I don't mean to sound rude or ungrateful, but I think my mom can be a little too paranoid/controlling. I know I'm young (14) but I don't think she gives me enough space to do anything. She thinks just because her little sister got pregnant at 16, that I'm going to make the same wrong decisions my aunt made. I know she is just trying to look out for me but I think she is taking it way too far. Like once I asked her if I could start running in the mornings like at 4 am to try and stay in shape and maybe lose a few pounds and she told me this, I quote "No babe, I don't want anything bad to happen to you. There are just some weird people out there and I don't want anything to happen to my baby. I don't need you getting abducted by some weirdo." we live in a neighborhood where everyone knows everyone and I asked her this a few months ago. Seriously, I'm going to high school in less than 2 months and she treats me like I'm 5. I can't even take the dog for a walk without her saying "Call me if you have any problems." she thinks just because I had a date to my dinner dance that if I'm going for a walk I'm going to meet "that boy" to go make-out, I take that as an insult because I'm better than that and I am far more mature mentally than she thinks. I wish I could talk to her about this problem because it's hurting my feelings that she would think that I would go that low as to do that kind of stuff behind her back, but I don't know how to approach this issue without hurting her feelings. Do you have any advice you could give me. I didn't mean to sound rude in any way, so sorry if I did. Please I need some advice on how I could talk to her about it without sounding you know, like a spoiled rotten brat.

And it is because there are 1000's of teens ( we see them here) that all think at 12 or 14 they are grown.

And out running at 4 in the morning, you would not be doing that at 16, I have to say a 14 year old has no business out that time of the morning, your mom is so right.

I guess yes you are sounding rude and ungrateful and actually it sounds like your mom is a lot more right than you believe.

I don't have much advice to give. I think you mother is on the right track... it's unfortunate, but this is a parent's job to be paranoid/overprotective and help you become a healthy successful adult.

It doesn't sound like she doesn't trust you, so your feelings shouldn't really be hurt. It just sounds like she loves you. As parents we don't want to think of anything happening to our babies. You'll still be her baby even when you're 35. :)

She's protecting you. Do you ever watch the news? There are women in their 20s and 30s that get kidnapped/raped/assaulted while out jogging in "safe" neighborhoods. Especially at 4am, it's unlikely that any of your neighbors would be out so if something did happen, you wouldn't have any extra eyes watching. I'm sure you hear this all the time, but times have changed [okay, roll your eyes now]. But it's the truth. Gone are the days when you can leave your doors unlocked or the neighbors kept an eye on each others' kids. Things are just... different.

As for thinking you're making out with a boy- well all moms think that! She was 14 once so she knows all about raging hormones. She's just nervous because she wants the best for you. Just keep your relationship open and honest and you will gain more freedoms over time.

The others are right. I'm not even a parent and I still wouldn't want you out at 4 am. And so what if she tells you to call if something goes wrong? She's letting you out of the house.
And it seems like its those "safest" neighborhoods where the most horrific murders always happen... be grateful your mom cares.

Yes, it is dark at 4 am! Even still at 5 am... I would know since I had to work a few overnighters this week and got off at 5... I don't even like having to walk to my own door at that time. And I live in a safe neighborhood too.

I know what kind of world I live in, I'm not some person who lives under a rock and ignores the news , but I don't think my mom should smother me because I have to grow up sometime. And if she is so paranoid why can't she get off her big butt and come with me to shed a few extra pounds and bond with her daughter? She is never home and it's my summer vacation and it has sucked because she won't let me do anything. I have not been able to do anything outside and it has been 70 and sunny, I actually miss school because I was actually busy and was able to go outside. I believe it is unfair for me not to be able to do anything at all when it is nice and sunny except sit on the couch and get fat. Plus the whole 4 am thing was just a time I threw in I could go at 5 or 6 and who are you people to tell me that it is dark where I live? You don't even know where I live and plus my dad was cool with it, my mom is the one being difficult. Plus there hasn't been any "horrific murders" in our neighborhood and I doubt there ever will because there is only old people and the lord knows they can't do anything without breaking a hip. And the whole making out with a boy thing, she never thought that of me before until now and I think I have the right to be offended by that. I'm not like her or her sister and she has failed to see that. I have had more control of my actions at my age than most of the people I know, and who is she to think that just because I'm taking the dog out for a walk means that I'm going to sleep around. I think it is just unfair for her to think I'm going to make the same stupid decisions she made and my aunt made. It's not my fault my aunt made bad decisions so why should I have to take the fall?

First of all, abductions,kidnappings, sexual assaults actually usually happen by people you think you know or your family knows. It happens in neighborhoods that you think you can trust people but your mom is right. It is not being paranoid.

Most people have bad things happens that are actually by friends, relatives or neighbors.

Everybody else answered your question and I just wanted to make a point that even in a so called safe neighborhood where you think you know it is safe. It is not.

Look your 14 you have no business, nor does anybody, being outside at 4a.m.

