I had a daughter with my ex back in 2006. I did not know she was mine until she was 14 months old, and this is only by word of mouth for there has never been a DNA test. The mother has only let me see her twice and she will be turning 3 in August. Her mother got married and took off to South Carolina to try and hide from me so I'm told. I have tried contacting her to get my rights and a DNA test but she is saying that her husband is adopting or has adopted my daughter. I'm starting to think that she told the courts she doesn't know where I am which is a lie because I've lived in the same house for the past 14 years. If I can prove this, can the adoption be reversed once a DNA test shows that I am the biological father and that I have tried to be in the daughter's life but the mother has refused? And now from what I hear she is getting ready to move to Japan for her husband is in the military.:(

Id get a good solicitior FAST!Gather all the proof you can and take her to court.Youl have bills to prove you've been living in the house and the DNA test will prove all.It has to be reversed.Its your right to your flesh and blood.

Your best bet would be to go consult a lawyer. Good luck and keep us posted! Stories like this break my heart.

Id get a good solicitior FAST!Gather all the proof you can and take her to court.Youl have bills to prove youve been living in the house and the DNA test will prove all.It has to be reversed.Its your right to your flesh and blood.

She refuses to tell me her address so that I can have her subpoened for a DNA test. I've tried looking through public records but only find her old address for Florida. It's my parents house so nothing is in my name, is there any other way I can prove that has been my place of residency? I have photos of the one time she brought my daughter over, could I use that?

You were told by other people all of these other things. Do any of them have her address? Or be able to get her address from her?

you were told by other people all of these other things. do any of them have her address?? or be able to get her address from her?

No one that knows both of us has her address. I believe only her family and her husband's family know. I found out she is moving to Japan through her MySpace. I even tried contacting her local courthouse in the city she lives in to see if I was subpoened but they wouldn't release any information on an adoption case.

Does she have a solicitor?Are your parents of any official authority?There word might be taken if they are.Emh do you get any bills there mobile phones bills etc?You could you that but it won't be enough.I suppose if you have a fair amount of people from that will testify in court and say you lived there.That could work.Do you have a job?Your emloyer could testify aswel

Get a lawyer.

You will NOT be able to do this without one. Period.

Whether it is reversible depends on how good your lawyer is, and what the laws in your state (and possibly HER state), and probably a variety of other things.

Have you been paying child support? Did you go to court and get custody and visitation established once you knew you had a child?

You cannot blame the entire situation you are in on the mother--there were things you could have done as SOON as you found out that you didn't do, including getting the COURT to have a DNA test ordered.

So, I'll repeat myself: GET A LAWYER. You have little to no chance of overturning an adoption without one.

Hmm. You mentioned the state she lives in. do you know what city? I'm running out of ideas. Maybe a private investigator? I can't think of anything else. Hopefully someone else can think of more.

Get a lawyer.

You will NOT be able to do this without one. Period.

Whether or not it is reversible depends on how good your lawyer is, and what the laws in your state (and possibly HER state), and probably a variety of other things.

Have you been paying child support? Did you go to court and and get custody and visitation established once you knew you had a child?

You cannot blame the entire situation you are in on the mother--there were things you could have done as SOON as you found out that you didn't do, including getting the COURT to have a DNA test ordered.

So, I'll repeat myself: GET A LAWYER. You have little to no chance of overturning an adoption without one.


Unfortunately at the time I found out she was mine. I had no money for a DNA test and now that I do the mother refuses. No child support or visitation has been established for she told me she did not want my help, refused my money, and said I had no rights since there was no DNA. I know I need a lawyer but I want some kind of advice before I go and just pick any lawyer. I want to know what I'm up against here.

hmm. you mentioned the state she lives in. do you know what city? i'm running out of ideas. maybe a private investigator? i can't think of anything else. hopefully someone else can think of more.

I do know the city, state, and even the area she lives in but I can't get an actual street address. I am considering hiring a private investigator but financial situations have slowed that option down... can't really afford a PI and a lawyer but am trying to do everything I can before I lose my daughter forever.

