3 threads merged


So I am not going to say I'm "dating" this guy, because I know an online "relationship" can't be considered "dating".

But I am confused.

There is this guy who graduated in 08 from my school, and went into the marines. He is currently overseas. We were not friends, but I know people who knew him, so when he added me on FB about a month and a half ago, I accepted. Well we started talking as friends, and before I knew it we exchanged phone numbers. He has called me quite a few times, and we always talk forever in the middle of the night.

He is always makign plans of things were going to do when he comes home. And he's always messaging me on FB to tell me he's thinking of me.

On his birthday, he even called me drunk to profess his "love" to me. And I didn't answer because I wasn't at the phone. He then started messaging me on FB and spilled his heart out.

He is 3 1/2 yrs older than me. But things just feel so right. I am willing to wait a year and half for him to come home.

But I sometimes feel like that's really stupid. And people keep telling me that since he's a 20 yro marine overseas, that he is probably hookin up with every girl he sees. And I don't know if I should worry about that. I know I shouldn't tie myself down to him, but its so hard. Especially because he's alwasys calling me babydoll and darling and dear and sweetie, etc.

I feel like I've known him my whole life, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to move on, but I feel like that's the smarter thing to do. WHAT DO I DO?

You can keep talking to him as a friend and maybe one day when you two are in the same city, you can meet each other in person and see how it goes from there.

But for now, snap back to reality. Nor matter how many times you guys talked these few months, you have not met in person yet, so there's no way to know if your feelings for this guy are real or just an internet fantasy.

So, you should keep on living your life. Meeting new people, going on dates, etc. But there's no reason for you to put your life on hold for another 1 1/2 year for a "possibility".

I know. And that's how I feel sometimes. But when I flirt with other guys.. I don't know I just feel guilty afterwards.

And when I'm really stressed and about to blow up, the only thing that relaxes me is thinking about him...

If it were just careless flirting, I could move on. But for some reason I feel like its more. Ive been in other "Fake relationships" (online, txting, etc) but I have never felt this way.. not even with real people. Which is what confuses me

That's fine to feel that way. He might be an amazing guy. Just keep in mind that you never met him in person so you can't know for sure.

It might be great to meet him one day, but don't put your life on hold for that one day. Who knows what will happen in 1 1/2 year.

I'd have to agree, don't necessarily need to go out searching for other guys, but you know?

From overseas point of view, it gives a soldier hope, something to live for, to so look forward to when comes time finally to come back home, with each day passing, he sees one day closer to finally coming home to see/hold what he's been hanging onto all this time, something worth fighting for.

You cannot help who you meet, Destiny/Fate work hand in hand, if no one happens to come along, perhaps it is Fate that is at work...

So I have a couple other threads discussing my "online relationship"

Problem is I have now become addicted to my computer. I was on for almost 8 hours today. And I sleep with my phone so that I hear it ring if he calls.

He is more than just a crush. Its like an addiction. And I want (no I need) to get to know him better.

I can't wait for him to come home. He comes home for good Jan 2011, but might take leave for xmas.

I know you all say that I should keep my options open, but its getting harder and harder by the second.

I sometimes feel like he's got me under an irreversable spell.
I feel like he's the ocean, and I'm drowning.

Hes written me poems, talks so sweetly to me. Instead of asking what I should do about the "relationship"... I am asking what I can do to get him off my mind for an hour. What can I do to keep myself sane. The smallest things remind me of him. I need help please.

Why don't you try to meet some other people online. Usually the easiest way to forget someone or change your thoughts is to find someone else. Even if its just another friend online.

Computer addiction is easy to start and hard to break. You need to put it away for awhile like take it to a relatives or something otherwise you will keep being drawn to it.

As far as this guy goes, Have you met him yet? What does he say he wants? What does he say about you?

I would express to him how you feel... I mean it won't hurt anything. Keep yourself open to the possibility of someone else at the same time. I mean if you don't want to don't go out looking for other guys but don't close yourself off to some that might come your way.