If you don't want to get fat and slob on the couch all day then pick up the paper and look for places where you can volunteer; retirement homes, animal shelters, charity events. If your worried about getting fat then go on Videojug (http://www.videojug.com) and look up excercises and follow the videos at home.

If taking a walk is so important to you why don't you ask your mother if you and her can go-- maybe after dinner or at sunset. See now you can bond.

I was your age too- I thought I knew everything. Wake up. Your only 14 of course your mom is going to be on your case- I wish mine was maybe I wouldn't have gotten into the wrong crowd, maybe I wouldn't have had lots of things happen because of my poor choices and be left to fend for myself.

Sarah

You seem to be very articulate and intelligent for your age. Try talking to your mom and maybe you can compromise by running @ 6 or 7 am instead of 4. Your mommy only wants the best for you.

Why the hell would I want to watch exercise TV. I would rather get outside. You people are missing the point. Why don't you people spend a day with my mom and you will see what I'm talking about. My dad even thinks she worries too much.

i know what kind of world i live in, i'm not some person who lives under a rock and ignores the news , but i don't think my mom should smother me because i have to grow up sometime. and if she is so paranoid why can't she get off her big butt and come with me to shed a few extra pounds and bond with her daughter? she is never home and it's my summer vacation and it has sucked because she won't let me do anything. i have not been able to do anything outside and it has been 70 and sunny, i actually miss school because i was actually busy and was able to go outside. i believe it is unfair for me not to be able to do anything at all when it is nice and sunny except sit on the couch and get fat. plus the whole 4 am thing was just a time i threw in i could go at 5 or 6 and who are you people to tell me that it is dark where i live? you don't even know where i live and plus my dad was cool with it, my mom is the one being difficult. plus there hasn't been any "horrific murders" in our neighborhood and i doubt there ever will because there is only old people and the lord knows they can't do anything without breaking a hip. and the whole making out with a boy thing, she never thought that of me before until now and i think i have the right to be offended by that. i'm not like her or her sister and she has failed to see that. i have had more control of my actions at my age than most of the people i know, and who is she to think that just because i'm taking the dog out for a walk means that i'm going to sleep around. i think it is just unfair for her to think i'm going to make the same stupid decisions she made and my aunt made. it's not my fault my aunt made bad decisions so why should i have to take the fall?
Yes, now I totally understand.

Well now I am seeing an attitude that isn't even very mature.

You are the one who is really missing the point.

You live under her roof, by her rules. When you are older, you will appreciate the concern and caring that she is showing as a mother.

In addition to how you will feel when it is your own child that wants to be out at for a.m. Maybe you should run around the basement, or find another alternative for exercise.

Oh my god lady you are still missing the point! It's not about the running it is about my mom treating me like I'm going to make the same bad decisions SHE and HER SISTER made. It's about me needing some space and a chance to do what I want to do. She wouldn't even let me pick my own classes for high school. How do you think I feel?

You are still missing the point.

Raise your own children differently, if you feel so strongly about it.

Until then, her house, her rules and your protection.

oh my god lady you are still missing the point! it's not about the running it is about my mom treating me like i'm going to make the same bad decisions SHE and HER SISTER made. it's about me needing some space and a chance to do what i want to do. she wouldn't even let me pick my own classes for high school. how do you think i feel?
No, YOU are missing the point. You are too young to be making the decisions you think you should make for yourself. If you were my child, you would have daily chores, would be learning to cook and bake, would be reading at least one book a week, would be volunteering somewhere, would be helping people in your neighborhood (for free), and would not wear clothes that I hadn't helped you pick out.

Please post here when your daughter is 14.

I am curious to know "what do you want to do?"

Give some examples besides wanting to jog at 4am. I can understand the school thing but so far I only see you having a concern mom. Be grateful because some kids don't even have that.

Are you saying that I don't already do most of that stuff? I am able to move out of the house in 3 1/2 years thank you very much plus this post was about asking how I could talk to my mom about this not YOUR opinions about my age and decision making. And who says I even want kids? Who are you people to assume that?

I am curious to know "what do you want to do?"

Give some examples besides wanting to jog at 4am. I can understand the school thing but so far I only see you having a concern mom. Be grateful because some kids don't even have that.

She is just too controlling. Like she doesn't like the idea of me having friends of a different gender, and I'ts not about the jogging. I just feel as though she is keeping me in a cage.

she is just too controlling. like she doesn't like the idea of me having friends of a different gender, and i'ts not about the jogging. i just feel as though she is keeping me in a cage.
"a different gender"? - like boys? Smart lady!

So you have regular chores, volunteer somewhere, help neighbors, read at least one book a week, and know how to cook and bake?

are you saying that i don't already do most of that stuff? i am able to move out of the house in 3 1/2 years thank you very much plus this post was about asking how i could talk to my mom about this not YOUR opinions about my age and decision making. and who says i even want kids? who are you people to assume that?
Oh, the tone, the tone!

"a different gender"? - like boys? Smart lady!

So you have regular chores, volunteer somewhere, help neighbors, read at least one book a week, and know how to cook and bake?

