I have a 13 month old grand daughter that my husband and I have pretty much been raising since her birth. Both of her parents just recently turned 18 and lived with us till 3 months ago when my husband and I helped move them into their own home. We felt it was time to become adults and start providing for their own family. Well, 2 months ago the father, our son, was on drugs and crashed their car and is now on probation for that. The baby's mother stopped going to the Works Program for the State check she was getting, neither have any income now. My husband and I have always helped with diapers, clothes, formula, food, and all else needed for the baby, now we are having to provide it all completely. With no income my husband and I have been paying all the bills for them, we can't stand the thought of the baby being without. The baby's mother is lazy and never cleans house nor does laundry, when I try to talk with her about this she replies "he isn't working and should help me, and until he does I am not doing it all". While she has a point and I feel that he should help her, that isn't helping the situation and getting the house clean. Our son gets high and yells all the time. I have never seen any signs of physical abuse on the baby, but I know the mental abuse is just as strong when you have parents that argue all the time and the living conditions aren't ideal. When I have the baby and have to take her home so that I can get ready for work the next morning I dread it.

This weekend my husband and I had the baby from Friday evening till Sunday afternoon when they came to pick her up. This time in letting her go home I cried. It breaks my heart to send her home to parents that I know love her, but just aren't capable of providing for her. When they picked her up this afternoon we could tell our son had been "high" again, so my husband took the car, the car that is in our name, we paid for, and carry the insurance on, away from them. My son yelled "you two won't ever see this baby again". This all breaks my heart. We have tried to force our son to seek help, and he refuses. I don't know what our rights are when it comes to the baby nor what steps I need to take in seeking legal custody of her till these two grow up and get their acts together. All I know is the baby deserves to be happy, safe, warm, loved and cared for without worry of being homeless or hungry. What steps should I take and whom should I talk with about seeking legal custody of her?

You need to speak to a family law attorney and find out what you can and cannot do about this situation. You can't file the paperwork yourself and stress the situation so the judge will legally understand the circumstances like an attorney can. I realize your plight but unfortunately some parents of infants have to learn to grow up and your son obviously has not learned that lesson. You may have to take all 3 back into your home so the child can be properly cared for if you can't do anything about this situation legally. You need to consult with an attorney as soon as possible. If the attorney says you can indeed have custody it will be a long, costly battle to get the infant and could take months and psychological evaluations for the parents, etc to accomplish. Your son and DIL may be unwilling to give up the child without a fight. Your son sounds like he is definitely out of control.

Have you given thought and consideration to calling child protective services ? Sometimes people in their situation need either a kick in the rear as in wake up call or they need to give up the child. You will need your husband to be behind you 100% on this. You may end up raising your grandchild as your own which sadly is happening more and more these days.

I agree with calif you should really talk to your husband and make sure he is on the same page as you are. Then call CPS to give them a kick in the butt because obviously, your talking to them hasn't done anything and as hard as I know it can be I'm still 100% behind the "tough love" thing when needed. I'd hate to see you spending any more of your money on their bills especially when you are going to have to spend that money on an attorney.

I'll also support the CPS route. Just make sure you explain to them that you are willing to foster the child. CPS will generally bend over backwards to keep a child with their parents rather then put them in the foster system. But if they know that there are relatives willing to take care of the child, they will be more willing to remove the child from an unhealthy situation.