I don't think you have much more time if they're getting ready to move to japan. I'd start looking up lawyers NOW. Like literally, go start looking. Google. The phone book. See if there's any sort of "rate my lawyer" sites to help you find someone good. Or if there's anyone that offers a free consultation so you can meet them and make sure you like them before you hand over a check.

i don't think you have much more time if they're getting ready to move to japan. i'd start looking up lawyers NOW. like literally, go start looking. google. the phone book. see if there's any sort of "rate my lawyer" sites to help you find someone good. or if there's anyone that offers a free consultation so you can meet them and make sure you like them before you hand over a check.

Thanks for all the advice, it is greatly appreciated.

Let us know how it all works out for you. :)

Unfortunately at the time I found out she was mine. I had no money for a DNA test and now that I do the mother refuses. No child support or visitation has been established for she told me she did not want my help, refused my money, and said I had no rights since there was no DNA. I know I need a lawyer but I want some kind of advice before I go and just pick any lawyer. I want to know what i'm up against here.

You need a family law attorney with experience in custody and adoption law. She cannot keep your child from you if you go to court to exercise your parental rights. If you get visitation set up, and she doesn't comply, then SHE is in contempt of court and has to deal with the consequences.

Please note that if your state has a Putative Father Registry, it's going to make things a million times more difficult.

You need a family law attorney with experience in custody and adoption law. She cannot keep your child from you if you go to court to exercise your parental rights. If you get visitation set up, and she doesn't comply, then SHE is in contempt of court and has to deal with the consequences.

Please note that if your state has a Putative Father Registry, it's going to make things a million times more difficult.



What is a Putative Father Registry and why would it make it more difficult?:confused:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adoption/putative-father-registry-344696.html

Essentially, it states that if the father of the child does not take the time and responsibility to register that the child is his (or may be his) then the mother can choose adoption for the child without his consent.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adoption/putative-father-registry-344696.html

Essentially, it states that if the father of the child does not take the time and responsibility to register that the child is his (or may be his) then the mother can choose adoption for the child without his consent.

I just read something about it that says I have 30 days AFTER the child is born, which is absolutely ridiculous considering I didn't know I even had a daughter until she was 14 months!

That was my argument against it as well. I think it's kind of silly that if you want to be involved in a child's life that you essentially need to get yourself on that registry as soon as you have sex with a woman.

I have a feeling that those registries will be challenged and overthrown at some point, but that's my opinion on the matter.

That was my argument against it as well. I think it's kind of silly that if you want to be involved in a child's life that you essentially need to get yourself on that registry as soon as you have sex with a woman.

I have a feeling that those registries will be challenged and overthrown at some point, but that's my opinion on the matter.

Could I argue the fact that I didn't know she was mine until she was 14 months old, and am still not certain that she is mine since paternity has never been established and the mother refuses to do so?

Could I argue the fact that I didn't know she was mine until she was 14 months old, and am still not certain that she is mine since paternity has never been established and the mother refuses to do so?

Only if you're in a state without a putative father registry.

Seriously--that registry is SPECIFICALLY against paternal rights. She can come back ANY time in the child's life to get child support, but you have 30 days after the child is born to establish parental rights? Personally, I find that scary, but apparently I'm in a minority.

Really--this is exactly why you need a lawyer. Adoption law is VERY mucky, and changes so much from state to state it's not even funny. Step-parent adoption--same thing.

Either way, if the child has not been adopted yet, you need to establish paternity ASAP. If the child HAS been adopted, you're going to have to get this moving BEFORE they leave the country.

Call a lawyer TODAY.

My ex wants her husband to adopt our daughter, I do not. Now my question is, if I am NOT on the birth certificate can she subpoena me by publication for the adoption? Or would paternity have to be established?

It depends on what state she's in.

Personally, I'd get a lawyer if I were you and establish paternity myself. Once you ARE established as the father, you'll owe child support and will have a say in your child's life--including whether she can be adopted by her stepfather.

Before an adoption can go through, the court is going to want her to identify the possible fathers. She will then need to subpeona those people to take a test to determine paternity.