Besides the volunteering because she won't let me, yes.

besides the volunteering because she won't let me, yes.
So the book you are currently reading is what? And the one you just finished is what? Name five ingedients that go into brownies. Please list the chores you do every day.

I understand how it feels to have a mother that you think is overbearing but she has your best interest at heart.

My mom was the same and I use to say "I am never going be that way if I have a daughter" in my head. However, guess what? I have a daughter and is the same way.

I used to say to myself "I can't wait when I get older to move out and be free" but guess what? Now I realized I had it easy because I didn't have to worry about bills and only had to follow rules.

Be lucky you don't have an Army dad because things could be worst. Believe me! My dad was in the Army and he ran the house like a boot camp.

besides the volunteering because she won't let me, yes.

Have you asked her or are you just assuming? I'm sure your mother would let you volunteer it is an added plus for your future.

Sarah

So the book you are currently reading is what? And the one you just finished is what? Name five ingedients that go into brownies. Please list the chores you do every day.

I am currently reading "STOTAN!" by chris crutcher and I just finished "The Moscow Vector" by robert ludlum. Five ingredients that go into brownies are flour,sugar,chocolate,eggs,and baking powder. Wash laundry, fold laundry, dishes, vacuum, dust, clean the kitchen after every meal, clean out the cat box, feed the dog and cats, keep my room clean, take care of my younger brother until my parents get home from work.

i am currently reading "STOTAN!" by chris crutcher and i just finished "The Moscow Vector" by robert ludlum. five ingredients that go into brownies are flour,sugar,chocolate,eggs,and baking powder. wash laundry, fold laundry, dishes, vacuum, dust, clean the kitchen after every meal, clean out the cat box, feed the dog and cats, keep my room clean, take care of my younger brother until my parents get home from work.
You do realize Ludlum is dead, don't you?

What is the ingeniously dangerous weapon that Dudarev plans to use to reinstitute the Soviet Union?

You do realize Ludlum is dead, don't you?

I didn't say it was a new book and plus there were two authors ludlum and Patrick Larkin and it was a bio-weapon that was made to strike a particular person by their DNA from within the body without leaving a trace of its passage

i didn't say it was a new book and plus there were two authors ludlum and Patrick Larkin and it was the mysterious "disease"
Ludlum was already dead when this book came out.

It isn't a good idea to bash the answers you don't like. This only shows the immature side of you. Everyone is going you their honest opinon even if you don't want to hear it.

Your mom isn't abusing nor neglecting you. She is only a concern parent. No matter what your going have to live by her rules.

Now you need to apolgize to the people you gave a reddie and read the rules on the rating system.

We all are older than you so show come respect. Even though you might not see it, we all are giving you our honest feedback to your question.

i didn't say it was a new book and plus there were two authors ludlum and Patrick Larkin and it was a bio-weapon that was made to strike a particular person by their DNA from within the body without leaving a trace of its passage
Good copying and pasting! Which person's DNA?

Good copying and pasting! Which person's DNA?

1) did you read the book
2)what makes you think I copied it and pasted it
3) this is not what I was asking so stop wasting space on this thread
4) if you really want to talk about this book go join a book club

Look I don't want to get involved in this banter, but I do want to say that if you want to see some changes with your mother - then you need to talk to her - choose your time - and make a good argument for what you'd like to change.

You then need to show that you can follow through and be trusted.

Fourteen is young. I have a 14 year old daughter and I feel that it's my responsibility to protect, guide and nurture her. So, she can't do everything she wants.

However, if she wants to do something, and she can provide me with assurance that: - she is mature enough to handle whatever it is - she will be safe - etc, etc, then I am prepared to consider her request.

If your mother is over protective - then provide her with proof that you will be protected in whatever activity it is that you're proposing. Running at 4 am (was that a typo?) does not fit with this, so of course she's going to refuse.

You need to approach her with a plan. For example - "this is what I would like to do, and this is how I will ensure that your requirements for my safety are looked after". Start with small things and then once she knows you're responsible and she can trust you, you can progress to bigger things. Ask her to give you a little more freedom for a month, as a trial, and then she can re-evaluate.

Don't get cross with her, and take it slowly. Remember she's letting go of her protectiveness and this will take time.

Have you got a mobile phone? If not, get one and she can then ring you to ensure that you're OK when you're out or not around her. Try to make sure she always knows where you are and who you're with.

Good luck!

You little girl have a terrible attitude. It shows for your age. You need to get your act together. Start listening to your mother.

You little girl have a terrible attitude. It shows for your age. You need to get your act together. Start listening to your mother.

Who says I don't listen to my mother? I do listen to my mother and you are just a lady with a bad attitude towards the younger population.

who says i don't listen to my mother? i do listen to my mother and you are just a lady with a bad attitude towards the younger population.

You have no idea what your talking about. Younger population. No not really, just smarter then you because I have a lot more experience in my life then you do. Better get that chip off your shoulder someday or you will find somebody will knock it off for you. Some people will learn the hard way, it looks like your going to be one of them.

I do not have a bad attitude towards a younger population but I do know what I am talking about.

