I am a mom of 6 wonderful kids,:eek: of the six I gave birth to 4 of them. My older daughters (22 and 14) are a wonderful bonus of a truly blessing of a marriage. I love all my children, and I want the best for them. :o
That brings me to my question…
My husbands’ 14yo has been living back with her mother since she turned 10, at her mothers demand. Since that time my husband was given little to no contact with his daughter. When he and I got married a year later it became more distant, and even worse when our two boys were born. :confused:
Last week we received a phone call that no parent wishes to receive, our daughter had been taken to the hospital unresponsive, due to a drug overdose. Within the days that followed she was caught skipping school daily, failing, involved with the police…and more to put it mildly the mother called and demanded that we come and pick up “OUR wayward daughter”…. I am upset because I feel this could have all been avoided if my husband had been allowed to be involved from the beginning…
Last night was our first night home from our 48-hour drive picking up our daughter, who didn’t know we were coming, and didn’t want to leave with us…but we forced her too. Last night she confessed to me that her mother was never home, had no time for her, and so many other things that broke my heart… (Her own mother hadn’t taken her to buy a bra…so she had on a bra that was several sizes too large):(
As a mother I would never wish to have my children taken away from me…. But at the same time I can’t imagine being so cold and standoffish to your own child…this little girl has been reaching out…begging for attention…in my heart it kills me to think that her mother might fight to get her back… we can’t give her back… Here she has already been wrapped in love, surrounded with family, and we are always here.

I don’t mean to judge, especially since I spent 7 years being single mother of two myself, but I can't understand a world where a mother could hurt her daughter so harshly and be so unaware of the damage she has wrecked…. Until it is too late.:mad:

MY QUESTION.. Is what can we do to keep our baby here, to keep our family intact…. To keep her healthy/happy… to keep her away from the bad influences where she was. To insure that beautiful smile stays in place? How?:confused:

Your husband needs to go to family court and explain that her mother demanded to have her and neglected her. Now the daughter is getting in serious trouble and so mom sent her back to dad and you (your husband) want to file a petition to have full/primary custody.

I don't think you have to worry too much about keeping her from the bad influences where she was. A 48 hour drive and only being 14 pretty much ends that. To make sure she doesn't find new bad influences, insist on meeting all of her new friends. Stay involved. Set a curfew and stick to it. She might resist at first since it doesn't sound like she had any attention before and is used to no rules. But I think in the end she'll see its all out of love and truly wanting what is in her best interest. Find opportunities to bond with her. Take her to be fitted for a proper bra. Whenever you can, have some quality girl time. With other children I know that can be hard to find time but even just a cup of tea or cocoa together can make a difference for her.

I would highly advise filing a Petition to Change/Modify custody, there isn't any indication of when the mother will get over her 'wayward' daughter anger and demand her daughters return again... It will also assist in the ability to enroll the child in school and care for her as a primary parent.

This will also modify child support. Find out what the time of residency is in your state, you will not be able to file in your home town until the child is a resident there.

Had to spread the rep there justwantfair, but I agree. Get it in writing and legal so that she can be enrolled in school, and you are authorized to parent her without worrying about the mother back in the picture.

As to the overdose. One of the conditions I would set is that she attend counselling, with a qualified Addiction Counsellor. She needs counselling to get a perspective on her immediate past, and good concrete information to avoid the same fate in the future.

With all the pressure on her right now, a counsellor may turn out to make the difference in how she chooses to change her life.

You sound like a really amazing mom, and person to me. I wish people like you could be cloned. What a lucky girl she is to have you in her life.

I hope you'll come back and let us know what's going on, and how it all works out for you.

Take care, and good luck.

I just wanted to update you all. WE are doing well so far. :) we are signed up for counsling, she has KICKed the drug habbit... with no withdrawals... I have seen the signs of them before and she doesn't have them... which makes me think she wasn't in too deep to begin with so I am hopeful we caught it early. I haven't let her out of my sight since we've picked her up so I have been on constant alert and watched her like a hawk, so she hasn't had the chance to take or buy anything. SO just wanted to let everyone that we are doing good... and were looking for a bigger house. :) and PAINT colors thanks for all your help. Next week going to have the hubbs start the paper work.

It is great to hear the transition is going well. It's nice to hear of a step-parent jumping in this kind of situation, head first and whole heartedly. She will definitely find more nurturing attention under your care.

Good luck to you and God bless.