She will have to show that she made a good faith effort to contact all potential fathers.

You can head her off trying to sneak this past you, by filing for joint legal custody right now.

It depends on what state she's in.

Personally, I'd get a lawyer if I were you and establish paternity myself. Once you ARE established as the father, you'll owe child support and will have a say in your child's life--including whether or not she can be adopted by her stepfather.

I live in Florida but her and my daughter live in South Carolina.

Before an adoption can go through, the court is going to want her to identify the possible fathers. She will then need to subpeona those people to take a test to determine paternity.

She will have to show that she made a good faith effort to contact all potential fathers.

You can head her off of trying to sneak this past you, by filing for joint legal custody right now.

Well supposedly she filed for adoption in March or April and it was finalized in June but I never saw a subpoena.

What can I do if I can't afford to hire an attorney to get my parental rights to my daughter?

Where do you live? I can get you in the right direction to some local lawyers that take either discounted, or pro bono, but not if I don't know where you are :)

You don't necessarily need a lawyer to do this. Family court is very user friendly and don't dwell a lot on formality. Is there some special circumstances that prevent you from doing it yourself?

Well supposedly she filed for adoption in March or April and it was finalized in June but I never saw a subpoena.

Is it also possible that your not paying child support ? And you have never taken the time to go through the courts to make yourself the legal father ?

Is it also possible that your not paying child support ? And you have never taken the time to go through the courts to make yourself the legal father ?

I don't know their physical address so I can't file anything. And I have offered her child support and she refused it.

Well supposedly she filed for adoption in March or April and it was finalized in June but I never saw a subpoena.

Supposedly? What makes you think that? You need to get this confirmed and fast. If you know their general location then you should be able to check the Family Court records for the area.


I don't know their physical address so I can't file anything. And I have offered her child support and she refused it.

This is why you need a lawyer. You should have filed for paternity immediately. I would strongly suggest you get an attorney tomorrow. The attorney can check the court records. If he finds the adoption took place, he can file a motion to overturn it on the grounds that you were not notified. Do you have any proof that she knew how to contact you prior to March?

Supposedly? What makes you think that? You need to get this confirmed and fast. If you know their general location then you should be able to check the Family Court records for the area.



This is why you need a lawyer. You should have filed for paternity immediately. I would strongly suggest you get an attorney tomorrow. The attorney can check the court records. If he finds the adoption took place, he can file a motion to overturn it on the grounds that you were not notified. Do you have any proof that she knew how to contact you prior to March?

I called their local courthouse and they said they could not release any information pertaining to an adoption case. Yes I have proof that she had contact with me. But I can't afford an attorney, any suggestions?

You dont necessarily need a lawyer to do this. Family court is very user friendly and dont dwell a lot on formality. Is there some special circumstances that prevent you from doing it yourself?

I just assume I need a lawyer since it's a very complicated situation

But I can't afford an attorney, any suggestions?


You can't afford not to have an attorney. If you don't get one, then you can just about forget contacting your daughter until she is 18!

If the court will not release any adoption records. I'm not sure what your next step would be. I think you have two choices. You can file for paternity of the child. But you will have to do so where the child lives. If you do, they will have to counter that the child was adopted. At that point you would have to ask why you were never contacted to relinquish your rights. If you can prove she knew where to contact you and didn't, you can, most likely, get the adoption overturned.

The other path is to file a challenge to the adoption. But to do that you need to know that there was an adoption and where it was recorded. This means an attorney issuing a subpeona for the records. An attorney can get this done, even if you can't.

You can't afford not to have an attorney. If you don't get one, then you can just about forget contacting your daughter until she is 18!

If the court will not release any adoption records. I'm not sure what your next step would be. I think you have two choices. You can file for paternity of the child. But you will have to do so where the child lives. If you do, they will have to counter that the child was adopted. At that point you would have to ask why you were never contacted to relinquish your rights. If you can prove she knew where to contact you and didn't, you can, most likely, get the adoption overturned.

