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View Full Version : What should we do?


sumsin60
Jun 21, 2009, 12:58 AM
My only dayghter got married2 months back.but the marriage is breaking up.She wants to make it work but her husband is in different.They sleep in seprate rooms.Their sex life is close to zero.Her husband is moody ,quarrelsome and unhyginic.He shower only once or twice in a week although it is peak summer with 45 degree Celsius.My daughter knewthese things but thought that he will change after marriage.she still wants to try her luckin this relationshipfor ayear.Her husband is forbidden her to talk to us.On her birthday she called after his parmition and said every thing.she admit that she is not happy now but may be he will change.we are worried now.

donf
Jun 21, 2009, 04:14 AM
Your daughter's husband sounds like a very depressed person. I'm not a doctor, but this man needs some serious help. He may have a medical condition that needs treatment,

Why do women marry a guy who is set in his ways and think they can change him by the power of "Love". It will never work!

Jake2008
Jun 21, 2009, 10:06 AM
I think that she is going to have to figure this out on her own.

She knows you are there for her if she needs you, but I wouldn't get involved.

She needs to address her problems with her husband, and see if she can't turn the marriage around. It may not be possible, but she needs to try, as a woman, to make her own decisions.

I don't think it's appropriate that she discusses all the finer details of her life with her new husband; her sex life, and his body odour, should remain between the two of them. It only worries you to hear of all these things, and there is nothing you can do about it anyway.

If you encourage her to solve her own problems now that she is a married woman, and she goes through this on her own, and does divorce him, then she will be stronger and more careful in the future. If you bail her out without letting her fly on her own, she will not learn, and will be doomed to repeat the mistakes of her past.

Let her know you're there for her is my best advice, but let her sort her problems with her husband without your help.

talaniman
Jun 21, 2009, 05:35 PM
You should do nothing but support her and let her make her own decisions. It's their marriage to work out, sorry. I know how you feel, helpless!

Fr_Chuck
Jun 21, 2009, 05:39 PM
First I don't know what country or "culture" you come from, that can have a bearing,

1. She knew about it, so sorry, I have no idea why she thinks she could change him after, maybe before, but never after.

And to be honest, dirty, smelly and moody, sounds like a real winner, why did she even pick him to start with.

2. refuse to allow her to call? And when she laughs at him and calls anyway what happens

But in the end this is her choice

lutarock
Jun 21, 2009, 05:50 PM
I'm sorry to say this, but no person can ever change for another person. And no one can ever change anyone else either. So your daughter shouldn't have married this man if she wanted to try and change him. I'm not implying that that was the only reason your daughter married him, but NEVER expect someone to change for you, they can only do it for themselves.

I wish
Jun 22, 2009, 07:20 AM
A person should never get into a marriage believe that the other person will change.

She knew what she was getting herself into and now she has to face the consequences.

She is married now, so she is independent. She needs to solve her problems on her own. You can't always expect your parents to come in and clean the mess. She needs to learn on her own, so that she can grow as a person.

Gemini54
Jun 23, 2009, 02:04 AM
Look, I do somewhat disagree with some of the other posters. It's easy to say she should have known what she was getting into. But, sometimes life doesn't work like that! We can be naïve, starstruck or stupid in love. Perhaps your daughter was all three.

If you are worried, and I do understand that she is your only daughter, then you need to support her to make the decisions that are best for her. Her husband cannot forbid her to do anything (unless he lives in Afghanistan!), so she needs to grow some courage and let him know that she has a right to speak with her parents.

At this stage she cannot change him - and he does sound as if he might have mental health problems - she can only change her response to him. If she wants to stay a year to see how it goes, then clearly she is capable of making that choice.

It will be hard, but the best thing that you can do is to be supportive, and encourage her to be assertive.

I wish
Jun 23, 2009, 08:39 AM
She has to make her own decisions, but you can/should be there to support whatever decisions she makes.