You are in a tough spot. You feel you are old enough to start doing things on your own. Your mom feels like you aren't. I noticed you mentioned that you sit in side when it is sunny and 70 degrees. Does your mom not let you out at 11:00am, or noon?

You are in a tough spot. You feel you are old enough to start doing things on your own. Your mom feels like you aren't. I noticed you mentioned that you sit in side when it is sunny and 70 degrees. Does your mom not let you out at 11:00am, or noon?

My parents are at work all day and she thinks if I go outside I'm going to run off somewere and something bad is going to happen.

So you are stuck in the house all day?

Bad things CAN happen. And they happen when you least expect them. :rolleyes:

You can learn things at home. You have the internet, you have found this site, and there's a science and education section where you can ask and answer questions, which I'm sure you'll find interesting. So, you don't have to stay idle at home when your parents are not at home.

my parents are at work all day and she thinks if i go outside i'm going to run off somewere and something bad is going to happen.

Are you babysitting as well?

Are you babysitting as well?

Am watching my younger brother along with my older brother's help

How old is your older brother?
How young is your younger brother?
Are there any activities you are permitted to do together during the day?

1) did you read the book
2)what makes you think i copied it and pasted it
3) this is not what i was asking so stop wasting space on this thread
4) if you really want to talk about this book go join a book club
Did I read it? No, I can't stand Ludlum's style.

What you wrote sounded like part of the book jacket's blurb. I cannot imagine a 14 y/o girl would be interested in the subject matter in a Ludlum book. I'm guessing a male family member is reading it and the paperback happened to be handy. Right?

I don't need a book club. My book club is all day, every day. I'm a librarian.

My older brother is 16 and my younger brother is 9 and I really don't know what we can do a few days ago we asked if we could go to a park in town, the answer was no, we went to go see a movie in town Wednesday

Did I read it? No, I can't stand Ludlum's style.

What you wrote sounded like part of the book jacket's blurb. I cannot imagine a 14 y/o girl would be interested in the subject matter in a Ludlum book. I'm guessing a male family member is reading it and the paperback happened to be handy. Right?

I don't need a book club. My book club is all day, every day. I'm a librarian.

No my friend lent it to me and he said it was a good book, I beg to differ, too much action and blood spill

Where does your older brother stand on the issue?
Can he assist by supervising you outside during the day?

I was a latch key kid starting in the second grade. I grew up in a horrible section of Philadelphia infamously known as the badlands (http://www.orchardpressmysteries.com/Riding%20Shotgun.html) (click the link if you want to see). I highly doubt you live in a place that is even remotely as bad as where I lived.

You have to get your mom to trust you. I don't know how you can do that. You said your dad doesn't mind if you go running (I do agree with everyone that 4 am is a bit early) he can't talk to your mom about letting you be a 14 year old girl who needs to be outside having some fun in the summer.

no my friend lent it to me and he said it was a good book, i beg to differ, to much action and blood spill
So you haven't read it yet. The political stuff and foreign intrigue are mindbogglingly stultifying.

So you haven't read it yet. The political stuff and foreign intrigue are mindbogglingly stultifying.

Far enough to say I'm finished with it:D

Where does your older brother stand on the issue?
Can he assist by supervising you outside during the day?

I'm not really sure, but that can't happen today because of the rain and thunder

i'm finished with it
And I can imagine how that came to be.

I was a latch key kid starting in the second grade. I grew up in a horrible section of Philadelphia infamously known as the badlands (http://www.orchardpressmysteries.com/Riding%20Shotgun.html) (click the link if you want to see). I highly doubt you live in a place that is even remotely as bad as where I lived.

You have to get your mom to trust you. I don't know how you can do that. You said your dad doesn't mind if you go running (i do agree with everyone that 4 am is a bit early) he can't talk to your mom about letting you be a 14 year old girl who needs to be outside having some fun in the summer.

4am was just a time I suggested ( I can't even get up that early :D) and I don't live in a bad neighborhood.

Is your 16 year old brother not allowed to do anything either.

Is your 16 year old brother not allowed to do anything either.

He has more freedom because he 1 1/2 years older and is taking drivers ed

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/money-366024-5.html#post1806907 Her other thread.

If your mom keeps you lock up all day in the house how were you able to go shopping with friends? Then get yourself caught up in the questionable scernio you posted? Maybe this is why she doesn't let you out.

Also, what ever happen with the most you were suppose to come up with? That story you posted have a lot of holes in it.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/money-366024-5.html#post1806907 Her other thread.

If your mom keeps you lock up all day in the house how were you able to go shopping with friends? Then get yourself caught up in the questionable scernio you posted? Maybe this is why she doesn't let you out.

Also, what ever happen with the most you were suppose to come up with? That story you posted have alot of holes in it.

When did I say anything about shopping :confused:, you got the wrong person, that's not my post, i'm bandgeek121 not babygalrachii

Ooops, wrong person. Sorry for posting that.

i'm not really sure, but that can't happen today because of the rain and thunder

Midwest region of US?

Midwest region of US?