The other path is to file a challenge to the adoption. But to do that you need to know that there was an adoption and where it was recorded. This means an attorney issuing a subpeona for the records. An attorney can get this done, even if you can't.

Thanks for all the advice. I think it's ridiculous that I have to get an attorney to see my daughter but I'm going to have to figure out a way to hire one.

You dont necessarily need a lawyer to do this. Family court is very user friendly and dont dwell a lot on formality. Is there some special circumstances that prevent you from doing it yourself?

Family court is user-friendly? Not where I am. Not really I mean.

I suppose it is true that judges can be very forgiving of pro per litigants, that's probably fair to say since so many unrepresented people in court just wander around in a daze. But it's far from easy or an easy practice. It takes lawyers usually a good 4-5 years of doing it to really have a handle on it, that's what I've noticed.

In Illinois, Winnebago County, you will only do well for being pro se (self-representing) if you know the court system well enough to file motions properly and stick to facts whenever in front of the judge.

If your opposing party has counsel, you will be a great disadvantage, as you will often not be heard or you will be run over in the court room.

If you believe in your case, then you should do what you can to work out a payment arrangement with a Family Law attorney, there isn't a price to doing what is right and necessary for your children.

You can also check with Legal Aid in your area to see if they offer assistance.

Edit: $15,000.00 later it was a struggle to pay attorney fees, but the reward of doing what was right for my child's best interest's was priceless.

If you are only seeking visitation with your child or enforcing your rights, as a parent, for you child - pro se maybe suitable. If you have a complex situation as you suggested, then I definitely recommend counsel on your behalf.

As jennie stated, it is generally possible to get attorney services for free or at a reduced cost if you are unable to pay standard attorney fees. But as steve also stated, family courts are generally very cooperative and will work with you if you are representing yourself. Also, since you are evidently taking this action against your daughter's mother to enforce parental rights, presuming that a lack of cooperation on her part is what necessitated your taking this action, you can ask the judge to order her to pay your attorney fees. If her income is such that she could reasonably be expected to pay and she was the cause of you having to initiate court action in the first place you'd have a very good chance of getting the judge to award you attorney's fees.

If you can not afford an attorney, try the legal aid society for your area.

Also what is so complicated ?

It works best if both people can merely agree to when and who gets the child. The child support is normally just a set amount according to income.

Let me put it this way, I went to law school, I worked criminal law for years. But in my recent divorce I would not even step into the court room without my attorney.

If you can not afford an attorney, try the legal aid society for your area.

Also what is so complicated ?

It works best if both people can merely agree to when and who gets the child. The child support is normally just a set amount according to income.

Let me put it this way, I went to law school, I worked criminal law for years. But in my recent divorce i would not even step into the court room without my attorney.

I wish it was that easy, I've tried doing that but her mother wants me to have nothing to do with her because she is married and she doesn't want to have to deal with me and she is trying to say that I am a bad father because I haven't been there when I didn't even know I had a daughter until she was 14 months old.

And how old is she now?
Are you listed on the birth certificate?
The first step will be to establish paternity, by going to court and requesting that paternity for the child be established (if you are not on the birth certificate). The process can be started without counsel (SAVE in the meantime).

>THREE Threads Merged<

And how old is she now?
Are you listed on the birth certificate?
The first step will be to establish paternity, by going to court and requesting that paternity for the child be established (if you are not on the birth certificate). The process can be started without counsel (SAVE in the meantime).

She will be turning 3 on August 25th, and it's so sad because I have only seen my daughter twice and one of those times I was dropping off Christmas presents and she was in the car strapped into her carseat getting ready to go out of town. I am not listed on the birth certificate because I didn't even know I had a daughter until she was 14 months old. The mother never told me she was pregnant and never told me she believed tha she was mine, I found out through a mutual friend. And I wish I could file a subpoena for a DNA test but I have to have her physical address in order to do so but she won't give it to me and I can't find it through any type of people search.

This is what comes of starting new threads with the same issue. You first posted this concern on 6/9. You were given advice that you need to find a lawyer immediately to contest this.

