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daydavis
Jul 8, 2009, 09:51 AM
I do not find my girlfriend sexual attractive anymore but I love her what should I do?

redhed35
Jul 8, 2009, 09:55 AM
How long have you been together,and what ages are you both?

Its easier to answer questions if there is a little more information.
Regards.
redhed35.

ilovecollin2309
Jul 8, 2009, 09:56 AM
I smell a whiff of a troll.

Torrid13
Jul 8, 2009, 09:57 AM
Oof, this is a tough one. How long have you felt this way? If it's been a long time, chances are it's not going to get better.

If you just recently started feeling this way, I wouldn't jump the gun and do something rash. There's always flucuations in relationships, and stages.

However, if it's persistent, I would think it best to end it, or you'll just end up leading her on. Let her know that you really care about her and you don't want to hurt her, but you think it would be best to continue the relationship eventually as friends. Trust me, she's probably not going to want to be friends for a while. Give her that time to heal, and give her the choice of whether she would be eventually be friends, or not.

Whatever her decision, respect it.

Still, it's a tough one.

daydavis
Jul 8, 2009, 10:12 AM
I smell a whiff of a troll.

What does this mean?

daydavis
Jul 8, 2009, 10:13 AM
how long have you been together,and what ages are you both?

its easier to answer questions if there is a little more information.
regards.
redhed35.

7 years

I am 38 years old and she is 40

redhed35
Jul 8, 2009, 10:15 AM
Hey,it means someone with a double identity on the site.

dreamingartist
Jul 8, 2009, 10:19 AM
Don't think a troll, troll is trolling the forum looking for people to get upset or get kicks out of false info.. but definetally could be a double user...

Regardless you are asking about not finding your GF attractive sexually anymore, but then in another post you refrenced that variety is the spice of life. To get a wig, and toys and porn , etc...

So it sounds like you put yourself in this situation of not being into her by having higher expectations on variety..

You eat vanilla your whole life, then you just love vanilla.

But if you eat 31 flavors at baskin robins for 3 months, then eat vanilla your whole life you'll miss those 30 other flavors..

Torrid13
Jul 8, 2009, 10:19 AM
7 years

I am 38 years old and she is 40


Wow.
How does one become suddenly unattracted to someone they've been attracted to for SEVEN YEARS? D:

redhed35
Jul 8, 2009, 10:20 AM
Hey again,getting back to your question.

Torrid13 made a few good points,i.e. if this is just a new thing that has come up.

7 years is a lot to just throw away without exploring other ways to get that spark back.
Have you spoken to your partner about this?
Even just about spicing things up in the bedroom?
Its easy to fall into the routine of daily living and forget that relationships need work to,you get so used to someone being around that you forget the romance in all grocery shopping,work and paying bills.

daydavis
Jul 8, 2009, 10:25 AM
Wow.
How does one become suddenly unattracted to someone they've been attracted to for SEVEN YEARS?! D:

This is so confusing to me. She is perfect in every way as a girlfriend. Loyal Honest supportive. We cuddle aand massage each oter a lot. She told me one time that I am attractive to busty latina women and I do not find her attractive. She has told me she is not attracive to me. Sex can be the bind thing that makes a relationship stand the test of time? Can it

daydavis
Jul 8, 2009, 10:29 AM
hey again,getting back to your question.

torrid13 made a few good points,ie,if this is just a new thing that has come up.

7 years is a lot to just throw away without exploring other ways to get that spark back.
have you spoken to your partner about this?
even just about spicing things up in the bedroom?
its easy to fall into the routine of daily living and forget that relationships need work to,you get so used to someone being around that you forget the romance in all grocery shopping,work and paying bills.

I have spoeken to her about this. We have also gone to see a familt conselour but that did not work. I asked her to find a sex therpist maybe this would help but she has not. I do not know what to do?

Justwantfair
Jul 8, 2009, 10:33 AM
Attraction is one of the last things to go in a dwindling relationship.

