My boyfriend of almost a yr now had an addiction to porn which developed in his early adolescent years, and he would watch it whenever he would masturbate I guess. When we started having sex he would ask me to do things or say things that I think reflected his engagement in viewing such things and it would bother me a little as I would think if I didn't do what he wanted in a "porn star sort of fashion I would not fully satisfy him. Anyway about four months ago I asked him if he could please stop watching it because it made me feel as if I had to compete with whatever he was watching, I don't like the idea of him finding indirect sexual pleasure through viewing another man and woman having sex. One it literally disgusts me and actually turns me off and two its discouraging. He said about three weeks ago he only did once or twice after me asking him to stop and he hasn't thereafter... I believe him, but I mean why did he just not stop when he said he would, knowing it could affect our sex life and what not or upset me..

The same reason an alcoholic doesn't just stop when asked to or a drug user doesn't just stop... because its not that simple when its an actual addiction.

i believe him, but i mean why did he just not stop when he said he would, knowing it could affect our sex life and what not or upset me....?Hello j:

We get a lot of girls here who think they compete with porn. Maybe you do. Maybe you're too nicey nice in the bedroom. Maybe you need to get a little slutty.

I don't know. I'm only guessing. I only know that you don't particularly like DOING or TALKING like a sexy wench as he requested. It's OK. You can be slutty with him. In fact, you SHOULD be slutty with him. Who knows? Maybe you'll get off too.

excon

Well can you like give me a hint, because I don't watch porn--what do the girls say, and how do they act... I honestly have no idea what to do.. I mean I've had a few times when I'll act more like a fiend and its kind of me just moaning like a little girl...

Please do not be misleading, you stated in your other post that you DO watch porn.

If he has an addiction he needs help. Look up the local porn addiction groups, and perhaps alanon for you.

Well can you like give me a hint, because i dont watch porn--what do the girls say, and how do they act...i honestly have no idea what to do..I mean ive had a few times when i'll act more like a fiend and its kind of me just moaning like a little girl...

You might not watch porn, but it might not hurt to take a look to see what it is that is interesting him.

A lot of the time though, its about not having to worry about if you are enjoying it or your feelings... its just all about him.

Porn addiction is like any addiction. My husband had the addiction for 7 years and I can tell you it put a serious strain on our marriage. One of my friends just recently divorced due to her husbands porn addiction.
I understand how it makes you feel. You have to ask him to stop if it bothers you and he needs to respect that. Don't ever feel like you have to act like those girls. A lot of that is taped, sliced together and not even real. If you don't believe me go rent a porno blooper movie, they are out there. You only do and act how your comfortable. Do not compete with these girls because they are not reality. They are paid actors.

Well can you like give me a hint, because i dont watch porn--what do the girls say, and how do they act...i honestly have no idea what to do..I mean ive had a few times when i'll act more like a fiend and its kind of me just moaning like a little girl...

In your other threads you admit to watching porn.

Ok what i meant was i had seen a clip its- of some that he was trying to show me or get me turned on to the porn he watched was hardcore stuff" he watches couples having sex together, this disgusts me. I dont "watch it" in any interest.

Couples having sex together disgusts you? If you believe that you are gay and want to be with a women, you don't need our approval. It's like you are trying to convenience us you are gay.

Why do I sense a hostile undertone? Anyway watching a couple having sex disgusts me but that has no impact whatsoever on whether I am sexually satisfied with men. I said that already. I am 100% attracted to men and my boyfriend does an amazing job of pleasuring me I am satisfied completely that's why I find this obsure attraction thing so out of place

But is it so out of place when all the women who have answered said it was fine, we feel attractions also to women?

my boyfriend does an amazing job of pleasuring me i am satisfied completely thats why i find this obsure attraction thing so out of place Hello again, j:

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

excon

that i can understand and deal with however, she was refering to the imputation of me being gay because i do not necessarily want to watch couples have sex because it disgusts me.

I am not hostile, I just want to get to the root of your various relationship threads. Just because a man watches porn, doesn't mean that he is an addict. You asked him to stop, you believe that he has stopped, that makes him a far cry from an addict. I watch porn all the time and I am a female.

You are insecure because you feel that you have to 'compete' with porn, which isn't the case. Men like to be visually and audiotorially stimulated (which apparently he enjoys) and that has little to do with porn, that has to do with being male.

and my boyfriend does an amazing job of pleasuring me i am satisfied completely

Then why do you care if he watches porn?

Where do you think he learned most of the stuff he knows? You should buy him a subscription or something.

Ok so i know he's pleasuring me, but it doesnt do much for mental emotion reassurance like whether or not IM pleasuring him completely i feel like if were to watch guys all the time having sex wih some girls, in the back of my mind while im having sex i would think about "oh like that one video i watched" and not focus completely on whats goin on right then and there. I mean wouldnt all that viewing of multiple naked female bodies desensitize him to his arousal/ or satisfaction with me?

If you are comfortable being insecure about porn, go ahead, we can't rationalize with you about this matter.

If it bothers you then get out of the relationship, but do realize that a great percentage of men (and women, for that matter) enjoy porn. So this insecurity is not going to be rectified with a new relationship and all you are going to do is cause men to lie to you about watching porn.

Ok so i know he's pleasuring me, but it doesnt do much for mental emotion reassurance like whether or not IM pleasuring him completely i feel like if were to watch guys all the time having sex wih some girls, in the back of my mind while im having sex i would think about "oh like that one video i watched" and not focus completely on whats goin on right then and there. I mean wouldnt all that viewing of multiple naked female bodies desensitize him to his arousal/ or satisfaction with me?

Im going to let you in on a dirty little secret then...

He probably isn't thinking about you.