Maybe you're so attached to this guy because you don't see him that often and so you're letting your imagination go wild about him. It's like you have taken this guy and made your own image of him by dreaming about all of the good things he could be but haven't seen what he really is yet. I hope that sense and helps a little bit.

If you really are interested in him it doesn't mean you can't have a life. Just don't get involved in a relationship if you want to eventually be with him.
You can go out as friends with friends and have a life. But if you do get involved with someone then when he does come back you might still be with the other one. If you do start dating someone else it is only fair to tell him.
He may have had his eye on you before he went to the Marines but didn't have enough nerve up to tell you.

Nohelp4u, I have not met him but a lot of my friends have. He says that he wants us to hang out when he comes home. He is always so sweet to me.

And I don't know that much about him, but I do know that from what he has told me and what I've heard from mutual friends, he seems to be exactly the type of person I've been looking for.

To stop talking to him is not an option, as I have gone a week without talking to him while I was on vaca and I nearly had a breakdown.

I just need to know how to get him off my mind while I'm trying to be in a conversation, or watch a movie, or hear a song.

You keep thinking of him because of the anticipation of your expectations.

Okay. That makes sense. So how do I stop?

Nohelp4u, thank you. That makes perfect sense. I should go on with my life, and just pay attention to what's going on around me so that I don't make a mistake that could potentially hurt him too. Of course, if I find someone with a stronger connection, I can move on.

However, I don't think that he even noticed me before he left. Lol. He actually had a girlfriend then. They broke up after he had left for the Marines. Lol...

Thank you :)

Nohelp4u, I have not met him but a lot of my friends have. He says that he wants us to hang out when he comes home. He is always so sweet to me.

And i dont know that much about him, but i do know that from what he has told me and what ive heard from mutual friends, he seems to be exactly the type of person ive been looking for.

To stop talking to him is not an option, as i have gone a week without talking to him while i was on vaca and i nearly had a breakdown.

I just need to know how to get him off my mind while im trying to be in a conversation, or watch a movie, or hear a song.
It sounds like he wants to be in your life too. That should ground you. Keep a journal handy and write about him hourly, every five minutes, whatever. Then move into an activity that demands concentration--crossword puzzle, jigsaw puzzle, walk the dog, volunteer at a library or hospital or nursing home or animal shelter, wash the kitchen floor on your hands and knees, etc.

That makes a lot of sense. Thank you. I will try that. Because I know all my friends are so annoyed with me right now because he is ALL I talk about. Maybe a journal might help some.

Thanks

That makes a lot of sense. Thank you. I will try that. Because i know all my friends are so annoyed with me right now bc he is ALL i talk about. maybe a journal might help some.

Thanks
Write short stories about him as the hero, the savior, the knight in shining armor saving the princess (you) from the dragon. Make him the center of your writing life. That puts him into a special basket in your life, and will allow you to do other things, knowing your special basket is there waiting for you, for another story about him. Meanwhile, when you think about him, concoct scenarios and plots for stories. At least your thoughts about him will be productive.

It has worked for me for almost six years.

Lol I kind of do that now... when I'm thinking of him. I have actually woken up in the middle of the night with lines for poems popping into my head lol.. and he's sensitive. He has written a poem for me and posted it as his Status on FB. (then got a lot of crap about it from his guys)

Sorry that was a little rambling. But thanks again and I will def try this and try to let you know how it works :)

Lol i kinda do that now... when im thinking of him. I have actually woken up in the middle of the night with lines for poems popping into my head lol.. and hes sensitive. He has written a poem for me and posted it as his Status on FB. (then got a lot of crap bout it from his guys)

Sorry that was a little rambling. But thanks again and i will def try this and try to let you know how it works :)
YAY! Maybe we will meet on FB someday and I can read your stories.

Sorry this is kind of long, but please read

Okay. So I have done everything to not think about this guy.