Illinois Wisconsin border

Ooops, wrong person. Sorry for posting that.

That's OK


p.s sorry everyone for being an a$$ yesterday:o

illinois wisconsin border

I live in Rockford, IL.

I understand that you want some freedoms, but parents are overly protective for a reason.

Maybe you can request a family meeting for new previledges.

illinois wisconsin border
Have you heard of Richmond? Genoa City?

Have you heard of Richmond? Genoa City?

Yes I have but I don't think I live really close, have you guys heard of antioch?

he has more freedom because he 1 1/2 years older and is taking drivers ed

Why not wait another year in a half and you would be given the same freedom.

Why not wait another year in a half and you would be given the same freedom.

Not necessarily. My brother is 20 months older than me and I was never allowed to do a lot of the things that he did. Not because he was older than me, but because I was a girl and he was a boy. My mom treated me like this girl's mother is treating her, but she did it for my own good and I realize that now. At the time I did not, but now that I have a daughter, I totally understand! I never thought that excuse was fair, but it was.

yes i have but i don't think i live really close, have you guys heard of antioch?

That is north of Chicago.

It's about an hour and a half from Rockford, IL.

Work on showing your mother some maturity. Your growing up, is just as hard on you, as it is on her.

Bandgeek, I have been reading this thread and I just wanted to let you know that I have been where you are at about 10 years ago. My mother wouldn't let me go anywhere. I couldn't go spend the night at friend's houses, I couldn't go run around the neighborhood close to dark or after dark (when it was cooler). I couldn't really go out and do anything. Every once in a while I was allowed to, but not all the time. My older brother (by 20 months) got to practically do whatever he wanted to do. Go ride bikes with his friends, stay out after dark, and so many other things that I couldn't do. She always gave me the excuse that he was a boy and I was a girl, so he could do things that I couldn't do. I would get so mad at her for telling me that, because that is what I always heard growing up. At the time I didn't understand, but now I do. I wouldn't want my daughter to be out running while it is dark outside and going out whenever she wanted because there are so many PSYCHOS in this world. There are people kidnapped daily in good neighborhoods and bad ones. It is really scary.

You mom is being protective of you because that is her job. She doesn't want someone to pick you up and rape and kill you and leave you in a ditch, or for you to get hurt. It would crush her world if anything happened to you. I am so paranoid with my daughter and she is only 4 years old.

I also understand where your mother is coming from on trying to protect you from getting pregnant and everything. I am not saying that you are going out and having sex or anything. She is just concerned and doesn't want you to make the same mistakes your aunt has made, and I know that you realize that. Which is awesome so you don't have to make that mistake. I had my daughter when I was 19 and I wish that I would have waited because it is very hard for me to support her, I don't regret having her though. And I am sure that you already know that raising a child isn't easy, so I am not going to preach to you about it.

I just wanted to let you know that I was in the same boat that you are in and you are not the only one who has gone through this. So, just hang in there.

I would suggest that you take Gemini54's advice. Sit down and talk to your mother and try to talk to her about some things that you can do that the two of you can agree on. That would be a good start to your situation.

Oh and earlier I read a comment that you left on a post and you said “Why should I learn proper grammar.” It is very important to learn proper grammar. You use grammar in everyday life and if you don't use correct grammar, people will perceive you as being young or not educated very well. Do you want people having that thought about you?

Anyway, Good luck with everything and please let us know if you talk to your mom and you get any of your goals accomplished.

I always feared my kids getting a drivers license.
Why? Not because I didn't trust them but I do know how easy bad things happen to good people.
You need to work compromises that your mother would agree to.
Like get a jogging club together and maybe make it 5:30 or 6:00 instead of 4.
See if she would go for stuff like that.

So you haven't read it yet. The political stuff and foreign intrigue are mindbogglingly stultifying.

"Mindbogglingly stultifying"?? Quite a phrase.

Ludlum has 290 million books in print, translated into 32 languages, and made into several movies. Not bad for such a terrible writer who, I daresay, never used such an overwrought phrase.

"Mindbogglingly stultifying"???? Quite a phrase.

Ludlum has 290 million books in print, translated into 32 languages, and made into several movies. Not bad for such a terrible writer who, I daresay, never used such an overwrought phrase.
He didn't write this one. He was dead already.

He didn't write this one. He was dead already.

Ah. I thought you meant all his work. My mistake.

I agree the posthumous one stultified me, and made my mind boggle and tremble (or it would have, had I read it).

Okay well your mom is going to be a mom, all moms are like that all the time. I don't understand either. She is just trying to do what is best for you. Just talk to her and tell her how you feel after all what have you got to loose. Just tell her that you are not your aunt and that she needs to learn to trust and let go sometime. Because your not going to be a little girl forever. If that doesn't work just tell her that you need some freedom and that you want to go do something with your friends. Sounds like a typical mom. But I think the whole running to loose a couple pounds, that's ridiculous for her to say no, if your not comfortable with your body you should be able to change that. Maybe 4 in the morning is the problem try asking her if you can go about 6 ish...

Let Me know if it doesn't work.

