Hi all

I've just gone past the two year mark with my girlfriend and things have been OK all round I think for most of that time but recently things seem to be going downhill.

I think every day for the last maybe 2 months that I've spoken to her (we are at separate university's and have been for 2 years and speak most days via the internet or phone and see each other every weekend) she's found something to complain at me for. It's not just like she's in a mood with me but every day she finds something that I've done wrong to upset her or not done which has upset her. I'm finding it really hard to want to still be with her as I feel like I'm being attacked constantly and most of the time in my opinion it's unfounded. An example is a few weeks ago I wasn't able to visit her because I had my final exams and was studying and writing my dissertation, I would have gone and seen her but I knew my work would suffer as I'd be distracted and I thought she would understand but she didn't and we had a long argument as she thought I was making excuses not to see her. Also she keeps telling me that I've said things that I know I haven't and then saying I've gone back on my word, for a good while she had me believing my memory was failing me but I don't want to just call her a liar. Today's example of what I had done wrong is I didn't allow enough time to spend with her before getting a train back home (I got a train 2 hours earlier than usual so I could get home and have enough sleep to get up for my university exam tomorrow) which obviously hasn't happened because I'm awake writing this because I can't sleep over the issue.

our sex life has also gone down hill, we have sex much less often now and I keep finding myself not wanting to have sex with her because of all the stress she keeps putting on me. As well as the fact that she seems to make no effort with our sex life at all and expects me to do everything and just lays there pretty much. If I ask for anything there's usually an excuse as to why she can't. I've always given her the benefit of the doubt but every single time for a few months is getting a bit ridiculous. It feels more of a chore than something to be enjoyed. I've spoken to her about it and she just went mad at me so I haven't broached the subject again. I did a little test and didn't try to initiate sex at all and she didn't even seem to notice for a month after which I pointed it out and again she had a go at me for doing that. She never used to be this way.

I like to think I'm a good boyfriend, I do everything for her I can, I cook for her, I clean whenever possible, I buy her random gifts here and there (something she has never once done for me, which I admit hurts a little) I look after her when she feels ill, always trying to motivate her with compliments etc. obviously I'm not perfect but I like to think I'm up there with the nice guys that treat their girlfriends well.

in all honesty I don't want to break up with her, I love her an awful lot but she's making it very hard for me and I keep thinking I'd be better off trying to be single for a bit. But the thought of her with someone else kills me and I really do love her.

even if there's no comments to this, I kind of needed a place to vent
thanks for reading

Sounds like your relationship has gotten one sided and she is losing interest. She is looking at what she wants rather than what is best or she would be understanding about your studying.

It might help the relationship a little to actually have less contact: not a break-up, just a break. Explain to her that you need to catch up with the university exams and what not and (you) just back off for a couple of weeks. A healthy relationship will become all the sweeter for an absence.

Similar thing happened to me. Everythign going great for 2.5 years. Sex stopped gradually then she started to nit pick on trivial stuff that wasn't really an issue in the past. Always felt she was trying to belittle me. Then she started to sleep facing away from me. Going to sleep before I went to bed. Then she talked less and less, then she started going out with friends more, then spending less time with me. She was on msn less and less. Then she went quiet on me.( I think that was the point when she wanted me to ask what's up then instigate the break up) she had a lot of external stuff going on so I didn't see the signs but in the end she broke up with me. Now I look back and see the signs that she was starting to push me away and distance herself.

Some people say that around 2 years is when the honeymoon period ends and people lose the feelings

Sounds like its only a matter of time before you break up

You need to sit down with her and get everything out in the open and try to work it out and try to rescue the relationship. if you don't you will split up anyway. She might be distancing herself and hoping you are the one who does the breaking up so she doesn't feel bad or guilty

Tell her how you feel, be straight forward about everything don't beat around the bush so she won't get mad. Would it not be better for her to get mad at you one time and then have a healthier relationship because of it? Or say nothing at all and lose two years together?

It seems like your girlfriend lacks understanding and compromise. She has tried to become controlling and shows a lot of needy traits.

You stated this starting happening around 2 months ago so I wonder what is going on in her life or school that she isn't telling you?

Her attacks are uncalled for and maybe it is time for a talk again. Express your feelings and concerns in a civil way. Don't use attack words by starting your sentences off with "I am sick of you___, you are ____, I hate it when you ___, etc". Use positive words by saying things "I like it when you use to, I want us to work on, I would appreciate it if you____, etc".

Sadly if nothing changed then your relationship is doomed and it isn't right your feelings the way you do. I know the honeymoon phrase is over but your girlfriend needs to be a little understanding and should appreciate the efforts your putting in to this relationship.