Its now 7/1 and you are still moaning and complaining. Have you done anything more than asking for help here? Did you really think starting a new thread would get you different answers?

Do you really want to be a part of your daughter's life? Because if you really did. You would have hired a lawyer a couple of weeks ago and would have found out by now, what the daughters status was and had motions filed to overturn the adoption.

This is what comes of starting new threads with the same issue. You first posted this concern on 6/9. You were given advice that you need to find a lawyer immediately to contest this.

Its now 7/1 and you are still moaning and complaining. Have you done anything more than asking for help here? Did you really think starting a new thread would get you different answers?

Do you really want to be a part of your daughter's life? Because if you really did. you would have hired a lawyer a couple of weeks ago and would have found out by now, what the daughters status was and had motions filed to overturn the adoption.

Well buddy first of all you don't know the entire situation and I don't know how many times I have to say that I DO NOT HAVE AN ADDRESS SO THEREFORE I CAN NOT FILE ANY KIND OF MOTION. I've already gone ot the court house and attempted to file for paternity but I can not do it without her address. So unless you want to hire a private investigator for me please keep your criticism to yourself. You don't know me or my situation. I just want as much information as possible in case I do have to end up representing myself. So please if all's your going to do is judge and criticize, don't respond to my threads. Thanks.

If establishing paternity and handling this situation is important to you, then you need to hire a private investigator and an attorney, find the finances.

Anger at us for not having options for your situation, isn't helping you. Unfortunately you have waited an additional 16+ months to handle this, furthering your inablity to establish that you didn't know, you have known for 16+ months and you are hoping for a quick and convenient fix for a complicated, neglected situation.

Well buddy first of all you don't know the entire situation and I don't know how many times I have to say that I DO NOT HAVE AN ADDRESS SO THEREFORE I CAN NOT FILE ANY KIND OF MOTION. I've already gone ot the court house and attempted to file for paternity but I can not do it without her address.

Well buddy, we have answered that question many times over. You need to hire an attorney who can subpeona court records for you. You are getting the run around from the court houses because they are bureaucrats who don't want to or have to help you.


So unless you want to hire a private investigator for me please keep your criticism to yourself. You don't know me or my situation. I just want as much information as possible incase I do have to end up representing myself. So please if all's your going to do is judge and criticize, don't respond to my threads. Thanks.

Now I don't know you or your situation. The only thing I have to go on is what you have posted here. You say you want as much info as you can get. My point is that you got that info THREE weeks ago. Have you acted on it at all? You can't even start to represent yourself until you learn how to get around the fact that you don't have their physical address. Do you know where the husband is stationed? There shouldn't be too many military bases in the area. You can try getting a subpeona served through the military.

And please don't presume to dictate who can or can't respond to your posts. Once you post a question you open yourself to any and ALL responses to your questions (as long as they stay within the rules). I will point out that I have made a few posts with advice to help you. My ire was aroused only when I found you had first asked this three weeks ago and, seemingly, have done nothing with that advice.

If I was in your situation, I would do everything I could to be a part of my daughter's life. I would not lollygag around wringing my hands and complaining about how unfair things are. I would go into debt to get things done. But frankly, I would never have gotten myself into this position on the first place.

If you don't want to be criticized, then don't do things that promote criticism. And you better gird your loins, because the quoted response is NOT going to sit well with the people here, especially those that have tried to help you.

If establishing paternity and handling this situation is important to you, then you need to hire a private investigator and an attorney, find the finances.

Anger at us for not having options for your situation, isn't helping you. Unfortunately you have waited an additional 16+ months to handle this, furthering your inablity to establish that you didn't know, you have known for 16+ months and you are hoping for a quick and convenient fix for a complicated, neglected situation.

I understand that. Trust me. But there is nothing I can do until I find out where she is located. Which I have been trying to do. I've contacted private investigators in the area for prices and I am working on saving up.

Good luck to you, you will have a hard and difficult battle ahead, keep us posted.

Good luck to you, you will have a hard and difficult battle ahead, keep us posted.

Thanks, I've been calling Private Investigators in her area so hopefully I can get this rolling.