So what's the etiquette for Facebook in marriage? What's okay? What's out of bounds?

I have major anxiety issues (as I've stated in a previous post) and I tend to obsess over these things unless I get feedback.

My husband does not look at Facebook on our home computers. I think he's figured out by now that I sometimes peruse the history. Besides that- he's a computer genius would could hide everything anyway.

Well he was logged in to his work computer this morning- and he left- and he left me with the home computer that was logged in to his work computer.

So naturally (for me) I took the opportunity to look at his history- and wahlah! Facebook! Nearly every visit is to a girls page- a few are gorgeous girls from his hometown. But two or three times he looked through pictures of ex-girlfriends.

Ya I know it's normal- to look through old exes and see how they are... but I don't do it anymore. I tried looking at an ex today and just got bored. No interest or drive to see how he's doing in life.

Also, he doesn't have any pictures of us posted on his Facebook. It does say that he's married to me, but that's it. NOt a pic of me in sight... although a few people have tagged me and him and that shows up.

It makes me feel like he has no pride in me- or that he doesn't want to remind all those girls that he's married- or that he's happy (yes it's possible to be happy with me I think).

I told him it bothered me that he has no pictures of us on his site and he just says he doesn't have time. However, he recently spent several days and hours updating a family photo album of us on a website that no one sees. He still hasn't put up the pictures, but he has plenty of time to look at other girls' pictures.

What is it about Facebook! These social networking sites wreak havoc on us anxiety ridden people.

Men- what does it mean?
What are the boundaries?

I don't see anything harmful here. There are pictures of you and him on his site (whether he put them there or not). I'm sure he thought that counted. And his profile states that he is married. You need to trust him more. Has he cheated on you before? Lied about something important? Is there a reason that you are spying on him?

I agree with CM, still have to spread rep. Unless he has done something to make you not trust him, I don't think there is anything to worry about. I think that it is going to hurt your relationship more with you spying on him rather than him just looking at pictures. However, I think that if he has cheated on you before; you may want to sit down and talk to him about it.

I agree with the others. You need more evidence. Watch for red flags like secretive phone calls, unaccounted for times and things like that. Don't accuse and get in his business or he will just be more successful in hiding everything.

He may just want the flattery of younger girls still checking him out and nothing more.

I agree. You are only creating things in your head, and then stressing about them because you are nosing where you don't belong. He probably doesn't use the computer at home because he knows that you are spying on him. This is showing that you don't trust him, and your actions are giving him reason to not trust you. These small actions can be detrimental to your relationship when they don't need to be.

First how dare you invade his privacy by spying on him,
Please get counseling for this impulse. Everyone looks up old friends.

I suggest that you need to stop looking at his history whenever you get the chance.

So he looks at Facebook and checks out his ex's. Big deal.

Is he looking at porn? Is he cheating with someone else? Is he ogling schoolgirls?

I assume the answer to these things is no.


What is it about Facebook! These social networking sites wreak havoc on us anxiety ridden people.

No, they just give you an excuse to blame something else for you anxiety. So, get some help for your obsessive anxiety - it's your issue, try not to make it his. You'll drive him away if you keep at it.

My husband took forever to even change his status to married on his Facebook or myspace. I don't look much into it. Some people put way too much time and energy into these networking sites while others just join to kill time. Not everyone looks at it the same way. Maybe he just doesn't think much of it. I seriously wouldn't worry unless there were other things going on.

Well all you jerks were wrong. I found out a few years later that he was lying about a ton of stuff and spent hours upon hours at work looking at porn. He lied about his sexual history while we were dating. Turns out he'd cheated on a couple girlfriends and felt no remorse. He looked up girls at his work on Facebook. He'd see someone pretty, find out their name, and spend like thirty minutes googling them. I'm glad I had the notion to spy. Because damnit- sometimes men LIE. They freaking lie and women have INTUITION and if we feel like something is wrong then it probably is.

So if you're reading this- if you found my original post because you were hurting in the same way- TAKE HEED! Do your investigation. Something is probably off.

The rest of you can go your merry way telling people they are paranoid freaks on an HELP website.