My fiancée told me in April that she is having feelings for another guy. Who (she later told me) proposed to her in January. They both work together whereas I could meet her only during weekends. This distance increased further when I had to travel to Swiss for a couple of months. After that it all went downhill way too fast.

I was devastated by it all. I lost interest in everything including my job and family. I was willing to give up everything for her and was pretty clear in telling her that.

I wanted her to make her own decision. I gave her time. But whenever I asked, she told me that she was confused and could not decide. She said she had spent more time with that guy than me. I cried to her in person and over the phone. But that seemed to make little difference. Now we have told our families that we are splitting. We have returned the rings. Her office has moved to another city a few days back. So has she and the guy who works with her.

What I don't understand is why I am not angry at her??

I mean I was 100% faithful towards her. And its not like I lack something (Good looking/Sober/earn well). So ideally I should be angry that she replcaed me. I feel like I loved her. She felt that my priorities were not right.

Does anyone have any idea of why I still have NO negative feelings towards her? I mean, instead of getting angry at her, I get angry if anyone says anything bad about her.

P.S. I am strugglig to maintain the NC right now and her thoughts haunt me every night when I am trying to sleep. The only reason I am sane is due to some very good friends.

I think the reason your not angry with her and still protect her if something bad is said about her is because you haven't given up hope of getting back with her.

Therefore you don't want to taint her image in case that happens.

As far as her liking someone else that's just life I'm afraid. She seems to have made her choice and the best thing you can do for now is try to move on and start healing.

Not easy I know but better than getting stuck for months with false hope and still being in the same position your in now.

You'll also have a much better take on the whole situation and be in a far better mental state to decide whether you would ever want her back if she finally did return.

Good Luck!

Consider the possibility that you truly love her, and you haven't stopped loving her because she chose another man. Neither has your love turned bitter because of her decision. If this is correct, you would only want her well being and happiness, even if it means that she won't be with you. Such a position might be very unusual, but it seems mentally healthy.

Either you are in denial and are suppressing your anger, or you genuinely don't feel it. If the latter, maybe it is not there. So, what's left to feel? Sadness, you have already expressed. Frustration over the fact that you did things that should have "earned" a better response from her:



"I was willing to give up everthing for her and was pretty clear in telling her that"
" I cried to her in person and over the phone. But that seemed to make little difference."
"I was 100% faithful towards her. And its not like I lack something (Good looking/Sober/earn well)."

Yep, guys like you should have solid relationships. This is unjust. But yours might just be the kind of love that stays loving in the face of such a situation. You have an idea about what you "ideally" should feel. But that's not reality. Reality is what is.

I suggest that you examine your mind very well and see if you are hiding from yourself. If not, be grateful that you are not angry. Deal with your grief the best you can, maintain NC, and know that you will heal and recover. If you discover, now or later, you are really pissed off, express it in a safe setting. Express it in every cell of your body, then let it leave you so you can love somebody else.

Tao

When we experience loss we often go through a number of stages.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance are the commonly accepted stages. However, we don't do them in order, nor do we do them all - it really depends on the circumstances and the individual.

So, in order to answer your question - you may not be feeling anger because you are in denial (you feel deep down as if there is still some hope), or you may be in acceptance (you understand that it's over, and that there is nothing else that you can do).

Only you can know what's truly happening inside you, and it may be that it will take some time for your true feelings to reveal themselves. Then again, they may not - you might just be, as Tao says, a mentally healthy human being.

I think you have had enough time to accept what has happened, and are unfairly questioning yourself, for a lack of anger. Tell your support system thanks, and stop worrying.