Hello first of all thanks to anyone trying to help me figure this out.my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year.And I´ve always given hope to the matter that he's not cheap.Truth is he has a house car and bills to pay and an OK job for that, and should I be looking at the very little amount of money he spends on me.. . for my birthday he gave me a walmart perfume.And lately for months now I have been paying for most of our entertainment.His response to when I tried to talk to him about it was well we don't have to be going out Im okay with just chilling with you here at the house.But I know we have to go out sometimes and those times I guess he doesn´,t have money.Ive also lent him money several times.I don't know but it´s affecting every aspect of our relationship.

Ya getting cheap gifts like Wal*Mart perfume would lend itself to cheapness. It probably would have been better had he not gotten anything.

I won't treat a girl to anything if I don't like her. Spending money, I believe, is an indicator of how much you like someone. But I don't think this is the case here, he just sounds cheap.

He does sound cheap, but if you need to lend him money, then he's got money issues.

It sounds more like he's short on cash. At least he's not spending on things that he can't afford.

Some guys don't like talking about their financial problems. But since you're lending money to him, you have to right to talk to him and help him figure out his financial situation.

Maybe he didn't know that Walmart perfume was crap?

I think not going out just because he wants to 'chill' is a bit of a spin though.
While yes, he may like just chilling at home it gets boring not at least going out for dinner once in a while.
My partner and I usually split things, we did progress in our relationship very quickly but by 1 year of dating we pretty much just pooled our money together into a joint 'going out' fund.

OK now a MALE point of view.

Men are inbred to the thought that we must PROVIDE for the women. Women rebel and say we are equals in everything.

So men say we need sex so we compromise on everything. So the man is no longer the head of the house hold although he feels deeply inside that he must provide for his woman but the woman is independent and does not need providing for.

So the "Men of this age" are now confused. We are expected to pay for the house and the car and the food and get no benefits of staying at home to enjoy our fruits of our labor.

Women - who use up to 10 times more words then men - are very social. They network better than men and require AFFECTION rather than sex as their number one need. Thus when the man says "I want to relax at home (unspoken - cause I have worked my off and I am tired and want to enjoy my own dam house that I paid for and now have no money to go out) they get balled out cause they used all their words already!!!

It is time to get "girlfriends" and go out with them and use up your words.

Men are all messed up and feel like we are letting our women down cause we have no money. So respect your man and have some mercy on us. Why does it always have to be about you women?

The man remembered to get you something and you were not even grateful enough to see that. You just come on here and at him - with out his knowing in a very unloving way - and expect us to tell you an answer... well here is it...

Suck it up and get used to it or get the hell out now cause he isn't going to change. Women always think that they can change a man... it isn't so...

there is a TV show expression... I am a man, I can change, if I HAVE to... I guess... ( from the red green show)

ok now a MALE point of view.

Men are inbred to the thought that we must PROVIDE for the women. Women rebel and say we are equals in everything.

So men say we need sex so we compromise on everything. So the man is no longer the head of the house hold although he feels deeply inside that he must provide for his woman but the woman is independent and does not need providing for.

So the "Men of this age" are now confused. We are expected to pay for the house and the car and the food and get no benefits of staying at home to enjoy our fruits of our labor.

Women - who use up to 10 times more words then men - are very social. They network better than men and require AFFECTION rather than sex as their number one need. Thus when the man says "I want to relax at home (unspoken - cause I have worked my off and I am tired and want to enjoy my own dam house that I paid for and now have no money to go out) they get balled out cause they used all their words already!!!

It is time to get "girlfriends" and go out with them and use up your words.

Men are all messed up and feel like we are letting our women down cause we have no money. So respect your man and have some mercy on us. Why does it always have to be about you women?

The man remembered to get you something and you were not even grateful enough to see that. you just come on here and at him - with out his knowing in a very unloving way - and expect us to tell you an answer...well here is it...