I agree with most of the above, I'm 14 as well and I think you're mom is being a normal parent. First of all, running at four in the morning is RIDICULOUS, why? Because it's still dark, she wants you to be home when she's sleeping and also because you need sleep... no teen should be up at 4:00 AM trying to lose pounds, if you want to lose weight just start exercising at home. Secondly, if her little sis got pregnant at 16 that's a really good reason to not want you to be out and about, like you want to be. Boys can be pretty manipulative at our age, and can sucker you in to doing things you think are okay. Oh and about the "weirdos", she's absolutely right, someone can get abducted ANYWHERE, and it's mortifying. Just do what you're told happily and you will earn a lot more respect and privileges from your mum.

Where does your older brother stand on the issue?
Can he assist by supervising you outside during the day?


natalie1xxx disagrees: she shouldn't have to go out with her older brother at 14!

These were questions to the OP.
They were not up for your disagreement or argument.
Besides that if her parents aren't allowing freedoms, one of the best tools will be her older brother to earn her own freedoms.
Please review the rules of the site before passing out disagrees, as there wasn't any factual information for you do disagree with in my questions.

Well I disagreed with most people on this. I see where you are coming from , I couldn't stand being in the house all day . You should be aloud to go out with your friends without being supervised. I think that a lot of people on this were missing the point , the people who said there is things to do in the house etc.. That is a bunch of rubbish as you should have the right to go out. And about the 'weirdo's' you are going to get them all the time even if you are 14 or 40 you can still get 'abducted' or 'raped' and that is just a danger that everyone is faced with so therefore I think you should tell your mum exactly the way you feel. :) let us know how it goes .

well i disagreed with most people on this. i see where you are coming from , i couldn't stand being in the house all day . you should be aloud to go out with your friends without being supervised. i think that alot of people on this were missing the point , the people who said there is things to do in the house etc.. that is a bunch of rubbish as you should have the right to go out. and about the 'weirdo's' you are going to get them all the time even if you are 14 or 40 you can still get 'abducted' or 'raped' and that is just a danger that everyone is faced with so therefore i think you should tell your mum exactly the way you feel. :) let us know how it goes .

You are allowed to disagree with people; we are all entitled to our own points of view. However, the rating feature is used to point out that advice given was factually incorrect. That was not the case here. There was a lot of valid responses and suggestions given to the OP.

Bad things can happen to people of all ages, but at this age, her mom is responsible for keeping her safe. Everyone here offered suggestions to help her earn more freedom. Although you may feel that she should be able to go and come as she pleases, her mother has a very different opinion on the subject which at this point in time- is the only one that matters. She was offered suggestions to do things in the house because let's face it, if her mother doesn't want her out at certain hours, then her best best is to find some sort of entertainment inside until she earns more privileges. She was also given suggestions for how to go about earning those privileges.

Yeah but what she was saying is that it wasn't just at certain hours she feels as if she is locked in a cage . She isn't even aloud to go out during the day when it is 70 degrees !

yeah but what she was saying is that it wasnt just at certain hours she feels as if she is locked in a cage . she isnt even aloud to go out during the day when it is 70 degrees !

This coming from all of your 14 yo wisdom?
::sigh::
If you can't use the site properly, you will be reported.
Please follow the rules for posting and partcipation.

And that's her mother's choice. None of us here can force her mother to do otherwise. Yes, I'd be pretty upset if I felt like I was being locked up. But that still doesn't make any advice offered here incorrect, which is what the rating feature is for. We all offered ways to help her gain more freedom. Justwantfair suggested going out with her older brother because the parents trust him. Once she also gains her parents' trust, then hopefully she will be afforded more freedom in the long run.

How am I not using the site properly we are all aloud to have are own opinions ?

how am i not using the site properly we are all aloud to have are own opinions ?

You are not allowed to rate on your opinion or someone else's.
You are allowed to rate/disagree with unfactual information, not your opinion.

I'm 14 , and I don't think my mum would let mt out at 4 in the morning. I think you mum just wants you to be safe like any other mum. But I do know what your trying to say. (:

EVERY mom is lyk that :(

3someone3, you cannot say things like that. There are, should I say, mothers who are at the extreme, and wouldn't care about their children... sadly :( If you have a mother who cares for you, you're lucky, and be content with that.

Good point jerry.


bandgeek121 I think you are lucky to have a mom who cares about you as much as your mom seems to. Talk it out with her. Explain your feelings on this and come to an agreement. If early morning is the only time you can go running, perhaps your mom would be willing to get up and go with you? Or an older brother or older sister? Or perhapes you can run to school. That way you are going to school and getting your run in at the same time?

There are so many options for you to take. I hope you get it worked out. Good luck. And keep us posted on how its going.

Haha wow. You sound exactly like me, and your mom sounds exactly like mine. My mother says the same things to me all of the time and I get sooooo anoyyed.
Tell your mom that your going into high school and pretty soon you will have your drivers license so she's going to have to let you grow up someday. Maybe try telling her that high school brings new things . Because high school is a whole different life and a new beginning. And if you are open to your mom she most likely won't take it the wrong way. Hopefully she'll listen to you, because I did it with my mom and she's actually given me a lot more privledges such as extending my curfew and letting me just go where ever.
Good luck, and I hope it gets better.
- Johna.

