Hello,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years now. We both we were under the conclusion that we were going to get married after we finished school. Now I am not a party type of person and neither is she. But out of left field she tells me that she wants a break to "find herself". I don't know what this means. She insist that she love me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. She says that I don't have to wait for her but she feels that we are going to be together in the future (however long that is). I love this woman very much and I want to wait for her and give her her time but is this a mistake and am I just wasting my time? Also, I have given here a promise ring which is something like an engagement ring at the age of 22. So what do I do?

Give her what she wants. Leave her alone and go do things for yourself.

Go out and do whatever you want. Reconnect with old friends.

Do not wait around for her.


But out of left field she tells me that she wants a break to "find herself".

This was out of left field for you, not her. She has been thinking about this for a while. There are other reasons she is breaking-up with you besides "finding herself".


She insist that she love me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. She says that I don't have to wait for her but she feels that we are going to be together in the future (however long that is).

She is trying to break it to you easy by instilling hope that something will happen between you in the future. Don't fall for that. If she really wanted to spend the rest of her life with you, she would not be doing this.

She has told you what she will be doing when she says "you don't have to wait for her". She is going to be moving on and you should be doing the same. DO NOT WAIT FOR HER.

Time to let go and start healing. It's going to be immensely difficult for a while, but in a few weeks, you will get better.

Sorry man, we all go through this at one point or another. Be happy that you two shared all of that time together. 3 years is a long time, many people don't even last 3 months.

That "promise ring" really doesn't mean anything now. It may have meant something before her feelings for you changed, but now it's just another piece of jewelry she will wear. I gave my ex a ring too. She still wears it, on her left hand no less, AND she is dating someone else... it's meaningless bro!

Yea this wasn't out of left field. Nobody randomly decides they want to "find themselves". There is another reason there, which she isn't telling you... nor one you should stick around to find the answer to. Do not sit there and wait. She broke things off and left you in the dust... you need to pick yourself back up and start healing. Assume she is not coming back, because the reality of it is she might not actually come back. So as hard as it's going to be, start No Contact. It's going to be difficult, especially after a 3 year relationship, but you'll slowly be able to rebuild your life without feeling the need to text or call your ex.

Concentrate on working on yourself now and stop worrying about her. I know you love her but accept the fact that she doesn't want to be together (doesn't matter the reason) and go from there. Best of luck... it's a difficult road but the rewards are much better in the end!

I agree no one just randomly say they want a break. No one says I want to spend the rest of my life with you but wants a break! DO that make any sense? If they can't stick it with you while they find themselves how in the hell are they going to work with you through a marriage.
She is being polite, and this is not a random out of the blue break up, this was thought out, and there could have been warning signs but you ignored it.
I know it is going to be tough to deal with for some time, but take things one day at a time, and do things that make you happy.
Good luck

Yeah there is probably another guy as much as that hurts, because that's exactly what my ex said and a week after we were broke up she was with another guy, she is being dishonest with you and that's definitely not a good sign. Trust me I went through a similar situation. Your setting yourself up for a terrible heart break.

It makes sense why she did this. Since you said she's not the "party type of person", I assume this means she doesn't have much experience in the dating world. It's easier to tell whether someone is right for you by dating different people and learning from your experience, this is the whole purpose. She may just have felt unsure about you because you're all she's known. You can't measure what's good without knowing what's bad.

... and then there are those people who date everyone, just jump from one relationship to another, this obviously isn't healthy because these people only like the idea of a relationship--I recently found my ex-girlfriends old LiveJournal (remember those?) from six years ago, and one of her interests was "falling in love", I found out the hard way that she just wants a boyfriend, it doesn't matter who he is... what a waste of my time that was--not the person, so they get nothing out of it. It's as if they never dated anyone because they can't, but most likely refuse to learn.

She dumped you and is trying to be really nice about it, as was suggested above she may have already found someone else... or just wants to look for someone else with a clear conscience. It sucks but just move on...

The whole space thing was just a nice way to break-up with you.

Seeing that the two of you are young she might want to get out there and explore without any attachments to anyone.

However, you told you right when she told you not to wait around for her.

Sadly, things don't always go according to what was planned and relationships comes with no guarantees. But the good thing is that life goes on with or without her.

Listen this girl wants to go and have fun in the single sense,and you would be a fool to wait for her,you're only 22 years old. Go and have fun and if it's meant to be with you and this girl,then you and her will find your way back to each other. But that waiting thing forget about it

She told you nicely she is out of here and its up to you to regroup, heal, and put your life together without her.