Suck it up and get used to it or get the hell out now cause he aint going to change. Women always think that they can change a man...it aint so...

there is a tv show expression...I am a man, I can change, if i HAVE to .... i guess.... ( from the red green show)


Once you generalize - "you women" or "us men" you lose me.

Same if you would use any race or religion in the place of "women" and "men."

Maybe this is how you think, how the woman in your life thinks - I don't.

This thread is better suited for a discussion board than an advice board.

I don't think he is cheap. He got you a gift. Is that not good enough for you? He could have gotten you NOTHING. In this day and age, Everyone's bills and income are suffering.

Give him some slack.

Or if you feel you 'deserve better' than leave him and find someone else.


Sorry to rant. But this just really struck a cord with me. Please don't be angry. *hugs*

Your boyfriend is a loser,he is not a man. How do you consider yourself in a relationship and be called a man,when you are borrowing money from your girlfriend. Forget all that other info,he's just a typical loser. Let him find his own way

Well lets start.. he feeds her, pays her water, electric and heating/cooling bills and put a roof over her head. Come on.

He HAS found his own way, paying for her existence

well lets start.. he feeds her, pays her water, electric and heating/cooling bills and put a roof over her head. Come on.

he HAS found his own way, paying for her existance


Where do you see that she isn't contributing to her own expenses, upkeep?

.Truth is he has a house car and bills to pay and an ok job for that,

There are the words. Now if you tell me that someone owns a house like I do, there are taxes to pay, electric bills, gas bills, heating/cooling bills, lawn to mow, gas for the car, sewer bills food bills and the such.

It sounds like every last red cent of his goes to the house and bills, not to mention the car and gas and insurance.

What is this "ok job for that" stuff too. She wants him to quit his job so that he has more money so that she can go to the movies 3 times a week and out to eat the other 2 nights? What was the man's schedule before she came on the scene?

Sounds like she does not want to "settle" on this man but would rather be the center of his existence.

There are the words. Now if you tell me that someone owns a house like I do, there are taxes to pay, electric bills, gas bills, heating/cooling bills, lawn to mow, gas for the car, sewer bills food bills and the such.

It sounds like every last red cent of his goes to the house and bills, not to mention the car and gas and insurance.

What is this "ok job for that" stuff too. She wants him to quit his job so that he has more money so that she can go to the movies 3 times a week and out to eat the other 2 nights? What was the man's schedule before she came on the scene?

Sounds like she does not want to "settle" on this man but would rather be the center of his existence.



I still don't see where she doesn't contribute - lots of people on AMHD own houses. Some of us have spouses and "friends" who contribute. Others do not.

I don't read anything into a post except what is said and I see no indication that she doesn't help with the bills, including food.

Do you feel your wife is taking advantage of you and that's the reason you are taking this stand?

Not at all. If you were to read my posts you will see that we SHARE the bills.

Also as stated above, the reason that this man might be feeling this way is his deep inner need - that has not been addressed- to provide for his woman is being hampered by his lack of a better job.

She thinks he is cheap when in fact - as I have pointed out - he is most likely is broke. On top of that he has no money and she has. So now he is begging in his own house.. how awful for a man. That is like a kick in the face to a man's ego.

Here is a sample of my growing up...
My mother worked and my Father worked. My Father said that whatever money that my mother made was less money that he had to give her. My father figured that all of the money - including the funds that I made at 16- was HIS money as it was HIS house.

In a way it was since he no longer had to give his money to me cause I had my own.

So now you have this pour man who's worth as a hunter gatherer is gone and he wants to relax in his house. For some reason this is a hostile though to women in general cause they feel hard done by cause he has no money left cause he is a failure.

IT IS NOT ABOUT HER contributing... it is about HIS FEELINGS

*edit* my mistake, deleted

I don't read anything that implies the OP lives with this guy. It sounds like she lives at her parents home and doesn't spend the money she earns on bills etc. and this guy has a home and a car and is just barely getting by.

I'd like to know how old the OP and this guy are and what the living situation is.