I see most everyone's a rule-breaker.

Running at four in the morning? What ever for?
First off, even if your mom allowed it, there is probably a minor curfew in effect, and if a law enforcement officer, both you and your mother will get into trouble. Just go out at six when the sun rises. Much safer, plus you won't trip as much.

Second, wow, your mom cares! Why does it matter? Wouldn't you rather have her say "Call me if you need to" when you take the dog for a walk then "I don't care, just don't come home pregnant." She has to say something, and I don't see why you can't be satisfied with that.

You claim you are more mature than she thinks. Trust me, I've been there. You aren't as mature as you think. If you were, you wouldn't have to say it, it would just show in the way you handle yourself.

She is a mom, doing her job. As others have said, she loves you and wants the best. Regardless of what you think, she knows more about the world than you. Just get over yourself and be happy you have a mom who cares.

yes i have but i don't think i live really close, have you guys heard of antioch?

Now I see why your mother won't let you out. You have already given TOO much personal info out. With this info, and your IP address (which is the same as THEpurplepeanut BTW), it would be a breeze for any pedophile to find out where you live and stalk you on your way home from school.

I have a friend, please feel free to look her name up, Dean Marie Pyle Peters, (http://www.freewebs.com/find_dean_marie/), who came up missing in 1981. Before you were born and times were safer. She was at her school, my school, when she left to go to the bathroom never to be seen again.

Now, how are you and THEpurplepeanut related?

I think you should sit your mam down and tell her how you feel in a respective and mature tone. You got to remember is that she's your mam and she's only wanting the best for you. You really shouldn't go running at 4am though, you could always do it a bit later in the morning or early in the afternoon. I'm not tryna lecture you or anything, I'm only 16 and I still get lots of it from my parents so I know how you feel. But an experience I had made me realise how right they are to worry, I was at an u'18s disco and a girl was followed into the bathroom and was raped she came out screamin at people asking for help but no one could hear before I made my way over a bouncer helped her and from what I heard they boy was never got and the girl who was 15 hasn't returned to school or anything, she is traumatized, and who can blame her. It's a memory I will never forget, it taught me that anything can happen anywhere anytime and to anyone. Just remember your still young and your not ready to be out on your own, you need your mam to do the worrying because your too young to do it all yourself. I hope I've helped xxx

I think you shud sit your mam down and tell her how you feel in a respective and mature tone. U gotta remember is that she's ur mam and she's only wanting the best for you. You really shouldn't go running at 4am tho, u cud always do it a bit later in the morning or early in the afternoon. I'm not tryna lecture u or anything, I'm only 16 and I still get lots of it from my parents so I know how u feel. But an experience I had made me realise how right they are to worry, I was at an u'18s disco and a girl was followed into the bathroom and was raped she came out screamin at people asking for help but no one cud hear before I made my way over a bouncer helped her and from what I heard they boy was never got and the girl who was 15 hasnt returned to school or anything, she is traumatized, and who can blame her. It's a memory I will never forget, it taught me that anything can happen anywhere anytime and to anyone. Just remember your still young and ur not ready to be out on your own, you need your mam to do the worryin because your too young to do it all yourself. I hope I've helped xxx

What's a mam? :confused:

Also, could, isn't that what cows chew?

Chat speak is against the rules of this site, just fyi.

I think you shud sit your mam down and tell her how you feel in a respective and mature tone. U gotta remember is that she's ur mam and she's only wanting the best for you. You really shouldn't go running at 4am tho, u could always do it a bit later in the morning or early in the afternoon. I'm not tryna lecture u or anything, I'm only 16 and I still get lots of it from my parents so I know how u feel. But an experience I had made me realise how right they are to worry, I was at an u'18s disco and a girl was followed into the bathroom and was raped she came out screamin at people asking for help but no one could hear before I made my way over a bouncer helped her and from what I heard they boy was never got and the girl who was 15 hasnt returned to school or anything, she is traumatized, and who can blame her. It's a memory I will never forget, it taught me that anything can happen anywhere anytime and to anyone. Just remember your still young and ur not ready to be out on your own, you need your mam to do the worryin because your too young to do it all yourself. I hope I've helped xxx

Please go read the rules, notably number two. I've provided a link so it's even easier.
Ask Me Help Desk - FAQ: Terms of Service, FAQ and How To Use This Site (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.php?faq=vb_faq#faq_faq_rules)

Anyway, allow me to try to decipher this little number:
Should > should
Mam > mom ("Mam" is acceptable as "Mom" in some countries though, like "Pap" or "Pop".)
U > you
Your > your/you're
Though > though
Could > could
Tryna > trying to
u'18s > Believe it or not, that is the actual name! :D

it's not about the running it is about my mom treating me like i'm going to make the same bad decisions SHE and HER SISTER made. it's about me needing some space and a chance to do what i want to do. she wouldn't even let me pick my own classes for high school. how do you think i feel?