But if it makes you feel any better, he probably isn't thinking about porn either. He is thinking about porn when he is watching porn... because he doesn't have to get porn off or make porn feel special or, and I say this with great emphasis, perform to any expected levels.

Not the case with you. As likely as not, he is thinking of something completely unrelated to sex... because porn doesn't judge him on a 2 minute performance.

You do.

So then what do guys think about when they are pleasuring their beloved girlfriend/wife?
He's not judging me when were having sex?

so then what do guys think about when they are pleasuring their beloved girlfriend/wife??
he's not judging me when were having sex?

Last night I was contemplating adding crown molding to the bedroom.

so then what do guys think about when they are pleasuring their beloved girlfriend/wife??

They are trying to determine if they are performing well. In porn women overact their enthusiasm, giving men an unreal expectation of how women in real life react to pleasure. That is why they enjoy the overactive partner that is stroking their ego throughout their performance.


he's not judging me when were having sex?

No, he is worried you are judging him.

Here's another secret for you...

My exwife was a porn 'star' (after we separated). She wasn't particularly special in bed.

Just had a questionable sense of morality and good flexibility.

88sunflower agrees: LMAO! Did you come to a decision?

Definite yes. Along with new mahogany hardwood flooring. I didn't get much farther than that. It was my turn...

so then what do guys think about when they are pleasuring their beloved girlfriend/wife??Hello j:

I always found thinking got in the way. So, I try to stop thinking and start feeling, and empathizing, and letting myself go...

excon

J... do you think that he is completely focused on what he likes and that you just happen to get off in the process?

Why don't you show the same dedication to his pleasure as he appears to show to yours.

You don't need to mimic any porn movie... but you could try pretending to star in your own...

I don't know what it is he is focused on I like to think its me. I like to think that I'm making him want to ejaculate so fast but I'm not sure if it's the pure pleasure or what he's thinking about, possibly a combination of the two. He seems to want me to act out of control and moan really loud but at the same time its like his number one goal to get me to orgasm... I can't to both at the same time... this is where the inadequacy comes in... then he gets upset with himself if I don't and he does... but then I feel horrible if I do and he doesn't relatively soon after... and he just says its because after a period it takes him longer (after he squeezes it to keep from ejaculating), is this the truth or is it because I wasn't getting him to that point and is there a way to kind of override the physiological hindrance and just make him come

I dont know what it is he is focused on as a matter of fact i like to think its me. I like to think that im making him want to ejaculate so fast but im not sure if its the pure pleasure or what he's thinking about, possibly a combination of the two. He seems to want me to act out of control and moan really loud but at the same time its like his number one goal to get me to orgasm...i can't to both at the same time...this is where the inadequacy comes in...then he gets upset with himself if i dont and he does....but then i feel horrible if i do and he doesnt relatively soon after...and he just says its because after a period of time it takes him longer (after he squeezes it to keep from ejaculating), is this the truth or is it because i wasnt getting him to that point and is there a way to kind of override the physiological hindrance and just make him come

Welcome to the wonderful world of a relationship where you both want the other to be happy...

I dont know what it is he is focused on as a matter of fact i like to think its me. I like to think that im making him want to ejaculate so fast but im not sure if its the pure pleasure or what he's thinking about, possibly a combination of the two. He seems to want me to act out of control and moan really loud but at the same time its like his number one goal to get me to orgasm...i can't to both at the same time...this is where the inadequacy comes in...then he gets upset with himself if i dont and he does....but then i feel horrible if i do and he doesnt relatively soon after...and he just says its because after a period of time it takes him longer (after he squeezes it to keep from ejaculating), is this the truth or is it because i wasnt getting him to that point and is there a way to kind of override the physiological hindrance and just make him come

Its not a race to get off or get each other off...

Why don't you try slowing things down a bit.. exploring.. playing.. enjoying...

Wow I know this has been an extremely long thread, but I thank all of you for giving me such wonderful insight. I can't talk to my own friends about it because well there relationships are either too shallow or not far along enough where they would be able to understand and give reasonable advice.

I think that guys use the 'I watch porn to get some tips on how to better do it' as an excuse to make it acceptable to girls. I feel the same way you do about porn though.
I noticed that many people that come here with problems with their bf's watching porn are complaining that they prefer the porn over them. I have said and still believe that porn does desensitize many guys because they end up addicted to porn and neglecting their girl

Wow I know this has been an extremely long thread, but i thank all of you for giving me such wonderful insight. I can't talk to my own friends about it because well there relationships are either too shallow or not far along enough where they would be able to understand and give reasonable advice.

My husband and I have had similar discussions. I hate to expose his own personal issues, but I do understand. I had always thought myself unusual for thinking online porn was hilarious, and thus trying to find every free site EVER, one summer just for a grin. My husband on the other hand, believes that porn as an industry is comparable to the simple pleasures, like Dr.Pepper. So when I finally asked him to stop with the touching, he wasn't thrilled, and has, as far as I know, only done so when I went on vacation. So I can empathize. Saying you won't doesn't exactly mean ever, even if you think it should because they promised. *eye roll for personal reasons*

I've come to realize that I need to lighten up myself just a little more. Our sex life is awesome, usually, but that's for another thread... He asked me once to make a porn star face while we were having sex, now I do that and say, *pause* porn star face, and he laughs and has to stop for a few seconds. So I try to distract him and bring him back into our bedroom and me rather than him imagining a camera on us or some other notion that I have no desire to participate in. It has helped, and I do give him kudos for trying.

He may not be perfect, but it speaks volumes for his addiction to YOU if he has promised to stop. Addiction is hard and stays with you forever, you are never recovered, only recovering. I highly recommend if he asks you that again to respond with something he would rather not do, like a finger somewhere special :eek: he might get the point a little more clearly.