I have taken your advice, and nothing seems to help.

For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, I have been hving an online relationship with a marine in another country, and who I don't personally know but many of my friends do.

I am addicted to him. I have become obsessive. All advice that I have gotten thus far seems not to help. I just don't know what to do.

I am going crazy.

The bad part is, though my mom can't understand that I am going to wait for him to come home. She doesn't approve of this guy. The reason she doesn't approve is because she knows "hes probably screwing every girl he can" I understand where she's coming from and I know this might be true, but to be honest, it doesn't bother me.

I don't even know what I'm asking here. I just am kind of venting I guess. Whenever I like a guy, my mom never ever approves. Or at least she doesn't approve of the idea of me getting serious with a guy. AHHH!!

Im just so stressed right now with this and the fact that my parents don't want me to go out of state for college. They just don't understand that I want to move out of this state, and therfore I want to go out of state so maybe I will find a place I like and move there when I graduate.

And my dad is driving me up a wall. And he doesn't even know about this guy. But I know that they will both flip when he comes home and I want to go out with him. They won't want me to. And talkng to them doesn't help because "i am always wrong".

Oh and I know they won't let me go anywhere with him until they meet him, but considering I've never formally met him in person (just seen him around school), I want to meet him before they do. You know?

And I guess id have to do that behind there backs, which I really don't want to do.

Ahh I'm so stressed and confused.

Your parents house, your parents rules. We've all had to go through the same thing. I know how frustrating it can be. Maybe you can try going out with him in a group setting. And once you've gotten to know him that way, then introduce him to your parents. Who knows, maybe once you hang out with him you won't even want to date him. And your parents don't want you in a serious relationship right now because you're still young. They don't want to see you get tied down to someone now and risk forgetting who you are or your own goals in life.
And keep in mind, any guy worth dating will be more than willing to meet your family. Any guy I dated had to come to my house first, be interrogated by my family, and sometimes threatened (sort of jokingly... haha) by my uncle. Any guy that couldn't go through it for me wasn't worth dating.

Well when he comes home for good I will be eighteen...

Its not so horrible for me to get into a relationship at seventeen. And my parents know very well that I will not forget who I am or my goals. At least they should know that, because I have been planning my future since I was two, and no guy is going to get in the way of that.

I was planning to tell my parents I'm going out with the girls the first time I meet him, but really meet up with him in a very public place, and probably have a friend present. Is this wrong?

And I know he will be willing to meet my family. And I know my dad will try to scare him with knives and guns just "casually" lying around the house.

I just don't know how to make my parents understand... I think one of their biggest issues will be the age difference. He is three and a half years older than me.

Anyway, I just need to know how to deal with this without feeling completely guilty (I hate going behind my parents backs, and I am horrible at lying to them).

Go read what you just posted. You don't want to lie to your parents. You don't want to feel guilty. If you're going to feel guilty, then that right there should tell you if what you want to do is right or wrong.
And right now, 3 years is a big age gap for you guys. You're just graduating high school. Right? He's already graduated. He's coming back from the marine's! Not summer school. You two are at totally different places in your lives. I know, this is not what you want to hear. But maybe you should think about just staying friends with him a while longer. Why rush into dating him?

You're right. And I know that. And I want to agree with you, because that is the logical thing to do. And the smart thing to do.

But the thing is, I just... I don't even know!

I would agree that it's a big age gap, but at the same time, I am pretty mature for my age. Most people who meet me and don't know my age think I'm older, just by how I carry myself and the fact that I can uphold a mature adult conversation. So I guess I don't feel the age gap when it comes to mentality.

And I'm sorry, but I don't fully understand your point that he is coming back from the marines..

I would say that I am rushing into things because I feel like he is perfect for me. We talk all the time. Not just online, but through phone conversation. And we just click. Ive just never felt this way before.

And I don't want to be that annoying person who makes a post and then argues with all the answers I get, but I'm starting to be that person aren't I??

