I have been following this site since my problems have come up which have been about 3 weeks. All of these scenarios sound so familiar but mine have a few different aspects to it. I thought I would ask to get some other opinions and help. To begin with my ex and I split up 3 weeks ago and these past 3 weeks have been an absolute nightmare. We were together for 4 and half years and we have 3 kids together which make our situation a little different than most here. At one point we were engaged to get married, but all of the stress we had on both of caused us to break the engagement off. We continued to be together but could never quite get along, which I will a admit was probably a lot of my doing. She finally reached her breaking point 3 weeks ago and said that it was over. Since she has been talking to another guy on the phone and goes out on the weekends where her family is from. I know I haven't been the best boyfriend in the past but have realized the mistakes I have made and have tried to make her see that I want to change for the better. With that being said she has seen that I am making those changes and that I am committed to them, but she says that she loves me but doesn't know if she can get those feeling she used have for me. I have tried giving her her space but mess by calling or texting her. Not to mention I can't just not talk to her or not see her because we have 3 kids together. Well about 5 days ago she calls me up and says that she had been doing a lot of thinking and that she said she was being stupid for not trying to make it work because she wants to be a family as well. We spent the last 5 days together but something wasn't right with her, I could tell just by the way she was around me. And the fact she didn't want to tell anyone that we were trying to make it work with each other. This morning when I woke up I told her that I was going to let her go and try to figure what makes her happy, because I knew that she wasn't happy with me. She responded with I am trying to be happy but can't make myself. I told her that I didn't want her to have to make herself feel that way and that I wanted it to naturally come. I don't want her to just be with me because we have kids, I want her to be with me because she is in love with me! I know that the kids are the most important thing in this situation so I want to do what's best for them first. I just don't know what to do, I want her back, but not if she doesn't have those feelings for me. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks for everyone's time and help!

If things just can't simply work out, than it is best not to chase after that. Make sure you and her have the children's best interest at heart no matter what decisions you make. If you find a way to connect one day, than that would be great wouldn't it? If not, than let it be.

Thanks for writing back! I didn't talk to her at all tonight and it was really hard not to. She tried to text me earlier and say that one of our girls lost an earing, but I know she was just trying to start a conversation. So I didn't reply. I have to be strong here, yet will take my kids as my first interest, but have to realize that she will use them as conversation starters. I am going to try this no contact thing and hope it works out, yet realize I have to communicate about our kids!

Sounds like you're on the right track then. Keep it casual and about the kids.

Well today is the start of day2 of no contact and I received 3 texts from her already. The first one was just saying that our other girl lost one of her earings (we have twins and got there ears pierced a couple days ago). Which I know is just her using as an excuse to talk to me, so I didn't reply. Then she text this " So now your just not going to talk to me at all? I need you to understand that I am very confused right now. I love you and I know that I love you its just hard to go on with you like nothing ever happened. I want to be a family and I want to be with you but right at this moment it does not feel right to me. Maybe I need to get my crap straight and figure out my priorities. Cause right now I don't feel like I have them straight. The girls always come first in my life but I find myself putting other things next that use to not matter to me. Maybe its cause I was pregnant for two years and miserable and ugly and did not have any fun and now that I got a little taste I just want to keep experiencing it. I am sorry that I am acting this way. I know its not right and will try to get my crap straight and when I do we will both be better people and maybe this relationship will actually work and be good again."

Then she wrote " I understand why you won't talk to me but at least let me now you got those messages Please"

She has then tried calling 2 times and has text these.

"Ok thats fine I can play that game too! She then tried calling 2 times and sent this text. "are you seriously ignoring me because if you are that's not going to help anything! I hope your phone is dead or something." This was followed by another call than another message " Ok that's cool I get it, I hope when you call to ask about the girls I answer you!"

What should I do? Should I reply to tell her if this is about the girls that I will talk to her? I don't want my girls to have anything to do with this, but feel she is using them to try and get to me! Any help would be appreciated!

Well since you guys are connected with children I hope you know that absolute no contact is not an option. You should approach this with just limited contact and just for the children.

Seems like she is so immature to play games with you. She says she is confused and if you keep being around her she will never sort things out. I think you should let her know that you will be there for the kids.

Why are you playing games with your babies momma, and not being straight up, and honest with her?? I don't understand.

I swear the last thing I want to do is play games with her. I am just trying to prepare myself if it is really over. I have done everything in my power to show her that I love her and the girls, but it seems she just wants to drag me along until she figures out what she wants. I'm sorry but, I can't allow that, this has been the hardest thing I have ever went through emotionally, it is really taking a tolle on me.

This will never be over until your kids are grown, and gone, until then you work together on there behalf, and that means establishing communications, and trust for the sake of the kids. Something you obviously couldn't do before, but have to now.

Maybe an unbiased third party can help you define the rules of good behavior between you, but you aren't very successful on your own. That's a shame.

If I were in your shoes, we would be talking more, not less. About the kids, and not the relationship. No matter how small it seems to you, to her it's a real big deal.