Does he spend money on ANYTHING else other than bills? I don't think we really have enough info to make any claims about this guy. He could be spending everything he makes on just trying to get by...

Or if he is spending his extra money on other things that are not necessary then maybe he doesn't have his priorities straight... or you just aren't his priority.

OR... maybe he is saving his money up to buy you an engagement ring.

There is simply no way to tell with his this much info.

The poster ask for help to figure this out. So a psychoanalytical subjection as to why her boyfriend is acting this way is not a result of my opinions which I can see that the women here do not want to nor feel that they need to address the realities of being a man in today's society.

It might be that the women here have their id all over there self to help their ego along without thoughts of his feelings.

To conjecture that my perspective on the male physique is some how irrelevant cause I am a man is ludicrous and evades the question the poster asked. - which was more of a statement than a question.

Talking to him of course would be the best possible answer. Or if she feels like she is addressing his feelings and wants to go out then she can simply pay some of the bills, or half the mortgage and then use the rest of the funds to go out with him, cause he will now have money cause you know in a RELATIONSHIP that values EACH OTHER it is LOVE that will bind them together.

Instead she posts here and gets a bunch of woman saying that his is cheep and ignorant cause he bought Walmart perfume and he gets flamed without his knowledge.

That is passive aggressive behavior and will only lead to the destruction of your relationship.

So lets leave let our comments be constructive instead of destructive. After all, no one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.

Instead she posts here and gets a bunch of woman saying that his is cheep and ignorant cause he bought Walmart perfume and he gets flamed without his knowledge.

That is passive aggressive behavior and will only lead to the destruction of your relationship.



Definitely a good point. I agree. We have no way of knowing the WHOLE story, and if the only problem is that he got her cheap walmart purfume, than I would say he isn't really the problem here.

There are many ways of looking at a relationship and one of which is no romance, no sharing, no caring, just a convenience thing and that is what it seems to be to him.

I very highly suggest if you want a relationship where your guy spends money on you because he thinks you are special and you deserve the best.

Get rid of homeo and find you a romeo. Life is too short to be nothing but a convenience to your boyfriend.

In closing, I bet a hundred dollar bill this guy cannot even spell romance let alone be a part of it.

Start looking asap, I mean, what is there to lose, you got it, nothing.

Good Luck,

Darryl S.

Maybe the boyfriend isn't sure if he wants to make the investment given the history: Ask Me Help Desk - View Single Post - My gf says she needs her space is this good or bad? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/1813615-post10.html) I say he is wise.

Thanks for reading the posts before your comments guys.

I do believe that they need to share a common goal or a common bond.

Some enjoy fishing, some camping or going on walks. Speaking of walks, there is something that is free to do.

Constructive idea...

Take him... for a walk! Just you and him and holding hands. See how much you can get to know yourself and him better.

I guess I forgot to mention I have my own place and expenses.

I guess I forgot to mention I have my own place and expenses.

Several posts wrongfully assumed you were living with him. My advice again, is start looking. You do not seem to have anything there worth hanging onto. Just curious, did he ever repay the moneys you loaned him? If no, start looking today.

Good luck, just visualize and see in your mind your Mr. Right and the law of attraction will bring him to you with a ribbon around his neck.

Peace and Love be with you,

Darryl Kent Springston

Listen you have decide if you want to stay with him or not and put up with his ways.

Complainting about Walmart perfume isn't right because after all it is the thought that counts and some females get nothing for their boyfriends.

He wants to stay in instead of going out because he doesn't have the funds. You stated you don't mind paying his and your way but he does. He doesn't want you to keep paying his way when you can keep that money in your pocket.

There are cheap things to do like go on a pinic instead of a restaurant. Watch a movie at the house instead of going to the movies. The two of you should set at least 2 days out of the month for you two to go out.

Invite some friends over and have game nights. Hosting game nights are fun and another cheap way to have fun.

Why does it always have to be about you women?

The man remembered to get you something and you were not even grateful enough to see that.

Suck it up and get used to it or get the hell out now cause he isn't going to change.