I have no choice but to be just friends with him for quite a while. After all you can have a real relationship without actually being together. But I definitely feel guilty, almost like I'm doing somehing wrong when I flirt with other guys. I don't even understand why I feel that way.

I know odds are, I probably will not end up marrying this guy. But as of right now he is all that I think of. I am addicted to him.

You remind me a lot of me. Lol

What I was trying to point out is the different places you are at in your lives. You're not even 18 yet. You couldn't even join the marines right now with out your parents permission. And he's coming back home from being stationed with the marines in another country. It's like a freshman dating a senior. They're just at totally different places in their lives.

At least you realize you can only be friends with him right now. Maybe you're not as stubborn as me (which is a good thing. You don't want to be as stubborn as I was.)

Lol well thank you, I think.

I know that right now, in this moment, nothing can happen. But I am a pretty stubborn person, and that, I think is why I can't go five minutes without thinking of this guy.

I guess I feel like, you can't help when you meet someone. If we are perfect and we didn't meet now, but in five years, it would be acceptable. But the fact that we met now, is.. well I don't know if that makes sense so I'm just going to stop...

No, I understand that thinking. Its frustrating. Let me know how it goes when he comes home. Maybe once you see him it will be easier.

Okay! Thank you.

Just wanted to let you all know that you were right, and that I shouldn't have let myself fall.

I shouldn't have believed that he cared about me... I was so stupid.

Hes got a girlfriend apparently.

I know I shouldn't make assumptions but it seems that they mustve been fightiing while he was talking to me, and then they apparently made up..

Sorry for wasting everyone's time with this thread...

Don't worry, you didn't know that at the time, and you wanted advice. It's what this site is here for (the advice, anyway).

However, for more healthy relationships, in the future, please restrict dating to a real tangible relationship.
If you absolutely must have an internet relationship, please wait until you are old enough and make wise decisions about this, such as using a professional dating service, background checks, etc.

Well the guy is friends with my friends...

And I am being plenty mature.. he just hid this girl... well I was just stupid for expecting him to be honest with me.

Ooh, I know, I read all three pages (well, four now) I was just saying in case you ever get into a relationship like this, you need a way to know about this so you don't get hurt.

I wasn't calling you immature, either. I was using age (age and maturity aren't the same, to me) as a basis. Because, for example, you must be 18 to sign up for certain dating websites, etc.

Oh I see.. sorry if I came off a little mean too, I'm just a little on edge.

I actually finally felt like I had something worth living for, and poof, its gone

Something worth living for? What happened to that whole planned future you mentioned? :)

Well I mean yeah.

But sometimes its hard to actually WANT to wake up the next day knowing that you're going to have to deal with a dad who is completely insensitive. And knowing that my future is planned, actually kind of stresses me out because I feel like if I screw up one little part of that plan ill be a failure,

This guy actually made me feel like something other than worthless, when I was at a very low point.

But now, I know it was all a charade. I don't know why, and it doesn't make sense, but he played me.

Yeah. Sometimes guys are jerks like that (I guess girls too).
It's great to have a plan for the future, just remember, you don't have to stick to every detail of it. Even if I make small plans, that should be simple and easy to stick to, I change the details along the way. Think of it as editing :) to make everything better in the long run

Thanks Nohelp4u, and everyone else.

I asked him about it today and he said

"she is/was my girlfriend"

I don't know what the hell that means. Hes got to choose one or the other. And he still made it sound like he likes me a lot, so I don't know what I'm going to do. But I guess if he can't make up his mind, ill have to make up mine.

So I want to know what is wrong with me.

When I told him he needs to choose "is or was" he told me that he can't choose, and he's really confused...

But then I noticed on his FB that his relationship status changed from SINGLE to ENGAGED??

So most people would just say "See ya", but for some reason I still want it to work out. Like I can't just leave it alone...

What is wrong with me??