hi to everyone, and I'd like to thank everyone for reading this and hopefully shed some light to my situation here.

my girlfriend and I have been together for slightly more than 4 yrs. It wasn't entirely a smooth one, but somehow we've managed to pick ourselves up and carry on with the relationship. The day when she said yes to me was and is still up till this day the most wonderful thing that has happened to me because I liked her so much, and now I love her so much.

3 days ago, she called me in the evening and we were talking as usual with me planning on surprising her on the following day when we were suppose to meet up. That was when she told me she wanted herself back and would like to put this relationship to rest for the time being, or forever depending on the situation. I was genuinely confused as it came as a total shocker and she didn't want to respond to any of my attempts asking to talk about it.

then she told me that the relationship was sucking the life out of her and wanted her space to finally be alone for the time being to do the things she wanted to do all along. She said she asked herself for the past several days on what she has achieved during our relationship, and she said close to none. And now she wants to have that alone time for herself and requested me to leave her to her own.

I obviously went a little insane but I wasn't mad, not angry at all, just pure confused as she chose to do it on the phone and not with me face to face. I asked to meet with her and although she said no but I had to do this face to face. She agreed at the end and we met the next day. I asked her and I know that I've been times possessive in our relationship, as I hold her so dear in my heart that I swore never to allow anyone to hurt her. However, it does seem to me that my possessiveness went beyond that and I began hurting her at as well. I apologized so hard that it felt like I was prying open my heart while I said that. She obviously still maintained she needed her alone time.

then she told me she has lost contact with some of her old friends because of me, and I told how come she hasn't told me that before as I've never ever barred her from seeing anyone at all, although I brag sometimes afterward if she returns too late or ends up in the clubs during the wee hours. She kept telling me she wanted to find herself out and that she wants everything to dissolve and we should just be friends for now. Initially I was okay with that until she told me she wasn't sure how long she was going to take to recover, and if I find someone else during this period, then I should go along with the new girl.

I got even more confused and told her I will never ever consider anyone at all and I want to wait for her until she is done. 2 months, 2 years, 20 years... I will wait for her no matter how long it would take as I love her so much. And I asked her if she said this because there was already someone at the wings, and she said no and accuse me of being suspicious, but I couldn't help but asking her that as I was out of ideas on why she decided to slam her door so hard suddenly.

it was then she told me that the future is so undecided, suddenly she couldn't see me anymore in her future although I've always told her I would like to marry her someday in the future. She said the future could spin either way, and she cannot guarantee me if we would ever get back once we took this break. That was when I literally just fell right down to hell that I know its not a temporary thing, and she was implying a possible breakup soon enough.

I obviously couldn't control myself and asked her to please to give me one chance to really prove I love her but this time with trust, respect, patience and calmness from my negative behaviors. I forgot to mention that I've never hit her, pushed her in any physical manner before and never cheated in my entire relationship. But I do realize I have a terrible temper and it can blow up to a point when I will stay really cold and silent to myself, refusing to let anything out at all.

she constantly said no to the relationship now and asked for her time to be alone. I told her I will give her how much time she ever needs, but I cannot continue knowing that she will one day come to me and say its all over. I love her too much, so so very much... and I've been crying every single hour since our mutual separation. Words cannot relate to how much I care for her and I'll do anything just to make her safe and cared.

as we continued, she began giving tones it was all said and done and reminisce some of the old times we use to enjoy and how she will cherish that forever, but I don't want it to go down like that. I am so worried and immediately regretted all of my negative past. She cried too when she said that to me but somehow she would pull herself up and say no. the door is just shut in front of me but in the end she said she would give me a chance once the time comes.

however she cannot promise me that she will open herself to me anymore and although it was a long relationship and hard to forget, but she somehow needs to do this and kept telling me not to wait for her. I kept saying I will and my old promise that I will marry her someday will stay until I die one day. She told me I should also find the time to explore myself and the world, and let her do it. I told I will do it if it means so much to her, but I am so guttered when she cannot promise me she'll be open for me.

it means so much for me to run into her arms again, but no matter how many times I've told her its not doing anything anymore. Before I left her home after spending hours talking about this, I said I'm only worried that she will shut her door to me once I'm out and she cried while hugging me. I know she loves me so much and she needs a break and I fully respect that, but somehow her respond to our future is making me so worried.

I'm so sad right now, so depressed, been having bad gastrics, nauseas, lack of sleep, headaches, lost of appetite, I can't even smile straight. Everyone knows I'm in bad shape but refused to ask because I just look so demised. It was a day after we met and talked that I've decided to cut all my calls towards her as she has told me to minimise the contact between us & she has erased her relationship status in her Facebook with me. Its so much pain not to listen to her voice but I figured if there's ever one last thing I can do to a person I love so much is to respect her final decision and leave her alone.

in short, she has told me that she cannot promise me of our future, but will give me a chance in the future as we've been together for so long and the lasting bond we've had. But then she says if I find the right one I should leave with her, and asked me not to wait for her anymore. She told me she wants to take a break from the relationship, but she tells me like its all over but cries to me when she says that. I love her so much, I'll do anything to have her back in my arms. Although I've decided to do a lot of things to change myself now, I still love her with every passing second and the uncertainty is killing me. I am so confused now because I don't know what's in her head with all these things befalling me.