I agree completely:cool:

More and more people these days are becoming money wise (Male or Female). Owning Homes and cars are a big worry for some. A home is one of the largest investments most will ever make in their lives. Some may have it handed to them.
I am a stay at home Husband and Father, if I don't feel like cooking dinner I don't. I do as I wish. I pay for two BMW's, a Lake Home, College for 1 kid and My wife's advance education as well. I still take care of our other 3 boys . She works also. I hate to say it, I am lucky to have money left at the end of the month.
I guess that makes me a cheap loser as well. Being retired at 43 years old. Now wanting to chill in my home I built from hard work. I guess hard work doesn't count for anything anymore. I say cut the man a break unless you have walked a mile in his shoes. Be thankful that he remembered it was your Birthday.

To me it doesn't matter if a guy buys me a cheap gift or doesn't buy me anything at all. In fact in my 54 years I can't remember more than a couple nice things a guy has bought me. Many couples are happy with just being together. But he definitely has money issues that may create more problems than they are worth if he is always needing money from you.
If he is not good at budgeting and he blows his money and how he blows his money should make you think about long term effects to your relationship.

He may be cheap for a very good reason, but just curious, do you ever take him out, and what gift did you buy him?

If you measure a relationship just on money, you really don't have much of a relationship.

It is hard to tell if he is a tightwad, cheap or using you with the little you have said.
He may just not be into money and thinking what is fair. He may think you want to go out you pay. He did give you the option of just chillin. You could also go and do things that do not require a lot of money like bike riding and picnic at a park, going to festivals, site seeing.
He seems like he just likes a more simplistic life style than you.

It is hard to tell if he is a tightwad, cheap or using you with the little you have said.
He may just not be into money and thinking what is fair. He may think you want to go out you pay. He did give you the option of just chillin. You could also go and do things that do not require a lot of money like bike riding and picnic at a park, going to festivals, site seeing.
He seems like he just likes a more simplistic life style than you.


This touched me - this has (for whatever reason) been a sad week for me. Grieving is a strange process. But that being said - Nohelp, you made me smile about the "simplistic" life style remark.

On my first date with my husband somehow I lost a gold hoop earring. I have long hair and I'm sure it got tangled and... I never heard it fall. I was sad. At the time I was working 3 jobs and there was no way I could replace it.

On our second date my husband showed up with a jewelry box with a beautiful pair of gold hoops. I couldn't believe he was that kind and thoughtful and was very hesitant about accepting them. But I did. (He bought me diamond studs for our first wedding anniversary and 99% of the time I still wear those hoops.)

At any rate when I was done staring at myself in the mirror, wearing the earrings, he said, "And this is for you, too." And he handed me a small cooler. Inside was a half gallon of maple walnut ice cream. And he said, "You said it's your favorite."

How could I not marry a man who remembered my favorite ice cream when I only mentioned it once? He certainly bought me nice gifts after that - but I have never forgotten the ice cream.

So, yes, it's the simple things that stay in your heart.

That's sweet
I know I would have fonder memories of a special little moment that touched me than that they spent a million bucks on me.

I hope OP's boyfriend is not cheap but time will tell if nothing else

your boyfriend is a loser,he is not a man. how do you consider yourself in a relationship and be called a man,when you are borrowing money from your girlfriend. forget all that other info,he's just a typical loser. let him find his own way

He is not a loser he has his own bills and things he has to pay for to live. And FYI there is nothing wrong with a gift from wal-mart at least he got you something and did not forget. He tried give him some credit. Like someone else said if you think you should get more then find someone else if he can not give you expensive things that you want at least he is trying

ok now a MALE point of view.

Men are inbred to the thought that we must PROVIDE for the women. Women rebel and say we are equals in everything.

So men say we need sex so we compromise on everything. So the man is no longer the head of the house hold although he feels deeply inside that he must provide for his woman but the woman is independent and does not need providing for.

So the "Men of this age" are now confused. We are expected to pay for the house and the car and the food and get no benefits of staying at home to enjoy our fruits of our labor.

