone stood by him at first. Slowly by surely, people started cutting him out. The problem never went away. It got worse and worse. He had a girlfriend who talks much the same way you do about not abandoning him etc. He finally screwed up big time. Went to Jail for a year. JAIL, for a year. His GF stood by him. He swore he was clean after that. Not even 3 months after getting out... back into heroin. He stole, lied, cheated (and a lot of other things not fit to print). He wasn't a bad boy, he was an angel that got into heroin. It's been 10 years. He is still a heroin addict. The GF stood by him for 7 years and finally left. The only friends that have stuck with him, also abuse drugs. GOOD LUCK!!

It sucks not doubt about it. But you are young and have your whole life ahead of you to have good and bad relationships that don't involve drugs. I mean do you really want to walk in his house one day and find him OD dead on the floor. Or even worse if he gets you to start using.

I'm going to assume that you are smart enough to not use, but this will damage your potential future healthy relationships. The girl I know has blown through rebound guys trying to make up for lost time and trying to prove to herself and her ex that she is over it.

Man you know a lot of people don't you

I read inertia's answer, and it's a good description, explanation and prediction of you scenario. I didn't read all the other pages of answers that have been offered, but there one thing that wasn't addressed in your question. You need to know that sex is just as addictive as any of those other examples. The ultimate personal outcome may be just as devastating. So take another look at the question you asked. When he get's together with you, it sounds like he is merely sharing one of his addictions with you. You also explained that your boundaries are weak. That's not to say that you are weak at all. You are though in a "tender and sensitive" point in your personal, intellectual, adolescent and easily persuaded development. Of course depending on the strength of his attachment to his addictions, he may break soon. But considering your interest in him, it's much more likely that you will break to his addictions first. I know you probably hear all that "tender, sensitive, intellectual" stuff all the time, but it's the truth. It sounds good that you REALLY don't like his other habits. Consider how you met up with him in the first place though. So you have to realize that he might already be using you. He might have a good head on his shoulders too. I can tell you though that that fades fast too.
I hope I've been helpful.

Yes, thanks everyone.

I read inertia's answer, and it's a good description, explanation and prediction of you scenario. I didn't read all the other pages of answers that have been offered, but there one thing that wasn't addressed in your question. You need to know that sex is just as addictive as any of those other examples. The ultimate personal outcome may be just as devastating. So take another look at the question you asked. When he get's together with you, it sounds like he is merely sharing one of his addictions with you. You also explained that your boundaries are weak. That's not to say that you are weak at all. You are though in a "tender and sensitive" point in your personal, intellectual, adolescent and easily persuaded development. Of course depending on the strength of his attachment to his addictions, he may break soon. But considering your interest in him, it's much more likely that you will break to his addictions first. I know you probably hear all that "tender, sensitive, intellectual" stuff all the time, but it's the truth. It sounds good that you REALLY don't like his other habits. Consider how you met up with him in the first place though. So you have to realize that he might already be using you. He might have a good head on his shoulders too. I can tell you though that that fades fast too.
I hope I've been helpful.



Good advice and I realize that you are new to AMHD but when you don't read what has gone on before you often miss additional information and repeat the same answers someone else gave.

Hmm... I have really nothing to add, except LISTEN to what EVERYONE has told you. You came here looking for help. These people told you the BEST thing you can do. LISTEN to THEM before it is too late. You KNOW that you need to, or else you wouldn't have ASKED, and you wouldn't READ it all.

Get yourself away from him, and maybe get a professional to help him, but as long as he is in that self destructive lifestyle, he will only drag you down with him.

He just graduated highschool bud. He starts college this year, im 16 if i want to its not rape.

What state do you live in? I hope it isn't California or some other states.