I apologize if I sounded so random with the disorderly fashion of my experience, but its coming from my heart and I love her so much... just so very much... :'(

thank you for reading and please give me your ideas.

[[and although I know she's not in here in anyway, I want to apologize to her. I just want to apologize to her every night for what I've done, for now I know how it feels. I love you honey, I really do... :'(]]

She's been thinking about this for a long time, whereas for you, it's sudden. Let go of her. It's over. She's just trying to keep you mollified and from going off the deep end. She has moved on. Now you move on too.

Now you do No Contact.

Hey, I am sorry that you are feeling so sad and depressed about things. I think that giving in to her and saying that you will wait forever and etc just reinforces her ability to leave you stranded, find herself, and then hey, if she wants you will always be there waiting. You give up yourself esteem, yourself worth when you bend over and beg for someone to love you that has already made up their mind that they want something else. If this girl could be convinced or prodded into loving you, then she would have not put you in this situation. This is probably a culmination of her thoughts and feelings for the past weeks, months, maybe even years. She is only going to decide if she wants to be with you when she decides, not when you beg or prove your love. You don't want to have to prove to someone you are good for them anyway! She should WANT to be with you without you begging that you will change, or do this, or do that. You should respect her feelings and let her move on. She obviously feels resentful that she can't go party or hang with other friends or guys, so let her. Let her go and find herself. After a 4 year relationship you are going to need to do some personal rebuilding on your own life. Find out what makes you happy.

Too many people put self worth into someone else. So when they no longer feel happy or satisfied they put that self-reflection on you. Read the stickies on No Contact. Begging and calling at this point will just make your value less and less. Don't rebound to another girl, just focus on you, find some stuff to do (Gym, hobbies, friends, take up golf, play some xbox, whatever). The more productive stuff you can do for yourself the better you will feel about yourself.

You don't need this girl in your life to be happy and feel like you have self worth. Let her go, move on, and start the healing process.

I've been NC from my XGF for 3 or 4 months. I've broken NC (no contact) maybe once or twice and when I talked to her she told me she still loved me, missed me, and etc etc.. All it does is just mess you up and give you false hope. The sooner you can clear her out of your mind and move on, the sooner you will be happy.

dreamingartist & wondergirl, thank you for the responses. I know what you're saying and I've decided to stop all contacts. It's not that I've given up, but I love her so much that that's the very least I could do. And I totally have no mood to go dating at all, not at all. I wish I could just talk to her about it because she said she thought about this for the past few days, but never called me and ask me about whether if we could talk. She was the one that told me last time not to bottle up and share it with her, and most of the time when I do she'll say she's not good enough for me. But when I don't, she says I'm not opening up.

And I know my self-esteem is super low. Self-confidence has always been a problem to me, she's a hot lady and the most beautiful girl known to me but somehow I feel less attractive and that I always have to play catch up with her. So sometimes I do feel exhausted as well from all that self-constructed competition. I just love her so much, and I know I have to move on but she just means so much to me and it hurts so much that I can't tell her now... :'(

dreamingartist & wondergirl, thank you for the responses. i know what you're saying and i've decided to stop all contacts. it's not that i've given up, but i love her so much that that's the very least i could do. and i totally have no mood to go dating at all, not at all. i wish i could just talk to her about it because she said she thought about this for the past few days, but never called me and ask me about whether if we could talk. she was the one that told me last time not to bottle up and share it with her, and most of the time when i do she'll say she's not good enough for me. but when i don't, she says i'm not opening up.

and i know my self-esteem is super low. self-confidence has always been a problem to me, she's a hot lady and the most beautiful girl known to me but somehow i feel less attractive and that i always have to play catch up with her. so sometimes i do feel exhausted as well from all that self-constructed competition. i just love her so much, and i know i have to move on but she just means so much to me and it hurts so much that i can't tell her now...:'(
The NC is for YOU, not for her.

She thought about it for longer than a few days, probably for weeks. Talking with her about it won't help the situation at all, and will totally mess with your heart.

Stay busy as has been suggested. And NO CONTACT!

I know this is hard for you buddy but keep it up. I've been reading a lot of answers from this site and they seem to be really right. NC at all and once you break it, she'll end up stirring you inside again. Hmm I hope you get better.

Your in deep shock, as this was sudden, and unexpected to you, and that will take some time to sink in.

Just leave her alone, and let your shock and grief come out.