I can't speak to exactly how much your mother is overprotective. I think you shouldn't take her remarks about being careful etc too personally--or at least not as implicit criticism. I say that all the time to my kids (son, 16 and 20), and I am definitely not criticizing them. I'll just remind the older that it's Saturday night and there are lots of drunks on the road and to be careful--something like that.

BUT I think you should be able to pick your own classes, for what it's worth. I did in high school. In fact, I picked all my own electives in junior high. I also grew up in the middle of a big city and bicycled to school every day. I got hassled by some creepy men (and learned to give them a wide berth), but I never got assaulted, never got raped, never got pregnant, didn't try drugs. I'm afraid I'm the only adult here who sees it your way. Unless you are being punished, I can't think of any reason to confine a 14 year old to the house all day. You need fresh air and exercise and friends.

I think kids are over protected today, especially girls.

Now I'm going to duck!

Sorry, no ducks, only chickens here asking!

Anyway, all I have to comment on what you said, is NO, they are not overprotected.

Yes, they are protected more today than yesteryear, but the dangers are much greater, much more numerous, today than then.

I do think that THIS one is over protected, just a little, but running at 4am is unnegotiable. The problem is, too many moms UNDERprotect their children. Those ones get caught, you see it on the news, and the protecting mothers become more protecting after hearing about another one.

On the classes thing, in high school you should. I still believe it should all have parent approval, but, as far as I know, you can go to your school counceler and get it changed yourself. At least, that's how it is here.
Anyway, why don't you ask her, "Mom, can I take [class name]?" and if she says no, ask why. If she says yes, then good for you.

I'm not convinced it's more dangerous now. Everybody says that, but crime is down, stranger abductions are extremely rare and lower than in the 1970s.

Rape is always a problem, but that's why girls and women need to think twice about running around at 4 am. Take a self defense class! Buy some pepper spray and learn to use it. Some police departments give classes in using pepper spray on an assailant.

asking, where are you?
Because, I know crime is up here in the states:
Violent crime total by Forcible rape - Swivel (http://www.swivel.com/graphs/show/20511599)
http://www.swivel.com/graphs/image/20511599/default/600/337/ignore/absolute/ScatterGraph/ignore/all+time/yearly/ignore?s=1250148109?

Here you go, rape. That site has graphs for many crime rates, and all of them that could relate to the OP jogging at 4am are up. Some are down, on average, "crime" is down, but these types are up.

You said it yourself, stranger abductions are down. That means that people who KNOW the victim have to be up. The OP states that she lives in a neighboor hood where EVERYONE KNOWS HER... you put it together. It's always the people you don't expect.

HelpInHere,
There's NO TIME SCALE at the bottom of your graph. I think you have misunderstood what this graph shows. It just shows how much of violent crime is rape.

If there are 50 incidents of violence, 4 of them are rapes. If there are between 150 and 350 incidents of violence, about 12 of them are rapes. This just shows what proportion of violent crimes are rapes.

If anything this shows that the more violence there is, the less of it is rape.

Here's a graph whose X axis is TIME and it shows a decline in violent crime.
Bureau of Justice Statistics Violent Crime Rate Trends (http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/glance/tables/viortrdtab.htm)

And a table of figures showing more detail.
Bureau of Justice Statistics Violent Crime Rate Trends (http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/glance/tables/viortrdtab.htm)

The U.S. Department of Justice Statistics show that in 1973, the rate of rape in the United States was 2.5 per 1000 in the population over 12 years of age. In 2005, it had dropped to 0.5 per 1000. I don't see more recent figures, but the bottom line is that the rape rate in the U.S. is ONE-FIFTH what it was when I was growing up.

We should be celebrating!

Follow up:

The rate of forcible rape has been down nationally for each of the last four years.
Table 3 (http://www.fbi.gov/ucr/08aprelim/table_3.html)

The only places where the rate of rape has increased is in rural areas and small towns and in the Northeast.

Alaska also has a higher than average rape rate.

If I had to sum up from this, I'd say to avoid rape, stay away from small towns in cold places. :)

Okay, I guess I did misread the graph. Thanks for that correction. I must have just thought that I know it's up, found a graph with the word rape and a positive inclination, and went with it. Sorry.

But, still saying that I believe her mother's fears aren't unwarranted. Especially since, we don't know where she lives, and by how she describes her neighbors, it is either the best city in the country, a nice rural area, or a small town. Especially if she lives "in a neighborhood where everyone knows everyone", that just doesn't happen in the big city.

No apology necessary. This is the internet. :)
I was only taking issue with the statement that it's more dangerous now than it used to be. It's actually safer now.

It's good to be sensible, but I still think a 14 year old should be able to go outside (at a reasonable hour!), go to the store, ride a bike to the library, walk to a friend's house, etc.

Yep, she is allowed to, with a friendly "call me if you have any problems" message. I mean, it's not unreasonable to get a little friendly reminder that your mom's there for you.