Hi all

Well, just as the title said, my best friend's husband and I hate each other. Maybe 'hating' is too strong a word. But in any case, we can't do anything together, and it's getting more of a nuisance every time.

A little background: my friend and I are in mid-twenties, her husband is 30-something. This girl (Jane) and I have known each other since kidergarten because our mothers are friends. My family relocated when I was a teenager. Then a couple years ago Jane came for a visit and met this guy and married him. All this is to say that she doesn't have many of her own friends here, mostly her husband's or mine.

At first I didn't like her husband because he cancelled their wedding. Then half a year later they did get married, I got to know him better and he was nice. So one day I had to drive 700 miles to one town, and I invited Jane and she invited her husband. The trip was a disaster. He's the kind of person that never says what he wants. Like "I don't mind either way, do as you wish". He got mad for some reason and he stopped talking to us, he wouldn't even sit at the same table for lunch. So that was it. When we came back we never talked again. I feel he owes me an apology because it was "my" trip, I did all the driving, I didn't do anything wrong to him, and I hadn't invited him in the first place! Jane did... And he feels that I'm a selfish person because I planned the trip. But during the trip he never said what he wanted to do exactly.

Well so now I can't come to their place when he's home. We have to do everything separately and make sure the husband and I don't see each other. It's becoming a pain in the . Sometimes I feel angry at Jane for not fixing it somehow. Sometimes I feel like it' a competition for her attention or something. I also feel that it's selfish of the husband to create such a situation with one of the few truly "HER" friends here. Sometimes I just want to toss it and not bother with her anymore, because I'm fed up with having to sneak aroun her busband as if I were at fault or something, but that would be silly and childish.

So, anybody ever had such a situation? Is it going to work? Should somebody do something about it?

Thanks for reading through anyway, I just realisd it's kind of long!

Sounds to me like he is a not a forgiving person, and harbors resentment. It's a shame but maybe he is jealous of your friendship with his wife, and wants to separate the two of you. Don't know why? It seems like she doesn't want to change things either, because she is not changing the situation at all. I think you are going to have to make a decision either you have this friendship under these circumstances or just don't bother with her anymore because of her husband.

Thanks for the insight, sully. I guess there's no easy solution, is there? :rolleyes:

By the way, I just realised that it's not clear from the post that I'm a girl. If I were a guy I'd just assume the husband is jealous and insecure, and I better leave her alone, but being a girl...

Your friendship has change since she is married, and its obvious the husband won't be part of the fun. That's okay, do what girls do, and leave him alone. He doesn't have to be included, and for whatever reason, he doesn't like, or get along with you, just make some adjustments to the relationship with your friend, and stop worrying about whether she handles him or not.

She is caught in the middle and that can't be a good place to be. Understand that, and don't throw more contention, or conflict than there is.

My wife has friends I don't really care for, but I don't press that fact, and leave them alone when she is around.

I have friends she doesn't like, and make the adjustment to keep the contact with them to a minimum.

The whole point is for you to keep your distance from him, and just be civil, and not add to the problem. I mean what can she actually do to make her husband like you better? NOTHING!

They are married, you are not, marriage has to come before friendship, and if you think things are dicey now, wait until she has babies. Make the adjustments that are required, as she is not as free as you are to do whatever. She has her own adjustments being a young wife, and he has to adjust also.

I wish you all luck.

I agree with T, just put him out of the picture. I see lots of my friends without their partners (not because I don't like them, but because I like to spend time with just my friends).

So, you do the same. She's your friend, he's not, meet somewhere else, go to the movies, have a meal, etc. You'll just have to adjust so that Jane comes to your house and you meet elsewhere.

Don't include him in any conversations that you have - it's not a good idea to come between your friend and her husband, so put him out of the picture. And, don't try to analyze it, you'll just drive yourself crazy.

Quietly, I guess you can silently thank your lucky stars that you're not married to him!