Women - who use up to 10 times more words then men - are very social. They network better than men and require AFFECTION rather than sex as their number one need. Thus when the man says "I want to relax at home (unspoken - cause I have worked my off and I am tired and want to enjoy my own dam house that I paid for and now have no money to go out) they get balled out cause they used all their words already!!!

It is time to get "girlfriends" and go out with them and use up your words.

Men are all messed up and feel like we are letting our women down cause we have no money. So respect your man and have some mercy on us. Why does it always have to be about you women?

The man remembered to get you something and you were not even grateful enough to see that. you just come on here and at him - with out his knowing in a very unloving way - and expect us to tell you an answer...well here is it...

Suck it up and get used to it or get the hell out now cause he aint going to change. Women always think that they can change a man...it aint so...

there is a tv show expression...I am a man, I can change, if i HAVE to .... i guess.... ( from the red green show)
Umm I'm a girl and just to let you know it's not always about us we just think that we need more than we already have to tell you the truth

umm i'm a girl and just to let you know it's not always about us we just think that we need more than we already have to tell you the truth

Say that for yourself not all of us girls think that way... I know I don't and I know a few other girls who think the same as me

umm i'm a girl and just to let you know it's not always about us we just think that we need more than we already have to tell you the truth



Sometimes it's better to remain silent and be thought ignorant than open your mouth and prove it.

I think the line goes it is better to remain silent so you appear intelligent than open your mouth and insert foot.

It does sound better that way nohelp.

But from what I understand it goes

Better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt

hello first of all thanks to anyone trying to help me figure this out.my boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year.And i´ve always given hope to the matter that hes not cheap.Truth is he has a house car and bills to pay and an ok job for that, and should I be looking at the very little amount of money he spends on me. . . .for my birthday he gave me a walmart perfume.And lately for months now I have been paying for most of our entertainment.His response to when I tried to talk to him about it was well we dont have to be going out Im okay with just chilling with you here at the house.But I know we have to go out sometimes and those times I guess he doesn´,t have money.Ive also lent him money several times.I dont know but it´s affecting every aspect of our relationship.

Communication MAN! That's where it all begins and ends.

However.. what happened to the old phrase "Money does not buy happiness?"

IF you are spending more on him then he is on you then.. well you are being less cheap then he is! BUT why does HE have to spend more money on you? I find that statement misleading as you are assuming your spouse (being a male) in which he HAS to spend more money on you because that's the way it is!

The amount of money I spend on my girlfriend.. she has not even spent 1/10 on me. This is the FIRST time I have ever thought about this. WHY? Because I love her and it comes natural to me to want to splurge on her. But that is just the kind of guy I am, I would never of thought to make a thread like this and accuse my girlfriend of being cheap because I spend more on her.

Just saying! :p Think about it!

Who spends how much also depends on the financial status of both parties. If I make $2,000 a week and give my boyfriend $200 gifts, no big deal.

If he makes $750 a week and gives me $200 gifts it's another story.

He may be cheap for a very good reason, but just curious, do you ever take him out, and what gift did you buy him??

If you measure a relationship just on money, you really don't have much of a relationship.

Beautifully said. I would give you a positive rep for that comment but I am too much of a newby to be able to :p!

Plus if the guy has a house and a car and only a mediocre job.. then maybe you should give him a little slack.

If you are looking for getting spoiled go date an old guy. :D

His budget may be stretched to the limit, with a house, car, bills and what not. I suppose he could cut back on his expenses somewhat ; move into a smaller house, drive a less fancy car, cut back on cable TV and other amenities but that has to be his decision. Does he have other expenses, perhaps? Like child support or other similar judgments? Is he just coming off hard times and trying to pay down an accumulated pile of debt? My suggestion is that you cut him a little slack until you know all of the facts.

But since you're lending money to him, you have to right to talk to him and help him figure out his financial situation.Good idea. Some people just don't manage money well and need a little help with things like budgeting and the like.