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View Full Version : Should I let this man go or hold on to him


tomasduck
Jul 1, 2009, 02:08 PM
I was dating Blair for three years, the past year being a long distance relationship, it was tough on both of us and we sort of drifted apart some. I ended up partying with a few of my friends a couple times and a man made a move on me when I was drunk and tried to kiss me, I told Blair this but it really bothered him, he ended up breaking up with me a couple of months later citing that he stopped feeling like my number one, that isn't the case, I love him with my whole heart and would never cheat on him, he thinks I am flirty and out of control when I drink and that is a major concern to him, we haven't had many other major problems and I don't feel as though dumping me was warranted, how do I get back into his favor, he says he still is in love with me, but its just different, and he needs me to move on, how can I move on when I know he still loves me, the breakup was really hard on both of us and he blames me for how bad it shook him, he says that he can't trust me anymore and that he is broken, I am broken, do I leave him alone or try to smooth things out, we finally met up and he was in shambles around me, he is sad about the change and I want to know what to do

h_leann_b
Jul 1, 2009, 03:28 PM
Long distance relationships are based almost solely on Trust. If he can't trust you, the relationship just can't work. Can you move to be closer together? Even though you want it to work, and he loves you doesn't mean it will work. He has to want it as much as you. Is natural to be a little jealous, and him being so far away isn't helping things. Even though you didn't do anything wrong, he may see it as you get yourself in situations that may make you do something you wouldn't normally do.

If your partying bothers him, why not stop if you love him with all of your heart? If its not something you are willing to do, I just honestly think you should move on.

s_cianci
Jul 1, 2009, 03:36 PM
The #1 red flag was when your relationship became a long-distance one a year ago, after 2 years which I presume were pretty serious. Of whose accord did it go long-distance, yours or his? I don't blame him for being concerned if in fact you are "flirty and out of control" when you drink if you really do have a habit of doing that. Now with this guy coming on to you, if it was a one-time thing and you did nothing to encourage it, that's one thing and really can't be held against you. However, if it's happened other times then you need to do some soul-searching and truly assess for yourself where, if anywhere, things are going in this relationship. It doesn't sound good to me.

tomasduck
Jul 1, 2009, 04:49 PM
The relationship turned long distance because he got a job away, I spent the summer with him but returned back to school, everything was great, we were both homesick, and it may have bothered me more than it bothered him, but once I went back to school I knew that my home would be with him, and he knew that, he tells me he doesn't know if this is fixable, when all I want to do is fix it, I would stop partying for him, but he is skeptical, he says he knows I would try but that isn't enough, how do I assure him that I am sincere,

talaniman
Jul 1, 2009, 05:13 PM
Stop partying! Over time he will see that. This is not a quick fix, nor will it be solved over time. He may not even want to try again, but since your still talking, stop partying, and getting drunk.

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-handle-this-seven-ways-to-survive-a-long-distance-relationship/?cnn=yes

Maybe this can help you see the problems with long distance relationships. For sure they are very difficult on both partners.

Gemini54
Jul 1, 2009, 07:25 PM
You like partying and flirting - he doesn't trust you when you party and flirt.

Well, you can stop flirting and partying as T has suggested, but what else will bother him then? What other excuse will he find regarding your behavior?

I think that he's letting you down gently... 'I love you but I need to move on'... he's really saying he doesn't want to be with you.

Maintain yourself respect, don't beg and cry for him to come back - let him go.