Your lack of attraction probably stems from other issues within the relationship.

Start with the small things to get the attraction back, less bickering, do special things that can keep a relationship fresh, more date nights and focus on a bit more affection.

If it is because her body style is changing, find ways to work out together, walks at night, change up the eating habits of your dinners together.

I don't really think this is uncommon, it's just not something many people would want to face.

Torrid13
Jul 8, 2009, 10:34 AM
Okay, she's clearly insecure. What is your response to her insecurity? Do you tell her she's beautiful? Argue with her?

Perhaps it's not necessarily that you're sexually unattracted to her, but perhaps her lack of confidence. Perhaps you feel like if she keeps telling you you're not attracted to her, you started to believe it.

You never said how long you've felt this way.

redhed35
Jul 8, 2009, 10:40 AM
I was just re reading the thread,and the phase 'the 7 year itch' came to mind.
If you are happy with all other aspects of your relationship,and sex and attraction is the issue,justwantfair made excellent suggestions.
Really it boils down to if you want out of this relationship.or you want to work this out.
Only you and your partner can do this together.

makapuu
Jul 8, 2009, 10:43 AM
It's one thing not to be sexually attracted to your partner. Maybe age and hormones are slowing down your sex drive.

It's another thing to not be sexually attracted to your partner, but be sexually attracted to someone else. That would be a problem. Your desires will interfere with your current relationship.

daydavis
Jul 8, 2009, 10:45 AM
i was just re reading the thread,and the phase 'the 7 year itch' came to mind.
if you are happy with all other aspects of your relationship,and sex and attraction is the issue,justwantfair made excellent suggestions.
really it boils down to if you want out of this relationship.or you want to work this out.
only you and your partner can do this together.

Your right we need need to work this out.

jenniepepsi
Jul 8, 2009, 11:14 AM
Have you become depressed? Has she? Has anything in your relationship changed recently?

Perhaps a sexual therepist or marriage counselor could be of help?


Sometimes, a relationship can servive without the sexual attraction.

301103
Jul 8, 2009, 12:06 PM
Na man
That's bull
Why do yo care about how she looks,
When your in trouble at hard times, or need help and comfort and love
Its from her personality you love
Not her looks
OK understandble you don't find her attractive but surly, you love her more then to satisfy your own needs

j_ely823
Jul 8, 2009, 01:21 PM
However, if it's persistent, I would think it best to end it, or you'll just end up leading her on. Let her know that you really care about her and you don't want to hurt her, but you think it would be best to continue the relationship eventually as friends. Trust me, she's probably not going to want to be friends for a while. Give her that time to heal, and give her the choice of whether she would be eventually be friends, or not.

--so I mean what about people in their 50's that had been married for decades? You don't just throw away love in the occurrence of the spark being gone (for that time) you just have to rekindle it. Im only 19 and I KNOW that

winding200
Jul 8, 2009, 01:36 PM
I suggest you to take a cruise trip with her for a week or so to a tropical place. Cruising is very relaxing, creates a lot opportunity to reconnect to your girlfriend. It is incredibly romantic. You will regain the passion & intimacy. My question is are you willing to try?

Sbhaxu
Nov 30, 2009, 02:42 AM
This usually happens when one of you in a relationship has cheated and for the one who has been cheated on he/she find it hard to trust again and he/she find everything not the same and that lead to not being attracted to each other anymore

But as you say you've spend seven years together I think it just that you both so use to each other but am sure if you both really love each other you can find a way to make thing work again, does she still feel anything you do to her or not? If not you need to sit down and talk to each other find what makes her happy and let her know what makes you happy and you can start it from there.

Remember communication is the best thing in a relationship, also spend lots of time together alone am sure that can help!

makapuu
Nov 30, 2009, 07:28 PM
If you need to have a sexual attraction in your relationship, then I would say it's time for you to move on. Life is too short to wait for someone to change.