My friend is next to me, and she tried to make an account with amhd but its not letting her. So I told her I would ask this for her...




What do you do when you know your husband is cheating and you confront him with it and he lies about and you show him the proof?

You leave!

This is what I told her :) I'm not sure why she is asking for MORe advise. Thank you :) ill tell her what you said

Whatelse is there to do, he's a cheat and a liar...
Enough said.

Time for divorce.

Well
First of all you should have a strong proof of your husband cheating... then you tell him that I am disturbed from all this and can't go along with this... I hope he will understand.. realize him that he is doing wrong and you know all about what is doing... if this helps then good... otherwise be angry at him... you know sometimes it is good to be angry against wrong things... may be your anger will save your relationship... but don't get the conditions worst.. you should solve this problem thriftly... so be cool and think on various aspects of problem...

Going to take a different approach... does she want to try to salvage the marriage? Does she think he would be willing to try counseling? Are there any kids involved?

My first reaction would be to say "just leave" as well, because that is what I know I would do at this point in my life, but it can be quite different when you are actually faced with the reality.

Some people will end it right then and there. Others may want to try and see if things can be worked out and rebuilt.

I think her first pirority should be to save her home... to leave should be a last option... not first...

I think the thing that makes it a leave and not counseling situation is that -

1. There is proof, not an admittance of misdoing. He was caught.
2. When questioned, husband lied.
3. When faced with proof, husband continued to lie.

If partners face an affair together with equal investment into fixing the marriage, there is a chance of saving it. With one partner, unable to face his sin, admit his fault, repent and seek counseling... then she will be unable to save this relationship alone.

Divorce maybe over used, but the answer should be, a longer courting time and value in commitment by both parties.

I think my friend is having such a hard time with it because its been 40 years. They have kids, but the kids are all grown and moved out of the house.

What is the proof that your friend has? I would imagine it is something major.

i think my friend is having such a hard time with it because its been 40 years. they have kids, but the kids are all grown and moved out of the house.

Anyone would have a hard time with it.
An affair is devastating to a family.
To share something as intimate, as sex, with someone other then your partner with whom you love is a disrespect.
Having a hard time with it, is different then deciding to tolerate his behavior and lies.
She will not be able to do anything until he is honest, assuming the proof is legitimate.

Leave his and use the proof in court to make sure he doesn't try to screw her over, again.

Is she is seeking advice then there is surly something she is considering... probably she is trying to save her relation... probably she needs to live with him... probably she don't want divorce... yes there are thing her husband did wrong then lied to him but if she wants to save her relationship then let her give a chance.she must try once to resolve it but if things would go out of her range then definitely she would go for divorce... hearts should be big and if one admits and appologizes then let it go

I will tell you like I told my son last night. Cheating is a horrible horrible thing to do. It's right up there with lying and stealing. HOWEVER, when you take vows they are important to up hold. THROUGH thick and thin, good times and bad... what did you think the bad times would be? Not making dinner? LOL
I say that to be funny and this is not a funny situation. If the proof is real legit proof and not irrational grasping than start the conversation in regards to what he would like to do. Give him some idea about what she would like to do and then Allow him the time to adjust to the fact that he has been caught. (couple of hours, days) whatever it is. By then you will know your answer based on how he reacts and proceeds. Best of luck to your friend.

leave his and use the proof in court to make sure he doesn't try to screw her over, again.

Affairs no longer give either party any additional merit in a divorce.

i think my friend is having such a hard time with it because its been 40 years. they have kids, but the kids are all grown and moved out of the house.

What are the possible outcomes of this breakup?will her kids accept this?who will take care of her in this age..

I will say one thing.

I don't honestly believe there is a single thing that your friend can do until the husband admits to the affair.

I'm sorry guys. I'm not sure what proof she has and she went home before I could ask her.

Ill let you all know as soon as I see her again wahts going on in response to your questions.


*justwantitfair, I can't give you rep again yet, but I agree with you*

I am sorry she is having to go through this.

Curious as to what her proof is and what his response was when she showed it to him.

I wish her well... such a heartwrenching situation... and no doubt, after 40 years, it is something she probably thought she would never have to worry about.

OK.

She says the proof she has is pictures and a video.

And my mistake, she has been married for 5 years. Not 40. Sorry. She is 40 YEARS OLD. Not MARRIED for 40 years.


She says 'he just lied and denyed it even though I showed him the proof'

They have grown kids from their five year marriage?

Or obviously this isn't their first go around?

I stand by everything I have said, he has to admit to the cheating before you are going to handle solutions.

At this point, all trust is completely gone.

An affair crumbled the foundation of a relationship.

No foundation, your house of love is going to crack and crumble.

Sorry for the confusion. He isn't the kid's dad. This is her second marriage.

Sorry she isn't very good at relaying importantn info. I have to ask her directly for everything

I agree with Justwantfair, he needs to come clean and put forth the effort if they have any hope in rebuilding trust in the relationship. If he won't, and certainly if she feels he continues to cheat, she doesn't have much choice.

Stay, turn a blind eye, and try to endure it, or cut her losses, move on, and build a better life for herself. IF there is any consulation, thank goodness it was 5 years and not 40.

Hmmm... she says she does NOT want to continue the relationship... im not sure what she wants to know... im wondering if she is only looking for confermation of her disicion. Sort of like 'am I doing the right thing'


Keep in mind there is a language barrier here, she doesn't speak englesh very well and I only know very little spanish.

She needs to leave his and use the proof in court when she files for divorce.

she needs to leave his and use the proof in court when she files for divorce.

For the second time that I am telling you.

Adultery is no longer a fault in divorce. It will not benefit her in filing.

Just my 2 cents worth here.

She has presented her evidence directly to him, and he will still not accept responsibility for what he has done.

What has been presented to him should be followed by something. If she wishes to work through this and HE is willing to fess up and also work through this, then by all means go this route. It will not be easy, and only you can decide if it is worth the effort to try to establish trust again.

I suspect that the 'evidence' is only the tip of the iceberg.

For the second time that I am telling you.

Adultery is no longer a fault in divorce. It will not benefit her in filing.

In which states is it no longer considered a fault? I know for a fact that it still is in at least Ohio.

Well that's interesting. I did not realize that. I guess going that route would be a negative due to the possible costs involved. Seems much easier with a no-fault.

Divorce Source: FAQs About Ohio Divorce (http://www.divorcesource.com/OH/ARTICLES/levin7.html)

in which states is it no longer considered a fault? i know for a fact that it still is in at least ohio.


It is still in some states, not in others. Some state you can go either way apparently.

http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/Pages/grounds.html#What%20happens%20in%20a%20fault%20div orce

Hmm from what I understand, in Arizona they call divorce dissolousion of marriage, and use a default no-fault.

UNLESS she has a covenent marriage (which I will need to ask her after she comes back from lunch) in which case she WILL need to prove one of the following...

•Adultery
•Conviction of a felony which mandates imprisonment or death
•Abandonment for over one year
•Commission of domestic violence against spouse, child or relative
•Living separately and continuously and without reconciliation for over two years
•Living separately for over one year after a legal separation is obtained
•Habitual use of drugs or alcohol
•Both spouses agree to a dissolution

Divorce in Arizona (http://research.lawyers.com/Arizona/Divorce-in-Arizona.html)


*edit* also, thank you everyone for all the help you have offered.

What do you do when you know your husband is cheating and you confront him with it and he lies about and you show him the proof?

Somebody has to go, until this mess is figured out. If he mind is made up, the next step is a lawyer and get some professional advise.